• The General Mental Health Forum is now a Read Only Forum. As we had two large areas making it difficult for many to find, we decided to combine the Mental Health & the Recovery sections of the forum into Mental Health & Recovery as a whole. Physical Health still remains as it's own area within the entire Recovery area.

    If you are having struggles, need support in a particular area that you aren't finding a specific recovery area forum, you may find the General Struggles forum a great place to post. Any any that is related to emotions, self-esteem, insomnia, anger, relationship dynamics due to mental health and recovery and other issues that don't fit better in another forum would be examples of topics that might go there.

    If you have spiritual issues related to a mental health and recovery issue, please use the Recovery Related Spiritual Advice forum. This forum is designed to be like Christian Advice, only for recovery type of issues. Recovery being like a family in many ways, allows us to support one another together. May you be blessed today and each day.

    Kristen.NewCreation and FreeinChrist

My wife abuses me

David67

Newbie
Apr 7, 2015
4
1
✟15,129.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Hello all, i come to yall hoping that someone can help me to better understand why my wife has become a controlling and abusive towards me. We have been married for ten years , the first two were awesome! Then she begin to hit and yell at me when she was angry or wanted something done. After not getting the response from that she thought she would, she started goin to the gym every night for 3 or 4 hours, after a few months she started to show muscles. Ive always been kinda small at 5-9...140 lbs, she is also 5-9 but she weighed 212 lbs when we met, she is still about 200lbs but today its huge solid muscle!! Now after 7 yrs of being bigger and stronger than me im not much more than a servant to her! She tell me she loves me and for the most part i beleive her and 50% of the time we are a normal couple, but when she wants something done like house work or such she demands i do it or she will hurt me! And that has happened many times....i do love her and want to be with her but im afraid she could kill me easily and not really mean too because she is so strong!! Please anybody what can i do to get the sweet woman i married back...
 
  • Prayers
Reactions: Danthemailman

Lily76_

Pray for the Persecuted
Supporter
Apr 19, 2007
4,775
2,609
scotland
✟466,025.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Politics
UK-Labour
Am so sorry this is happening you need to get away from her
its am unhealthy relationship for both of you
please think about moving out to somewhere safe where she cant hurt you
you may end up injured or even killed by her
get out stay safe
 
Upvote 0

David67

Newbie
Apr 7, 2015
4
1
✟15,129.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
That is just my story in a nut shell... Its not that simple for me! We live in no town.. I mean we are almost in the middle of nowhere! I have been pretty much homebound for 7 yrs... I dont have a drivers license no money no kin folk close by ... The land we are on was mine but i had to put everything in her name ..
 
Upvote 0

David67

Newbie
Apr 7, 2015
4
1
✟15,129.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
No i have not been to church in probaly ten yrs , but i do believe..my wife does not believe .. She has gone to town right now so i have a chance to reach out to someone to pray for me!! She gets really upset if i mention talking to someone so all this has to be done when she is away.. I have a old ipod that i use to get on here that she doesnt know i have...her name is jenifer and i am david
 
Upvote 0

David67

Newbie
Apr 7, 2015
4
1
✟15,129.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
I have faith that along with my prayers and the nice people on here that are praying for me that my situation will get better! I think things could be turning for the better, today i was late fixing her dinner and she didnt get mad at all , she only said to come get her when it was ready and then after dinner she went straight to bed and did not give me my nightly chore list so thats good! A big change since last week id say because i broke one of her trophys she had just won at a horse show and she picked me up by my throat with one hand and punched me twice in the stomach and then threw me across the room. But i must please ask that you pray for me because they are working! God is moving in my life and i can feel him with me!!
 
Upvote 0

Zas

New Member
Aug 29, 2015
3
1
124
✟15,128.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
David, in answer to your question about why your wife abuses - it is because she has a problem - it is not you that causes her to abuse - it is a problem within her and she is taking it out on you. Usually people that abuse feel out of control so they have to be "In control". They are afraid or angry about something and strike out at those they can easily control. At times, things are fine and then it turns ugly right? I experienced abuse from my ex for years - I know how it goes - it's a rollercoaster - things will seem fine for a while and then bam, they will snap and turn hostile, overreacting in an ugly and violent way. This is not normal behavior. It is against the law for someone to abuse another David - it is called domestic violence and it is criminal behavior. i was afraid to leave my husband, still had love for him, but abuse is damaging and God does not want us to stay with an abuser. The abuser needs to get help - they have a severe problem. If an abuser does not go get help they will not get better. I waited and prayed and tried everything, these are the facts. You have kin you said, although not close, neither were mine, but God helped me to get away. You can contact them (say you have to go to the dr. and tell the dr. your situation and ask for help to contact them). Ask the dr. for ideas about how you can exit the situation safely - social workers in town, etc may be able to help temporarily until you can travel to your family. There is also the police who can come and escort you safely out. There are shelters, or perhaps safe houses you can stay at until your family can come for you. For her to grab you and choke you should be indication to you that this is something you need to flee from, but I too stayed in this situation. But, as i said, it will never change for the better - i waited for 13 years and it only got worse. I had to leave because i was almost injured severely. you are playing a dangerous game waiting because these types of people only get worse with time. There are nice people in the world, people who will treat you with the respect and care that God desires. i don't even know you and i am reaching out to let you know that i care, understand the situation, and consider you valuable enough to advise you to leave. It helps neither of you to stay - it is not a loving thing. i pray for you and your situation David. Take care and remember, God is with you and will help you leave!
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: Hank77
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Zas

New Member
Aug 29, 2015
3
1
124
✟15,128.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
thank you Kristen for the hotline information for David and thank you to all those who are supporting David in encouraging him to know there is a healthier life for him - with God's guidance and the counsel of professionals who are knowledgeable about how to leave the situation David is in, I believe he has a great chance of being successful in creating a new life for himself and giving his wife a chance to see her problem and to get help for herself. I believe God is all over this and I pray for his safety and his wifes healing!
 
Upvote 0

Hank77

Well-Known Member
Supporter
Jun 26, 2015
26,368
15,457
✟1,099,038.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
Please anybody what can i do to get the sweet woman i married back...
Sadly the truth is that sweet woman probably never existed. You said you have turned your property over to her. You said she is into horses and showing. Did she see you and your property as something she wanted for her own use? Did she get what she wanted and now she no longer needs to be sweet? Do you have money coming in that she has control of?

David, you need to call the police. They will come and get you. They will know who can help you. There are victim advocates and even some lawyers who help people in your position. You may even be able to get your land back. But you are going to have to help yourself and fight to save yourself.
I will pray for you to have the strength to do what you need to do, the Lord will help you.
 
Upvote 0

Johnnz

Senior Veteran
Supporter
Aug 3, 2004
14,082
1,002
82
New Zealand
✟74,521.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Widowed
She has underlying issues probably rooted in anger from some early hurt or trauma that needs addressing. Her own quality of life cannot be fulfilled adequately unless she seeks some support to get to the hidden roots of her outburts and obsessive physicality.

John
NZ
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Danoh

Newbie
Oct 11, 2011
3,064
310
✟40,528.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
It's a chemistry thing. As in "do you believe in chemistry between people?"

The chemistry is the person's emotional makeup, as emotions are chemical.

It's one aspect of what attracts people to one another.

Each's chemical "mix" is such that it senses its' "natural fit" in another who's own "blend" of emotions just "fits" with theirs.

In situations where over dominance ends up taking over this "right mix" between both people is behind it.

Too much in the one partner begins to bring out the dominance in the other.

In a different relationship, the person who was the weaker one in a prior relationship can end up in a role where they are the dominate one; if not careful.

This chemistry thing is something one needs to be on one's guard about.

You could bring her back to how she used to be, if you'll begin to be proactive about achieving that.

Your hope she changes or whatever is just one more aspect of your having given up your sense of your responsibility to both of you as to what each your role is supposed to be.

But its really a matter of plotting out a course of deliberate, small, barely noticeable actions the intent of which are to begin to take your role back from her towards leading both of you to a greater balance between the two of you.

This is accomplished through very simple requests on your part wherein she grants you some seemingly unimportant request you then casually acknoweldge her for.

What you need to do is seduce your own wife back to the wife she once was. You brought this on yourself as much as she did.

You have failed both of you as much as she has.

Don't beat yourself up over this.

Just decide to man up. Its in you. You are a man. Return to that. Celebrate yourself even where you are. Remind yourself you have decided to do something positive about turning all this around.

Know that if in the end she proves otherwise, know that you set out to right this imbalance for the both of you. You must value this much.

Think of ways to find a means of gradually bringing her back to how you two once were - quit just dreaming about it.

If all fails, you will nevertheless be better off for your effort; that much wiser; that much more skilled at love the next love in your life.

For even if you succeed as to this problem with your wife; you just might find you two are simply incompatible.

But man up you must...

The best to you in this - or anyone else reading this post...
 
Upvote 0

Pavel Mosko

Arch-Dude of the Apostolic
Supporter
Oct 4, 2016
7,236
7,312
56
Boyertown, PA.
✟768,575.00
Country
United States
Faith
Oriental Orthodox
Marital Status
Single
Hello all, i come to yall hoping that someone can help me to better understand why my wife has become a controlling and abusive towards me. We have been married for ten years , the first two were awesome! Then she begin to hit and yell at me when she was angry or wanted something done. After not getting the response from that she thought she would, she started goin to the gym every night for 3 or 4 hours, after a few months she started to show muscles. Ive always been kinda small at 5-9...140 lbs, she is also 5-9 but she weighed 212 lbs when we met, she is still about 200lbs but today its huge solid muscle!! Now after 7 yrs of being bigger and stronger than me im not much more than a servant to her! She tell me she loves me and for the most part i beleive her and 50% of the time we are a normal couple, but when she wants something done like house work or such she demands i do it or she will hurt me! And that has happened many times....i do love her and want to be with her but im afraid she could kill me easily and not really mean too because she is so strong!! Please anybody what can i do to get the sweet woman i married back...

I read your thread a few days ago at work but didn't remember to respond till today.


1) Your situation reminds me of a friend of mine who is currently in the process of divorcing his wife of 30 years. She also started verbally abusing him and eventually she started hitting, slapping and cutting him. Things came to head when she ambushed him. While he was bent over looking into the fridge/freezer she came up behind him and pushed him into it giving him a minor concussion.



2) Your wife likely has a narcissistic personality disorder or something similar. You should watch some videos on that topic and see if they resonate with you and help you. There are many good therapists and other experts on You-tube, I'm posting this guy because he is Christian message board friendly.




3) Because your a Christian etc. you will be expected to try some form of marriage counseling. It's a good idea in general. If your wife is a narcissist it probably won't help. She will monopolize the sessions and try to make them all about how everything is your fault. If the counselor tries to make things about both parties etc. the marriage she will most likely talk over him etc. where he or she wont be able to get a word in edge wise. If this happens RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! Because that is the exact thing that happened to my friend when he tried couples counseling.



4) If all this happens to you, be prepared to file for divorce and learn to ignore and disregard the opinions of other Christians. Many Christians and Churches are behind the times at understanding abuse in marriage. Some people believe the only justifiable reason for divorce is infidelity. But there are a number of reason why abuse is bibilically justifiable for divorce.


God Hates Abuse
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0

Dave-W

Welcoming grandchild #7, Arturus Waggoner!
Supporter
Jun 18, 2014
30,521
16,866
Maryland - just north of D.C.
Visit site
✟771,800.00
Country
United States
Faith
Messianic
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
  • Useful
Reactions: Pavel Mosko
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums