Is this God or my OCD?

pinkjess · Jan 30, 2015

I am at the end of my rope here. I am so worn from constant stress and anxiety I want to scream. I feel like I am on the verge of losing it...

I'll try to make this super short because I know nobody likes forum posts that last forever.

Here's the deal. Ever since a year or so ago I have been getting these "mind dares" that I believe are from God. They include things like telling a family member about Christ or doing something out of the ordinary that gets me out of my comfort zone. Sounds like God right? Well these "dares" that I feel God tells me to do cause me MUCH distress...like I feel like He is ALWAYS telling me to do stuff that makes me anxious so I can "get over it". I will spend days, weeks even, obsessing over if I truly "heard" from God and if He really asked me to "do that".

Also, and this is the part that I really don't like, if I don't do the thing I "feel" God asking me to do, I get a thought that tells me I cannot do or have something I enjoy until I do it. Right now I am "grounded" from my bike until I tell someone about Christ.

I believe these stupid things because I have experienced first hand God's discipline when I ignored the dare and thought it was my own thoughts. One time I rode my bike even though I thought God wanted me to abstain from it until I did something and I got sick with the flu A DAY LATER.

Sigh. I don't know. Can you pray for me? I feel like I don't know God anymore! This has completely taken all of my joy and peace away from me. I can't do anything; I feel like I am being controlled by a tyrant. Is this God? Is this how He grows His children? By pushing them above their limits to the point they have a panic attack? By asking me to do things and knowing I will have anxiety accomplishing? I want to love Him, but I can't enjoy Him anymore.

The thoughts are Biblical. "Go tell (insert name) about me" so the thoughts are for sure not from Satan. I have severe social anxiety and misophonia so I have a hard time talking to people, even my own family. I can only see from God's point of view that He wants to see me overcome in that but does He have to make it so hard for me? Can I ask Him to start small and only ask me to do "little" things first?

pinkjess · Jan 30, 2015

I miss my bike...haven't been able to ride it in three weeks. People ask me why I don't ride anymore and I don't want to tell them "Because I grounded myself from riding because I haven't told my friend about Jesus yet". They'll think I am crazy! (Well, I guess I am crazy) I don't take meds for my OCD but hot dog, this is really starting to make me want to! This isn't how I want my relationship with God to be like...I feel like this pushes me away from Him. I miss Him.

aangel · Jan 30, 2015

I've only been a believer for a few month so I don't know if you want advice from someone who's been a Christian longer. Anyway, from what I've been learning if you feel like God is telling you do to something and you don't have peace about it, it probably isn't from God. God isn't a slave driver who constantly makes demands of you. 28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11 And God doesn't discipline with sickness. God's discipline is loving and it builds you up it doesn't tear you down or make you feel guilty.

I know for me, it was a day not too long ago where I was thinking negatively about myself and spontaneously this thought popped into my head. "When are you going to stop judging yourself? I'm not." I'm certain that this was God. His not judging us or criticizing us. He loves us with an everlasting love. We are his children and he wants us to enjoy a relationship with him.

I'm sure this is just your OCD talking. You don't have to ground yourself from your bike. I recommend this bible plan on bible.com it's called Love God Greatly - You Are Loved. And just meditate on God's love for you. This plan helped me a lot and I know what it's like to feel like you have to work for God. I'll pray for you.

Messy · Jan 30, 2015

It isn't God, He doesn't force you. My son was having these thoughts and his dad wanted to take him to a psychologist but since I had very bad experience with that and God healed me from this at once and I didn't want my kid to get on medical drugs I told him: Tell your dad God healed you and you're not having these thoughts anymore. He said: But then I'm lying. No you're not, God's Word says you're free. He had deliverance prayer already, did work a bit, but he was afraid and kept having these thoughts. I said: Just start to confess you're free and healed by the stripes of Jesus. He told his dad who didn't believe it and started to confess the Word and within a week it was gone. I had deliverance prayer for it, which didn't work. Then I got a Word from God: I declare you free in my Love and it was gone immediately.
Now that my son is healed he doesn't mind at all telling people about God and first he thought he had to.

fashionkath · Jan 30, 2015

Hi Pinkjess,

I hear you loud and clear. My thoughts are slighty different in that I feel I HAVE to give up things that I enjoy. If I do not, I feel I'm not putting God first and will be disciplined for breaking the First Commandment. I've read that anything one cannot give up is an idol. It has gotten to the point that I fear God so much that it is difficult to have a relationship with Him. I actually FEEL that I do not love Him and I don't like feeling that way. In my head I know I have a distorted view of Him but, with the OCD, it is hard to change. Like you, I do not wish to view Him as a tyrant. Some of the things I enjoy are: fashion, fashion magazines (I don't read the articles as some of them are inappropriate for a Christian), music (mainly light classical, country and some Christian, but I do not listen exclusively to Christian music, movies, etc. I think you get the picture. I've had "talk" therapy but it does not seem to help. I've wanted to try CBT, but I cannot find a specialist that accepts my insurance. I don't know if this helps, but I do understand.

Fashionkath

grandvizier1006 · Jan 30, 2015

Hmm, this is a tricky one, but I'll wager it's OCD.

jesuslover94 · Jan 30, 2015

My OCD tells me what to do constantly. Last year they kept telling me to tell people I haven't seen in a long time that I'm a Christian. I didn't want to do that because I didn't think it was the right opportunity and that it was unnecessary. At least I think it was them.

ToBeBlessed · Feb 5, 2015

Jesus and the Holy Spirit do not operate this way.

Correction when it is from God comes after much, much sin has taken place. We are brought to sanctification with love and in comfort until there is no other way.

Jesus said "They will know how to love because I loved them first". "They will know how to forgive because I have forgiven them first".

We know how Jesus love is. It is unconditional. He will never leave us or forsake us. Sin is a problem, but not a problem that Jesus blood did not fix. Jesus said "No one can remove them from my right hand". In the same vein we know that Jesus will always forgive us our sins. That is how we are to be with others, to always forgive.

The Holy Spirit teaches in love. The Holy Spirit knows each one of us personally. He lives in us and knows us better than we know ourselves. The Word tells us that "the Holy Spirit prays and intercedes for us for the things that we do not know that we need".

This is OCD or something, not God.

kaykay9.0 · Mar 11, 2015

Evangelism and witnessing for Christ are great things but I feel pretty certain what you are describing is instead how the OCD is attacking you these days. Particularly the punishment/ultimatums etc. i would suggest concentrating on treating your OCD.

com7fy8 · Mar 11, 2015

That can be a mean and clever trick . . .

get you to think God is telling you to do something that you are not ready and able to do,

then make you feel like you have failed what He knew you would fail to do,

then criticize and punish you for not doing it . . .

all this so that you will blame Him and give up on Him,

when He never even started that stuff.

I believe our Father will indeed communicate with you personally, but He starts with His example, including how He has you sharing with Him in His love, and how He has compassion on you and forgives you. And how He is loving and encouraging with you and corrects you: this is your example of how to be sensitive and compassionate with other people.

So, He is personal deeper than just telling you things to do.

Jesus spent time with His disciples, first, so they could discover what He is really like . . . so then they could represent Him right

So, first be with Jesus, find out how He is, so you can be this way while you talk with people and forgive people

"'Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.'" (Matthew 11:28-29)

It is very good to spend time with other people, so you can learn to relate and how to flow with someone who is a good companion and trustworthy . . . in mutual sharing and submission >

"submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21)

This is possible with God, in His love >

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." (1 John 4:18)

So, you, really, need what we all need ! !

Lek · Sep 28, 2015

If you have a long history of OCD with other experiences, I am sure these experiences are also OCD. God will not communicate with you in a way that causes you anxiety and terror. Focus on Christ's love for you and your faith in him and let this go before it destroys you. This comes from the experiences of a devout Christian with OCD and scrupulosity. My belief is that if something causes me concern then it is worth pursuing, but it it produces the kind of terror that OCD causes, it's not from God. I also suggest finding somebody strongly Christian, that you can trust deeply, who does not have OCD. If you start having an OCD doubt or anxiety, consult that person and ask if your concern and strategy for dealing with it are "normal". I've solved many OCD problems and have now started to ask myself how he would think my concerns and not need to call. Trust in God. This will keep getting better for you.

Leet · Oct 4, 2015

Nope, that is definitely not God.

Is this God or my OCD?

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