• The General Mental Health Forum is now a Read Only Forum. As we had two large areas making it difficult for many to find, we decided to combine the Mental Health & the Recovery sections of the forum into Mental Health & Recovery as a whole. Physical Health still remains as it's own area within the entire Recovery area.

    If you are having struggles, need support in a particular area that you aren't finding a specific recovery area forum, you may find the General Struggles forum a great place to post. Any any that is related to emotions, self-esteem, insomnia, anger, relationship dynamics due to mental health and recovery and other issues that don't fit better in another forum would be examples of topics that might go there.

    If you have spiritual issues related to a mental health and recovery issue, please use the Recovery Related Spiritual Advice forum. This forum is designed to be like Christian Advice, only for recovery type of issues. Recovery being like a family in many ways, allows us to support one another together. May you be blessed today and each day.

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RAD

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Hi my name is Russ.
I am having some difficulties in my life right now that I just need advise.
My story is I have been married for 26 years to a wonderful christian woman.
I am a good man & have always taken good care of my family. However I fall into
these ruts where I work & go home . Basicly " mr boring" I am a christian but my
faith is not as strong as hers. We seperated last week. She said she needs some space.
The real problem is that I need to reconnect with her & the Lord. I love this woman with
all my heart & she loves me the same. But there is that one thing that I have not been giving her & that is my full attention. We are actually spending more quality time together now than before the separation occurred. I am going to start going back to church with her every Sunday & I want to restore my faith in the Lord. Is this a good start? We have been talking about positive things in our future, but she said that we need to take "baby steps" right now. She has my full attention right now & I feel like I might be smothering her. I dont want to do this, but with out her here I feel so lonely. I told her if I am smothering her to let me know & i"ll give her some "days off"
I have some health issues going on & the stress of this is really making me feel sick. Am I on the right track here? I plan on doing alot of praying tomarrow. Thanks in advance
 
Matthias Rose

Matthias Rose

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Yes, it sounds like you are on the right track.

You say: "I need to reconnect with her..." and "I have not been giving her ... my full attention." Those are very important observations, and if you change that, it's going to change everything.

I do always recommend a good couples counsellor, one who respects your faith. This can help deepen the conversations that might need to be opened up. You don't need to be "Mr Fascinating" to win her back -- and you don't want to try to be someone you aren't, because in the long run, that won't work. But you do need to do exactly what you have already said: reconnect to her and be present for her. And to deepen your intimacy -- emotional, spiritual, maybe physical. A good couples counsellor will help the dialog get past things that might seem important, but turn out to be just the outer layers of a deeper onion. And when you get nearer the heart of that onion things are going to get more interesting. Maybe harder. But through the harder, the better!
 
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RAD

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Matthias Rose said:
Yes, it sounds like you are on the right track.

You say: "I need to reconnect with her..." and "I have not been giving her ... my full attention." Those are very important observations, and if you change that, it's going to change everything.

I do always recommend a good couples counsellor, one who respects your faith. This can help deepen the conversations that might need to be opened up. You don't need to be "Mr Fascinating" to win her back -- and you don't want to try to be someone you aren't, because in the long run, that won't work. But you do need to do exactly what you have already said: reconnect to her and be present for her. And to deepen your intimacy -- emotional, spiritual, maybe physical. A good couples counsellor will help the dialog get past things that might seem important, but turn out to be just the outer layers of a deeper onion. And when you get nearer the heart of that onion things are going to get more interesting. Maybe harder. But through the harder, the better!
Click to expand...
Thank you so much for your kind words. I hope that we are on the right track. You see with us we do enjoy each others company. We always hold hands, even now during our troubled period. She still wears her wedding ring. We can have fun just going to wal mart. Its just at home that is the problem. A lot of times I am just too tired to do anything. Right now I am scared that I am smothering her & I don't want to do that. I've got to find the balance here. I came to this forum because I looked at others & was seeing alot of "get rid of her she is messing around" type of responses. I think that strengthening
my relationship with the Lord will see us through our troubles.
 
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1watchman

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Going to church can help (if it is a Bible teaching place that preaches the Gospel of Jesus Christ). If a couple has the Lord Jesus in their heart they will bond together and be happy with the Lord Jesus as their center. I recommend a strong commitment to Jesus Christ as the center of one's life.
 
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1watchman

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It is good that you recognized the failure, Rad, but let me add that one should not just try to say nice things, and try to be supportive and close, but DO IT! An intellectual approach to this strained relationship is artificial and easily perceived as not sincere. Pray much for God's help in a sincere way.
 
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madera23

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RAD said:
Hi my name is Russ.
I am having some difficulties in my life right now that I just need advise.
My story is I have been married for 26 years to a wonderful christian woman.
I am a good man & have always taken good care of my family. However I fall into
these ruts where I work & go home . Basicly " mr boring" I am a christian but my
faith is not as strong as hers. We seperated last week. She said she needs some space.
The real problem is that I need to reconnect with her & the Lord. I love this woman with
all my heart & she loves me the same. But there is that one thing that I have not been giving her & that is my full attention. We are actually spending more quality time together now than before the separation occurred. I am going to start going back to church with her every Sunday & I want to restore my faith in the Lord. Is this a good start? We have been talking about positive things in our future, but she said that we need to take "baby steps" right now. She has my full attention right now & I feel like I might be smothering her. I dont want to do this, but with out her here I feel so lonely. I told her if I am smothering her to let me know & i"ll give her some "days off"
I have some health issues going on & the stress of this is really making me feel sick. Am I on the right track here? I plan on doing alot of praying tomarrow. Thanks in advance
Click to expand...

I am sorry, but if I had a husband that was such a needy man, I would
see him as a weakling and lose respect for him.
You need some self respect so she can see you in a different light.
No, you are not on the right track.
Smothering her will cause her to want to disrespect you.

Yes, you need to be strong and be more independent.
You are causing your own illness by walking on glass to please her.
That causes pressure on your emotions and can lead to depression.
Be a man and religion will only make you like all the other phony christians.
if you do it to please her.
I DON't KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY TO WAKE YOU UP.
No response? The truth hurts doesnt it??

Madera
 
Last edited:
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