As an agnostic who strives to keep an open mind,
Any of us can try to have an open mind, but how we are open can be related to our motives. Satan was in Heaven itself, but Heaven wasn't good enough for him, because he wanted things his own way. So, any of us can limit our own selves because of our motives and what our motives have us wanting to believe is true.
the teaching that non-Christians go to hell. It doesn't make sense to me that if you don't happen to pick the right religion, you get tortured forever and ever.
If you have been taught the hell is for torturing people, I do not think this is the main purpose for hell, though torment can be included. Hell, I find, is very practical > God is more practical than we are. It could be like how a time can come when you decide your most beloved doggie needs to be put down. Satan was in Heaven itself, but he was so conceited that even Heaven itself was not good enough for him; so he was tormented in Heaven! There are people who do not want to be where there is love and gentleness and no arguing and not complaining, but only honoring and enjoying God while tenderly loving any and all people. So, it this is not acceptable to certain people, Rational Inquirer . . . you might have seen how tormented little children can become when they are not satisfied to have a nice family gathering, but without those little children being spoiled the way they demand. So, there might be ones who would be more tormented in Heaven, than in Hell.
Am I looking at this the wrong way? How can I reconcile this teaching with the Christian conception of a loving and just God?
I can think of a few ways people see hell >
(1) Hell is only in this life; people can have heaven, here, by loving, or they can suffer a life of hell because of living selfishly.
(2) Hell is used as a threat by humans to control people > do what we say, believe what we say; or you will go to hell.
(3) You earn Heaven, by living the best you can; or if you don't try to live right, you get hell. God knows your heart, if you care or not, but He is waiting to see if you try to live a good life; you're on your own, and God is keeping records.
(4) You must get saved by Jesus; or else, no matter how nice you are and no matter how hard you try to live a good life, you will go to hell. And it is your choice, where you will spend eternity.
(5) You choose Jesus or automatically you have chosen hell, no matter how much you suffer in this life > you can't pay God off, by suffering or by punishing your own self. Jesus suffered and died like He did so you won't go to hell; so if you refuse Jesus and all He suffered for you and how He died for you on the cross, you deserve hell.
(6) Hell is a consequence of not choosing Jesus; it is not only meant for torture, but it is partly meant to be a punishment; but it is a result, and certainly not meant to be a threat, because God wants us to freely choose to love Him; so fear of hell can not make us loving the way we need to become. But if God is not good enough for us, in our view of Him, there will be no "second-best" blessing available, but only hell is the other possibility; because God wants His children to have His very own best, and no less.
(7) Along with # (6), hell is practical. God is in control; people boast how they suppose they can control things with their own choices. This is not humble, and can bring quite the tumbles and jumbles people do get themselves into, in their own self-willing ability. And people will reap so much more than what they have sown in their own ego-choosing >
"Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life." (Galatians 6:7-8)
So, if someone is sowing in one's own ego, depending on his or her own ability to think and choose, the person has a run-in with real troubles, and with imagined problems, so that the person suffers various torments of worry and loneliness and unforgiveness and the failure of selfish pleasures to make him or her feel better. And then, when the person dies, he or she reaps so much more of this torment, since he or she is not longer in a nice body for feeling pleasures > after death, the self-seeking, self-depending person now has only one's deep spiritual condition with its torment. And such ones have been so stubborn and unreasonable, that they have . . . or would have . . . refused Jesus and how in obeying Him we have
"rest for your souls" (in Matthew 11:28-30). And so in their death they reap so much more of torment, instead of having deep and soul-refreshing rest with God. Because they were so stubborn, to depend on and boast themselves and what they want. And only fire can control Satan, because he is so conceited and stubborn, like his children. So, the fire is indeed for being practical, to control Satan and his people who will not listen to and obey God. However, the torment also is because the selfish nature has the ability to be tormented . . . in hell or in Heaven . . . while God's children have the nature to be warmed by the same fire >
"For our God is a consuming fire." (Hebrews 12:29)
These seven ideas are pretty much what I have found people to think. I am sure there could be more and we always can learn more.