Hello

I have been suffering from mental instability for many years and i dont even know what it feels like to be what people consider as normal. Thats ok though because faith to me is not about this world and what it considers normal. Faith to me is about finding strength in the midst of weakness, not strength. Its about finding Christs righteousness, not my own. Its about finding humility, not pride. I am humbled by my weakness and my hope is the Lord because i cannot hope in myself anymore. I believe in hope no matter what failure we face or what weakness we endure. The Gospel that Christ gave to us is about hope. The bible says that if we put our hope in the Lord then we will not be put to shame, and, that if God is for us then who can be against us? Therefor even though i am so very weak and humbled, i look toward heaven and toward God, not this world. The bible says that we look toward the things in heaven that we do not see, instead of things on earth that we do see, because the things we see now are only temporary but heaven is eternal. I will not even pretend to be strong because even though i sound like i may have it together now, later on i may just fall into pieces.

Like others who suffer depression and other mental disorders, i sometimes write poems that express the feelings inside that seem to eat away at me.

Depression, anxiety and clouds of despair
In shadows of darkness you are there
By the Light of truth you will flee
Shining down upon my soul, the light of mercy
I am bought for a price, death cannot have me
Where is your sting? O grave where is your victory?
Praise the Lord my soul, be strong my heart
The shield of faith withstands the fiery dart
The Lord my strength, my strong tower
TO you O Lord, belong the glory and power
Let the banner of hope shine above
Let the world see your infinite love
Though i am small and very weak
IN you Lord, my life i seek

One of my favorite scriptures is this one from the Apostle Paul. I couldn't possibly compare myself to this man, but his words seem filled with hope for the weak. I don't wish to be persecuted or in distress, but i do wish to find strength, hope, faith and Gods love through Christ. Though i am weak, He is strong. I will make my boast in the Lord because he redeems me. In the depths of darkness the Lord will sustain me, even if i fall he will sustain me. Job once said "though he slay me, i will trust in Him". That is my path, not that i am strong or righteous or anything at all, just that without Him i have nothing and am nothing, and so to turn away my hope from him would be like forsaking the air i breath.

2 Corinthians 12:8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

At some point you got to say to yourself that you're tired of living this way, and that you wont be a slave to fear, anxiety, depression, paranoia or delusion. Also say to yourself that this world is not your home, and that it is not your friend, and that the Lord is your hope and strength. Perhaps religion will forsake you, and the world too, but remember that we have liberty in the spirit, and no man owns us, no religion can judge us, we belong to the Lord and he is our master. We are free. The bible says that a spiritual man judges all things but he is judged by no man. The Lord is his judge. Is this not what the scriptures also say? Did the scriptures not say that we need no teacher or master because the Lord Himself will teach us and guide us? IS this not what God promised? The scriptures say that everyone will be taught by God himself. This is the New Covenant promise. Dont let religion tear you down. People will judge us and cast us out of their little circles, but that doesn't matter because the Lord is on our side. We must fight the fight of faith and seek the Lords guidance from the word and prayer. Don't give up hoping, never do that. We must arm ourselves with an unrelenting mind that refuses to give up no matter what we see or feel. Its not necessarily going to be some miraculous event that sets you free from struggle but it will set you free from hopelessness. IN all my experience with this wretched struggle, i have found that hopelessness is torture. Though i may have doubts and fears, i will wait on the Lord in those times and he wil strengthen me. I will dig down deep within and find strength through hope in Christ. I am a soldier and this is my battle. I refuse to be tortured anymore, i will fight and will live in hope, and i will boast in the Lords strength and his power to sustain me. I will stand on the Rock which h is higher than myself. I will endure and persevere till the end. This is my race, my journey, my cross. I cannot change anything but i can hope, and that will set me free. My flesh is in bondage but my soul is free. I will laugh at the darkness and will walk in the light.

A little poem and song i was writing when i was struggling with things. I was waiting on God as the Psalmist David tells himself in Psalm 62 and 27, although not as patently as he would have i think. THe Lord heard me. Thank you for your prayers, whoever may have prayed for me.

Open the door into my heart
Hope is waiting inside the dark
Come inside, light my way
Turn the night into day
In your light, i will live
If that light, you will give

Surely the fact that i breathe air and speak words, is a declaration of Gods wonder. I live! I am not a work of fiction, i am not a dog or a cat either, i am the greatest creature of all flesh, and God has chosen to make me so. I speak, i think, i create. A philosopher once said quote "i think, therefore i am". He was shining light upon his own existence, as if it were something to be pondered, or gazed at. God has given us life. That is amazing and we are so blind when we forget. I forget sometimes how wonderful my existence is and how wonderful God is for creating me. Where would i be without God? Where would this miracle of life be without Him?

Isaiah 42:8 “I am the Lord; that is my name!
I will not yield my glory to another
or my praise to idols.
9 See, the former things have taken place,
and new things I declare;
before they spring into being
I announce them to you.”


14 “For a long time I have kept silent,
I have been quiet and held myself back.
But now, like a woman in childbirth,
I cry out, I gasp and pant.

16 I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them
and make the rough places smooth.

Israel Blind and Deaf
18 “Hear, you deaf;
look, you blind, and see!
19 Who is blind but my servant,
and deaf like the messenger I send?
Who is blind like the one in covenant with me,
blind like the servant of the Lord?
20 You have seen many things, but you pay no attention;
your ears are open, but you do not listen.”


Psalm 19:1 The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
2 Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they reveal knowledge.
3 They have no speech, they use no words;
no sound is heard from them.
4 Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens God has pitched a tent for the sun.
5 It is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber,
like a champion rejoicing to run his course.
6 It rises at one end of the heavens
and makes its circuit to the other;
nothing is deprived of its warmth.

jamesup7777 said:

Thanks for your encouraging messages Poster0.

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You're welcome, and thank you.

Tempura said:

Well said, brother.

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Thank you.