I'm sad all the time...problems in life keep on being piled on top of me, it started when I was around 19, first it was depression and suicidal thoughts then the OCD started when I was 22, after that I got type 2 diabetes I was 23, move on one year and I think I got exposed to asbestos, then earlier this year I found out I have herpies simplex virus 1.
The last six years have been a nightmare for me...all these health problems make me even more sad and depressed and the thought of suicide has run through my mind a lot..sometimes I think I'm being punished and am in constant paralyzing fear from dying young or ending up suffering from a diabetes complication.
I lost my girlfriend earlier this year when she just stopped loving me and my depression got worse, I gained nearly 30 kilograms after the break up. I have gone through so much in my life that I believe that I wasn't supposed to be born, I cry often and seems clear that I'll never break out this cycle of I'm in - the cycle is being unemployed, no friends, weight gain, no drivers license, no car. It has been like that since I left high school in 2005 and so 10 years later my life has only become worse.
People I knew and Family members are all in good health and have jobs/successful lives ALL I ever hear about them is that their lives are excellent. I feel that I'm the black sheep of the family (just me).
Most of youth has been wasted..years I wont get back..I consider that already half dead..most of days is spent harboring hatred against many and worry that my heart will harden permanently soon or that I'm going to kill myself. as a kid and teenager I never had any role models or guidance and truly believe that it has contributed to my demise.
I do believe Jesus can still heal people today, I feel that if he cured the diabetes at least I'd be able to pick the other pieces myself but..then I think "why would he heal you?" "what's makes you so special and so deserving of healing?" diabetes is one of those illnesses I never ever wanted to be struck down with but I did, what makes me so damn angry is how there's so many obese people out there that never get the disease, but me? I keep on suffering. My must though when I got the diabetes I also get nerve damage caused from it in my feet, I begged and prayed to Jesus to make my toe back to normal (it went numb) even with my sugar levels down it stayed numb, over about 2 weeks or so the feeling came back to toe but the tingling remained throughout my feet.
If it's not too much to ask could any of you please please pray for me and to ask other to pray for me too..maybe a healing prayer for the diabetes. my name is Stuart.
If anyone can give any support I'd really appreciate it.
The last six years have been a nightmare for me...all these health problems make me even more sad and depressed and the thought of suicide has run through my mind a lot..sometimes I think I'm being punished and am in constant paralyzing fear from dying young or ending up suffering from a diabetes complication.
I lost my girlfriend earlier this year when she just stopped loving me and my depression got worse, I gained nearly 30 kilograms after the break up. I have gone through so much in my life that I believe that I wasn't supposed to be born, I cry often and seems clear that I'll never break out this cycle of I'm in - the cycle is being unemployed, no friends, weight gain, no drivers license, no car. It has been like that since I left high school in 2005 and so 10 years later my life has only become worse.
People I knew and Family members are all in good health and have jobs/successful lives ALL I ever hear about them is that their lives are excellent. I feel that I'm the black sheep of the family (just me).
Most of youth has been wasted..years I wont get back..I consider that already half dead..most of days is spent harboring hatred against many and worry that my heart will harden permanently soon or that I'm going to kill myself. as a kid and teenager I never had any role models or guidance and truly believe that it has contributed to my demise.
I do believe Jesus can still heal people today, I feel that if he cured the diabetes at least I'd be able to pick the other pieces myself but..then I think "why would he heal you?" "what's makes you so special and so deserving of healing?" diabetes is one of those illnesses I never ever wanted to be struck down with but I did, what makes me so damn angry is how there's so many obese people out there that never get the disease, but me? I keep on suffering. My must though when I got the diabetes I also get nerve damage caused from it in my feet, I begged and prayed to Jesus to make my toe back to normal (it went numb) even with my sugar levels down it stayed numb, over about 2 weeks or so the feeling came back to toe but the tingling remained throughout my feet.
If it's not too much to ask could any of you please please pray for me and to ask other to pray for me too..maybe a healing prayer for the diabetes. my name is Stuart.
If anyone can give any support I'd really appreciate it.
