sins of thought

lutherangerman said:

Hello,

Since about 10 years I suffer from obsessions about evil thoughts. This is, as far as I can see, entirely unwanted and I wish I had normal thoughts. But as it is, I happen to have intrusive evil thoughts sometimes, such as when I hold a kitchen knife in my hands, I have the thought of, poke someone with it, sometimes accompanied by short graphic image flashes.

I spoke about this with a christian chaplain once and he told me that true sins are always deeds, not thoughts. But I often have to think, where do evil deeds come from and guess they start from evil thoughts.

And how would YOU handle the problem? Do you watch yourself for evil thoughts? Is there something in the bible about it?

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This brings to mind James 1:14-15:

But we are tempted when we are drawn away and trapped by our own evil desires. Then our evil desires conceive and give birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

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Everyone has bad/evil/negative thoughts from time to time, and we are all prone to let these thoughts turn into fantasies. I don't believe this is sin, but there is something to the advice given by the apostle: if these thoughts start to dominate our thinking, they *will* shape who we are and become. If we are not vigilant to "take captive every thought", they can certainly become a source of pain and destruction.

That said, I would say that the simple "incident" of a bad or evil thought is hardly sin. It is what you do with the thought that will dictate how you behave and whether the thought eventual "gives birth to death".

You do realize Luther himself suffered from the very same thing most of his life? He was an obsessive worrier. It's why he spent so much time in confession. Even after the Reformation, he struggled with worry. His digestive problems stem from that type of anxiety disorder and they probably contributed to his poor health and bad mood later in life (I also have IBS and I'd be the first to say it can make you cranky)

Those aren't sinful - sinful thoughts have to do with intentions more than just things popping up in your head as ideas. That's just obsessive compulsive disorder. I have the same thing, I've had it for my whole life. It flares up during periods I am stressed or depressed.

I had an elderly friend a few years ago, he was an eccentric genius with a near-photographic memory, an elderly gay man (he probably had Asperger's), confess to me that he couldn't stop thinking sometimes, and it was a real curse. I have that problem too. You can be so smart sometimes your brain thinks faster than you can emotionally process things.

One thing my therapist has suggested is to stay busy with my hands so that I don't ruminate as much.

It has helped me to realize is that trying to manage my own thought life is ultimately just as sinful or scary as the stuff I ruminate on. That it's arrogant for me to pretend to judge my own thoughts. I confess my conscience is broken and I hand the worry over to God to deal with. When I really can realize that, usually its a bit of a feeling of laughing at myself inside, usually I have a breakthrough for a few hours afterwards. This is difficult to do, in western societies we are so used to taking on responsibility as the thing to do, being a big person. But, I think this is a case where we must become "littler", as St. Therese of Lisieux often spoke of.

Trying to address the underlying depression might be helpful, too. It might require working with a therapist or taking medication if it is severe enough.

Get a prayer rope and start saying the Jesus Prayer when you feel a lot of worry. Don't say it too meticulously, don't pay too much attention to counting the beads, just focus on the words. This helps for me. "Be still, and know that I am God" is what I'm trying to get back to.