Please I'm begging you to reply to my thread! (HOCD)

Hi Jesusislove127,

I am not sure I can be of any specific help, but I did want to post a reply and send you love and prayers. I can't relate to your specific thoughts and questions, but I deal with quite a bit of anxiety and hypochondria and I am often questioning where these thoughts are coming from and what is to be trusted. I wish I could be of more help, but I just want you to know that you are loved and supported. Being a teenager is a rough time in anyone's life, and these thoughts and fears certainly pile on top of that. I am praying for you to find some answers and peace, and I hope this will come for you soon!

Jesusislove127 said:

I am 15 years old and I've been terrified and disgusted by my thoughts and impulses. I am unsure if it's my condition homosexual OCD or if im in denial. I've cried out to GOD to help me to stop feeling impulses and thinking horrible thoughts. I'm just terrorized by the thoughts, now they frighten me even more because I'm doubting if the thoughts were actually fantasies or if they were actually unwanted. I doubt because Ive been reading ALOT of articles about this, and they say that if they were wanted then that means that you're actually gay and are just afraid of coming out.. I'm very confused.. I also fear that I might be bi it scares me because I want to do GOD'S will and live out my life according to his plans for me! I've always wanted to be the proud wife of a TRUE man of GOD and bear his children.. And by the way I've always and will always like guys because that's the way GOD made it to be. I just fear that I might be living in denial, I've repented and told GOD to change me if I was in denial and and told him everything. Also this isn't the first OCD that has plagued me with fears, the unpardonable sin plagued my for seven months but I'm free only to find myself in another strong hold please tell me what is it I should do? :,( do you think satan is lying to me and and making me believe all this garbage? Or isn't just me?

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Hey. I've dealt with all of this before. Still dealing with it, in some ways. And for me, it wasn't just thoughts.

The best thing to do is not see your sexuality the way the world sees it. Instead, recognize that sexuality is about sexual habits and behavior, not your thoughts or feelings. It's good that you recognize that you can be with a man. But once you do that, it's best to just move on and not let the topic bother you. Relax and do something else And above all remember that no one can make you do any sexual thing that you don"5 want to do, not even your own mind.

I wouldn't worry about it if it's some odd thought here and there but no desire. I' ve had it before, and the weird thing is the more I worry that I might become gay, the more the thoughts come. But when I simply ignored the thoughts and laughed them off, they wouldn't bother me anymore. So I advise you to relax.

What's up jesusislove127. Having homosexual thoughts are normal, everyone has them, its just the result of our ever-so thinking mind. You shouldn't worry too much because in the end, these are just thoughts. They're harmless, and you have control over yourself, don't let your mind fool you. You might be dealing with some form of anxiety. You said you don't want to believe you are gay, and in your case it seems that you aren't! In today's society, gay people are more than happy to freely come out with their sexuality. You in the other hand aren't, because you writing this proves to me you aren't. I know we live in a world full of sin where the devil is lurking around everywhere trying to get us to turn from God. In the end, don't be hard on yourself and have faith. Trust me your ok you dont have problems, what you need to learn tho man is to relax, it sounds blunt because its true. You are thinking way too much about it, you need to stop so much about your sexuality. i don't blame you because of our hypersexualized culture. Find something to take your mind off this.

"Be still and know I am God" he says. Romans 1 also.

We have about 50,000 thoughts a day, some of these are going to be homosexual/murderous/sinful. Knowing its normal is the start of recovering from your obsessions with having these thoughts. The next thing you need to do is understand that it will get better. So don't beat yourself up over being human.

I know this might sound kinda eye-rolly but...at age 15, it's actually not unusual to be having mixed up thoughts about sexuality. I'm not sure about fellas in this respect but I know young girls are renowned for a girl crush phase and such. I'm not saying to just go with the flow because that can be dangerous too but please try not to worry and create patterns that go, thought-desire-shame-repentance over and over til you drive yourself crazy.

I believed I was a lesbian when I was younger FWIW, even had relationships...but I'm now happily married with a family and I know my past desires stemmed from a deep longing that, although I don't fully understand it, didn't actually have anything to do with sexual orientation.

God loves you as you are so don't feel panicked. He sees so much potential in you and is not wagging his finger because of unwanted thoughts.

Sorry, that you are going though this Jesusislove127.

I have OCD. So, while I can't exactly relate to your problems, I can tell you that when your brain gets locked in one of those "thought loops" that OCD causes; it does make problems out of nothing. A random meaningless thought can become consuming for no other reason then OCD.

For what it is worth, I do not think you are gay or have internalized homophobia. I think you have OCD that is running wild and carrying you along with it.

I would talk to your family and a certainly see doctor to talk about OCD. Being a teen is rough enough without having to deal with OCD, anxiety and other mental health issues. See about finding a medication to make it more manageable and help bring it under control.

Then if these thoughts and impulses are still there and are persisting, you can deal with them and what they mean on much better footing.

If you found your son being gay, would you condemn him to burn in hell forever for that? No, of course not.
That would be ridiculous, and so it is with Christianity today... they are caught up in the idea of a 'punishing god'...
a god who needs to go to 'anger management' classes.... Or who is schizophrenic, nice one day and bad the next.

They have converted god into 'Thor' with lightning bolts, ready to exact justice at a poor, defensless humanity...
which all is doing is crying out for help... and needs help, not to be beaten with a whip.

You must throw away this false concept of God, because a love affair with Him cannot exist in a 'threatening atmosphere'...

And as for your confused sexual impulses... these were passed on to you through your parents...by your dad being too weak,
and your mother being too strong.(most likely). Or from some relative who took advantage of you sexually when you were younger.

So, it's not your fault.... And don't worry about it. You could not help what your parents and others
did to you... You were young and innocent and impressionable, and now what you're left with is no fault of yours, and it
does not mean your evil.

Let me tell you... God understands what happened to you and He loves you very much... And when He looks at you,
all he sees is Jesus formed in you. And all those things in your head are not your fault, and you were not born evil
or condemned.

So, don't be afraid anymore.. . And don't worry if you act out those impulses sometimes, because
there still is a human body you're attached to.

A thought is just a thought, it has no form. It cannot do anything and you can choose what you do with it so in reality you are always in control. Acknowledge you have these thoughts and let them go. Ask yourself...do I have to do anything with it right now? No? Then let it go. If you find your thoughts become persistent try to imagine that a good friend has come to you with the same problem, what advice would you give them, imagine you are giving it to them in your head. This exercise will help you develop a more reasonable perspective on things and you will find the thoughts become less and less intrusive. There is nothing wrong with questioning your sexuality at your age and there is nothing wrong with you because you do it. Trust me you'll have bigger problems than this in your life.

"Don't think of the future, it will be here soon enough." Albert Einstein

Jesusislove127 said:

I am 15 years old and I've been terrified and disgusted by my thoughts and impulses. I am unsure if it's my condition homosexual OCD or if im in denial. I've cried out to GOD to help me to stop feeling impulses and thinking horrible thoughts. I'm just terrorized by the thoughts, now they frighten me even more because I'm doubting if the thoughts were actually fantasies or if they were actually unwanted. I doubt because Ive been reading ALOT of articles about this, and they say that if they were wanted then that means that you're actually gay and are just afraid of coming out.. I'm very confused.. I also fear that I might be bi it scares me because I want to do GOD'S will and live out my life according to his plans for me! I've always wanted to be the proud wife of a TRUE man of GOD and bear his children.. And by the way I've always and will always like guys because that's the way GOD made it to be. I just fear that I might be living in denial, I've repented and told GOD to change me if I was in denial and and told him everything. Also this isn't the first OCD that has plagued me with fears, the unpardonable sin plagued my for seven months but I'm free only to find myself in another strong hold please tell me what is it I should do? :,( do you think satan is lying to me and and making me believe all this garbage? Or isn't just me?

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Do you believe that God the Father in heaven has come in the flesh and died for the sins of the whole world on a cross, and was buried and on the third day rose from the dead: and has ascended into heaven?

Having homosexual thoughts is a natural, normal thing. If you feel the desire to act on them, good on ya! Go for it! If you don't, well that's just fine, too. Life is about figuring out who we are, and being comfortable with ourselves. The only way to do that is to explore, and figure it all out.

Your thoughts and feelings have almost nothing to do with your parents. At the very least they are not because your "dad was too weak" or "your mother was too strong." They're there because that is who you are. There is nothing wrong with that, and it is nothing you should be afraid of. If you need to talk to someone, feel free to PM me.

God is with you, and so am I.

DougTheBicycle said:

Having homosexual thoughts is a natural, normal thing. If you feel the desire to act on them, good on ya! Go for it! If you don't, well that's just fine, too. Life is about figuring out who we are, and being comfortable with ourselves. The only way to do that is to explore, and figure it all out.

Your thoughts and feelings have almost nothing to do with your parents. At the very least they are not because your "dad was too weak" or "your mother was too strong." They're there because that is who you are. There is nothing wrong with that, and it is nothing you should be afraid of. If you need to talk to someone, feel free to PM me.

God is with you, and so am I.

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This is ocd. Completely different.

Jesusislove127 said:

I am 15 years old and I've been terrified and disgusted by my thoughts and impulses. I am unsure if it's my condition homosexual OCD or if im in denial. I've cried out to GOD to help me to stop feeling impulses and thinking horrible thoughts. I'm just terrorized by the thoughts, now they frighten me even more because I'm doubting if the thoughts were actually fantasies or if they were actually unwanted. I doubt because Ive been reading ALOT of articles about this, and they say that if they were wanted then that means that you're actually gay and are just afraid of coming out.. I'm very confused.. I also fear that I might be bi it scares me because I want to do GOD'S will and live out my life according to his plans for me! I've always wanted to be the proud wife of a TRUE man of GOD and bear his children.. And by the way I've always and will always like guys because that's the way GOD made it to be. I just fear that I might be living in denial, I've repented and told GOD to change me if I was in denial and and told him everything. Also this isn't the first OCD that has plagued me with fears, the unpardonable sin plagued my for seven months but I'm free only to find myself in another strong hold please tell me what is it I should do? :,( do you think satan is lying to me and and making me believe all this garbage? Or isn't just me?

Click to expand...

Satan is tempting you and your generation is under the impression that it is ok to be gay. On earth here around humans yeah it might be accepted and ok but like it or not, the Bible is very clear on where God stands concerning homosexuality. Remember we are here on earth for less than 100 years...we are in the spirit world for eternity! What maked more sense? Living for selfish desires or pleasing God? If it were no big deal the Bible wouldnt even mention it. Doesthe Bible mention if women should wear an underwire bra or not? No because that probably doesnt matter to God. Dismiss those thoughts when they come in your head, think of something else.

DarrellGC said:

Sorry, that you are going though this Jesusislove127.

I have OCD. So, while I can't exactly relate to your problems, I can tell you that when your brain gets locked in one of those "thought loops" that OCD causes; it does make problems out of nothing. A random meaningless thought can become consuming for no other reason then OCD.

For what it is worth, I do not think you are gay or have internalized homophobia. I think you have OCD that is running wild and carrying you along with it.

I would talk to your family and a certainly see doctor to talk about OCD. Being a teen is rough enough without having to deal with OCD, anxiety and other mental health issues. See about finding a medication to make it more manageable and help bring it under control.

Then if these thoughts and impulses are still there and are persisting, you can deal with them and what they mean on much better footing.

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This is great advice. I completely agree. I think your OCD has found a new theme to torture you with. A good way to tell whether a thought has any merit is your reaction to it. These thoughts horrify you. What does that tell you? That this is not a real temptation because the idea horrifies you! Try to dismiss it as "junk". It's just a thought, nothing else, but the OCD has a way of latching on and turning it into a major life changing ordeal. The more attention you give to it, the more power it will have. When these thoughts come, try saying "hmmm.. that's a randomly weird thought. How ridiculous!" And then move on. You could also see a Christian therapist with OCD experience. You are okay and God loves you!

Be strong, Christ is there, I know how hard anxiety can be, but if you keep faith you can get through this! Love you!