How to be a good Christian? I am worried that I am being sinful

Luna Meyer · Nov 1, 2015

Hello everyone

First off, my mother tongue is German, so please excuse any mistakes that I might make. I can understand everything in english though, so feel free to respond like you would to a native speaker.

I am an eighteen year old girl and lately I've been wondering if I am practising my beliefs in the right way.
Here is what I think may be not quite right with what I'm doing:

I am baptised but I don't go to church.
My local church has a priest whose sermons I don't like, they are very dull and there is hardly any new and interesting content, so I chose to not go except for christmas and eastern. Is this already a mistake?
I do pray regularly, but I just tell God about my feelings, my situation, my worries, my wishes etc.

I did and do have premarital sex. Consensual of course, and with condoms.
I don't really see what's wrong here, to me the prohibition of it made sense when you could not controle if you are gonna have children or not, now that I can I don't find anything wrong with it, if everyone involved is having fun.
I do know that this is prohibited by the bible, so should I stop?
Another sexuality-related thing, I consider myself bisexual and I have made experiences with girls. I don't think I can change that part of myself. God made me to be who I am.

I do absolutely not consent with having a man (meaning a husband) order me around.
If I ever marry, which I hope I will, it will have to be someone who treats me like their equal partner. To me, there is nothing more unattractive than someone not respecting women as equals.
I know many christians think the man should be the head of a family, so should I reconsider my views?

I think these are the main things. Here are some reasons why I consider myself a good christian:
- I don't eat meat and only organic food to prevent animals and our environment being harmed
- I do respect and accept any kind of religion/origin/looks/sexual orientation/life choice of other people
- I work in a bookshop to earn my own money and not to burden my parents
- I offer free german lessons to refugees
- I am very helpful and honest
- I work hard in school because I want to become a human rights lawyer, to help people who are not as lucky as I am
- I sincerely believe in God and I have no doubts regarding his love for everything there is

Sorry for the long text.
What do you think?
Please let me know!
All the best,
Luna

MarkRohfrietsch · Nov 2, 2015

Luna Meyer said:
Hello everyone
First off, my mother tongue is German, so please excuse any mistakes that I might make. I can understand everything in english though, so feel free to respond like you would to a native speaker.

I am an eighteen year old girl and lately I've been wondering if I am practising my beliefs in the right way.
Here is what I think may be not quite right with what I'm doing:

I am baptised but I don't go to church.
My local church has a priest whose sermons I don't like, they are very dull and there is hardly any new and interesting content, so I chose to not go except for christmas and eastern. Is this already a mistake?
I do pray regularly, but I just tell God about my feelings, my situation, my worries, my wishes etc.

I did and do have premarital sex. Consensual of course, and with condoms.
I don't really see what's wrong here, to me the prohibition of it made sense when you could not controle if you are gonna have children or not, now that I can I don't find anything wrong with it, if everyone involved is having fun.
I do know that this is prohibited by the bible, so should I stop?
Another sexuality-related thing, I consider myself bisexual and I have made experiences with girls. I don't think I can change that part of myself. God made me to be who I am.

I do absolutely not consent with having a man (meaning a husband) order me around.
If I ever marry, which I hope I will, it will have to be someone who treats me like their equal partner. To me, there is nothing more unattractive than someone not respecting women as equals.
I know many christians think the man should be the head of a family, so should I reconsider my views?

I think these are the main things. Here are some reasons why I consider myself a good christian:
- I don't eat meat and only organic food to prevent animals and our environment being harmed
- I do respect and accept any kind of religion/origin/looks/sexual orientation/life choice of other people
- I work in a bookshop to earn my own money and not to burden my parents
- I offer free german lessons to refugees
- I am very helpful and honest
- I work hard in school because I want to become a human rights lawyer, to help people who are not as lucky as I am
- I sincerely believe in God and I have no doubts regarding his love for everything there is

Sorry for the long text.
What do you think?
Please let me know!
All the best,
Luna

Hi Luna, and welcome to Christian forums.

While I'm not sure what Church you currently attend, but I would suggest the State supported Evangelical Church. It is a more moderate Chruch than mine here in Canada is, so I think that you may find it more accommodating than either the Catholic Church or the SELK Synod. The Evangelical Church tends to be Liturgical (very similar to Catholic) in their worship form, so regardless of how good or bad a sermon may be, God's word is being read, and the Gospel proclaimed (the liturgy is derived from Scripture itself, and most of it comes from or contains direct quotes.

Continue your praying, and let the Holy spirit lead you.

Blessings and peace,

Mark

1watchman · Nov 3, 2015

Luna, a truly biblical evangelical assembly is the safest fellowship to be in ---second to a truly Bible-only and non-sectarian fellowship. From what you have shared it appears you are only a religious person and not Christian. To be "born again" as a child of God, one must surrender all to God and receive His beloved Son ---the Lord Jesus, into your heart as Savior and Lord of your life. The list of your conditions shows one not yet willing to bow to God, but set forth terms you will accept. That doesn't sound good!

Please first read all of John 1; John 3; John 14, then bow humbly to God and ask Him to teach you. That will begin the process whereby you can find a personal relationship with the Lord for your eternal good. Look up always!

Luna Meyer · Nov 3, 2015

MarkRohfrietsch said:
Hi Luna, and welcome to Christian forums.

While I'm not sure what Church you currently attend, but I would suggest the State supported Evangelical Church. It is a more moderate Chruch than mine here in Canada is, so I think that you may find it more accommodating than either the Catholic Church or the SELK Synod. The Evangelical Church tends to be Liturgical (very similar to Catholic) in their worship form, so regardless of how good or bad a sermon may be, God's word is being read, and the Gospel proclaimed (the liturgy is derived from Scripture itself, and most of it comes from or contains direct quotes.

Continue your praying, and let the Holy spirit lead you.

Blessings and peace,

Mark

Thank you so much for your honest and understanding answer!

I don't really attend any church at the moment, unfortunately.
The one I've been attending a few times over the past years is very conservative Catholic, and like you said I might just need something more moderate.
I will look for Evangelic churches, I think there is one a few kilometres away

I'm baptised by and a member of the Catholic church though, do you think I can attend the Evangelic church anyway?
I will continue my praying.
Blessings to you too,
Luna

Luna Meyer · Nov 3, 2015

1watchman said:
Luna, a truly biblical evangelical assembly is the safest fellowship to be in ---second to a truly Bible-only and non-sectarian fellowship. From what you have shared it appears you are only a religious person and not Christian. To be "born again" as a child of God, one must surrender all to God and receive His beloved Son ---the Lord Jesus, into your heart as Savior and Lord of your life. The list of your conditions shows one not yet willing to bow to God, but set forth terms you will accept. That doesn't sound good!

Please first read all of John 1; John 3; John 14, then bow humbly to God and ask Him to teach you. That will begin the process whereby you can find a personal relationship with the Lord for your eternal good. Look up always!

Thank you for your answer!
I can use any advise there is

What makes you think I am not christian if I may ask? I mean, if I'm a religious person but not christian, what other religion do you think I believe in from what I wrote?
Please let me know, as I said, I am willing to learn and improve myself.
And what condition exactly shows you that I'm not yet ready to bow down to God?
I really hope I can lean to be better, and some feedback would help a lot

In my prayers I often ask God what I should do different, and I've never felt like he wanted me to change.
Up until now of course, but the reason I feel this need is rather because I see so many christians who live way stricter than me, and I'm wondering if my lifestyle is wrong. I am just afraid I won't be able to change a few aspects about myself, like the fact that I am bisexual and don't accept men to be my superiors by nature.
I absolutely do feel a personal relationship to God though.
He is my best friend, my prayers and worries are listened to and heard.

Thank you for helping me, I'd love an answer!
Luna

Luna Meyer · Nov 3, 2015

Here comes another worry of mine, today I've been critizised by my (Orthodox Catholic) teacher because I don't want to have children of my own.
My reasons for this are
1, I have a high risk of having miscarriages and preterm deliveries, because it runs in the family and I am a 3 months preterm delivery myself. I don't think I could take this.

2, This may sound shallow but I like my body as it is and I don't want to have stretchmarks and whatever you get during a pregnancy.

3, I am really, heavily scared of the pain which the birth will hold. Really, really much.

4, There are more than enough parentless children out there, and I would like to adopt up to three.

5, University will take much time for me (human rights law hopefully) and I want to establish a good, solid career for myself before having children. By the time I have reached this, I will be around 35, which is already quite risky.

My teacher heavily critisised me and calles me selfish.
I know most of it IS selfish, so should I reconsider my views?

Willie T · Nov 3, 2015

Wie geht es dir. I hope you enjoy your time here, and that you will learn much.

Willie T · Nov 3, 2015

Luna Meyer said:
Here comes another worry of mine, today I've been critizised by my (Orthodox Catholic) teacher because I don't want to have children of my own.
My reasons for this are
1, I have a high risk of having miscarriages and preterm deliveries, because it runs in the family and I am a 3 months preterm delivery myself. I don't think I could take this.

2, This may sound shallow but I like my body as it is and I don't want to have stretchmarks and whatever you get during a pregnancy.

3, I am really, heavily scared of the pain which the birth will hold. Really, really much.

4, There are more than enough parentless children out there, and I would like to adopt up to three.

5, University will take much time for me (human rights law hopefully) and I want to establish a good, solid career for myself before having children. By the time I have reached this, I will be around 35, which is already quite risky.

My teacher heavily critisised me and calles me selfish.
I know most of it IS selfish, so should I reconsider my views?

"Consider, "Yes." But do not "reconsider" with a view toward changing just because of someone else's opinion.

Luna Meyer · Nov 3, 2015

Willie T said:
Wie geht es dir. I hope you enjoy your time here, and that you will learn much.

Look at that, German!

Mir geht es gut, und dir?
Thanks for your answer, I really do hope I will learn much!
Have a lovely day.

Luna Meyer · Nov 3, 2015

Willie T said:
"Consider, "Yes." But do not "reconsider" with a view toward changing just because of someone else's opinion.

That makes sense.
I am very strong in my views and it's not easy for me to change it, it's quite annoying sometimes.
If given a good and logical reason to, I definitely will change my views though.

Holoman · Nov 4, 2015

Luna Meyer said:
Hello everyone
First off, my mother tongue is German, so please excuse any mistakes that I might make. I can understand everything in english though, so feel free to respond like you would to a native speaker.
I am an eighteen year old girl and lately I've been wondering if I am practising my beliefs in the right way.
Here is what I think may be not quite right with what I'm doing:

I am baptised but I don't go to church.
My local church has a priest whose sermons I don't like, they are very dull and there is hardly any new and interesting content, so I chose to not go except for christmas and eastern. Is this already a mistake?
I do pray regularly, but I just tell God about my feelings, my situation, my worries, my wishes etc.

If you are not comfortable or interested in your local church then I don't think it is good to force yourself to go out of obligation. I would instead look for an alternative church that you do enjoy, it doesn't have to be the same denomination, but being in communion with the church and receiving the eucharist is an important part of being a Christian and it's sad to miss out on this.

I did and do have premarital sex. Consensual of course, and with condoms.
I don't really see what's wrong here, to me the prohibition of it made sense when you could not controle if you are gonna have children or not, now that I can I don't find anything wrong with it, if everyone involved is having fun.
I do know that this is prohibited by the bible, so should I stop?

Well there are two issues here. The first is pre-marital sex, the second is contraception. I view both as sinful, though am myself guilty of having done both.

Yes it's fun, but morality has nothing to do with fun, afterall cheating on your spouse is fun but I'm sure we can agree, immoral.

We are not to indulge ourselves in worldly pleasures and instead focus on God and put our love and trust in him. He doesn't give us rules to spoil fun, he does it because he loves us and knows what is best for us.

Another sexuality-related thing, I consider myself bisexual and I have made experiences with girls. I don't think I can change that part of myself. God made me to be who I am.

We cant change our sexuality but we can control how we act upon them. Everyone has their temptations, we must not give in to them.

I do absolutely not consent with having a man (meaning a husband) order me around.
If I ever marry, which I hope I will, it will have to be someone who treats me like their equal partner. To me, there is nothing more unattractive than someone not respecting women as equals.
I know many christians think the man should be the head of a family, so should I reconsider my views?

I dont think its hard to find a relationship of equals with a man these days.

I think these are the main things. Here are some reasons why I consider myself a good christian:
- I don't eat meat and only organic food to prevent animals and our environment being harmed
- I do respect and accept any kind of religion/origin/looks/sexual orientation/life choice of other people
- I work in a bookshop to earn my own money and not to burden my parents
- I offer free german lessons to refugees
- I am very helpful and honest
- I work hard in school because I want to become a human rights lawyer, to help people who are not as lucky as I am
- I sincerely believe in God and I have no doubts regarding his love for everything there is

Sorry for the long text.
What do you think?
Please let me know!
All the best,
Luna

Being a sinner doesn't make you any less of a good person, it just makes you like the rest of us. We all have our temptations and give into them. The things you've listed are sins as you clearly realise yet you seem to be trying to excuse them. There is no need, only by accepting they're sins, even if you continue to indulge in them through weakness, can you begin a process of repentance and ask God to strengthen you in not tempting you to do these things.

JEBofChristTheLord · Nov 8, 2015

Luna Meyer said:
Hello everyone
First off, my mother tongue is German, so please excuse any mistakes that I might make. I can understand everything in english though, so feel free to respond like you would to a native speaker.

I am an eighteen year old girl and lately I've been wondering if I am practising my beliefs in the right way.

No need to apologize, Luna

You speak very clearly, and not too long at all.

I will suggest that what is important, is what God has asked us to consider important; and "practising your beliefs" is not that which God has asked of any of us. I will suggest that if you care about that which is good and right and true, you will talk to Him, ask Him to make clear that which He wants you to do next, and do it. It may help you to read the words He has quoted Himself as stating in the Holy Scriptures; it may help you to find someone who will read such words and explain them better than you can explain them yourself; a combination of the two usually occurs. But most certainly, what is important is not practising beliefs. What is important, is learning specifically what God wants of you, and doing it.

J.E.B.

MissRowy · Nov 27, 2015

Guten tag Luna! That's the extent of my German at the moment! I would suggest the same as what MarkRohfrietsch has suggested. I don't think it was appropriate for your teacher to criticise you for not wanting children. If that was me I'd be walking away. Good luck!

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