My Life

Mrunk1975 · Jul 5, 2015

Hello, my name is Michael. I am 40 years old. Now I'm going to spill all so please be patient with me. First let me give you my cliff notes version on God and faith.

I do believe in God. I believe that Christ did on the cross for my sins.

Right now I am lost. I've been living with a women who is married. What makes it worse is that we both live with him. It's complicated. At one time we where going to get our own place and get married once she was divorced. However that has not worked out.

She suffer from fibermyalge and is on a lot of drugs. She is never going to leave him because he can take car of her medical needs in a way I can.

Lately we been fighting a lot. To point where I am going to have to find my own place.

Now I suffer from depression always have but lately it has been worse. I am stuck here and I'm unhappy. She is always on my case and everything I do wrong she gets mad. I do everything in this house to help her.

We have 6 cats, two big dogs, two rabbits, hedgehog, two birds one big one small, and three ferrets. I help her with almost all of them. I help her clean the house and mow the yard every week. Mean while the guy who she married to though she doesn't love him like that any more does nothing to help her.

I was diagnosed with depression. I was given medication for it. In about three weeks I went from 127 pounds down to 117. I was feeling sick all the time and very little energy. So I stopped the medication. When she found out she was [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed at me. I had only been off it for a few days and was waiting for the holidays to be over and was going call doctor. I wanted to get my weight back up before trying something else.

However I digress. The fact is im unhappy. While believe in God in many ways I turned my back on him and now I feel like im being punished. I want fix my life but I don't know how. I don't deserve is help. I see know way out of my situation. I feel stuck and alone to deal with the poor choices I have made.

But right now I really need help. I need his help. I have no idea how to fix my life. I just know I dont want to live this way any more. I am hanging on by a thread. I have been fighting my whole life. Constantly screw up and making poor choice. This is probably the worst position I have ever put my self in. It's taking toll on me.

I know there nothing any of you can do. I've made my bed now I have to lay in it. I just want God to forgive me. I want him to help me fix my life.

paul1149 · Jul 5, 2015

Mrunk1975 said:
The fact is im unhappy. While believe in God in many ways I turned my back on him and now I feel like im being punished. I want fix my life but I don't know how. I don't deserve is help. I see know way out of my situation. I feel stuck and alone to deal with the poor choices I have made.

Hi Michael,

I'm going to give you an example from scripture that you might apply to your situation, which will show you what is required and what you can expect.

Paul founded the Corinthian church. Corinth was a very cosmopolitan city, and the church there struggled to keep the city's decadence out. Much of Paul's first letter to the church at Corinth was correction. The whole of chapter five deals with a man who was with his father's wife. Read it and see how severe Paul is about the matter.

But that is not the end of the story. The man repented, and now turn to 2Corinthians 2.1-11 to see Paul's response. You will find that he is extremely solicitous toward the man. He already has committed the matter to the dustbin of his memory, and he urges the church to do the same and to receive the man back with open hearts, because he doesn't want the man plagued by satanic accusations. Even in his severity Paul had done everything in love toward the man.

That is what you can expect from God. If you are doing wrong, you must repent. If you do, you can expect a full restoration with God. It will happen through His unmerited grace and mercy, just as with all of us.

God does not want to punish you. You will not find one example of Jesus wanting to do so. He wants you to consider you ways and to align yourself with Him fully. You say you believe Christ died for your sins. Have you accordingly bowed the knee and given your life to Him? Call on Him and ask for the power to change your life.

ToBeLoved · Jul 6, 2015

Michael,

You need to do some research and know exactly what is going on with your mental health issue of depression. There is a lot of information about it and many people have this same disease.

The other thing is educate yourself about your medication. Do NOT just stop taking it. This can lead to many GREATER problems as the medication does change your brain chemistry and you will get terrible withdrawls and start thinking all sorts of crazy thoughts.

Take care of yourself mentally and physically so you can make good decisions.

FutureAndAHope · Jul 6, 2015

I know it can be confusing some times when there is a pull between our emotions, and what we know is right. What I would say is that God has given each of us a conscience and we are able to a degree tell what we need to do. The further we get away from God's will the worse our lives become, the closer we get to God the better they become.

I really don't know what specific advise to give in this situation other than try to restore your relationship with God. Live according to God's word and you will end up blessed. I know you have built up a strong tie with this woman, but is it really a healthy relationship. If I was you I would break off the relationship, just stating that you no longer feel it is working out. It may seem hard to do, and in a way unfair. But you need some time to clean the air so to speak. If you can more away from the situation you may find that would help. You need time to breath rather than being suffocated by demands, both the demands of your own flesh, and those demands on your time and life.

dayhiker · Jul 13, 2015

I'd make a couple observations from what you said.
It sounds like all three of you are dysfunctional in some ways. So society has failed you and the 3 of you are together trying to deal with all life has thrown at you.
Jesus tells us to love one another. All your doing to help around the house even tho you are that depressed sounds like love to me.
She might be on your case from all the pain she is feeling and not because of a personal failure by you.

I agree try to understand your depression and meds better.
There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. Rom.8:1

GracetotheHumble · Jul 16, 2015

Mrunk1975 said:
Hello, my name is Michael. I am 40 years old. Now I'm going to spill all so please be patient with me. First let me give you my cliff notes version on God and faith.

I do believe in God. I believe that Christ did on the cross for my sins.

Right now I am lost. I've been living with a women who is married. What makes it worse is that we both live with him. It's complicated. At one time we where going to get our own place and get married once she was divorced. However that has not worked out.

She suffer from fibermyalge and is on a lot of drugs. She is never going to leave him because he can take car of her medical needs in a way I can.

Lately we been fighting a lot. To point where I am going to have to find my own place.

Now I suffer from depression always have but lately it has been worse. I am stuck here and I'm unhappy. She is always on my case and everything I do wrong she gets mad. I do everything in this house to help her.

We have 6 cats, two big dogs, two rabbits, hedgehog, two birds one big one small, and three ferrets. I help her with almost all of them. I help her clean the house and mow the yard every week. Mean while the guy who she married to though she doesn't love him like that any more does nothing to help her.

I was diagnosed with depression. I was given medication for it. In about three weeks I went from 127 pounds down to 117. I was feeling sick all the time and very little energy. So I stopped the medication. When she found out she was [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] at me. I had only been off it for a few days and was waiting for the holidays to be over and was going call doctor. I wanted to get my weight back up before trying something else.

However I digress. The fact is im unhappy. While believe in God in many ways I turned my back on him and now I feel like im being punished. I want fix my life but I don't know how. I don't deserve is help. I see know way out of my situation. I feel stuck and alone to deal with the poor choices I have made.

But right now I really need help. I need his help. I have no idea how to fix my life. I just know I dont want to live this way any more. I am hanging on by a thread. I have been fighting my whole life. Constantly screw up and making poor choice. This is probably the worst position I have ever put my self in. It's taking toll on me.

I know there nothing any of you can do. I've made my bed now I have to lay in it. I just want God to forgive me. I want him to help me fix my life.

Go to Church and schedule a meeting with the Pastor to discuss your life and issues. And find a good Church, I recommend the Lutheran Church - Missouri Synod.

You need direction. You are clearly not living the life God has for you.

Gordon Wright · Jul 28, 2015

GracetotheHumble said:
Go to Church and schedule a meeting with the Pastor to discuss your life and issues. And find a good Church, I recommend the Lutheran Church - Missouri Synod.

You need direction. You are clearly not living the life God has for you.

Don't use a pastor as a substitute for God. The typical pastor was raised in a church household, went to seminary and has very little experience with life as others live it.

What you need is the Bible. Read it for yourself. You'll find things in there relevant to your situation, but don't expect someone from a different background to know what passages apply to you or how they apply.

Life is not simple. Accept no pat answers. When I was a kid,I was nearly driven to atheism by well meaning but clueless church people.

ToBeLoved · Jul 28, 2015

Gordon Wright said:
Don't use a pastor as a substitute for God. The typical pastor was raised in a church household, went to seminary and has very little experience with life as others live it.

What you need is the Bible. Read it for yourself. You'll find things in there relevant to your situation, but don't expect someone from a different background to know what passages apply to you or how they apply.

Life is not simple. Accept no pat answers. When I was a kid,I was nearly driven to atheism by well meaning but clueless church people.

I agree with you. Many people have bought into the lie that they cannot read the bible for themselves and understand it, that they need someone to 'tell' them what it says and what to do.

Get in there and start reading. Start with Matthew, Mark, Luke, John and then keep reading through the New Testament. There are many online resources that can help you. Don't be afraid of God's Word. It's not all that difficult and is well worth the time.

GracetotheHumble · Jul 28, 2015

Gordon Wright said:
Don't use a pastor as a substitute for God. The typical pastor was raised in a church household, went to seminary and has very little experience with life as others live it.

What you need is the Bible. Read it for yourself. You'll find things in there relevant to your situation, but don't expect someone from a different background to know what passages apply to you or how they apply.

Life is not simple. Accept no pat answers. When I was a kid,I was nearly driven to atheism by well meaning but clueless church people.

Pastors have the vocation they have for a reason. They have gone through training on counseling others in a biblical manner. I would never discourage anyone from visiting with a Pastor and in the case of the OP I believe this counsel is quite necessary. Of coarse I wouldn't discourage him from reading his bible on his own as well. Also attending a good Church and hearing biblical messages weekly would help him too.

ToBeLoved · Jul 28, 2015

GracetotheHumble said:
Pastors have the vocation they have for a reason. They have gone through training on counseling others in a biblical manner. I would never discourage anyone from visiting with a Pastor and in the case of the OP I believe this counsel is quite necessary. Of coarse I wouldn't discourage him from reading his bible on his own as well. Also attending a good Church and hearing biblical messages weekly would help him too.

Yes, I agree that that may help him.

What I think is important for people to understand (through reading the bible, prayer, ect) and maybe for Michael, I'm not sure is that God does not come in and 'fix' our lives with some miraculous swoop. God changes hearts and provides us guidance and love, but a major step of that is also our own initiative to seek the things of God. The point that I am trying to add is that in many ways, God helps us to help ourselves in the way that our understanding why and how we were created shows us how to live in His love. For each of us to walk 'with' God and not that God is always (although it can happen that way) the fixer to fix whatever we have done to get our lives to the places that are lives are in.

That's all I'm trying to add. And I feel that the best way to really understand what God is all about is through His Word. Because the search for God is NOT us making God into what we want God to be, but in our understanding WHO God is and what He created us to be.

Does that make sense?

GracetotheHumble · Jul 28, 2015

ToBeLoved said:
Yes, I agree that that may help him.

What I think is important for people to understand (through reading the bible, prayer, ect) and maybe for Michael, I'm not sure is that God does not come in and 'fix' our lives with some miraculous swoop. God changes hearts and provides us guidance and love, but a major step of that is also our own initiative to seek the things of God. The point that I am trying to add is that in many ways, God helps us to help ourselves in the way that our understanding why and how we were created shows us how to live in His love. For each of us to walk 'with' God and not that God is always (although it can happen that way) the fixer to fix whatever we have done to get our lives to the places that are lives are in.

That's all I'm trying to add. And I feel that the best way to really understand what God is all about is through His Word. Because the search for God is NOT us making God into what we want God to be, but in our understanding WHO God is and what He created us to be.

Does that make sense?

I understand. Hopefully when he meets with a Pastor he will share God's word as part of his vocation is bible based counseling. And that is why I recommended a Missouri Synod Pastor because I know that our Synod believes in Sola Scriptura and he will more than likely receive good biblical counsel.

Gordon Wright · Jul 29, 2015

GracetotheHumble said:
Pastors have the vocation they have for a reason. They have gone through training on counseling others in a biblical manner. I

But not necessarily a good reason. Training is no substitute for experience. A well trained pastor once nearly converted me to atheism with his educated ignorance.

If you put your faith in training, you've put your faith in something that is not God. That's idolatry, folks.

I've just put it on my list to write article about this. The idolatry of credentialism.

GracetotheHumble · Jul 29, 2015

Gordon Wright said:
But not necessarily a good reason. Training is no substitute for experience. A well trained pastor once nearly converted me to atheism with his educated ignorance.

If you put your faith in training, you've put your faith in something that is not God. That's idolatry, folks.

I've just put it on my list to write article about this. The idolatry of credentialism.

Most Pastors have real world experience with biblical counseling as they do it regularly as a part of their job. Pastors are given their vocations as shepherds to lead others to Jesus Christ so they can teach them to live godly lives. That is why I recommend a Pastor because he will point this man in the right direction which is Christ but he will also probably have some good recommendations for his given situation.

Gordon Wright · Jul 29, 2015

GracetotheHumble said:
Most Pastors have real world experience with biblical counseling as they do it regularly as a part of their job.

Not enough. What's needed is real world experience with life itself, as it lived by seekers.

The pastor who nearly drove me to atheism was elderly. He was earnest, polished and utterly sure in his position of what I should do in my situation. He was also dead wrong. I tried his advice against my own judgment. It did not work out well.

The guy simply didn't know what he was talking about. At his age, and with his years of (the wrong kind of) experience, he did not know what he was talking about.

Another thing: I've known people who lost their faith in seminary. How does that work? Could it be there's something wrong with the training regimen?

I'm definitely going to write that article, but I want to take the time to do it right. That means more threads on this site, but perhaps not in this particular sub-forum. Arguably, we've gone off topic. (On the other hand, arguably we haven't.)

GracetotheHumble · Jul 29, 2015

Gordon Wright said:
Not enough. What's needed is real world experience with life itself, as it lived by seekers.

The pastor who nearly drove me to atheism was elderly. He was earnest, polished and utterly sure in his position of what I should do in my situation. He was also dead wrong. I tried his advice against my own judgment. It did not work out well.

The guy simply didn't know what he was talking about. At his age, and with his years of (the wrong kind of) experience, he did not know what he was talking about.

Another thing: I've known people who lost their faith in seminary. How does that work? Could it be there's something wrong with the training regimen?

I'm definitely going to write that article, but I want to take the time to do it right. That means more threads on this site, but perhaps not in this particular sub-forum. Arguably, we've gone off topic. (On the other hand, arguably we haven't.)

Maybe you aren't attending the right Church and seeking counsel from the right Pastors.

That's why I recommended the LCMS because I am convinced that our Pastors will give good counsel.

Aijalon · Jul 30, 2015

Gordon Wright said:
Not enough. What's needed is real world experience with life itself, as it lived by seekers.

The pastor who nearly drove me to atheism was elderly. He was earnest, polished and utterly sure in his position of what I should do in my situation. He was also dead wrong. I tried his advice against my own judgment. It did not work out well.

The guy simply didn't know what he was talking about. At his age, and with his years of (the wrong kind of) experience, he did not know what he was talking about.

Another thing: I've known people who lost their faith in seminary. How does that work? Could it be there's something wrong with the training regimen?

I'm definitely going to write that article, but I want to take the time to do it right. That means more threads on this site, but perhaps not in this particular sub-forum. Arguably, we've gone off topic. (On the other hand, arguably we haven't.)

Biblical counseling class at my church fell back to "do what the doctor says" and "take your medicine"... and all based on the scripture which interpreted to say we need a "physician" when it really means "healer". Physicians today - don't heal people... anyway, that's a side topic.

Seminaries .... are based on logical thinking, the have a good purpose, and produce very good helpful research. But, often lead people away from the Gospel into thought-righteousness, which is a type of self-righteousness. Seminaries teach the doctrines of men, and doctrines can be good, but overreliance on man made doctrine can also be baaaaaaad.

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