In a dating relationship, who is supposed to pick up the check when going out to dinner?

sk8brdkd · Nov 6, 2015

Whether its mcdonalds or applebees or some other type of a restaurant.

I get annoyed when this subject comes around only because my view differs from a lot of people's i think.

To me, in any type of relationship, you should Share the bill, split it down the middle or, let one pay for the meal one time, and the other pay for the meal another time. It's fair and even that way.

A lot of people think that if you're dating someone, the guy should always pick up the bill but why? What's the reasoning for that? I know what the reasoning for it was back in the 1940's/1950's but today?? Women are fighting for equality yet, they still hold back on many things including who should pay the bill, etc. etc. To me, it seems like women often think things should be handed to them for one reason or another.

A couple of months ago my sister yelled at me for this saying I have a twisted way of thinking. Maybe I do but, I feel my way of thinking is correct.

My sister thinks that whomever she's dating has to pick up the bill whenever they go out to eat. She also believes if she's not "living" w/ them, there's no reason for her to split for and pay for the apartment rent w/ him. At the time, she was "living" w/ her bf 5 outta 7 days of the week yet she said she isn't living w/ him so she refused to help him pay rent. I don't agree w/ her way of thinking. I think if she wants respect from her partner, to help him out if or when he asks and if/when they go out to eat, she should volunteer to pay once in awhile.

Not even out to eat, but any activities. To the movies, apple picking, whatever else. I don't think its right or fair to make the guy always pay especially if both parties are working. I think both should pay their own way or split it or something.

One of my friends' friends asked my one friend if he thinks I'm this way bc these other guys complain about how their gf complain that their guys don't always want to pay for them. My one friend responded to his statement by saying, this is how I was when he first met me 5 years ago and yes, I've been like this for as long as I can remember.

No one taught me to think this way but, I just feel this is the right thing to do.

What are your thoughts?

Is my way of thinking twisted or is it correct for how things are today in this world?

MegumiDreamer · Nov 6, 2015

I wouldn't have any problems with paying for both meals. One of my love languages is acts of service, so I would probably try to beat him to it! Hehe. In all seriousness, though, I think it's more even if you take turns paying. Of course, this may depend on the girl. She may be the type that expects a guy to give all the time, but I don't think that's good to do to him. A relationship that lasts is one where both are willing to sacrifice and give to each other. That's how I feel, anyways.

Dave-W · Nov 6, 2015

sk8brdkd said:
A lot of people think that if you're dating someone, the guy should always pick up the bill but why?

Albion · Nov 6, 2015

Whoever does the inviting should pay. Usually, that's the man. If you're dating seriously and have been doing so for some time, the two of you are free to work out an arrangement that's different.

Soyeong · Nov 6, 2015

sk8brdkd said:
Whether its mcdonalds or applebees or some other type of a restaurant.

I get annoyed when this subject comes around only because my view differs from a lot of people's i think.

To me, in any type of relationship, you should Share the bill, split it down the middle or, let one pay for the meal one time, and the other pay for the meal another time. It's fair and even that way.

A lot of people think that if you're dating someone, the guy should always pick up the bill but why? What's the reasoning for that? I know what the reasoning for it was back in the 1940's/1950's but today?? Women are fighting for equality yet, they still hold back on many things including who should pay the bill, etc. etc. To me, it seems like women often think things should be handed to them for one reason or another.

A couple of months ago my sister yelled at me for this saying I have a twisted way of thinking. Maybe I do but, I feel my way of thinking is correct.

My sister thinks that whomever she's dating has to pick up the bill whenever they go out to eat. She also believes if she's not "living" w/ them, there's no reason for her to split for and pay for the apartment rent w/ him. At the time, she was "living" w/ her bf 5 outta 7 days of the week yet she said she isn't living w/ him so she refused to help him pay rent. I don't agree w/ her way of thinking. I think if she wants respect from her partner, to help him out if or when he asks and if/when they go out to eat, she should volunteer to pay once in awhile.

Not even out to eat, but any activities. To the movies, apple picking, whatever else. I don't think its right or fair to make the guy always pay especially if both parties are working. I think both should pay their own way or split it or something.

One of my friends' friends asked my one friend if he thinks I'm this way bc these other guys complain about how their gf complain that their guys don't always want to pay for them. My one friend responded to his statement by saying, this is how I was when he first met me 5 years ago and yes, I've been like this for as long as I can remember.

No one taught me to think this way but, I just feel this is the right thing to do.

What are your thoughts?

Is my way of thinking twisted or is it correct for how things are today in this world?

It seems some people have the expectation that the man will pay for meals and would become offended if the man wanted her to split the bill, so it seems better to me for the man to offer to pay for the entire bill and then for the woman to offer to instead pay her half if that's what she prefers. Then there are the people who like to play mind games, where she offers to pay her half, expecting the man to insist on pay for the entire bill, or the people who become offended if the man insisted on paying the entire bill. I say if she offers to pay her half, then let her.

Navari · Nov 6, 2015

deleted

ReligiousGirl · Nov 8, 2015

I would never expect s date to pay for me. I wouldn't mind once in while, but generally I always feel it should be split.

Hank77 · Nov 8, 2015

Albion said:
Whoever does the inviting should pay. Usually, that's the man. If you're dating seriously and have been doing so for some time, the two of you are free to work out an arrangement that's different.

Navari said:
I agree with this. I do this with my husband, my friends, and my family. If I invite you out I am prepared to treat you.

I agree with both of these posters.

One thing, there are a few men who will use their spending money on a woman as a type of leverage. You owe me because I do this for you and show you a good time. When they don't get what they want in return they are angry. This is an abusive personality and this person should be avoided.

BFine · Nov 29, 2015

When I was single, the first thing I learned was--
I would pick the place and pay for the meal.

Never again will I get stuck having a meal at a
restaurant that I don't like or being told I can't
order a certain thing because he says it's too
expensive...I wanted a chicken breast instead
of a thigh and my date when off on how expensive
a chicken breast is.... ugh!

NothingIsImpossible · Nov 30, 2015

I'm old fashioned BUT I never liked the idea of dating to begin with. That aside the guy paying for the meal is a terrible idea. I say let each person pay for their own meal. This not only solves any issues but it also shows that both people are capable of being able to do something without playing gender games.

TheDag · Nov 30, 2015

Since I don't live in a country with the dating culture that the US has it is difficult. For me i generally paid simply because i knew the money situation. I also used to frequently have lunch with a friend who I would always pay for. That came about because i didn't want to eat at the fast food places and I knew money was limited for her as a student. However the friendship meant a lot to me so I paid to make sure we could catch up and have a decent in depth talk that we generally could not in other places we met such as youth meetings where time is limited and there are plenty of others one wants to talk to as well.
So I don't think there is a hard and fast rule. I know I hate working out who had what and paying for that instead of a straight split down the middle. Generally I had the cheaper meal so I was the one paying more so it wasn't a desire to pay less on my part.

Aelred of Rievaulx · Nov 30, 2015

I think that if this conversation comes up during a date then the two of you probably have something else on your mind rather than enjoying one another's company...

Avniel · Nov 30, 2015

Relationships aren't about being fair or unfair it's about the relationship. If one person has it and the other one doesn't it should be paid by the person that has it. To me so much of friendship is based on what individuals can give and not what can we give. Like @TheDag said sometimes the exchange and what that person brings to a friendship money couldn't buy.

ValleyGal · Nov 30, 2015

If we are questioning paying for dates and the whole dating paradigm, why not question why the man gets on one knee to propose, and why does he give her a ring and not vice versa? And why should he be the one to pick her up, hold the door open, be the breadwinner, etc?

If you like a dating relationship that is fully equal, this should be part of the discussions early on. In fact, never mind dating - just be friends with women, choose one to be best friends with and spend a lot of friendship time with her on equal footing, then the pattern is established and those kinds of conversations can happen easily, rather than have awkward dating moments that include her expectation that you will pay and your expectation that she should pay for her own.

TheDag · Dec 1, 2015

ValleyGal said:
If we are questioning paying for dates and the whole dating paradigm, why not question why the man gets on one knee to propose, and why does he give her a ring and not vice versa? And why should he be the one to pick her up, hold the door open, be the breadwinner, etc?

But I did get an engagement ring from my partner!

I really like the meme going around saying You should hold the door open for a lady because you are a gentleman with the underlined parts being crossed out so it read You should always hold the door open for the person behind you because you are not a stupid jerk. I personally have never held a door open because someone is a lady. i have plenty of times held the door open because I'm a gentleman which means I treat people with respect.

ValleyGal · Dec 1, 2015

If you are a guy in a heterosexual relationship, I am very surprised if your wife gave you an engagement ring. It is not socially "normal". There still seems to be an expectation on guys to do the proposing, buy a fancy diamond ring, and yes, pay for dates (generally), although the latter is changing ever so slowly.

Avniel · Dec 1, 2015

ValleyGal said:
If you are a guy in a heterosexual relationship, I am very surprised if your wife gave you an engagement ring. It is not socially "normal". There still seems to be an expectation on guys to do the proposing, buy a fancy diamond ring, and yes, pay for dates (generally), although the latter is changing ever so slowly.

Not anymore there was a reality show rapper that has a girlfriend and she proposed to him. So now it's not a surprise and more women are doing that. Particularly in the black community I know of several cases.

Hetta · Dec 1, 2015

I agree on splitting the bill, particularly when/if both have a job/income. There's no reason for the man to pay, tbh.

Hetta · Dec 1, 2015

BFine said:
When I was single, the first thing I learned was--
I would pick the place and pay for the meal.

Never again will I get stuck having a meal at a
restaurant that I don't like or being told I can't
order a certain thing because he says it's too
expensive...I wanted a chicken breast instead
of a thigh and my date when off on how expensive
a chicken breast is.... ugh!

Wow. How rude.

Avniel · Dec 1, 2015

Hetta said:
I agree on splitting the bill, particularly when/if both have a job/income. There's no reason for the man to pay, tbh.

When someone takes you out doesn't that make you feel nice. Who cares if the man pays or the woman pays isn't the point of a date is to enjoy the others company. In America there is so much focus on who spends what because it's believed to be power. If a woman doesn't want a man to pay her bill the only thing she has accomplished is spending money.

My wife and I have done it all she pays, I pay we both pay we even have chipped in together to pay for a meal before. It didn't mean anything more than no matter the circumstances we would enjoy each other's company.

Who pays only matters when the views are material. Money is a tool who cares who uses the tool.

In a dating relationship, who is supposed to pick up the check when going out to dinner?

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