Hello, I have recently found this website and so many of the things you talk about I experience everyday. Let me start by saying that I have been struggling with OCD for almost 10 years now and it keeps changing its ways.
Lately, it's in my Bible studies. I vowed that I would do my bible studies or God will punish my family, then I vowed that I'll redo them or He will punish them and I keep going crazy. Doing my bible studies has turned into a nightmare. I can't do anything else. I promised not to watch movies, not to read books, magazines, etc until I finish them. I can't wait to be done with the bible studies, but I know that when I'm almost done I'll vow again for something else. Usually when I finish my bible studies I feel better but I cannot do anything else and I keep living in fear.
I constantly have thoughts that if I listen to a certain song the devil will harm someone who I love. I fully understand the ridiculousness in all of this but when the thought comes to my head it freaks me out. Sometimes it is as if I speak to the Devil. I asked God to give me the same type of quick connection with Him and Jesus so I can always talk to God first instead of with my OCD.
I keep coming up with countervows which make my anxiety even worse.
I cannot afford a therapist so Im pretty much on my own with these problems. I'm afraid of medication and prayer doesn't always work for me. Some days I have to pray the same thing over and over again and I can't work or socialize.
If I am unable to complete my vows would God punish me or my loved ones?
Can I change my vow? Once I made it, can I explain to Him that I didn't really mean it? I commit to them mostly because of fear. And if I decide to break them I know I'll feel guilty and scared.
Lately, it's in my Bible studies. I vowed that I would do my bible studies or God will punish my family, then I vowed that I'll redo them or He will punish them and I keep going crazy. Doing my bible studies has turned into a nightmare. I can't do anything else. I promised not to watch movies, not to read books, magazines, etc until I finish them. I can't wait to be done with the bible studies, but I know that when I'm almost done I'll vow again for something else. Usually when I finish my bible studies I feel better but I cannot do anything else and I keep living in fear.
I constantly have thoughts that if I listen to a certain song the devil will harm someone who I love. I fully understand the ridiculousness in all of this but when the thought comes to my head it freaks me out. Sometimes it is as if I speak to the Devil. I asked God to give me the same type of quick connection with Him and Jesus so I can always talk to God first instead of with my OCD.
I keep coming up with countervows which make my anxiety even worse.
I cannot afford a therapist so Im pretty much on my own with these problems. I'm afraid of medication and prayer doesn't always work for me. Some days I have to pray the same thing over and over again and I can't work or socialize.
If I am unable to complete my vows would God punish me or my loved ones?
Can I change my vow? Once I made it, can I explain to Him that I didn't really mean it? I commit to them mostly because of fear. And if I decide to break them I know I'll feel guilty and scared.