Widowed mothers

I feel that I am now treated like I don't matter or am stupid or something. I feel like they want to pat the poor widow on the head so she will sit down and shut up. The kids' team coaches once took me seriously when the kids' dad would show up to a handful of games when work allowed him to. He was talked to, invited into the dugouts, asked to help with practices. I am now told not to even talk to my own kid during a game (no coaching from the bleachers)...even if she approaches me and asks my advice (things like I can tell her that she is closing her hip too soon) or she wants to know how many strike outs she has gotten. Ironically, I was a paid professional coach (different sport but I understand what her private coaches are teaching her) for 16 years of my life. Now I am "just a mother" and my only job is to cheer her on. Funny, when we hit the car after the games, she is asking for my advice so she can't hate my input. Instead, I play my "role" which means sitting on the bleachers with my mouth shut watching my daughter struggle and nobody helping her. Billy died and I became invisible and stupid. The further out we get, the less people in our lives that actually knew him...and the stupider I seem to be treated. I am tired from trying to be both mom and dad and I don't need to constantly watch my kids being handicapped because they got stuck with only having a mom.

Maybe I'd be wondering if I was doing something to deserve this treatment, except I actually went to and graduated from nursing school in this time period and got a very difficult to acquire job at the #1 hospital in our state while many of my classmates are still working in nursing homes. I know I wouldn't have been hired if my mannerisms indicated that was stupid in any way, shape, or form.

No team practices once the games started at the beginning of June because they play 3 games a week. I coach her practice time (and occasionally that of her friends too)...he only coaches the games. I know her weaknesses and strengths because I spend time with her and I pay her private pitching coach. He just yells at her when she messes up because no one has told her what to do. I am the one who actually explains what she should of done differently and puts on a glove and helps her practice it.

blackribbon said:

No team practices once the games started at the beginning of June because they play 3 games a week. I coach her practice time (and occasionally that of her friends too)...he only coaches the games. I know her weaknesses and strengths because I spend time with her and I pay her private pitching coach. He just yells at her when she messes up because no one has told her what to do. I am the one who actually explains what she should of done differently and puts on a glove and helps her practice it.

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Personally, I'd love to sit on the bleachers and just be a cheering mom but when I do that, my kids end up sitting in the dugout being ignored.

My daughter is now his darling. She is a huge reason why her team finished first in the regular league and why they are the only team undefeated in the playoffs. She worked hard and earned his respect. I just wish that my kids didn't have to work so hard to get the respect they deserve. I guess they will be stronger for it. It is kind of exhausting for me too. Funny the different showing up with a dad makes....or showing up without one.