Making Friends As An Adult

When I was in high school, college, and post-college I had lots of friends. I was social, really outgoing, confident, funny - the life of the party, I suppose. But then I got older, my friends got older, our lives changed (new relationships, marriages, kids, jobs, change in political affiliations, etc) and we all grew apart. With a few friends it was the typical losing touch over time deal, but with others it was my choice to remove them them from my life (for reasons I won't bother you with here).

Now, as an adult (I'm 31), I have found myself to be lonely and longing for that special bond of friendship. Sure, I have people I talk to online whom I've gotten to know through special interest groups (my husband and I are childfree by choice), and yeah I occasionally text my maid of honor and maybe see her once every few months, but other than that, I have no one. Well, let me rephrase that, I have no one other than my best friend, my husband. Buuut, a girl does need her girlfriends, too.

To make matters worse, I don't work and I realize that having a job is a great social connector. Then there's the fact that I am Christian and most people my husband and I meet are either liberal and don't see eye-to-eye on certain things that build strong friendships OR we come across the random Christian, but they are so strict that it's hard to feel free to be ourselves. My husband and I are rather conservative (and aren't afraid to voice our political opinions online), but we like to have fun, throw back a few drinks, perhaps enjoy a cigar or two on special occasions, and we have weird senses of humor (Cards of Humanity, hello!) as well. It seems impossible to find that perfect fit with friends. Lord only knows how we found each other! Ha haa!

And yes, I do realize I keep talking about finding friends as if I want a couple-friend for me AND my husband, but really it doesn't matter either way to me right now. I would just like to start filling the void, you know?

So, LOOONG story short, does anyone have any advice or tips or experiences they can share for how I may find some new friends? It seriously gets to me and really gets me down from time to time and I'm done sitting here feeling sorry for myself. It's time for action!

Thanks in advance, everyone. And sorry for the rambling post.

rickster said:

Get a job.
Go to church.
Join a charity/non profit.
Volunteer around your city.
Join meet up groups in your area.

It is hard making friends and maintaining friendships at your age since everyone's time is occupied. You need to put forth the effort to make new friends. You don't have a job nor kids to nurture. That's probably why you're house crazy. You have lots of free time to make friends. Don't ramble online, go out and socialize.

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Uhh, thanks for some mostly solid advice (which I already knew - I was hoping for something deeper), even if your delivery of it was a bit rude.

Bobby H said:

It's hard to make friends, that's for sure. I have very few myself. I make them through work, but I wish I could make them elsewhere, because we always end up talking shop. There's nobody my age at church (aging congregation).

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I have two problems with making friends at church:

1.) My husband and I don't belong to a church yet. We just moved to a new city and are church-hopping until we find the right fit.
2.) In my experiences, it's hard to find friends at church bc, like you said, many are not in our age group. Or, in our case, most have kids and only want friends with kids/who plan on having kids (which we don't and aren't). Plus, while we are conservative Bible-beleivin' Christians, we do enjoy the occasional drink and cigar and rowdy game of "Cards Against Humanity". LOL It's hard finding fellow Christians like that, unfortunately.

Thanks for the reply. It's nice to know we're not alone in this.

JCFantasy23 said:

Friends are a weird thing. Growing up I usually only had one or two at a time. 20s the same. Now in my 30's I make them relatively easy and they just pop up out of the blue without effort. It's one of those things that seems to happen by chance half the time.

I do agree seeking out hobby groups can help though.

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Thanks for the reply! It seems like we're the opposite in our friendship histories. But yes, I do agree I need a hobby! I'm currently trying to find a kickboxing class here in town (we just moved recently) ... where I plan on getting into shape and hopefully meeting some new people, too.

Seaphias said:

I have the same problem, blessed like crazy with mountains of time to spend with God, but friends? I am still really good friends with some girls from Catholic School, but thats it. Although that group started out larger, it ended up with only about 5 of us left, some of us closer than others for some reason. I am the one who still feels the odd one out. Anyone I have met since at any workplace or church never lasted, never had the same strength behind it. I still love my old school friends, even after all the girly fights growing up. But to find new Christian friends that attend church each week? Well there is only one effective way and I am still working on it myself... keep praying. I ask specifically for 3 or 4 types of woman. Someone who is a motherly figure (my mother died last year) Maybe ill get lucky and she will be a mother in law or something. Anyway also want a mentor type friend that can help me but still give to the relationship (I feel awkward when you open up to someone and they look down on you as someone to help and never open up) as well as more equal mates, people to hang out with and support each other (the types of friends we need for sanity and fun), and maybe if I am lucky ill find a friend that I can be the mentor to. I am unsure what other type of friends I would need? Well I'll keep praying anyway, God has a load of work to do on me who knows what the next 10 years hold right? I mean, before my mum died she had some amazing friendships and most of them she only meet in her 40s.

I have always been pretty bad at making friends, I am not one of those people can that stand around a water cooler talking about a lot of the stuff that is not relevant to me (kids, childcare, shopping, fashion). Sometimes they are fun, sometimes I don't care enough to wander over and join, and other times I want to talk and just don't know what to say and how to get a chat going. Honestly I could just talk about Jesus all day but I'm obsessive.

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I've ALWAYS felt like the "odd one out", too! I think it's because I moved around a lot growing up and I never had the same in as the other kids. They always had known each other since preschool or something and here I was the new kid infiltrating their group. I mean, I had lots of friends, but I still felt odd. Plus, it's hard being a conservative Christian now-a-days ... even amongst other believers, it's hard to find common ground and a way to relate. Unfortunately, my last few friend adventures involved non-practicing Christians or atheists. We had great fun, but could never connect wholly. I always felt like I was having to hide my faith ... but it was okay for them to bash it. Such is the PC-loving world we live in today ...

But yes ... praying is the best way to come to a solution. And sadly, I don't pray enough about things like this. I really need to work on that. Thanks for the reminder!

His Disciple said:

To have friends at 31, it's a high maintenance activity. You might be better off learning to enjoy some solitude.

Make a big effort to be involved at church (volunteer, volunteer). Join some local organizations, like a computer (no, they're not for kids) or genealogy club, or something else you have some interest in.

Be a friend. For you, a lady, make an effort to engage in brief friendly conversion with as many adult ladies at church as you can, every Sunday. Include the physically or mentally compromised women in your ritual kindness, they need friends too, and everyone will notice your kindness.

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Showing one's kindness is a great idea for attracting friends! Sometimes just being nice and outgoing makes you a magnet to others. Thanks for the reminder!