How do I share the word of God with a transgender friend?

My personal opinion and one that I know many people will find fault with is that you ought not try to dissuade her with theology OR accommodate her by pretending that you buy into the idea that she's suddenly "trans" because of a decision to present herself as a member of the opposite sex.

Be polite, of course, but don't play along. That's what she's looking for and it only verifies for her the notion of her being successfully changed. If she has a genuine gender confusion problem and, following counseling, undergoes surgery, etc. then it might be different, but not now.

This doesn't mean that I'm dismissing your religious, Scriptural, concerns, but the world has too much of a hold on her at the present for her to hear it. In time, it might be different.

NaomiF01 said:

I have a friend who is biologically a girl, but wants to go by a male name, and be referred to with male pronouns. I have prayed about it, and I know in my heart that she is lost, and needs Jesus. I feel like I'm disappointing God by calling her a male name, and calling her a him. I don't know how to tell her that she is lost without insulting her, and I've been calling her by her preferred name just to avoid conflict because she is very passionate about her decision. I want to tell her about God, but I don't want her to feel insulted or like I'm judging her. Can anybody tell me how to politely initiate a conversation about Jesus or how to bring up what she believes in? Any advice is wanted

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Live it, and the words will take care of themselves.

Personally I go by trying to distinguish false from genuine transsexuality. If your friend has genuine gender dysphoria then you can be sure that she has many problems and that she is probably depressed very often. It's really not easy if you feel like you're a boy and have to do with a female body, and the same is true for mtf transgendereds. If she is an inauthentic transsexual then feel free to point out the falsity of her beliefs to her. But please try to distinguish between the two and help her understand where she is at. For example, you could ask her if she really looks forward to surgery and if she is clear that the surgery is irreversible and that from then on she will live in the body of a man for the rest of her life, and ask her if she is really 100% sure that this is what she is wanting. That's the element that I am missing in such discussions, that as christians we give mercy and love to people who are ill or have a condition about themselves that they cannot change, and that we help others who have problems with themselves and in fact lie to themselves as in the case of false transsexuals. I speak from experience. Blessings!

Avoid using names or pronouns, "how are you doing?" is gender neutral. A lot of times people with gender issues are pretty mad at God & contradicting them verifies to them "that you are a religious, intolerant bigot" & while believing what you believe doesn't make you any of those things, it becomes an excuse to exclude you from her life. I get the sense that you'd like to stay friends and stay involved. At the same time, playing along is disingenuous & it is better to "keep it real". So, gender neutral terms and no direct name usage.

I will pray for her but have no advice I could possibly give to help; many prayers though.

NaomiF01 said:

I have a friend who is biologically a girl, but wants to go by a male name, and be referred to with male pronouns. I have prayed about it, and I know in my heart that she is lost, and needs Jesus. I feel like I'm disappointing God by calling her a male name, and calling her a him. I don't know how to tell her that she is lost without insulting her, and I've been calling her by her preferred name just to avoid conflict because she is very passionate about her decision. I want to tell her about God, but I don't want her to feel insulted or like I'm judging her. Can anybody tell me how to politely initiate a conversation about Jesus or how to bring up what she believes in? Any advice is wanted

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I would suggest an education on transgender issues. You can learn more about what it means for someone to be transgender by visiting the American Psychological Association (APA) website.

Being transgender & being a Christian are not mutually exclusive. You can't know whether your friend or any person is "lost."

If you want to share your faith, then share it in the same way you would with any other person - hopefully in a way that conveys mutual respect & considers the person as one loved by God. If you approach your friend as one with an agenda to "convert" them or based on ignorance of transgender issues though, the outcome may not be good.

Just be a friend. Calling them by their preferred pronouns is a positive step.

May you find peace in this matter.

graceandpeace said:

I would suggest an education on transgender issues. You can learn more about what it means for someone to be transgender by visiting the American Psychological Association (APA) website.

Being transgender & being a Christian are not mutually exclusive. You can't know whether your friend or any person is "lost."

If you want to share your faith, then share it in the same way you would with any other person - hopefully in a way that conveys mutual respect & considers the person as one loved by God. If you approach your friend as one with an agenda to "convert" them or based on ignorance of transgender issues though, the outcome may not be good.

Just be a friend. Calling them by their preferred pronouns is a positive step.

May you find peace in this matter.

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^
This. Education about transgender issues is important.

I would call him a he, if that's what s/he wants. To me, it's no different than taking your shoes off at the door at houses where that is the done thing, or wearing a head scarf in certain countries out of respect. This person will be looking for your reactions and if you go gender neutral all the time, he'll notice. But that's all just semantics anyway, you can share the gospel as you would with any person! x

the message of the gospel doesn't change based on a person's specific deception; the gospel is about God's unconditional love for us and His invitation to know Him, regardless of what lies the person has believed.

God didn't put any men in female bodies or vice versa; this is a deception from the devil aimed at discrediting God, an accusation against Him. be very careful to not confirm this deception; it may cost you the friendship, but sowing Truth into someone and suffering rejection is the greatest act of selfless love. your job is to reconcile them to God's all-changing grace, not correct them - once they come into fellowship with God that's independent of their performance, He will lead them out of deception.

NaomiF01 said:

Can you explain what you mean by "Being transgender & being a Christian are not mutually exclusive. You can't know whether your friend or any person is "lost.""

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What I mean is that a person may be transgender & also be a Christian - in the same any person, man or woman, black or white, etc may also be a Christian.

We can't presume to know how God may judge a person. Jesus explicitly teaches against judging & condemning others. If we presume someone is "lost," we are making a judgment that only God can make. Instead, I think it would be wiser to focus on one's own need for forgiveness, & in thanksgiving to extend such grace to others.

Male / Female. One should be happy with what God has given you!

NaomiF01 said:

Can you explain what you mean by "Being transgender & being a Christian are not mutually exclusive. You can't know whether your friend or any person is "lost.""

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i know this question was not directed to me, but i think i can shed some light here; and since you are the one who is asking for advice, my response is intended to answer your request rather than further debate (as debate is not allowed in the advice forum).

it's important to realize that habitual sin isn't limited to repeating the same transgression of the law over and over again; habitual sin, from God's perspective, is regularly transgressing any of His laws, even if we transgress a different specific law each time we transgress - because if we offend in any one point of the law, we are guilty of all (James 2:10). so from the perspective of the law, we are ALL habitual sinners, lost and reborn alike - it doesn't mater whether we transgress the same law repeatedly, or transgress a different law each time we transgress; nor does it matter if we transgress a law that society as a whole judges to be more serious than some other law; telling a 'white' lie is just as damning as murder - both are transgressions of God's laws - no one keeps the whole law, so all are habitual sinners (except Jesus of course). so you can't judge a person's relationship with God based on a specific repetitive transgression of the law.

so from God's perspective, believing the lie of 'transgenderism' is no more sinful than believing that lying is ok in certain situations (as in the case of a 'white' lie). if 'sinlessness' is the standard, then no one can be judged to be reborn in Christ, as all transgress God's laws habitually; it makes no difference whether it is a specific law that is transgressed repeatedly, or a variety of single instances of transgressing different laws - from the standpoint of the whole of God's laws, all who walk in flesh bodies are habitual sinners with the exception of Jesus.

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This thread has had a couple of posts removed. As per this forum's SoP (stickied at the top of the forum), this is not a place for debate. Also, please treat one another with respect. Flaming remarks have also been removed.

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This right here.

graceandpeace said:

If you want to share your faith, then share it in the same way you would with any other person - hopefully in a way that conveys mutual respect & considers the person as one loved by God. If you approach your friend as one with an agenda to "convert" them or based on ignorance of transgender issues though, the outcome may not be good.

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Telling your friend they are "lost" isn't going to do anything for them.. The way to really reach someone is to do as Jesus does. Show love to those people. Share the gospel. Share God's truths. If you truly show love to someone they will notice. If you share the gospel, then when they get to a time when they are searching/opening their hear to God, the words will be remembered. And when you've shown them love you have shown that they can trust you and will turn to you in the future. Being disrespectful to them where they are at is probably going to push them away from faith in God rather than draw them to it.

And not calling them by their preferred pronouns will probably come off as disrespectful to this person. If you really can't manage it you can politely tell them, "Hey I have been trying to call you how you like but it is hard to force since I have known you as a girl for this long. I might not manage to say the pronouns you want as I am not used to calling you that, and someone going through this kind of thing is new to me. Please forgive me if I don't say the right one, I don't mean to disrespect you."

While I don't personally believe someone could be in the wrong body (since we are perfectly and wonderfully made by God) I do know God will reach out to someone NO MATTER WHERE THEY ARE AT. Even if they had everyone calling them "he" and dressed everyday as a man, God can still reach this friend. The pronouns, clothes, or even surgery cannot stop God.

As for how to bring up conversation, just do it how you might naturally with anyone. The topic of belief in God can come up in everyday conversation. Just being a friend, hanging out, and sharing with each other can open up the conversation. You don't have to force it.

You could even take this person aside sometime and just share the gospel - that Jesus, the Son of God, died for our sins - just to share it. My fiance did that with a hardcore atheist friend of his one day randomly. He said he just felt God urging him to share his testimony with this friend and that God loves him. His friend still isn't a believer but he respected my fiance opening up and sharing with him. He wasn't looking for a response, he just needed to share it. And honestly that is really our biggest call as Christians - to share God and to follow God. When we share about God it will bring others to know about Him; and when we follow Him they will see the difference He makes in our lives.