dont know what to do.

TravelerFarAwayFromHome

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as some of you know already

I have been having issues with boarders who are bullies for a long time now.

recently two left, we still got one left

here is the issue

My parents can not, did not see the problems

I always suspect this, but it is only recently become clear to me when I asked my mum to ask the last boarder to leave, she refused

here the thing about my parents

in some ways, they have always been the kind of people who are detached from reality in some ways.

some times people could do things right in front of them, and they dont see it.

and they have the tedency to see only what they want to see and block out or rationalize what they dont want to see.

to top it off, they always have difficulties of listen to opinions different from themselves,in another word, once they made up their mind, they have difficulty to keep open mind, and talking to them sometimes like throwing a ball against a wall, it just keep bouncing back

to make the whole thing worse, my dad has a fragile ego, that is why he does not like to admit he is wrong.

and because my parents are so alike, and they discuss everything together, they reinforce each other.

my parents also have the tendency to pathologize me. it is like I did this mental health paper in the past, and the lecturer gave this example, she was saying if she got angry and through a wine glass at her husband, people will just go "oh, she is really angry"
but if someone like me, with a mental health diagonosis did the same thing, some people will automatically attribute it to mine illness, my parents, espeically my mum, take this to the extreme. again, this is the case of she want to hear what she want to hear, no amount of convincing will get through to her......

for example, years ago, my mum had this misunderstanding with this woman at this woman. She said to my mum " wow, your complexion is dark, are you Indian?" (we came from a Far East culture, fair skin is considered beautiful in women, opposite is also true. Also, there is a certain amount of rascism in our culture towards race with with darker skin colours, such as Indians. so her comment is a outright insult)

and mum just stand there, totally clueless to the meaning of what that woman said.

right now, two of the boarder has left, one still left.

I have asked my mum to ask him to move. she refused.

we had a conversation, that is when i realized (though i have always suspected it) my mum think I am being oversenstitive, it is all in my imagination.

the thing is, one of the tactics they used was banging the floor.

and one thing I noticed was that one of the boys only does it when he is close to our side of the house, but when he is at their side of the house, he is quiet as a cat

in fact, once when he came home with this other girl, he banged the floor so loud, it was like thundering throughout the entire house

and they have been pulling this for a whole year, to a point I did not want to go home any more.

anyway, there are many others things I dont have time to talke about

but i am quite sure how to deal with it anymore

i dont have enough financial resources to move out.
 

Fortran

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While it may be difficult, my best advice is to view the boarders with love. At the end of the day, we, as fallible humans, cannot know the heart of others and can draw incorrect conclusions.

Could you be correct in your evaluation of the boarders? Absolutely! If so, please try and be a witness for Christ in the your dealings with them. Go out of your way to be nice to them and share the love of Christ. Perhaps your good deeds, could, just maybe, lead them to Christ and repentance.

However, and I do not mean to offend, but please be open to the idea that - just maybe - your conclusion could be wrong. Regardless of whether one is in perfect mental health or not, that individual can still interpret another's behavior or a series of events incorrectly. Please be willing to offer the benefit of doubt.

Regardless, I think the best thing to do is simply respect your parent's wishes and try and take your focus off the boarders and onto God. When they are doing something that upsets you, turn to the Word or play some Christian music or an audio sermon. If they are bullies, they are probably seeking a negative response from you. Don't let them "win"!

You are in my prayers.
 
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TravelerFarAwayFromHome

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While it may be difficult, my best advice is to view the boarders with love. At the end of the day, we, as fallible humans, cannot know the heart of others and can draw incorrect conclusions.

Could you be correct in your evaluation of the boarders? Absolutely! If so, please try and be a witness for Christ in the your dealings with them. Go out of your way to be nice to them and share the love of Christ. Perhaps your good deeds, could, just maybe, lead them to Christ and repentance.

However, and I do not mean to offend, but please be open to the idea that - just maybe - your conclusion could be wrong. Regardless of whether one is in perfect mental health or not, that individual can still interpret another's behavior or a series of events incorrectly. Please be willing to offer the benefit of doubt.

Regardless, I think the best thing to do is simply respect your parent's wishes and try and take your focus off the boarders and onto God. When they are doing something that upsets you, turn to the Word or play some Christian music or an audio sermon. If they are bullies, they are probably seeking a negative response from you. Don't let them "win"!

You are in my prayers.

thanks very much for your response

yes, you are right, we can sometimes misinterpret others behaviours

though in this case they were very blatant....

I could not include everything here

but I will give you an example.

a few months back, this boy came home from a shopping trip with this girl, the moment he got home, he walked around "banging" on the floor. lets put it this way, I am 5 foot 11, weighs around 165-170

for me to make that kind banging, I would definitely have to bang my foot down on the floor with significant force, deliberately.

anyway, I guess being Christ like is not an option for us....

and I cant tell my parents to do anything

but ideally I still want God to find a way to get the last evildoer out of the house.....

thanks again for your response

my God bless you greatly for your kindness
 
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