How do you deal with the loneliness?

Ok i do understand you properly and you are absolutely right on the "leisure" advice.Volunteering is good too but can be stressful sometimes depending on ur resources and strength..Everybody here on earth does have his/her time of wilderness,it's a time of undergoing some sort of unpleasant situation but there is always brighter/happier days ahead and an end to every ugly trend,thus there's time for everything under the sun Ecclesiatstes 3:1-8.I believe in ur assertion that a bigger opportunity to u is to serve people and i must commend ur great sense of humanitarianism and that's what God requires from us and among other good things.Surely God is ever ready to fulfill ur heart desires and He works in a mysterious way and will hopefully see u through.All we needed is to have and maintain a close walk with Him as He directs our path.Showing thankfulness and confidence attract God to man's situation.U've exhibited some amount of these virtues and God is already on ur path with loads of goodies.How was ur weekend,hope u went to church?.Loads of blessings!

i'm three months into my grief, and so far only three things have helped; retreating into sleep, posting on CF, and a nagging cat.

That sounds awesome Pludgeon and keep it up!

[QUOIE="blackribbon, post: 64853756, member: 298417"]I am in nursing school. If I am not at school or in the hospital, I am studying or attending one of my kids functions. I honestly don't have time for any clubs (or attending the ones I used to belong to).

I miss having someone to come home to and discuss things that most people won't care about...like my son opening his first bank account with his first paychecks...or my daughter's annoying habit of procrastinating...things that their daddy would have considered "news". I also need someone to come home to and cry to after a clinical instructor was excessively brutal with her expectations or finding out that one of my patients may not make it too much longer.

I appreciate your suggestions but I am not in that season of my life. I am in full-speed ahead single mother trying to survive each day while still molding my kids into Godly ethical people that aren't forever scarred from losing their precious daddy so young.[/QUOTE]
Hi blackribbon, i feel I am in the same boat...

Hi JS267. I am now an actual nurse. I had to send my son to his senior out-of-state baseball game with another family because it is my scheduled work weekend. I can't really say it is that much better but I am getting used to it. I had a break down day this week...the day he was traveling and I couldn't go. For me, that just mean some tears leak from my eyes as I get on with the rest of my day. I still don't have time to do all those social things because it is hard being both a mom and a dad. Mostly, I just accept it but that doesn't mean I like it. I feel so empty inside. I really hope that God has something bigger for me sometime. My job is about serving people...it feels like enough when I am working but then I get in the car and go home. <sigh>

Hi blackribbon,
Y said like tat coz, I lost my husband exactly 40 days back. He s 39 yrs n I am 35. This June it will 8 yrs of married life. I am left alone with two boys (6 yrs & 3 yrs). We r staying on a foreign country under my hubbies sponsor. Now I ve to go back to our own country and start everything new.

As u said, v ve to run for bread to take care of kids and missing my honey.. I don't ve words to express...

S prayer will help me... But how and what to pray now... Should I pray for our future or cry out my feeling and tell god that I need my hubbie v badly....

There is nothing wrong with doing both. Our God is our comforter and our strength. Trust Him because He will get you through the days even when you don't think you can survive one more minute. I will pray for you because I do know what you are feeling even if I was fighting different life battles.

now almost 6 months into my grief and i take comfort in small things, like the acceptability of 2 full years of mourning that was customary in Victorian days. It gives me the grace of time, knowing that there's no need to feel rushed to get through this period before I'm ready.

At the same time it gives the hope of an end and a future.

David died in 2011.

pdudgeon said:

now almost 6 months into my grief and i take comfort in small things, like the acceptability of 2 full years of mourning that was customary in Victorian days. It gives me the grace of time, knowing that there's no need to feel rushed to get through this period before I'm ready.

At the same time it gives the hope of an end and a future.

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Yes, there is always a future.

Aiui, there were two years of mourning for a husband, but not all full mourning. One year of full mourning, in all black with no jewellery, parties, dances etc, then six months of half mourning; pearls or jet worn, family dinner parties, and some touches of grey and then the last six months lighter still; lilac, and more social engagements. After 2 years there is the option of remaining in light mourning, or setting it aside completely. Respectable ladies could choose to remain in deep mourning if they wanted to. A widow who remarried would immediately set aside all mourning; bit strange, but what can you do?

I still wear mostly black for church, mainly because after four years that is what I have. But I try not to buy any more black, if I can help it; it has become far too easy.

corno12 said:

It's now almost 13 months since the Lord took my wonderful Jim to heaven at age 56. It feels like the first couple of layers of numbness have worn off and every day I seem to feel the loss of him more. We were childless so I don't have the comfort of seeing him in a son or daughter. I find myself back in the beginning stages of kind of a paralysis, just escaping where I can into a movie, etc.

Does anyone have a practical suggestion on how to cope other than "keeping busy" or praying and leaning more on Jesus? I certainly do the latter but I was just wondering how other widows/widowers handle this.

With much appreciation and the Lord bless you all~

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I do the same as you. not pushing it, but knowing at the same time that there are things i will do eventually, when i feel up to it.
right now at almost 7 month in from my hubby's death, this is still a time to be quiet, rest and heal, and to take one day at a time.

Godisgood12 said:

God.

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Amen to this. God does fill the loneliness until you no longer feel it whether you are in company or on your own. In his love you are at peace.

JS267 said:

[QUOIE="blackribbon, post: 64853756, member: 298417"]
I miss having someone to come home to and discuss things that most people won't care about...like my son opening his first bank account with his first paychecks...or my daughter's annoying habit of procrastinating...things that their daddy would have considered "news". I also need someone to come home to and cry to after a clinical instructor was excessively brutal with her expectations or finding out that one of my patients may not make it too much longer.

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That is what really is so hard to live with. Marriage is the hub through which all the other 'spokes' of life get related within it. What was once shared ('we' and 'us') becomes a solitary experience now. I find that so unsatisfying and painful.

John
NZ

mnan said:

Amen to this. God does fill the loneliness until you no longer feel it whether you are in company or on your own. In his love you are at peace.

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The moment that I no longer feel it is most likely also going to be the moment after I die.

Grief....what can I say? 10 months have passed since my beloved husband had passed away to be with the Lord. knowing he is with the Lord is comforting. Yet I still miss him everyday. My heart is still in tender pain and tears are as rain drops from my eyes. As for what to do in loneliness? I guess I just try to keep my mind busy. I've been praying and reading Scripture. I know God is there for me and I am not truly alone. I admit there are times I wonder if He is with me. But thats just the enemy kicking a horse while it's down.If I don't have the strength to read Scripture I use my audio bible app on my phone and lay down and focus on the Word of the Lord. Still learning to cope.

Sunday, one day from today, will be the first anniversary of my husband's death.

i am still in black (and it feels comforting to be so) so no changes there.
and except for time spent at church or necessary shopping for food or to get the mail, i am mostly
safely cocooned inside about 90% of the time.
i am no longer as numb.
It's more like choosing to be stationary and moving or being alive only out of necessity.
maybe Spring will change that.

in some areas i have freedom to gently contemplate moving forward now, to take on new and different areas of my own life.
but in other areas relating to my husband, specifically the sorting of his personal things or finally closing the doors on that past life,
i haven't moved at all.

as for the new areas I'm choosing to have Thanksgiving early; sort of side-stepping the whole traditional thing.
My new church is having a pot luck later today for the church family to celebrate, so that will be my Thanksgiving.
Being at a social function will be strange,
especially when i have to deal with new unfamiliar faces and not just the back of heads,
but it's a small step outside the grief.
I haven't yet decided what to do about Christmas.

You pretty much mentioned all the things I do to cope with the loneliness. My church has a womens' group that I attend and they are all praying for me ( and I for them). I've found that when I start reaching out to others and praying for their needs it actually strengthens me in dealing with my own. There is definitely something healing about being a blessing to others. I would love to hear from you and pray w/you.