- Apr 19, 2007
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Hi hank,
My parents were married for 25 years. My father had often been seeing other women throughout this period of time. Not always, of course, but it was fairly regular that he would have a 'girlfriend'. He was a man with a wandering eye and I loved him as my father and it wasn't until I was well into my teens that I caught on to his activities. My parents marriage had had its rough patches throughout those 25 years, but from their union 4 children were born. However, 25 years was to be the end of their marriage. My father was then sleeping with his secretary at work and had been for quite sometime. Of course, the secretary that he was sleeping with was a 'good' catholic girl.
God bless you.
In Christ, Ted
I agree that what happened to you is a sad and tragic thing. If I may, there is a lot of misinformation, even among Catholics, about the annulment process. What I post is from the USCCB (United States Conference of Catholic Bishops) website. They have a FAQ about annulment here:
http://www.foryourmarriage.org/catholic-marriage/church-teachings/annulments/
From that FAQ -
A valid Catholic marriage results from five elements: (1) the spouses are free to marry; (2) they freely exchange their consent; (3) in consenting to marry, they have the intention to marry for life, to be faithful to one another and be open to children; (4) they intend the good of each other; and (5) their consent is given in the presence of two witnesses and before a properly authorized Church minister. Exceptions to the last requirement must be approved by church authority.
It seems from your story that your father never had the intent to remain faithful to your mother. This is probably why the tribunal ruled the way they did. The annulment is usually hardest on the spouse that isn't seeking it. They see themselves as being on trial. It sounds like your mother's conduct was not the deciding factor at all.
I remember my mother saying that as the catholic organization actually sees it, we four children were bastards since we were conceived and born by parents who were never married.
From the same FAQ -
If a marriage is annulled, are the children considered illegitimate?
No. A declaration of nullity has no effect on the legitimacy of children, since the child’s mother and father were presumed to be married at the time that the child was born. Legitimacy depends on civil law.
Please don't take what I have said as some attempt to minimize the pain that your family has suffered. That is not my intent. I only offer this post as a way to try to promote healing through understanding.
God's Mercy be with you,
Byron
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