Before I got married I caught my fiancé messaging men on dating sites. He told me it was s one time thing and he was curious before he got married also he told me of a horrible incident when he was younger of a family member a few years older raping him. I felt bad excused it and married anyways.. Over the course of 3 years I've found the same kind of emails but we dismissed them and tried ignoring it and went about our lives. We separated for a year and during that time he met with numerous strangers of the same sex . We got back together recently but it's still going on and more openly. Although I have grounds on divorcing I don't want to give up on him! But I am already so drained and depressed and worn out with this problem it's tearing us apart leaving our marriage hanging on a thread. I am a firm believer in Christ and I try to keep his commands and follow the bible but I am so lost in what to do or how to handle this. I spoke to him about this and he said he'll take counseling and marriage counseling etc but it might be all talk.. I'm looking for solid Christian bible based advice on how to take on this challenge .. I know it's a lot please no negative replies***
Hi,
You caught him, before you were married. He told you that it was a one time thing. Then he proves to you, that no it is not a one time thing. That dear is a lie.
In contracts, and marriage is considered to be a leagally binding contract, the goods, of you and your mate, are to be accurately described. He did not describe himself accurately whether he knew of it or not.
You did not get, what you thought you were getting. In one church that is instant grounds for annulment. In law, it probably is also. Whether or not, an annulment takes place or not, the first item in that process in a divorce. You, did not get what you thought you were marrying.
Duplicity, lieing, or ignorance, not knowing himself if he has these tendencies or not, are not central to the issue of whether or not intent was involved in making the marriage contract null and void. What is important, is did you get what he promised to give you, in his sexual ways or not.
I am transgendered. I tell everyone not only that I am trangenedered, but espeically if anyone looks at me with those, I want to marry you eyes and ways. Transgender does not go away ever, according to literature. Some of us can control this a little and others cannot.
Your husband, said he had control when in fact he did not. Also, he never mentioned or knew that in fact he is homosexual. His actions prove he is.
Even if he was in denial and these are merely slips on his part, the point is contractually, you did not get what you contracted for. The contract is null and void.
LOVE,
...Mary., .... .
Hi Mary,
What I have to say comes from a place of understanding and compassion because I have been in love with someone and afraid of getting hurt, starting over, letting go, failure, embarrassment, being alone, facing an uncertain future, not sure when or if God will bring someone else. So please do not take offense to anything that I have to say because I can understand where you may be coming from or your point of view.
My advice comes from a revelation that the Lord gave me and it comes from 2 Samuel 17 through 25.
17:When the Philistines heard that David had been anointed king over Israel, all the Philistines went up to search for David. But David heard of it and went down to the stronghold. 18: Now the Philistines had come and spread out in the Valley of Rephaim. 19:And David inquired of the Lord, “Shall I go up against the Philistines? Will you give them into my hand?” And the Lord said to David, “Go up, for I will certainly give the Philistines into your hand.” 20:And David came to Baal- perazim, and David defeated them there. And he said, “The Lord has broken through my enemies before me like a breaking flood.” Therefore the name of that place is called Baal- perazim. 21:And the Philistines left their idols there, and David and his men carried them away.
22: And the Philistines came up yet again and spread out in the Valley of Rephaim. 23:And when David inquired of the Lord, he said, “You shall not go up; go around to their rear, and come against them opposite the balsam trees. 24:And when you hear the sound of marching in the tops of the balsam trees, then rouse yourself, for then the Lord has gone out before you to strike down the army of the Philistines.” 25:And David did as the Lord commanded him, and struck down the Philistines from Geba to Gezer
Many people talk about King David, David and Goliath, David and Bathsheba, David a man after God’s own heart, and David the Shepard boy. But what do all of those titles mean and especially what do they mean to you today in your situation?
Ok Mary, here we go…. David was all of these things especially a man after God’s own heart and one of the greatest Kings, because as you can see the in 2 Samuel 19 HE ALWAYS ASKED GOD WHAT HE WANTED HIM TO DO FIRST. “And David inquired of the Lord, “Shall I go up against the Philistines?” Again in 2 Samuel 23 we see David has go back and fight those Philistines, so what does he do he goes back and has to ask God what do you want me to do?
Now Mary many who ready this book of 2 Samuel will say to themselves David seems to ask God a question and God answers and gives him a response right away. Is that really true? I don’t think so why don’t we look at the book of Psalms where we will see David pleading for an answer:
Psalms 4:1 “Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness! You have given me relief when I was in distress. Be gracious to me and hear my prayer” David is saying you have given me.
Given is past tense, so we know he has answered him in the past but now David is waiting for God to answer him now! This is just one example of many in the book of Psalms where David is pleading with God for an answer from the book of Samuel.
Ask yourself another question did you choose your spouse or did God? I ask you this because years ago I was sitting in my bedroom meditating on Matthew 19:6 which states the following:
“Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore, God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”
Now I sat in my room and I thought and I thought on that piece of scripture and I never said anything aloud and I could not make sense of it. I then said to myself silently this is not true, if it were then you would not have all of these divorces. That’s when it happened Mary, the Holy Spirit spoke to my spirit not audible but he spoke to my spirit I can’t explain it any other way. This is what he said and I quote “ I did not put those marriage together they did.” That blew me away, from that day forth I knew I had to allow God to bring me the husband HE wanted me to have, not me, I can’t choose If I want it to last.
Think about it, we don’t know where a person is going to be 5, 10, or even 20 years from now. What their health will be like or even if they will alive, but God does. God knows their end from their beginning. Remember marriage is also a ministry and your husband is your covering and we as women are to submit to our husbands. I need a husband that knows the word of God, that walks in step with the word of God despite what he sees, hears, feels, is being told, whatever, he follows Gods despite. A man that loves the Lord that’s puts God before me, I am second. Is that a picture of your husband?
Please don’t get me wrong I’m not in anyway trying to put your husband down, nor am I telling to leave him, as a Christian woman I am tell you to ask the Lord for direction, and follow it and pray for your husband always.
Do you think the Lord has already given you your answer?
