what are you feeling right now? (23)

grandvizier1006 said:

I'm so sorry. I just do what I can to avoid triggers. I told my brother about my fears, and (despite having similar views as I do), he sort of laughed them off. Not in a bad way, though. He doesn't have ocd so I can get a rational second opinion from him. I've just cut myself off from the news for a week. It's a bit freeing to be able to worry about stuff less.

I hope you can get out of there soon. I don't know why they think leaving an ocd person alone is a good idea.

What is a gender therapist, though? You mean a same-gender therapist?

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Yeh. We started talking about sexual abuse and victim blaming, and it was brought up. Funny thing is, I have no idea what I'm angry at in this whole mess.

Well yeah, fears are irrational. At least, that's how I look at it.

I'm not OCD, I have a problem with obsessing over one topic or a person or even an event that happens for what can be a long time until I forget about it/get over it/work through it. Except with people. If they do something or say something I perceive as 'bad' or 'wrong' or can lead to me being hurt, you can bet I will remain upset and too focused on it for an incredibly long time. I've gotten a bit better though.

A gender therapist is someone who is trained to work with those with gender dysphoria.

Irritated. My upstairs neighbor keeps stomping around. I can't wait to get out of this awful place.

One of my friends came to pick me up from the psych hospital and we just spent all day together. I told him to just bring me home, reassured him that I will be fine and no, I won't do anything that will be considered a danger to myself. Yes, I will keep my appointments, yes I will take my meds. All that fun stuff. This is just too stupid. All of this. I am so emotionally detached from people that I've stopped caring what comes out of my mouth. If I've learned anything from this stupid hospitalization it's say what they wanna hear and don't trust cops. At least this time around, someone actually listened to me when I said that nothing is okay, and no the insomnia is not a symptom but a problem in of itself. Ooh and crashing on the bathroom floor because of pain was great, terrified a few people. No, I'm fine just crippling cramps that make me vomit ad black out every month no worries I'm used to this I've been dealing with this since I was nine. I have a doctor's appointment next week about my cough that's lasted for an entire month now, it's gotten bad enough I'm coughing so hard I'm puking. It's disruptive and annoying and I want it to go away.

Also, is it hard for people to show some empathy towards animals? For example, my brothers adopted a dog that was severely abused. They laugh and call him a wimp because he's afraid of thunder and them running towards him as if they're angry. And they get mad when he pees out of fear. I am about to just take their dog from them.

I'm going to bed.

I'm so sorry things have just gotten worse for you. Honestly, you are one of the few people on here I'd like to meet in real life. i don't know how helpful I'd be, though.

I think what you described is what is known as "pure-O" OCD--obsessive thoughts. I've had stuff like that, with no compulsions, in addition to "classic" ocd. Is it like where you think this one thought about something that just bothers you? That you can't fix that you know you shouldn't worry about too much, but you can't help it? That, to me, is OCD, even if it's not technically diagnosed.

I didn't know you had gender dysphoria issues. I'm so sorry And I hope you can get that dog, or at least teach your brothers to treat it properly. Poor thing. I think some people, though, just might have issues with animals--some people see them as less than human, and others see me as humans in fur suits. Try and explain to your brother that this dog needs love and care and can't be treated like a regular dog. I actually had a similar experience with a goldfish. It lived for about a few days, dying because apparently its water had been shaken. My parents had told me that at least it had managed to live its last moments in peace. I'm inclined to believe them

grandvizier1006 said:

I'm so sorry things have just gotten worse for you. Honestly, you are one of the few people on here I'd like to meet in real life. i don't know how helpful I'd be, though.

I think what you described is what is known as "pure-O" OCD--obsessive thoughts. I've had stuff like that, with no compulsions, in addition to "classic" ocd. Is it like where you think this one thought about something that just bothers you? That you can't fix that you know you shouldn't worry about too much, but you can't help it? That, to me, is OCD, even if it's not technically diagnosed.

I didn't know you had gender dysphoria issues. I'm so sorry And I hope you can get that dog, or at least teach your brothers to treat it properly. Poor thing. I think some people, though, just might have issues with animals--some people see them as less than human, and others see me as humans in fur suits. Try and explain to your brother that this dog needs love and care and can't be treated like a regular dog. I actually had a similar experience with a goldfish. It lived for about a few days, dying because apparently its water had been shaken. My parents had told me that at least it had managed to live its last moments in peace. I'm inclined to believe them

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I think I'm just really stressed and it's showing in everything tbh. Thank you you seem pretty cool yourself!

Yeah, something like that. It's incredible intrusive and repetitive.

It's something that can be dealt with at least , though I really don't wanna go.

Yeah. I've tried. Apparently I'm 'stingy' and 'overreacting', though it' like, "if he's peeing out of fear, me telling you to knock it off is not an overreaction.". Chances are he'll become my parents' dog soon. Yeah people do, sadly. I look at my cats and dogs as my fur children. They're just so precious to me, even if one of my cats decide it'd be fun to find their squeaky mouse toy that has cat nip in it and bat it around at two am or whine because I'm laying on what she decided was her pillow or knock things off of ledges. I just really love cats. Oh poor fishy ): I feel cats and fish are the two worst misunderstood animals out there: fish because they're not covered in fur and thus, considered low maintenance, and cats because they show affection differently than dogs. I'm glad the fishy got to live it's last few days happy! If I wasn't gonna do something with education, I'd love to be an animal behaviorist, and study animals (especially cats).

I'm better than yesterday.

I started watching documentaries on YouTube and a friend of mine popped by to see how I was doing when I was in the middle of a four hour documentary, and she was like, "Only you would watch documentaries for fun."

I watch very little TV, but to me, documentaries = entertainment / learning experience. I really like them.

We have gotten most of our dogs from shelters, choosing the ones that would not likely be adopted: old, medical or behavioral problems. Very satisfying to give them a good life in their latter years.

We have an adopted cocker. He was also abused and is terrified of loud noises and startles easily. He gets the attention & compassion he needs. It angers me to hear about abuse like your brothers dish out to this poor dog. Before I read your last post I prayed that he would be removed from this situation. I was glad to read your parents will likely take him.

I know there's something not quite right about my attitude, but I often feel more compassion toward animals than people. They suffer so needlessly at the hands of wicked people.

I would ask for prayer from all of you. I feel so dry. I'm spending the day in bed which almost never happens. I am in a difficult situation right now that has me severely depressed & can't handle even though I should be able to deal with it.

Summer is a very busy time for me so I'm not on here as much, but I still pray for you all. Blessings.

I have a new ocd fear-- now I'm worried I'm an XX male (yes, it's possible). let the paranoia begin.

grandvizier1006 said:

I have a new ocd fear-- now I'm worried I'm an XX male (yes, it's possible). let the paranoia begin.

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One thing to remember paranoia fears never tell the truth so you can safely disregard such fears.

Jeshu said:

One thing to remember paranoia fears never tell the truth so you can safely disregard such fears.

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Yeah, you're probably right. Better now

grandvizier1006 said:

Yeah, you're probably right. Better now

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Romans 8:14-17
For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

I'm feeling very bad. I have a sleeping disorder that makes me always tired. It was hard enough facing the world before; now its hell.

nightflight said:

I'm feeling very bad. I have a sleeping disorder that makes me always tired. It was hard enough facing the world before; now its hell.

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Narcolepsy?

grandvizier1006 said:

Narcolepsy?

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I have mild sleep apnea. Even with cpap I still never feel rested, but I'm far better with it than without.

Sick. Can't wait to see my doctor Tuesday.

Angry, there are more atheists who just want to stroke their own ego on this site than Christians.

I hate them more than anything on the face of this rotten world. They have literally no other goal other than to make themselves feel smarter, especially concerning Christians. I've never experienced a group so self centered and malicious.

Sometimes I think being on CF is a mistake. All it does is remind me that humanity is evil and the day we go extinct the universe will be better off for it.

No I decided I'm not done! These godless self centered people kill the faith of others as a game. There is call for the godless to evangelize but they do it anyways to feel smarter.

And when they succeed atheists don't replace that dead faith with anything. They'll let a Christian sink into nihilism and LAUGH! Just move on too the next toy to break.

FlaviusAetius said:

Angry, there are more atheists who just want to stroke their own ego on this site than Christians.

I hate them more than anything on the face of this rotten world. They have literally no other goal other than to make themselves feel smarter, especially concerning Christians. I've never experienced a group so self centered and malicious.

Sometimes I think being on CF is a mistake. All it does is remind me that humanity is evil and the day we go extinct the universe will be better off for it.

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Well, there's Chaotic Firefly, for starters. She sure sounds like she isn't doing well. So not every atheist is here to stroke his or her ego. And those that do need prayer and possibly some professional help to work out their grudges. I know I sure do!

And when people do things like that, it's best to just acknowledge it and accept it rather than be bitter about it. I've always hated accepting negative things, but it's a part of life. The best thing you can do is respond positively to these people.

Fourth of July was not available to me this year. Got rained out, or at least it was so stormy before then that my family decided no. I'm jealous, just as I have been my whole life, of other people. Why do they get a nice holiday of independence and freedom and I don't? Why do I have to be a slave to my ocd and the whims of the moral relativists who live far away and in my head? Don't compare gays to black people to my face, at least not for the next few months. Why am the one struggling and having to pretend to be happy when everyone else gets the real thing?

I know that sounded random but i needed to vent. I have nowhere else to go and I feel better knowing that someone sees me when I post on here, even though I probably shouldn't.

Upset. I hate cops. I hate them so much. They're armed bullies. "If I see you tomorrow with expired tags, I'll arrest you." lmao dude, I won't be alive in a year if all goes well. and alll because I forgot to grab my insurance card from mom and dads and for having a panic attack because oh wow, imagine how deeply my assault has affected me.

whatever.

i hope my cats okay.

edit: stupid insomnia. stupid me for not having meds on me at all times. stupid co-worker for being a brat and throwing a fit and havinv his parents make our managers give him the weekends off.

grandvizier1006 said:

Well, there's Chaotic Firefly, for starters. She sure sounds like she isn't doing well. So not every atheist is here to stroke his or her ego. And those that do need prayer and possibly some professional help to work out their grudges. I know I sure do!

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I certainly could do that! but I don't cause I got better things to do with my life than inflate my ego.