Church conflict with spouse

Since you do not find your husband's church to be teaching against God's will and revelation, I'd say that, all things considered, you should honor your husband's wishes in this matter.

You place him in an awkward spot not to be in attendance with him, especially given his position, and that's not charitable. And that's to say nothing of respecting his request for the family to worship together. Perhaps some compromise can be effected in which you attend the second location church occasionally but not all the time.

I think surely you & your spouse can work out a compromise.

What do you mean by "a spirit of pride & exclusiveness" in the church? If you're uncomfortable with the atmosphere, then I don't think you should feel obligated to attend. How far this should go, it's hard to say without really knowing more about the situation.

You could try alternating attendance between the two church locations - or you could consider finding a different tradition all together. It's not ideal, but plenty of Christian couples attend & serve in different churches.

It sounds like your church has two locations; you attend one and your husband the other one. How connected are these churches? I mean, is the pastor broadcast in both churches and just the worship is separate? If your husband is elder in the church, does that mean elder in both churches or just one of them? If he is an elder in "the church" (meaning both locations), then I don't see why he can't attend the second church with you, especially if the pastor is broadcast in both locations.

I think it would be a good idea for you both to talk together about what specifically draws him to the one and you to the other. Talk about practicality, distance, image of the elder, etc. I thought one of the criteria to become an elder is that he has to have his home in order. And maybe talk about the possibility of you also becoming an elder along with him.

Is it hes evangelical and youre not really? Can you explain a bit further?

I do know of some couples that attend different churches on sundays but thats usually cos of language differences.
Although actually I do know of one lady in the baptist that attends and her husband goes to the evangelical up the road. Well, i wouldnt call it that really its more of a prosperity gosepl church. I dont know how that works.

Another couple the wife attends church and the husband stays home cos he doesnt believe. Shes really sad about that but doesnt force him to come with her. Also the pastors children dont come to the same church they go to their own.

Can you explain the issue? Wives generally submit to their husands in marriage to keep the peace even if they think their husbands are not quite right. God sees that and makes a way for you. I dont quite get your actions unless you are compeltely unequally yoked. Do you love your husband? Are you not meant to honor him?

Sometimes in life you come across a fork in the road that leads to two different paths.

Both paths are right. The path to the left said you are right. The one on the right said path of obedience. Both paths are right but one is a better path.



Many times God will put us into these types of situation to help us in an area where we need to grow or overcome something from our past.

These are tests to help us make better choices. He'll act on His part in helping those who will act first on their part.

Here's a video example. You don't have to watch the sermon. Just the first 5 minutes on the part of reconciliation.

http://www.joycemeyer.org/Broadcast...Not_an_Option_Q_and_A_-_Viewers_Choice_Week_2







.

enigmadi said:

It's Sunday and another disagreement with my husband on church attendance. He gets angry when I will not attend church with him where he is an elder. I attend a Sunday service at our church's second location. I have long-term concerns about the spirit of pride and exclusiveness at the main church; I do not wish to be divisive but believe that my first responsibility is to GOD. (The church is an evangelical church.) In fact, I spoke with the pastor in my husband's presence, and the pastor said he knows that he isn't
"everyone's flavor". I'm torn...

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1. If your husband is not asking you to sin, really, your God given place is in submission to your husband as the scriptures say. As your husband, he should take on board your concerns and the both of you should be able to discuss this.

2. If it was your intention not to go to church, you should make that clear to your husband as soon as you can prior to Sunday, don't leave it until Sunday morning as that will result in a big argument as there is then time pressure, etc. You don't want your husband to attend Church in a vexed Spirit and take away God's portion. Husband and wife should be open enough with one another to make each other's intentions clear.

3. Your reasons for not going is "pride and exclusiveness" and yet, your willing to go to the same church albeit for a different service. It sounds like a contradiction but perhaps your could clarify further?

4. What gives you the impression that there is a "spirit of pride and exclusiveness?" Can you give some examples please?

5. Scripture never says don't attend church, it actually says continue to attend. If anything, can you not set an example to others in how you live if you feel others are not meeting the mark? But if you feel there are people guilty of sin, go and show him or her their fault in love as the scripture says.

I hope a few of the points above help.

God bless.

enigmadi said:

It's Sunday and another disagreement with my husband on church attendance. He gets angry when I will not attend church with him where he is an elder. I attend a Sunday service at our church's second location. I have long-term concerns about the spirit of pride and exclusiveness at the main church; I do not wish to be divisive but believe that my first responsibility is to GOD. (The church is an evangelical church.) In fact, I spoke with the pastor in my husband's presence, and the pastor said he knows that he isn't
"everyone's flavor". I'm torn...

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What's wrong with you? Go to Church with your husband. It seems to me that that spirit of pride and exclusiveness is having an effect on you. It sounds like you think you're too good to go to your husbands church with him.

All your doing is keeping strife stirred up between you and your husband and that is probably hindering your prayers from from being answered by God.God isn't going to lead you into a situation that causes any kind of separation between you and your husband. He would also take your husband out of the Church he is in if there were any problems in the Church itself. Don't let the devil have any kind of foothold in your lives by separating you from your husband. God will remove both of you from the Church if He wants you somewhere else.

Be Blessed,

Alan

It would be a good idea to address
any spirit of pride or spirit of division--
for both will tear apart a marriage or a
church.

enigmadi said:

It's Sunday and another disagreement with my husband on church attendance. He gets angry when I will not attend church with him where he is an elder. I attend a Sunday service at our church's second location. I have long-term concerns about the spirit of pride and exclusiveness at the main church; I do not wish to be divisive but believe that my first responsibility is to GOD. (The church is an evangelical church.) In fact, I spoke with the pastor in my husband's presence, and the pastor said he knows that he isn't
"everyone's flavor". I'm torn...

Click to expand...

Your first responsibility is to your HUSBAND. HIS first responsibility is to your God. You are blowing it big time.

(Eph 5:22) Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.


(Eph 5:23) For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

enigmadi said:

Actually, I often do have concerns about the teaching and the language used during services (i.e., “Abraham was a pervert” or, "rag head", "retarded", that “kind” of person”). He has made unusual statements about the meaning of passages without considering the context or the original language of the text. The range of active ministries is limited (My work for God is done outside the organized church), and the pastor has publicly made it clear that it is “his” church. Sometimes it seems cult-like.

I was away from the Lord for many years, and when I rededicated my life, I began to seek and know the Lord’s will in my life. Therefore, I seek the leading of the Spirit in all matters spiritual and practical. I DO NOT wish to be a divisive force in the church and, as a result, attend services led by the associate pastor at the second location. I do attend with my husband on occasion.

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Yes, I can appreciate that. That you say there is a real doctrinal issue makes it harder, that's for sure. However, it does appear to me that the "cult"-like quality of the church and the self-centered style of the pastor are of greater concern to you, so I am still thinking that 1) you have to get this settled, and 2) it needs to be negotiated between you and your husband so that there's no thought on his part that, on Sunday morning, you might attend with him only to be told by you that you don't think you can.

For his sake, I'd think you could attend with him some times. That assumes that he will make some concessions to you in return. Other than that, I'm out of ideas.

enigmadi said:

Actually, I often do have concerns about the teaching and the language used during services (i.e., “Abraham was a pervert” or, "rag head", "retarded", that “kind” of person”).

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I would not attend such a church; not ever. And I would make this very clear indeed to my family. The church does not need to know, but the family does.

Abraham is the Father of Judaism and ultimately of our faith and he is an ancestor of the Lord. Such language from a Christian is not acceptable imo.

enigmadi said:

No, my FIRST responsibility is to GOD.

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You can't claim that your first responsibility is to God and at the same time not be obedient to His word. If you are really putting God first then do what you know He wants and submit yourself to your husband and trust God to reveal to your husband His plans for you. As it is you are being prideful and stubborn in the way you are handling this matter by thinking you are the only one that knows where God really wants you. God will not bless you for being obstinate.

Galatians 6:7 Amplified Bible (AMP)
7 Do not be deceived and deluded and misled; God will not allow Himself to be sneered at (scorned, disdained, or mocked by mere pretensions or professions, or by His precepts being set aside.) [He inevitably deludes himself who attempts to delude God.] For whatever a man sows, that and that only is what he will reap.

Blessings,

Alan

enigmadi said:

The congregations are connected nominally. Each has its own minister and location. However, the deacons and elders are from the “main” church (for lack of a better description). The “main” pastor is the bishop over both; he preaches an early service at the second location but conducts an 11 a.m. Sunday and the Wednesday service at the main church. I attend an 11 a.m. Sunday service at the satellite location. My husband, understandably, feels he should attend the service where the bishop preaches. He has attended the church 20+ years and has become close to the bishop and his family during that time. I do not feel called to be an elder; due to my unease, I do not believe I can sit under this bishop as an active member, let alone elder. That having been said, I continue to pray and wait on the Lord while examining my spirit and heart.

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I don't have much to tell you other than if you feel that uncomfortable with the bishop and some of his statements then I don't think you should go. Continue to pray about it as you have been. I'll be praying for you. That's a hard situation