what are you feeling right now? (23)

LovebirdsFlying · Jul 22, 2015

grandvizier1006 said:
I've never actually gotten to know people who were raised like you were, but I just found out about another person oitsode of CF whose parents pushed him too hard, hence all of his issues. I don't think this is a coincidence. Are there any Christian charities doing anything to help those broken people?

Fortunately, my church is supportive. They do preach a lot on discipline, but they're not advocates of "anything goes as long as it shuts the kid up," and they make it clear to me that my parents did NOT do it right. My pastor and my therapist are in agreement that I need to keep contact with my birth family to a minimum. When clergy is not automatically spouting, "honor thy father and thy mother," as if that's all there is to it, I think that says something.

chaoticfirefly · Jul 22, 2015

Better. Someone may have found my cat! They found a kitty matching his description stuck in a tree, so I get to call the Humane Society tomorrow to see if it is him! Or go by there. I really, really hope so because I'm so worried and I miss him. The weather has been either really hot or really stormy and I just am an overbearing owner when it comes to my animals, or even in general with animals. I sat outside for over an hour at the library when I saw a dog tied at the bike rack. My three kitty family isn't complete without him, and as I told my mom, he's stupid enough to get stuck in a tree if he's going after a bird. He's my precious fur son and my entire life.

Jeshu said:
Yeah the doctors really struggled to find medications that worked for me, it took them many years of trying, in the end they put me on old psych medications, because the newer ones simply didn't work.

I hope they find something for you soon, it is not much fun to trial one medication after the other without any success.

At this point, I'm just about to give up but it's difficult to go a day without it because my mood changes so drastically. I miss the Welbutrin despite the horrid insomnia it gave me, but the doctor wants me on Lexapro if I'm gonna be on Ambien and the Lexapro just makes me feel awful.

Thank you!

grandvizier1006 · Jul 23, 2015

chaoticfirefly said:
Better. Someone may have found my cat! They found a kitty matching his description stuck in a tree, so I get to call the Humane Society tomorrow to see if it is him! Or go by there. I really, really hope so because I'm so worried and I miss him. The weather has been either really hot or really stormy and I just am an overbearing owner when it comes to my animals, or even in general with animals. I sat outside for over an hour at the library when I saw a dog tied at the bike rack. My three kitty family isn't complete without him, and as I told my mom, he's stupid enough to get stuck in a tree if he's going after a bird. He's my precious fur son and my entire life.

At this point, I'm just about to give up but it's difficult to go a day without it because my mood changes so drastically. I miss the Welbutrin despite the horrid insomnia it gave me, but the doctor wants me on Lexapro if I'm gonna be on Ambien and the Lexapro just makes me feel awful.

Thank you!

chaoticfirefly · Jul 23, 2015

Upset.

What's the point. It's not gonna be him. It's a kitten. Why won't my parents take responsibility, instead of taking off to another state before they move, for this since they're the ones who lost him in the first place? I requested time and time again to keep him from going outside but they keep making up excuses. NO I WAS TRAINING HIM TO BE AN INDOOR CAT AND HE WAS DOING JUST FINE BEING INDOORS

and now he's lost and there is nothing that can express just how angry I am at them for this. I'm just in tears. There's absolutely no point in this. He's gone. Whatever. I quit.

grandvizier1006 · Jul 23, 2015

chaoticfirefly said:
Upset.

What's the point. It's not gonna be him. It's a kitten. Why won't my parents take responsibility, instead of taking off to another state before they move, for this since they're the ones who lost him in the first place? I requested time and time again to keep him from going outside but they keep making up excuses. NO I WAS TRAINING HIM TO BE AN INDOOR CAT AND HE WAS DOING JUST FINE BEING INDOORS

and now he's lost and there is nothing that can express just how angry I am at them for this. I'm just in tears. There's absolutely no point in this. He's gone. Whatever. I quit.

How do you know it's not him?

chaoticfirefly · Jul 23, 2015

grandvizier1006 said:
How do you know it's not him?

Kitten. The picture of the kitty looks like a kitten, and the kitty I have is a cat now and is much bigger (in the tummy area and in general. imgur is being a pain for me right now so i'll link pictures later) than the one in the pic but it looked so much like him, I forgot to pay attention to the size. I just tried going out there to make sure on some strand of hope, but they're closed for renovations for the next few days. I'm so angry and frustrated and exhausted.

(I'm having serious deja vu right now so this is all completely messing with my head)

grandvizier1006 · Jul 23, 2015

chaoticfirefly said:
Kitten. The picture of the kitty looks like a kitten, and the kitty I have is a cat now and is much bigger (in the tummy area and in general. imgur is being a pain for me right now so i'll link pictures later) than the one in the pic but it looked so much like him, I forgot to pay attention to the size. I just tried going out there to make sure on some strand of hope, but they're closed for renovations for the next few days. I'm so angry and frustrated and exhausted.

(I'm having serious deja vu right now so this is all completely messing with my head)

grandvizier1006 · Jul 24, 2015

aangel · Jul 24, 2015

I feel like I've cried so much this year. It's like I'm bouncing from one obsessive fear to another.

grandvizier1006 · Jul 24, 2015

aangel said:
I feel like I've cried so much this year. It's like I'm bouncing from one obsessive fear to another.

Me, too.

chaoticfirefly · Jul 24, 2015

Worried. I'm just really worried about my cat. I sincerely hope he's okay and if someone found him and took him in, that they love him and spoil him. I don't believe in a god but I sure as heck am praying that he comes back or is safe. I can't go check at the humane society until Tuesday because my luck is that I work from twelve to nine for the next three days. I hope he's there. He's just so important to me, and so precious and the only thing that really gets me to smile nowadays (my other two kitties do too and i love them just as much but he's got this clown-ish personality that's so funny). I might just ask my brother to go look for me now that they're open and done renovating (I think).

Literally everyone I know that lives in town is looking out for him, and so are their friends and even a few customers and co-workers (it's amazing how fast news travels at my work).

If anything, I just want some sort of closure if we never find him. I'm just really thankful that cops shut down roads/stop traffic if they see an animal crossing the road and they want to catch them and that people (generally) stop if they see an animal and wait for them to pass. Except those neighbors of my parents. They're awful, awful people who think anything/anyone on the road is free game. Someone slashed their tires recently now that I think about it.

grandvizier1006 · Jul 25, 2015

chaoticfirefly said:
Worried. I'm just really worried about my cat. I sincerely hope he's okay and if someone found him and took him in, that they love him and spoil him. I don't believe in a god but I sure as heck am praying that he comes back or is safe. I can't go check at the humane society until Tuesday because my luck is that I work from twelve to nine for the next three days. I hope he's there. He's just so important to me, and so precious and the only thing that really gets me to smile nowadays (my other two kitties do too and i love them just as much but he's got this clown-ish personality that's so funny). I might just ask my brother to go look for me now that they're open and done renovating (I think).

Literally everyone I know that lives in town is looking out for him, and so are their friends and even a few customers and co-workers (it's amazing how fast news travels at my work).

If anything, I just want some sort of closure if we never find him. I'm just really thankful that cops shut down roads/stop traffic if they see an animal crossing the road and they want to catch them and that people (generally) stop if they see an animal and wait for them to pass. Except those neighbors of my parents. They're awful, awful people who think anything/anyone on the road is free game. Someone slashed their tires recently now that I think about it.

This happened to me once, too, actually. We had a cat disappear, and we never saw him again. Turns out he had died and mom didn't want to break our hearts (which left me with mixed feelings). I still miss Pepper sometimes and kind of wish my current cats could have met him. So you're not alone in this. :hug:

chaoticfirefly · Jul 25, 2015

I'm nearly in tears. I think I saw his corpse on the road near my parents'. I don't wanna check just in case it is. I can't do this.

Why didn't they keep an eye on him better. Why didn't they listen to me? I think, after years of dealing with my dads emotional abuse and mom's enabling and neither of them ever listening to me and now this, I hate them.

grandvizier1006 · Jul 25, 2015

chaoticfirefly said:
I'm nearly in tears. I think I saw his corpse on the road near my parents'. I don't wanna check just in case it is. I can't do this.

Why didn't they keep an eye on him better. Why didn't they listen to me? I think, after years of dealing with my dads emotional abuse and mom's enabling and neither of them ever listening to me and now this, I hate them.

chaoticfirefly · Jul 25, 2015

grandvizier1006 said:

Slightly good news: I called one of my friends in tears after I posted this, and she came to pick me up. There was a cat, but it wasn't him. It was still breathing. We called traffic control, and waited until they came and picked it up. I bawled really hard. She's sleeping over at my place because she doesn't want me alone.

orangeness365 · Jul 26, 2015

That sucks about your cat. My family used to have three cats at one point, but one of them went out one night, meowed to come back in even, and then disappeared. I'm pretty sure he got eaten by coyotes that same night. I stayed up all night waiting for him to come back, and to let him in, but he never came back. We couldn't even put up missing posters because of my mom's paranoia about my hometown. She checked the local shelters once and showed his picture to a very few neighbors, and we all went out searching for him a couple of times, but he never returned. It was sad. It was right around the time that I thought that my dad was going to die from cancer before the life saving surgery.

grandvizier1006 · Jul 26, 2015

chaoticfirefly said:
Slightly good news: I called one of my friends in tears after I posted this, and she came to pick me up. There was a cat, but it wasn't him. It was still breathing. We called traffic control, and waited until they came and picked it up. I bawled really hard. She's sleeping over at my place because she doesn't want me alone.

Well, be glad that even if you can't find your cat, you still are able to give another one a home.

Yusuphhai · Jul 28, 2015

I find Jesus Christ really overcomes Satan in my life. I should not fear or be threatened, only the faith can save me, even if later I would feel not well.

Wish you all a blessed day!

chaoticfirefly · Jul 28, 2015

Tired. Going tonthe Humane Society today when it opens. Been out all night looking for him in the open fields. Gonna nap now.

edit: instead of napping, i was throwing up because i was coughing so hard because someone thought it would be funny to blow smoke in my face yesterday after i requested them to obey state law and go 20 feet from the door. which resulted in the lung infection to act up and close up my lungs due to being allergic. er visits are fun during work. now i've been hacking away and it's awful and i want to cry i am so tired.

Jeshu · Jul 28, 2015

I've been very nauseated the last few weeks, sometimes all day long - not very pleasant

what are you feeling right now? (23)

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