Same-Sex Attraction and male friendships

I would guess that somehow 'beautiful males' represent someone you had a difficult bond with in your past, probably in childhood. The key to overcoming your 'involuntary attractions/desires' is to explore where this stems from. Usually this sort of in-depth analysis requires you to be able to talk it out with someone you trust: a therapeutic listener who will not judge you.

I've never known a SSA that cannot be traced to a difficult childhood with the parent of the same sex, or perhaps a gender dysphoric parent of the opposite sex.

Go in peace.

~Selah

The homosexual revolution is the societal death of same-sex friendships. It used to be that people of the same sex could have a close friendship without anyone assuming it to be sexual. But now if people of the same sex appear to be close friends people assume that there's sex going on. There is now a societal expectation for them to make their friendship sexual. This adds temptation for people with same-sex attraction while it discourages close friendships between same-sex heterosexuals.

I am not sure how to help you brother

unwanted feelings can be harmful to everyone
one of my friends is looking to be a nun, she talks a lot about "guarding the heart"
most of it is written from a hetero POV, but maybe some of it can help you too
I will see if I can find anything she sent me

This is a HEAVY topic that I'm afraid none of us in here is qualified to handle! You need a solid, bright, considerate, caring, holy man to be your spiritual adviser on things of this magnitude, and I'd talk to my priest about all this. You need someone at Church to bond with in this struggle and find strength in. Nobody here judges you. I know I sure don't! I can't imagine how tough it is for you.

But honestly I DO think a lot of people have trouble making friends, especially in forums like this. I mean, honestly, look how much time we spend here instead of in the "real" world, man! I joke with my wife that I always seem like a Sith Lord from Star Wars. They can only come in twos! LOL I've always been the kind of guy who has one SUPER GOOD FRIEND, then maybe 1 or 2 other buddies I see here and there. I'm 40 and this is STILL true! I have my best friend at work who teaches with me, then I have an older friend in his early 60's I bowl with and go out for lunch with 5-6 times a year at best, then my highway patrol buddy I go shooting with at the rifle/pistol range a few times a year, and that's about it!

You don't need a ton of friends. And in this tough world we're living in with so much evil all around and secular humanist garbage, GOOD friends are getting harder and harder to come by! You might find a friend attractive once in a while. It happens. Doesn't mean you have to act on it. I've worked with some teachers that were, as they say, SMOKIN', and I found them pretty amazing creatures to behold, and just tried to brush those thoughts aside and work with them and enjoy their company for other reasons. So "hot friends" isn't just a "gay" phenomenon, it happens with guys and gals, too! I had a teacher I was working with in the first two years of my marriage who, to be frank, WANTED me bigtime, and after a while I quit hanging out with her. I thought she was amazing, but I was married, loved my wife, and didn't need that. So, it can happen to the best of us! Then I had a friend at a school I taught at in my 3rd year of teaching, a great guy I worked with. Turns out despite being married with two kids, he suffered same-sex attraction and was hot for me! Two years in a row!? I must've been a stud back in the late 1990's! LOL. When i told him I am not into that and find it immoral, he actually pulled strings with higher-ups and got me FIRED! Turbulent year to be sure.

My point is that ALL friendships are complicated.

Maybe you should simplify this whole thing, man, and find some ugly male friends who look like Peter Jackson from Lord of the Rings! LOL

AphroditeGoneAwry said:

I would guess that somehow 'beautiful males' represent someone you had a difficult bond with in your past, probably in childhood. The key to overcoming your 'involuntary attractions/desires' is to explore where this stems from. Usually this sort of in-depth analysis requires you to be able to talk it out with someone you trust: a therapeutic listener who will not judge you.

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I realize you have the best of intentions, and I'm not trying to embarrass you or anything. But what you said has been outdated for a while now. This isn't what causes homosexuality, and if someone is truly and completely homosexual (IOW not a bisexual) you can't really change the desires. There have been entire industries that have tried to correct homosexuality with talk and behavior modification, and they don't work. All they accomplish is causing extraordinary pain to those who participate in them. That's why they are outlawed in California. I realize you meant well

AphroditeGoneAwry said:

I've never known a SSA that cannot be traced to a difficult childhood with the parent of the same sex, or perhaps a gender dysphoric parent of the opposite sex.

Go in peace.

~Selah

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Almost everyone has a difficult childhood with their parents. It's virtually a given for adolescence. But only something like 2% of the American population is truly gay (no bisexual tendencies).

Hang in there, friend. You are not alone. I'd wager you aren't the only gay guy in this forum (just the most open), and there is at least one bisexual (also chaste). I have problems being friends with ANYONE who is great looking. I understand what you say trying to be friends but falling in love. I fell in love with a married man once, and it hurt so bad I could hardly stand it.

Maybe do things in groups? Join a book club or two? Join the Knights of Columbus if your parish has it. Does your church have a choir. I don't understand SSA, but I do understand loneliness, and things like that helped.

I have the same problem with hot chicks. I have difficulty talking to them unless they are obviously OFF LIMITS, such as being married. Then it's no problem. But my best friend is a woman, so I guess it's complicated?

Sorry to hear about your struggles. I'm not the best person to ask how to fight off temptation.

LivingWordUnity said:

The homosexual revolution is the societal death of same-sex friendships. It used to be that people of the same sex could have a close friendship without anyone assuming it to be sexual. But now if people of the same sex appear to be close friends people assume that there's sex going on. There is now a societal expectation for them to make their friendship sexual. This adds temptation for people with same-sex attraction while it discourages close friendships between same-sex heterosexuals.

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Nobody believes that my buddies and I are having sex, and none of us have ever come on to each other. Our friendships have not ever been discouraged nor has there been any pressure to sexualize them.

RileyG said:

*This is a serious topic and very sensitive one at that. I am faithful to all the teachings of the Church despite my involuntary attractions/desires.

I sometimes feel it is very difficult to have a friendship with a "beautiful" male---so to speak. I will start developing feelings for him, and at the same time I deal with so much loneliness. I also deal with so much anxiety/panic.

Ugh. It's so overwhelming. I just want to please God. I want to remain faithful to God.

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I like people and I like to be active and explore all sorts of (non sexual) activities. This leads to a fair number of friendships, often with women I find attractive. Most of the time it doesn't present a problem, but you know when you feel that mutual sexual tension that it's time to back away from that friendship before it goes somewhere you weren't intending. It isn't ever easy, but it gets less difficult with time and practice.

RileyG said:

*This is a serious topic and very sensitive one at that. I am faithful to all the teachings of the Church despite my involuntary attractions/desires.

I sometimes feel it is very difficult to have a friendship with a "beautiful" male---so to speak. I will start developing feelings for him, and at the same time I deal with so much loneliness. I also deal with so much anxiety/panic.

Ugh. It's so overwhelming. I just want to please God. I want to remain faithful to God.

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It's not a sin to have feelings that are not ordered by God... it's a sin when we act on them in thought, word, and deed.

benedictaoo said:

It's not a sin to have feelings that are not ordered by God... it's a sin when we act on them in thought, word, and deed.

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Hmmm. I am not a male, nor am I a female. I am an ever-living spirit, and my body is not me, it is clothing for me, a spirit, for my duration on our planet Earth. Everything all that I feel during my stay on planet Earth, is felt only in my brain, this includes all that we eat and drink. And this happens through the nervous systems, which send electrical charges to various destinies to the brain according to receptors that have their proper spot in the brain, be it pleasure, be it pain - such as us accidently banging a hammer by their thumb. Pain gives us warnings to fix bodily damage.

Many a Soldier, who lost a limb in battle, still feel the missing limb as if it is still there. Why? because the nervous system has only been removed only up to limb by the amputation performed, lets say a leg amputation just below the knee. However, the nerves that went to the now missing portion leg and foot below the knee, still go to the brain, and these nerves sends a message in the brain that, let say the missing foot, the brain will receive the electrical charge from the foot, and the amputee who is missing that foot but will feel an itch in his foot that is no longer there. So, everything we feel is felt only in our brain. The brain tells us where in the body it was suppose to come from.

A few decades ago, Doctors and scientist did experiments on people who suffered breakage of their top of their skull. This gave them ability to examine access to a hole in the top of brain, very difficult to get to, the pleasure spot. They had a dozen or so patients male and female. Each one felt terrific and kept pushing the button that release an electric charge. One patient pressed the button sending the electric charge to the pleasure center of the brain 1500 times before the doctors turned off the apparatus and took it away despite his protest.

In the Old testament, several popular men of God who did have sex with same sex. God did not punished them. The Mosaic Law required death for such a relationship. But no witnesses, the Mosaic Law required two witnesses, and none came forth.

ArtB said:

Hmmm. I am not a male, nor am I a female.

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Are you saying you have an intersex birth defect? Cuz otherwise you aren't being honest with us.

I've never been good at making friends, so my advice isn't worth much.
I do have one male friend, though I've known him since I was 4, and we grew up together; so he's perhaps more so a brother.

It's very difficult to make friends full-stop really, proper life-long friends or even very long term ones.
Try not be too hard on yourself. Being comfortable within yourself would hopefully make dealing with these problems a little easier.
Maybe regular meet-ups with possible friends will help clear the awkwardness/anxiety; couldn't say how to keep away feelings of attraction though. Emotions and attractions can't really be switched on and off .
Best of luck though.

RileyG said:

*This is a serious topic and very sensitive one at that. I am faithful to all the teachings of the Church despite my involuntary attractions/desires.

I sometimes feel it is very difficult to have a friendship with a "beautiful" male---so to speak. I will start developing feelings for him, and at the same time I deal with so much loneliness. I also deal with so much anxiety/panic.

Ugh. It's so overwhelming. I just want to please God. I want to remain faithful to God.

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Perhaps find more friendships with women.
Praying for you. God bless.