What would YOU do?

Ignatius21 · Nov 28, 2015

So, a cousin in our family is getting married next year, and she has set the wedding date on Orthodox Holy Saturday. The entire family is Catholic (anywhere from totally nominal to fairly pious), and while she said she tried to avoid this date for us, it's what worked out for the majority of guests. The wedding is pretty far from us, so either my wife will travel, or both of us, or possibly both of us with three small kids (NOT the preferred option!)

So what to do? The hard-line answer would be to put Pascha first and simply pass on the entire wedding, and hope they understand. In reality this will surely cause resentment among the family. The moderate (but unrealistic?) answer would be to go there, eat absolutely nothing while surrounded by a huge wedding party and tables overflowing with food (or maybe snack on celery if necessary), then leave when everyone else is heading out for the after-party to attend Pascha at a church nearby where we've never attended and don't know anybody. The lame answer would be to just do as the Romans do (which is kind of funny, since they're Catholic

)

Has anyone else been in this situation before?

Anhelyna · Nov 28, 2015

OUCH !!

That's a hard one

gzt · Nov 28, 2015

Is this the sort of family where it's possible to miss a wedding? I mean, you're married, have three kids, I know that I've missed cousins' weddings and some missed mine, especially when things just add up. But some families aren't like that and not being there would be very conspicuous.

I had something similar pop up. It was my grandparents' 50th anniversary, they were doing it Holy Saturday, and it was a Big Deal. What happened is that I flew out there, had a light meal (they give you bread, dried fruit, and a cup of wine after the Holy Saturday liturgy, so you can eat lightly!), then flew back for the vigil, liturgy, etc.

~Anastasia~ · Nov 28, 2015

Of course I cannot know the entire situation but ...

If it were me, I would attend the wedding if it would causes hurt within the family to miss it. If this means separating your family for Pascha (no possibility of flying back?) then I would probably take the kids, if both parents do go. Whether only one parent should go would have to be determined by your own core and extended family dynamics.

I wouldn't just "munch celery" while there, as that could seem ungracious. Hopefully there are fasting options - breads, fruit, etc. I wouldn't obsess over whether there might be eggs or milk in the cake, for example (my fasting guidelines are not completely strict though, so my advice here might be worthless) - but would certainly avoid meat, of course. There ought to be a way to keep to the spirit of the fast but still be gracious and celebrate your family's event?

If possible to fly back, that would be my choice, to celebrate with my own parish. But if it's not possible, I would joyously attend Pascha at whatever Church was there. If possible, I would attend the Holy Saturday morning Liturgy there before the wedding, or otherwise connect with them before actual Pascha. But the Paschal Liturgy at our Church is not an individually social event. So many unknown folks show up, and the focus is on the service. But for the meal after, if there is one, and/or the next day's meal, it would be good to have some connection. I've been incredibly blessed to travel to other parishes and meet other faithful. (Hopefully it's not a terrible closed parish though!)

A lot of variables, of course. But that's the way I would be thinking.

ikonographics · Nov 28, 2015

Ask your spiritual father.

E.C. · Nov 28, 2015

ikonographics said:
Ask your spiritual father.

The obvious answer is usually the best :oldthumbsup:

Whenever I visit one side of the family for Christmas I usually find a church to go to for Christmas morning and will email the priest ahead of time just to explain who I am, where I normally attend liturgy, and when I'm in town. The only questions I'll usually get are when I had my last confession and if I need a ride. I'd probably do something similar, but the spiritual pappy's word trumps all.

ArmyMatt · Nov 28, 2015

Ask your priest, but if it was me, I would go to Pascha

prodromos · Nov 28, 2015

ArmyMatt said:
Ask your priest, but if it was me, I would go to Pascha

As would I.

gurneyhalleck1 · Nov 29, 2015

Pay someone to be your proxy at the wedding and go to pascha! :sorry:

Just go to pascha and make sure you buy them one heck of a nice wedding gift! LOL

GoingByzantine · Nov 29, 2015

I would hope that they can respect your religious beliefs!

Ignatius21 · Nov 29, 2015

Kylissa said:
Of course I cannot know the entire situation but ...

If it were me, I would attend the wedding if it would causes hurt within the family to miss it. If this means separating your family for Pascha (no possibility of flying back?) then I would probably take the kids, if both parents do go. Whether only one parent should go would have to be determined by your own core and extended family dynamics.

I wouldn't just "munch celery" while there, as that could seem ungracious. Hopefully there are fasting options - breads, fruit, etc. I wouldn't obsess over whether there might be eggs or milk in the cake, for example (my fasting guidelines are not completely strict though, so my advice here might be worthless) - but would certainly avoid meat, of course. There ought to be a way to keep to the spirit of the fast but still be gracious and celebrate your family's event?

If possible to fly back, that would be my choice, to celebrate with my own parish. But if it's not possible, I would joyously attend Pascha at whatever Church was there. If possible, I would attend the Holy Saturday morning Liturgy there before the wedding, or otherwise connect with them before actual Pascha. But the Paschal Liturgy at our Church is not an individually social event. So many unknown folks show up, and the focus is on the service. But for the meal after, if there is one, and/or the next day's meal, it would be good to have some connection. I've been incredibly blessed to travel to other parishes and meet other faithful. (Hopefully it's not a terrible closed parish though!)

A lot of variables, of course. But that's the way I would be thinking.

I appreciate the advice (from everyone)

It's a late afternoon wedding, so no way to fly home in time that we can see.

I do hope they respect our faith regardless of what we choose to do. I understand they didn't see an issue, because they didn't know the Pascha service was at midnight.

The wedding is in Washington DC (I mistakenly thought New Jersey, where she's from, rather than DC where she now lives) so there should be plenty of churches around. Does anyone know any Orthodox senators we can hang out with?

Jesus4Madrid · Nov 29, 2015

Ignatius21 said:
I appreciate the advice (from everyone)

It's a late afternoon wedding, so no way to fly home in time that we can see.

I do hope they respect our faith regardless of what we choose to do. I understand they didn't see an issue, because they didn't know the Pascha service was at midnight.

The wedding is in Washington DC (I mistakenly thought New Jersey, where she's from, rather than DC where she now lives) so there should be plenty of churches around. Does anyone know any Orthodox senators we can hang out with?

Not senator yet, but you might hang out with Rep. Justin Amash. He is the best! Good luck.

ArmyMatt · Nov 29, 2015

Ignatius21 said:
I appreciate the advice (from everyone)

It's a late afternoon wedding, so no way to fly home in time that we can see.

I do hope they respect our faith regardless of what we choose to do. I understand they didn't see an issue, because they didn't know the Pascha service was at midnight.

The wedding is in Washington DC (I mistakenly thought New Jersey, where she's from, rather than DC where she now lives) so there should be plenty of churches around. Does anyone know any Orthodox senators we can hang out with?

hope it goes over well, prayers!

What would YOU do?

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