Every time I read a verse either about hell or a warning about punishment, I get a dark and depressive feeling. I get paranoid about hell, thinking things like, "what if I'm not truly saved."
*When doubts and fears come, fight back with truth...think back to when you sought the Lord for salvation... also some scripture verses to meditate upon:
John 3:16
Romans 10:9-10
Philippians 3:4-11
Hebrews 7:23-28
Sometimes I feel like I'm about to have a panic attack over it. Then I think of my friends and family who might not be saved, and that dark and depressive feeling gets worse and I get more anxiety
I don't want Christianity to feel dark, scary, and depressing, but I can't help it. The thought of just one of my loved ones in Hell suffering forever is unbearable, but to think many of them may go there, how could I ever be happy, whether on this Earth or in Heaven?
*It's not uncommon to have those feelings...for a time I had such feelings over my father...he died shortly before my fifth birthday.
My father didn't go with us to church, except on the day of his funeral...dad didn't let it be known what he
believed...although he didn't prevent us from going to church or reading the Bible or listening to preaching on the radio...he heard the same sermons we listened
to on the radio.
He made his choice and that choice was to keep whatever he decided upon to himself.
One thing I definitely know about my dad, he wanted the best for me.
He made sure we were loved and that all of us were
taught how to survive without much money (my family was very poor.)
What I made a practice of doing was focusing on
what I knew to be true: my father wanted the best
for me, my Heavenly Father desires the same thing.
I decided early that I wanted to have what's best...and that would include knowing the Lord and accepting Jesus as my Lord and Savior...I don't know
what my dad actually believed about God or the bible
but I reached this point: I didn't want to do that, I
wanted folks to know what I believed and who I
trusted in... I believe God and I trust Him and His Word.
I sought the Lord for salvation shortly before my seventh birthday. I didn't know very much back then but I would grow in faith and in knowledge of God and His Word over the years.
I took comfort in knowing that my Heavenly Father loves us: Romans 8:38-39
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
I wept many times over my father and I even went through a dark period where I stopped talking for quite some time and when I did start talking again,
I stuttered every word.
I had no problem talking to God though...I had plenty to say to Him...mostly of it was bad in the beginning, later on that would change.
During that dark time, we still went to church and heard God's Word...the Word helped me to overcome the dark place I was in...it can do the same for all of us.
It won't happen instantly, it will take time...
we are to take our burdens to the Lord and
leave them there...that isn't easy...
it's a process that one will repeat many times.
The key is to keep talking/praying to
God, reading/hearing His Word on a consistent basis.
Also, don't neglect having others pray for you and remember to pray for others...continue to fellowship.
1 Timothy 2:1-6
"First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all those who are in authority,
so that we may lead a tranquil and quiet life in all godliness and dignity."
"This is good, and it pleases God our Savior, who wants everyone to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.
For there is one God and one mediator between God
and humanity, Christ Jesus, Himself human, who gave Himself—a ransom for all, a testimony at the proper time."
Even thinking of a stranger or someone I don't like suffering forever bothers me. Is it wrong to wish everyone could just be saved and happy?
*It's not wrong to wish everyone would get saved...however we can't make anyone do that...
they have to make that choice...we are to be a
"light" in this dark world...that is,
live out our Christian faith for all to see, we are
to show and share God's Word and His agape(love.) It's not enough just to wish everyone would be saved and be happy...we are to share the love of Christ with the people around us.
Pray for those who don't like us or God.
We also accept that people have the freedom to make good and or bad choices...we may not
like their choices but it's their "right".
Happiness isn't based on what others may or may not do...nor should it be based on circumstances.
Happiness is a choice...Philippians 4:8-19.
Getting saved doesn't guarantee one will be happy through out their lives, or that hard times won't come...believe me, hard times, disappointments still come, friends and family can break fellowship...
I know because I've went through
a lot of that in my life; however, it doesn't mean I couldn't find contentment/happiness...I can be content in all circumstances, as the Lord enables me to do so...I find contentment being in His Word and enjoying His presence--regardless if I'm in pain or not...I mention pain here because I also endure on-going pain due to having a bad back...
and pain is constant-- day after day.
None of this is easy but it certainly doesn't leave me in fits like it did back in the beginning... when my back first started hurting and didn't let up...I was in such misery then and being around me wasn't pleasant...
I've come a long way since then, thanks be to God!
I'll think about this at random times throughout the day and it'll ruin my mood, my stomach and legs get tingly, and I feel sick to the point where I can't eat. Then I get worried that God sees me as thinking unbiblically about this and getting angry at me.
*Scripture reveals that God is angry with the wicked
everyday... and it is upon the wicked He will pour out
His anger(read about that in Revelation)...the wicked are those who reject Christ as Savior, they go on doing evil and take pleasure in it...they believe the bible is a bunch of foolishness...I had a friend who died rejecting Christ, she wanted nothing to do with the Bible or Christ, she wanted things "her way" right up to the very end, even as another friend was begging her to get saved etc...she refused.
Christ establishes us...
Christ extends to us(saved) His righteousness, it's His righteousness, we have no righteousness of our own.
He makes intercession for us and there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ...
Romans 7:24-25-Romans 8:1-2. Romans 8:34.
I feel like the only thing that would be able to stop these thoughts and feelings would be to believe in annihilationism, but that view just doesn't seem biblical and I can't/won't fool myself into believing something incorrect just to make myself feel better.