what are you feeling right now? (23)

Emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted. I have gone from being very manicy and uppity (I completely cleaned my apartment) to being so miserable now. it doesn't help that my mom is in town and i'm at a snapping point where i may just disown myself for good because i have quit eating again and invested in razors. my family tries to control me, tells me to grow a backbone, i tell them off and they get angry and start yelling at me for it. either way, i'm done with it all.

also sorry for what I said a couple pages back. i know some really awful people who manage to creep under my skin quickly and easily, which is a rarity but i guess that's what happens since i consider myself a human rights activist (I wanna go into PeaceCorps once I get my English degree).

chaoticfirefly said:

I don't like PewDiePie very much. I enjoy Markiplier because he seems to get more into the game's plots and he seems so genuine.

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I watched his 'Five Nights at Freddie's' playthrough, and...I dunno, the main joke just seemed to be him screaming throughout the whole thing, and it wore on me. I've had friends keep recommending me his videos, but the thing is that I'm not a huge follower of modern video games....retro stuff appeals to me a bit more (as its my generation), but the draw of Game Grumps for me isn't them playing games as it is their commentary. The only video game stuff I watch on YouTube are playthroughs (without commentary) for new(er) games, when I'm interested in the story but can't actually play them (as I kinda suck at gaming).

chaoticfirefly said:

Though I dunno how I feel about the new guy they brought on (Brian?) in their recent Doctor Mario game.

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I so far like Brian (aka Ninja Brian of Ninja Sex Party), his acerbic attitude is a nice contrast to the generally more amicable and light-hearted Grumps. The only videos I usually skip or don't finish are Ross and Barry episodes, as I've never found them as engaging together as with other members. I liked the 'Undertale' series, though mostly for the game itself.

chaoticfirefly said:

Danny is my favorite out of them all! I haven't checked out Ninja Sex Party (oops) but I did hear Danny's cover for The Last Unicorn and it's so beautiful.

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NSP are pretty much a one-joke novelty band, but they're fun and have some catchy tunes. I probably wouldn't like them as much if I didn't know Danny was one of the sweetest and funniest guys on the internet. Apparently they'll be touring next year, and I'll bet money Arin will be tagging along as Starbomb.

chaoticfirefly said:

Arin (EgoRaptor)'s stuff good. He's got a lot of talent. I think he voiced a character recently on a cartoon?

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He was on an episode of 'Rick & Morty', another show it seems like everybody absolutely loves which I don't quite understand the appeal of. Maybe I'm getting old. :/

Not feeling well at all. Nauseated, down and feeling so empty. I need to find His Rest back again. Feeling like a worm instead of human, chewing away what is corrupting, what a job did I earn? Rather be a gravedigger, to bury what is no good is much cleaner and easier than digesting it.

Jeshu said:

Not feeling well at all. Nauseated, down and feeling so empty. I need to find His Rest back again. Feeling like a worm instead of human, chewing away what is corrupting, what a job did I earn? Rather be a gravedigger, to bury what is no good is much cleaner and easier than digesting it.

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I am sorry you are feeling bad Jeshu. Find His Rest dear brother.
Love in Him
Zippy

BookofMatt said:

I watched his 'Five Nights at Freddie's' playthrough, and...I dunno, the main joke just seemed to be him screaming throughout the whole thing, and it wore on me. I've had friends keep recommending me his videos, but the thing is that I'm not a huge follower of modern video games....retro stuff appeals to me a bit more (as its my generation), but the draw of Game Grumps for me isn't them playing games as it is their commentary. The only video game stuff I watch on YouTube are playthroughs (without commentary) for new(er) games, when I'm interested in the story but can't actually play them (as I kinda suck at gaming).

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His FNAF playthrough sucked. FNAF isn't very good in general. For a good series he did, the ones where he plays JRPGs such as Witch's House was really good. But he's definitely not for everyone. He did a decent job with Until Dawn. Some of Mark's stuff gets on my nerves.

Yeah, I do that. Some of the games I want (Zesteria, Syndicate, watch_dogs) I don't have money or the system for.

I so far like Brian (aka Ninja Brian of Ninja Sex Party), his acerbic attitude is a nice contrast to the generally more amicable and light-hearted Grumps. The only videos I usually skip or don't finish are Ross and Barry episodes, as I've never found them as engaging together as with other members. I liked the 'Undertale' series, though mostly for the game itself.

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I don't find him to be very funny, but tastes are different. I'm okay with Ross and Barry. They don't have that charisma the other two seem to have but their Pokemon one and Undertale one were great. I'm actually really glad it was them who played Undertale.

I enjoy it when they do Steam Train as a group. Such as Goat Simulator.

NSP are pretty much a one-joke novelty band, but they're fun and have some catchy tunes. I probably wouldn't like them as much if I didn't know Danny was one of the sweetest and funniest guys on the internet. Apparently they'll be touring next year, and I'll bet money Arin will be tagging along as Starbomb.

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Sweet. And yeah. It seems Arin and Danny have really clicked. I wasn't there for the days of Jontron.

He was on an episode of 'Rick & Morty', another show it seems like everybody absolutely loves which I don't quite understand the appeal of. Maybe I'm getting old. :/

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Ahhh. Right. Rick & Morty is okay, not my interest though. Not a big fan of adult cartoons in general. Gravity Falls, a "kids" cartoon, however, I love.

I couldn't tell you the appeal of R&M.

zippy2 said:

I am sorry you are feeling bad Jeshu. Find His Rest dear brother.
Love in Him
Zippy

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Thanks a lot

I think I'm going to ring my coordinator and tell her that I'm not well, I had last Monday and Tuesday off as well, feeling a bit guilty. It is just a voluntary position so no stress or anything.

I just rang her, she was fine with it.

I'm going to meditate for awhile and then I'm going put on Sherri Youngward and then The Sons Of Korah, both sing straight out of the bible, so He Himself will draw me back to Himself, I love those songs but I love those words even more. He never fails to bring me comfort.

Feel like my life is spiraling out of control.

Stressed out and sad.

Army Wife said:

Stressed out and sad.

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can a parent explain to me how one forgets their own child tried to kill themselves multiple times

and expect them to cancel a therapy appointment for vanity reasons.

can anyone explain this to me, because i'm unable to understand my mom. yeah, i get my hair is shaggy and long and she hates it, but i think my mental health is just a smidgen more important

oh wait lol

no it's not lmao what was i thinking her feelings her wants her needs are far more important

and there is nothing keeping me from playing passive aggressive, angry and moody today. because i canceled something important for me just for her own [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ing vanity

chaoticfirefly said:

can a parent explain to me how one forgets their own child tried to kill themselves multiple times

and expect them to cancel a therapy appointment for vanity reasons.

can anyone explain this to me, because i'm unable to understand my mom. yeah, i get my hair is shaggy and long and she hates it, but i think my mental health is just a smidgen more important

oh wait lol

no it's not lmao what was i thinking her feelings her wants her needs are far more important

and there is nothing keeping me from playing passive aggressive, angry and moody today. because i canceled something important for me just for her own [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] vanity

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that is terrible. I know that there are licensed therapists who will work online, but they aren't free.

chaoticfirefly said:

can a parent explain to me how one forgets their own child tried to kill themselves multiple times

and expect them to cancel a therapy appointment for vanity reasons.

can anyone explain this to me, because i'm unable to understand my mom. yeah, i get my hair is shaggy and long and she hates it, but i think my mental health is just a smidgen more important

oh wait lol

no it's not lmao what was i thinking her feelings her wants her needs are far more important

and there is nothing keeping me from playing passive aggressive, angry and moody today. because i canceled something important for me just for her own [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] vanity

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Sorry to hear that, I've been in a similar situation. It's not a replacement for therapy but I would recommend 7cups.com. They have people there who are willing to listen to people vent about mental health issues and its free of charge.

Prayers for you, firefly.

A certain user on here keeps dodging questions and answers any criticism with a question of his own to try and put his opponent in the hot seat. I'm thinking about blocking him, but I think he was involved in Iraq and so he might have some mental issues. Idk, I do 't come on here as often as I used to.

Well I no longer have a biological family

I played I-go on line too much. I have deleted the program, and I need more self-control.

Wish you all a sunny day in heart.

chaoticfirefly said:

can a parent explain to me how one forgets their own child tried to kill themselves multiple times

and expect them to cancel a therapy appointment for vanity reasons.

can anyone explain this to me, because i'm unable to understand my mom. yeah, i get my hair is shaggy and long and she hates it, but i think my mental health is just a smidgen more important

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My condolences. I can partially relate to this: my mother is, for the most part, a fine parent, but when it comes to my mental health, she's woefully naive, out of her element and/or willfully ignorant. Despite still living at home, my friends are the ones who usually have to handle potential crises; I thought I was hiding it from my mother, but I learned that my friends had been keeping her in the loop re: my (occasionally severe) problems, only for her to brush all responsibility off onto them, all the while not saying a single word to me about any of it while living under the same roof. And that included having informed her of two separate welfare checks to our house by police when she wasn't there.

In my case, I can only assume that she has no real idea how to handle any of my conditions, and I really can't blame her for it, even when it comes off as incredibly callous. It's undeniably created a disconnect between myself and her to the point where I really can't think of her as a "parent" no more than a "relative", but if nothing else, it's helped me gain a lot of independence as I start figuring out what's best for me on my own.

chaoticfirefly said:

Well I no longer have a biological family

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Sorry to hear that.

BookofMatt said:

My condolences. I can partially relate to this: my mother is, for the most part, a fine parent, but when it comes to my mental health, she's woefully naive, out of her element and/or willfully ignorant. Despite still living at home, my friends are the ones who usually have to handle potential crises; I thought I was hiding it from my mother, but I learned that my friends had been keeping her in the loop re: my (occasionally severe) problems, only for her to brush all responsibility off onto them, all the while not saying a single word to me about any of it while living under the same roof. And that included having informed her of two separate welfare checks to our house by police when she wasn't there.

In my case, I can only assume that she has no real idea how to handle any of my conditions, and I really can't blame her for it, even when it comes off as incredibly callous. It's undeniably created a disconnect between myself and her to the point where I really can't think of her as a "parent" no more than a "relative", but if nothing else, it's helped me gain a lot of independence as I start figuring out what's best for me on my own.

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Huh.mfir me, it's a bit different. I try and hide my mental issues from my parents because I am afraid that if they knew everything they'd get annoyed. They often seem to have this "Don't get depressed!" Mindset. I fear that every time I do or say something wrong in college, they could find out and be furious at me,meat her than sympathetic.

I think their idea is that I can help all of my behavior, and that I can "just stop being anxious/sad", and that if it's really bad they should hide me away from the world so that I can't get help. But sometimes, I have to be vulnerable and ask a stranger to pray for me, you know?

Feeling much better today