I Lied...Should I Have Been Honest?

Gentle Lamb

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A few weeks ago I had a dream about one of my exes ("Z").

We (Me and "Z") had dated for 3 months (last summer) and only because after our 2nd date, when I wanted to break things off, he was begging me to give him another chance. At the time, a married man ("H") (who never told me he had a wife & 3 kids) had asked for my number and had been calling me, etc. which went on until his wife called me and I told her everything & never spoke to "H" ever again. I was really upset about that situation because it was never my intention to get involved as a third person in anyone's relationship, and my ex was there ("Z") and begging me to give him another chance and I was really upset... sooo I gave him ("Z") a 2nd chance. The relationship wasn't that great and he ("Z") ended up moving upstate about halfway into it. I would have kept up the efforts but I didn't like where things were going. Also, he's ("Z") an atheist & God was moving me closer towards Him in my faith & I could no longer justify being unequally yoked. I ended things, offering to remain friends, but he ("Z") said he couldn't handle seeing me with someone else, so he cut off all contact.

In the dream, he ("Z") said the same thing and excused himself (out of my dream).

Then in real life, he ("Z") emailed me asking me to call him, so I did (this was last week) and he said that he'd really missed me, etc. and was I seeing anyone else? I said I was (I went on 2 dates with this one guy ("R") last month), so he said goodbye again. The next day he ("Z") texted again saying he had really cared about me and that he was sorry he'd made me upset and asked if I still thought about him. I started telling him about God & asking Jesus into his heart but he wouldn't have it. Just wanted to know if I still thought about him. So I told him I was seeing someone else and that it serious (I lied! :( ) so he said goodbye again and that he would delete my number.

"Z" was in my dream again this morning (texting me and asking how I was, concerned over the fact that I had fallen & hurt myself - true story), so I prayed for him (and will continue to). Should I have been honest? I'm thinking of telling him that things ended with "R" (they have, in any case it wasn't serious) and would he ("Z") like to be friends since that's all I have to offer. I wonder if maybe that might help him ("Z") move on? I've missed him too to be honest, but I can only offer him friendship, nothing more. What do you all think?
 
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Goodbook

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Um..this sounds complicated but...you are seeing someone else..? Jesus. He comes first.
If your suitor cant accept that then best break it off.

A christian gentleman would realise that a christian lady has Jesus in her life and he cant take that away from her.
 
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Gentle Lamb

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I'm not really seeing anyone else, I mean I went on 2 dates with a guy and that's who I said I was seeing but he's obviously lost interest, he's not tried to see me again and every time I ask to Skype with him he declines. I've given up on that situation. I said I was seeing someone else to help him move on but I'm wondering if I should have been honest... ?
 
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BFine

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You do not owe a married man any loyalty,
and if it takes telling him you're seeing
someone else, then do it...because you're
seeing someone else and working on a
solid relationship with him-- Jesus.

You should never "feed" or encourage a straying husband by telling him you miss him and that you aren't seeing someone.

Your loyalty belongs to Jesus, the truth the
married man needs is that he needs Jesus
too and that's the only "other person" he needs
to be seeking comfort from other than his own wife.
 
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Gentle Lamb

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I have come across sooo unclear in my original post, I'm going to edit it, I"m sorry :( It's not the married guy who just contacted me, I never went out with that guy (thank God!!!), let's call him "H", I went out with another guy "z" who is the one getting back in touch with me now. The guy I went out with "R" has lost interest.
 
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BFine

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OK... I'm all mixed by the changed OP...
so you didn't date the married man but
the original post said you did and that
you didn't know he was married etc--
so he didn't pursue you or was that only in
the dream he was pursuing you and you
dreamed you were having an affair?


Updated post-- "R" and "Z" are the guys
you were seeing or is this in your dream?
"H" gets the boot.

Then "R" shows up and you see him
twice. "R" fades.

Now you can't decide who to see?
since "R" has dropped out of the picture.
Do you want to see "Z" or is there potentially
another guy you'd like to see?

Honestly... I'd say just work on your faith walk
with the Lord, RUN hard after Jesus,
if you happen to meet another guy RUNNING harder than you after Jesus--introduce yourself to him.
 
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football5680

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You should probably just leave things as they are right now. If you are not interested in him then having a "Lets just be friends" conversation will be very awkward and uneasy for both sides. You would be putting him in a position where he would have to either reluctantly agree to what you said or be a jerk and this wouldn't be a good situation.
 
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Gentle Lamb

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OK... I'm all mixed by the changed OP...
so you didn't date the married man but
the original post said you did and that
you didn't know he was married etc--
so he didn't pursue you or was that only in
the dream he was pursuing you and you
dreamed you were having an affair?


Updated post-- "R" and "Z" are the guys
you were seeing or is this in your dream?
"H" gets the boot.

Then "R" shows up and you see him
twice. "R" fades.

Now you can't decide who to see?
since "R" has dropped out of the picture.
Do you want to see "Z" or is there potentially
another guy you'd like to see?

Honestly... I'd say just work on your faith walk
with the Lord, RUN hard after Jesus,
if you happen to meet another guy RUNNING harder than you after Jesus--introduce yourself to him.

You're right, I'm just getting distracted with my dreams again, as usual :-/ Argh >.< I do focus mainly on walking with Jesus, it's just these little things come up. I was more worried about Z's faith or lack thereof so I was thinking of offering friendship, but I'll just keep praying for him. God can help him better than I can.
 
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Gentle Lamb

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You should probably just leave things as they are right now. If you are not interested in him then having a "Lets just be friends" conversation will be very awkward and uneasy for both sides. You would be putting him in a position where he would have to either reluctantly agree to what you said or be a jerk and this wouldn't be a good situation.

Good advice, I'll take it, thanks.
 
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BFine

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It's often difficult to be just friends with
someone that you may hold a love interest for...
it's all too easy to go off-track and mix up one's
intentions.

Diligent prayer for the lost is important.
..but don't put "strings" on prayer.
Sincerely desire for "Z" to seek the Lord for
salvation, regardless of whether he renews
interest in you or not.
I made the mistake in doing that way too many
times and it caused me repeated heartache because the guy(s) didn't choose me.
 
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Gentle Lamb

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It's often difficult to be just friends with
someone that you may hold a love interest for...
it's all too easy to go off-track and mix up one's
intentions.

Diligent prayer for the lost is important.
..but don't put "strings" on prayer.
Sincerely desire for "Z" to seek the Lord for
salvation, regardless of whether he renews
interest in you or not.
I made the mistake in doing that way too many
times and it caused me repeated heartache because the guy(s) didn't choose me.

I honestly don't think I can be in a relationship with anyone given the times we're living in, I'm concerned for "Z" but it's more like a spiritual concern I think than a personal one, he's an atheist and he's bitter and I always got a sense of darkness from him. I don't know if that makes sense, but it happens with some people I've been around who really don't have the light of Christ in their lives, I just get a sense of darkness & depression from them and I got that from him. That's why I wonder if I should try to offer friendship, I'm worried about him and also will keep praying for him... but idk. I'm just worried.
 
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paul1149

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That's why I wonder if I should try to offer friendship
But it sounds like that's not what he wants. He has made it clear several times that he wants a deeper relationship, which I think is clear to you is not something you could or should do.

This is not inconsistent with the dream, AISI. The dream shows him walking away. That doesn't mean he leaves you flat. Rather, that's how he responds to the godly position you must take.
 
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Gentle Lamb

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But it sounds like that's not what he wants. He has made it clear several times that he wants a deeper relationship, which I think is clear to you is not something you could or should do.

This is not inconsistent with the dream, AISI. The dream shows him walking away. That doesn't mean he leaves you flat. Rather, that's how he responds to the godly position you must take.

What does AISI mean? I ended up texting him to see if he was okay, he is. Also incorrigible, he called me "babe" at the end of the convo >.< I give up. I feel like I'm worried about so many people (which I should be when they're not saved) and they keep appearing in my dreams which makes the worry increase or something, but really the only thing I can do is hand them over to the Lord in prayer. I can't do anything else and I have to keep that in mind.
 
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paul1149

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What does AISI mean? I ended up texting him to see if he was okay, he is. Also incorrigible, he called me "babe" at the end of the convo >.< I give up. I feel like I'm worried about so many people (which I should be when they're not saved) and they keep appearing in my dreams which makes the worry increase or something, but really the only thing I can do is hand them over to the Lord in prayer. I can't do anything else and I have to keep that in mind.

"As I See It."

Giving it to the Lord is a good thing to do at this point. You are overdriving the situation. There is a HS anxiety, where the Lord is with us in it. That will bear fruit when coupled with our obedience. Then there is an anxiety born of flesh, which is ours alone and will lead to nothing good. These are cares of the world that choke out fruitfulness. The Lord would deliver us from them so we can serve Him in the beauty of holiness, in the glorious freedom of the sons of God. If you're not sure which is which start by placing the whole mess on the altar.

This guy keeps approaching you looking for a deeper relationship, which would be ill-advised at this point. One dream has him leaving, the other has him concerned. But he doesn't seem to be a godly influence, and the concerned dream may be another torment born of an unhealthy soul-tie. Remember 1Thess 5 before you let it disturb you or you place weight on it:

Rejoice always,
pray without ceasing,
give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
Do not quench the Spirit.
Do not despise prophecies,
but test everything; hold fast what is good.
Abstain from every form of evil.
Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.
Brothers, pray for us. -1Thess 5:16-25​

Every one of those verses is pregnant with meaningful direction, and they all reinforce each other.

As to your original question, you are in fact involved with another man, and it is serious. His name is Jesus. Maybe your reply wasn't the most precise witness, but if so don't worry about it. Don't take it as a burden to yourself. Just confess it as a concern and ask Father to work things out, to above all keep on transforming you, and if it is His will to give you another chance to do better with him. God can do anything, and He can put two very unlikely people together. But He will do it the right way, and it is disaster to force things and cut corners. So many ships have run aground on those shoals.
 
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Gentle Lamb

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"As I See It."

Giving it to the Lord is a good thing to do at this point. You are overdriving the situation. There is a HS anxiety, where the Lord is with us in it. That will bear fruit when coupled with our obedience. Then there is an anxiety born of flesh, which is ours alone and will lead to nothing good. These are cares of the world that choke out fruitfulness. The Lord would deliver us from them so we can serve Him in the beauty of holiness, in the glorious freedom of the sons of God. If you're not sure which is which start by placing the whole mess on the altar.

This guy keeps approaching you looking for a deeper relationship, which would be ill-advised at this point. One dream has him leaving, the other has him concerned. But he doesn't seem to be a godly influence, and the concerned dream may be another torment born of an unhealthy soul-tie. Remember 1Thess 5 before you let it disturb you or you place weight on it:

Rejoice always,
pray without ceasing,
give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
Do not quench the Spirit.
Do not despise prophecies,
but test everything; hold fast what is good.
Abstain from every form of evil.
Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.
Brothers, pray for us. -1Thess 5:16-25​

Every one of those verses is pregnant with meaningful direction, and they all reinforce each other.

As to your original question, you are in fact involved with another man, and it is serious. His name is Jesus. Maybe your reply wasn't the most precise witness, but if so don't worry about it. Don't take it as a burden to yourself. Just confess it as a concern and ask Father to work things out, to above all keep on transforming you, and if it is His will to give you another chance to do better with him. God can do anything, and He can put two very unlikely people together. But He will do it the right way, and it is disaster to force things and cut corners. So many ships have run aground on those shoals.

Thank you Paul, I will definitely keep bringing the situation back to God, and it is probably a HS anxiety more than anything else. Regardless of how ridiculous any conversation with him might turn, I will still keep this guy in prayer. There's not a person on the face of this earth who doesn't need prayer or God and I'll do what I can from that area even if it's the only thing I can do. Thanks again, really appreciate your input.
 
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