Not Sure What to Do

So I'm kind of in the middle of a "friend desert" and it's kinda sorta really frustrating. I recently joined a new church, so I'm still getting to know people. But what's been happening in my life is that since God's been making so many changes (yayyy) people have been disappearing. One person who claimed to be a friend saw how distressed I was around Thanksgiving/Christmas time and said I should call her so we could schedule a time to have lunch & chat... which I tried to do but kept getting the run around till I gave up, realizing that this person was not actually my friend. Another "friend", when I needed to speak to her about a Bible issue put me off after two days, saying that she felt I was being misled and didn't want to talk about it anymore and would speak to me at another time. (this was followed by me expressing unhappiness and apologies on both ends) Then, later on, when she wanted to hang out and watch a movie, I told her that I had given up watching movies & TV (totally personal decision, just a step to help boost my faith, definitely was one I needed to take) and she just was not supportive at all. After that I gave up on calling her friend as well, as it seemed she only wanted to hang out when convenient but didn't want to be available at other times. I gave up on another friend last year after she was upset with me but wouldn't say why until she sent me a very long & formal sounding email full of grievances she'd held against me (both from that present time and a few years before that). -- These are the kinds of people I've had in my life >.<

Lately I've been feeling like I just don't like people because I'm tired of people trying to take advantage of & mistreat me because of the kindnesses I show them. It's gotten a lot better within the past few years as I've grown a backbone (thank God) and learned to stand up for myself and say no and stuff. But still, it seems like the same patterns want to repeat themselves (my other threads = case in point).

So I'm at the point where I just kind of give up. Life feels a bit isolating right now, but I'm also trying to keep my focus on reading the Word, praying, keeping up on current events, attending church (sooo nice to be going to church in my neighborhood again)... but I'm such a social interaction craver, I do so much better when I have someone to talk to more frequently than not, and that interaction just keeps going missing. God will tend to send people along for short bursts, but they never stick around It's something I pray about (maybe I could pray about it more) and I just got to the point where I gave up and was like "Ok God, I don't see you bringing these new people into my life for keeps so I'm just gonna talk to you more often" - which isn't a bad thing, it's brought my focus to Him more... but last night I just got to the point where I was like "I give up" all over again. It's just very frustrating. Is anyone else dealing with this? How do you handle it?

Pal Handy said:

Yep...
Pretty much all my old friends are gone and the one remaining one
is being strained severely by his new wife that has decided to create so
sort of case against me every time I am around her.

So what have I been doing?

I have been meeting total strangers and talking with them whenever
I can and so I have filled the void in interaction with people whenever
or wherever I am.

I have given up on trying to figure it all out and so I can only do what is allowed
by God and I am simply trusting that God has a purpose in all that is going on in my life.

I wish I could tell you where it all is leading or that I know God's plan
for my life but I have given up on trying to make sense of it all and simply
believe that God knows what He is doing and that He is in control, not me.

I will still try to engage others but unless there is a connection, I cannot
force one and so I no longer fret over this but simply keep moving forward.

In the end we all will find out that only God in Christ can truly love us absolutely
and unconditionally and that all others will fail us if the burden on friendship or
family relationship gets too large.

Who can escape God's plan for their lives once God has set
a course for us and Has determined to take us in a direction that we have not chosen.

Someone told me the other day to ask God why these things have happened to me and I replied
that I do not care to know why anymore but only ask that God would help me get through the trials
or the path that I am on each day.

I cannot make friends with anyone unless God gives me favor
with those I meet.

Click to expand...

I tend to talk to total strangers more now too as different opportunities arise, I just try to be a little more careful about it now because in the past my foolish naivete has gotten me in trouble. But it's gotten better lately, and now I'm seeing more of the importance in these "little interactions". I'm glad that the situation hasn't made you bitter but has instead increased your trust in what God's doing in your life and I hope that things will begin to take more shape as time goes on.

BFine said:

When I wanted friends, they were
hard to come by and even harder to
hold onto-- when we went through a
major life change-my husband's
workplace accident that cost him his
left leg. My husband still has lots of
problems with the residual limb (stump)
but they aren't as bad as they use to be.

We went through a lot of changes over
the near 6 years since he lost his leg...
friends moved on because we were kept busy
going to doctor appointments, physical
therapy, counseling (twice), seeing his specialist
for day surgery to remove a surgical screw that
had shifted and was putting pressure on the skin
on his stump...then there was another surgery
done to clean up some damaged tissue that'd
split and kept getting blisters/sores in the
crease/split... there were countless medical
issues that came up and this went on for
over 4 years before things turned around...
by then our old friends were gone.

After much prayer and seeking the Lord for
what to do about making new friends-- it
came to me that we were to seek out the
least of these... we connected with others
who had health issues and or disabilities.

Earlier this year my husband and I were
invited to an "Open House" at a wheelchair
sports center, from there our circle of friends
increased and my husband got involved with
wheelchair tennis, he loves it! He's connected
with so many others who are involved in the
wheelchair sports...actually you don't have to
be disabled to participate, you just have to play
sports in a specialized wheelchair.

We went from being left on the sidelines to
finding ourselves with activities and a social life!
2015 turned out to be a year for change for us
and it's good to be connected with people who
actually want to be involved with us and share
common interests.

Click to expand...

Thank you for sharing your story BFine, I'm so sorry to hear that your husband lost his leg Thank God it wasn't worse than it was! I'm very glad to hear that he's gotten involved in tennis and that things have taken shape for you both within the past year, I hope those blessings will continue! I've been praying about the friend situation too but I'm much more accepting of it now than I was before, as in not trying to fight it like before. Just trying to depend on God more, especially with the loneliness, and He will comfort me with a song or motivate me to pray or something. I think there's some work that God can only do in our lives through sweeping people out and bringing in loneliness because that makes us more dependent on Him and helps us to see more just exactly how He is working in our lives. Doesn't necessarily make it easier to go through.

Goodbook said:

yes I've been through that.
sometimes you have to make a break and make room for new friends who have more in common with you. People change.
it also takes time to get to know someone, and you don't always know if they are going to last..and sometimes you have to say no rather than hang round someone you actually don't want to be with.
It can be annoying when others don't return your calls or say they going to meet up then don't. But we can't be friends with everyone.

I learned that Jesus is the first best friend and he will always be there..because he says nobody can snatch us from His fathers hands. And sometimes I think there are people who aren't following Him who can tempt us and then the devil will TRY to snatch us away. But He won't allow it. So all this just means...God loves you most of all. And teaching you about true friendship.

Click to expand...

This is so true that people change and you're quite right about saying no to hanging out with the wrong people! You're right about the people tempting us away from Him, I actually had a dream about that friend I was trying to talk to about the Bible and we were walking down a dark alley in the city and she looked back with a very uncaring expression at some points and I woke up thinking to myself not to follow her down that dark path. After that it became clearer that I was only being contacted when she wanted to hang out and there was no maintenance in the friendship on her end so I just was better able to let it go. We're sisters in Christ regardless, and I don't harbor any bitterness towards her, I just know that God's doing work in her life apart from what He's doing in mine and that's quite alright. God knows what He's doing in both our lives. I've just been trying to turn to God more with all my needs and just let Him be there for me as He is there for all His children.

paul1149 said:

Good on you for the choices you're making. This is so often exactly the way it works. Michael Card has a great line in the song, In the Beginning: "To break us away from our past and our future, He does what He must do".

It's a bit of

“Blessed are you when people hate you and when they exclude you and revile you and spurn your name as evil, on account of the Son of Man! -Luke 6:22​

To break habitual patterns, God lead us into the wilderness for a season, to separate us unto Himself and to wipe the past away. He becomes our all and begins to reorder our lives. Christ becomes the Mediator in the full sense, not only between God and man, but between us and man as well.

It's not fun all the time. See Hebrews 12 on God's discipline. But the more we live in the Spirit the more of His joy we have, and it is a joy that overcomes. Soon the test is over and the lesson learned. We have passed through the narrow gate and have entered pleasant pastures.

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, -Titus 2:11-13​

We're given the choice to go back to the old ways or forge on into new territory with God. But there really is no choice. It's like Peter saying in John 6, "where else can we go? You have the words of eternal life."

Keep encouraging yourself in the Lord. He is faithful, and He will complete the work He has begun (php 1.6). I like what @Pal Handy says above about not being obsessed with the question of why. Better to focus on how the Spirit is leading, keep devoting yourself to Him and to try to discern how best to cooperate. The test will be over soon, and you will be on higher ground.

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen. -1Pet 5:10-11​

Click to expand...

Thank you thank you thank you for your kind words Very encouraging, God bless you Loving the scripture references and it makes so much sense

I'm listening to this sermon and it's encouraging me, thought it might be encouraging for others in similar situations

paul1149 said:

I spent five months at Times Square Church many years ago, and God met me powerfully there from the pulpit and in the worship.

Click to expand...

Oh man, you went there?? That's fantastic!!!! Were you there when David Wilkerson was preaching there? I tell you man, the sermons that man preached really helped to change my life, he was truly anointed!! I've also been blessed by other sermons coming out of that church

paul1149 said:

Indeed I was. At the time it was he, his brother Don and Bob Phillips preaching. The pulpit was on fire, and God also met me personally with signs and wonders. After a season it was time to go, but I've never forgotten how the Lord met me there.

Click to expand...

Wowww that is amazing, I am so happy to hear that the Lord met you at Times Square Church I considered making it my home church for a while, but thankfully I found a spirit filled church a 15 minute walk from my house, much shorter commute What a small world we live in! I was feeling kind of down earlier because I was listening to a testimony of a woman who'd been through satanic ritual abuse, but I was just thinking to myself "you know what, the Devil is a liar" and God did bring that woman through the situation so that she could tell her testimony, so I was like why not listen to something encouraging? So back I went to DW's sermons, which in the past greatly encouraged me to pray more deeply & seriously, which have helped to make many changes in my life & bring me closer to God in my walk with Him