Most of us want a quick fix ,and it is particularly prévalent in the 'evangelical' and American way of religion ,but there is no quick fix ,as patience in this case is very important .You seem to be someone who studies the world ,science, looking for God ,and that is a good thing ,but sometimes we look in the wrong way, and in the wrong places.
So far you seem to be a "deist" , where you can see evidence for God in His Design ,and at least you have come this far .
However you are in pain enough to ask for help from human beings ,and as you must know when we are in pain ,whether emotionally (people ) , spiritually (lack of contact with God ), or physically , we are missing something in our Relationship with God .
Prolonged depression for years, indicates that one needs to reassess our Relationship with ourselves , others, and of course with Our Maker .And since everything begins in the 'heart' , and then proceeds to the 'mind' , that is where we must begin .
Many of those In power in religions are driving people away because they do not understand, that hurt , lost people ,First of all need to be heard ,and then Secondly to be guided to what they must do .
The heart 'listens , hears ,and the mind guides, if it is well informed in the Truth .
Without both love (the heart ), and intellect (study ,research ,mind ), the Truth cannot manifest in a person . If a loving person reaches out to God , at sometime (patience )He will reply, and give succour , but over time as we mix in the world and have to face up to the challenges of every day life and on going existence, we want to be able to explain, both to ourselves and to those whose hearts are less 'faithful' ,how to proof to these more materially , intellectually oriented people, that God really exists . They have never truly met with Him ,and until they do you have a hard task . In your personal case you have the opposite situation, where you can 'see' God's order and design ,but not feel His Presence ,and you want to know why He is not there for you .
Niikkideamous , you know why, and now you can tell us why ,and we can go from there .
The road is long ,but we must take the first steps .Once we are on the Road ,even if we stumble ,assuming our intentions are true ,not fake ,then God will guide us a give support ,but we must allow Him in to our hearts .