[PERMANENTLY CLOSED] I am an 18 yr old Christian and this much older man really likes me -?

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Albion

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Speaking as an older woman, I don't think women regard others that way; no woman is a 'born tease'. That is a male perspective.
Maybe the expression is, but I know older women who are all too ready to think that a younger woman who doesn't forcibly reject someone like the man described in the OP is, therefore, enjoying the act of leading him on. Call this by whatever term you think best, but yes, some women from another generation can be very gossipy in that way and quite unfair.
 
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Lazy_Proverb

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Sounds like he's a predator in church.
When you tolerate his inappropriate contact you're sending him a message that you're OK with his behavior. For a predator that is the green light to continue his pursuit.
Stop!
Next time he makes his move, step back and put your hand up so he can't mistake your actions. Tell him in a firm voice while looking him in the eyes that you don't feel comfortable with his touching you as he does. And to please stop.
Wait and see how he responds. If he whines and makes excuses and attempts to persuade you to relent you've got a serious predator on your hands.

Talk to your pastor and ask him to intercede with this parishioner. And whatever you do, don't be persuaded by that 50 something to meet him so he can apologize for making you uncomfortable.
Predators aren't only on the Internet. They're in churches too. Stay safe. Be careful.


Hey guys,
I am a newly converted Christian :)
So at my church, people had interest in getting to know me and my spiritual journey.
There have been many men (some married) who have demonstrated infatuation or lust towards me, or at least have had a crush on me.
There is this one man in his 50s however who is very 'affectionate' towards me. It makes me feel very impure. But because he is childless, wifeless and lonely I feel bad for denying him a smile and a hug. I would like your guys opinion on what I should do as a growing and learning Christian.

This is what he does:
- He kisses me really hard on the cheek, then stares into my eyes and cups my face with this dreamy look on his face.
- He hugs me tight and for a long time.
- He goes weak when I touch him or kiss him on the cheek softly.
- He strokes my hand.
- He is always staring at me during the service.
-When I am away for long periods of time he says that he misses me - one time when he had not seen me for ages, I waved at him and he looked at me for a longggg time with this soft, dreamy look on his face and a smile (even when I was not looking at him).
-He also plays with my hair, tucks it behind my ear, lends me his jacket and ...
KISSES THE BACK OF MY NECK if he gets the chance. When that happened I was like ... woah.

I really do not want to hurt his feelings. Because of my shy, gentle nature it seems that men can become very inappropriate or pursuing of me at church and sometimes it makes me feel impure.

Please give me some advice, it is very much appreciated :) Church is tomorrow and I am sick of trying to avoid him at church.
 
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Apr 21, 2015
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Reading through, his behavior does sound disturbing. Taking advantage of impressionable young girls/women with difficult backgrounds or current problems, isolation etc is far too easy for these seasoned predators. Being in a church environment adds another element of 'trust', and others may be wary of making remarks because of this.

Please avoid this man, stick with other women of the congregation - who themselves should have warned or counselled you...

Be civil and polite, but keep a distance, don't allow any physical contact and hopefully he will get the message. I would still speak with the priest or elders about your concerns, let them keep an eye on the situation for your safety.

Don't allow anyone to assert promiscuity or 'leading on', you are only 18 years old and this man knows better.
 
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Catherineanne

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Maybe the expression is, but I know older women who are all too ready to think that a younger woman who doesn't forcibly reject someone like the man described in the OP is, therefore, enjoying the act of leading him on. Call this by whatever term you think best, but yes, some women from another generation can be very gossipy in that way and quite unfair.

Gossip I grant you; yes. Far too much of that.
 
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fat wee robin

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*Red Flag---Sharks circling!!!
I wouldn't go to that church nor do I recommend that
you return to it...there's something very fishy going on at a church that
would allow men to be that "affectionate" to a teen girl who's a new christian!
Those men should of been rebuked/and or taken aside and soundly reprimanded
for their actions toward you.
Entirely agree ,and it makes me queasy to think that they have not told him off ,
severely . You need to find another Church .It is not safe for you there .
 
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fat wee robin

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That's it. Those guys just have no shame.
"Wow, you are so special"
"I love your name, it is so beautiful"
"If only my wife understood like you"
To others:
"Have you met this girl? She is such a smart girl"
"She is the best listener I have ever met"
"She is amazing".

And you know what? This guy consistently goes on about how he loves his wife, but never to me. He is a hypocrite. LOL @ my social life.
Hi


I have a feeling you are leading him on. STOP IT.you allow him to get too close and seem to enjoy it.
stop playing games .
MADERA
Perhaps you need to examine your judgemental position . Innocent
and well intentioned people hate to hurt others , often to their own detriment;They find it hard to believe that people are really that cynical and selfish :until they learn the hard way .
 
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AngelhairFlowingthere

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Best not attempt to diagnose by internet. The simplest answer is that he does it because he can; nobody ever told him that he can't. He is not alone in assuming that silence denotes consent; in this matter it doesn't; silence denotes extreme discomfort.

Time to let him know that the kisses and hugs have to stop. If he wants to kiss someone, he can kiss the icons.


LOLOLOLOL
 
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AngelhairFlowingthere

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Perhaps you need to examine your judgemental position . Innocent
and well intentioned people hate to hurt others , often to their own detriment;They find it hard to believe that people are really that cynical and selfish :until they learn the hard way .

"Innocent and well intentioned" .... If you are referring to me, you just told me that I enjoy leading this man on?
 
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AngelhairFlowingthere

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Perhaps you need to examine your judgemental position . Innocent
and well intentioned people hate to hurt others , often to their own detriment;They find it hard to believe that people are really that cynical and selfish :until they learn the hard way .
Oh sorry fat wee robin! I thought you were Madera again... She doesn't seem to make a lot of sense.
 
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madera23

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Perhaps you need to examine your judgemental position . Innocent
and well intentioned people hate to hurt others , often to their own detriment;They find it hard to believe that people are really that cynical and selfish :until they learn the hard way .


And you could be just as cruel by judging a man who could be innocent, Oh you religious bigots.
 
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Dave-W

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I will talk to my pastor - I trust in him- I know he will have a man to man.
Quite right. As shepherd of the local congregation, part of the pastor's job is to protect those in his care from predators.

That happened once at the congregation I attended in college. A few minutes after the service one of the elders stood up on a chair and called out a guy by name who was doing that very thing at the back of the room. Right in front of everyone, so all knew the game he was playing. That ended his conquests right then and there.
 
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