Stay persistent on the girl that I really love?

TTTK

Member
May 10, 2015
8
2
✟15,496.00
Faith
Catholic
Marital Status
Single
hello guys,

I am pursuing a girl whom I met at work, but it has been 6 months and I don't know if I should stay persistent or just give up. Please give me some advice on what I should do and think.:pray:

She is the most special girl I have ever met and we have a lot in common e.g. religion, profession, studying & dogs. We used to message each other every night and we went for lunch alone for many times. I didn't ask her to be my girlfriend because I was moving to another city (an hour away by flight) for study and I didn't want her to misunderstand that I was after a short-term casual relationship. She sure knows I love her as people from my department and her department never go out together. Before I moved, I said I would come back to see her at Easter.

Things changed immediately once I moved 4 months ago. She doesn't reply to my message every day and we only have one long chat per week. And a couple of weeks before Easter, she disappeared from messenger and I thought it was the end.

But right after Easter, she messaged that she was away and she was sorry that she missed my visit. I proposed to visit again and just flew back a week ago. It was our first meeting outside work and I thought it went well. We talked about work, study, dogs and church just like the old time. At the end of the meeting, I asked if I could see her again and she said "yea, but let me know in advance as I can be away sometimes".

Unexpectedly, I didn't get any reply for the 3 messages I sent over the last week. I am so confused now. If she is just a normal girl, I will just give up. But she is a christian, so when she smiled when she hugged me when she said "yea", I truly believe her. She has work, study, long daily commuting and church. I don't know if she is just busy or not interested or half-half.
 
Last edited:

dayhiker

Mature veteran
Sep 13, 2006
15,557
5,288
MA
✟220,077.00
Faith
Charismatic
Marital Status
In Relationship
Politics
US-Others
communication is one of the keys to a good relationship.

Let her know your interested in her as a GF but you don't know how to deal with the distance and being BF/GF. So you would like to know if she has the same interest. If so, the two of you can work out what the distance thing means. Then I think it would be good to ask her what's going on when she doesn't get back to you for a few days.
 
Upvote 0

Llauralin

Senior Veteran
Mar 23, 2005
2,341
157
37
Prizren, Kosova
✟10,831.00
Faith
Eastern Orthodox
Marital Status
Single
I second dayhiker -- ask her what's going on, and if she's interested in being in a relationship with you.

Messenger might or might not be about you. Some of us have very mixed feelings about internet chatting, and will get into a pattern with our devices where we're extremely responsive and online chatting all the time, then try to stay off for a while -- a couple of days, week, lent, or some other period, because it's interfering with in-person relationships and activities. I actually lock my computer and tablet up at work sometimes, and have over weekends in the past when I didn't have to use them to arrange meetings. So maybe ask her how she likes to use technology for communication?
 
Upvote 0

TTTK

Member
May 10, 2015
8
2
✟15,496.00
Faith
Catholic
Marital Status
Single
Thanks for you guys' response!

I really want to resume the communication with her, but she just ignores my message again today on messenger. I said how's everything and that I will have my study break soon (which is the time I proposed to meet again 2 weeks ago). She didn't even bother to open the message.

Messenger was the communication tool that she suggested. Should I give her a SMS/call after waiting for a few more days now? I want to express my feeling for her and ask her what she thinks too. Shall I ask to meet her up and do it in person or just do it over text/phone?
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0

TTTK

Member
May 10, 2015
8
2
✟15,496.00
Faith
Catholic
Marital Status
Single
Thank you very much for your kind reply!:)

I actually gave her a call and left her a voice mail. She reply to me with a message a day later saying she was busy earlier and would get back to me whether we can possibly meet up this week or next week. She talked like she agreed to meet again (just don't know when), so I am hopeful at this point!
 
Upvote 0

TTTK

Member
May 10, 2015
8
2
✟15,496.00
Faith
Catholic
Marital Status
Single
Sometimes in the game of love, the best thing you can do is to stop pursuing a woman and see what comes of it. Just focus on making yourself available and put improving yourself through the Lord your main priority.

Thanks for your advice.

I am already trying my best to improve myself. There are girls in university and at work, and honestly, I know I can get a girlfriend easily with my identity as a med student. But I just don't want to give up on the most special girl I have ever met in my life yet. As my friends say, I am too picky.

But don't worry, I am not crazy. When I get the chance to see her again, I will tell her how I feel about her and ask what she thinks. If she says she is not interested, then I will move on.
 
Upvote 0

TTTK

Member
May 10, 2015
8
2
✟15,496.00
Faith
Catholic
Marital Status
Single
Thanks for everybody's previous response. I have a little update.

I met the girl again last weekend. I brought her chocolate & tea and she seemed quite happy. We had good conversation. In the middle of the meeting, I told her I really really like her and asked her if I could go back see her every 2 weeks so that we could understand each other more. Her answer was "not that way. sorry".

I really wanted to ask why, but I didn't because I didn't want to sound like hysterical.:cry: I asked if we could still meet up as friends and her answer is yes. Situation was a bit awkward at that point, but we quickly resumed our happy conversation and the meeting ended in very good atmosphere. She promised to let me know if she likes the chocolate & tea after she tries them, but she just ignores my messages now exactly like last time.

I am quite confused there. She looked quite happy when we met up, gave her gift and paid for her (just $10), but she said no and ignores me again right after the meeting. I wonder if things will be totally different if there is no long distance between us. :confounded:

I want to keep in touch with her and see if she will change her mind in the future. I will wait for another week and then call her up like last time. If she replies, it is good. If not, I know I tried my very best. Given my study and work load, I don't think a reasonable guy will spend that much time and money to fly back for a girl who may or may not like him.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Llauralin

Senior Veteran
Mar 23, 2005
2,341
157
37
Prizren, Kosova
✟10,831.00
Faith
Eastern Orthodox
Marital Status
Single
Sorry about that, but probably believe her words more than her expressions. I tend to accidentally give mixed signals too, even worse than she does ("sure I'll go out for drinks and tapas alone with you in a romantic European port town on Christmas Eve. No, I don't think I'm interested in you romantically"). I don't know about her, but in my experience it's largely because I'm both not very good at social cues, and use a different set of mental processes for interaction vs. evaluating and making long term decisions. Which is understandably irritating for someone trying to figure out what kind of relationship I'm interested in without actually asking.

So I'm not sure what's going on with her, but since you're interested in something long term, I'd probably believe her words.
 
Upvote 0