Elizabeth8393
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Do ladies only like guys with "cheating leverage"?
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Messy
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I think that is a big reason girls fall for a bad guy, they're smooth talkers and especially when you feel bad and have low self esteem it's fantastic when all of a sudden someone tells you what you want to hear. Complimenting someone doesn't have to be bad flattery and it doesn't matter if you're not good at it. Some really don't like it. A girl in my students' home didn't want a guy because he told her all the time how amazing she was. When he stopped doing that she liked him and later they married.
If you met a few creeps that told you you looked nice (and they think that about dozens more, eeww) you really appreciate it if someone doesn't do that and acts totally uninterested.
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timewerx
the village i--o--t--
That is true BUT....
There's a thin line to be crossed there. Either to insincerity or favoritism.
I mean would you have been as nice to a different person who is of less importance to you (as per circumstances)?
If you answered no, then that means, you only took interest in a person (of either gender) because they will or might fulfill a need of yours - perhaps a career opportunity or you wanted a pretty girl with your so you could boast to your friends, companionship, etc, etc.
Read this verse (note, this is not strictly for you but for educational purposes):
Jude 1:16
These people are grumblers and faultfinders; they follow their own evil desires; they boast about themselves and flatter others for their own advantage
What these leaves a Christian with?? As Yankee Girl pointed out - lots of lost opportunities! Is that right? Just read Luke 6:20-26. Many people will also not like you as a result. And I mean many, not just few - even if you try to be as nice as possible without crossing boundaries.
Also read about the "Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard" - the extreme unfavoritism of God.
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timewerx
the village i--o--t--
Good point. Which is why many couples met at work or the church where it will be inappropriate for constant flattery and people often converse in natural manner making them look less weird and look confident.
A player/cheater will know how to strike a balance between flattery, humor, and small talk. They are essentially great talkers in social gatherings and can win the hearts of both sexes.
I'm not saying all great talkers are cheaters or players (but cheaters / players will always develop such skills to fulfill their evil desires)...
It's up to the person to use such talent or skill to do good things or bad things. You can do a lot of good things with a talent for speaking, you can change the world with it or fool lots of men and women, your choice!
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- Jul 23, 2007
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Ok guys grab a coffee and settle in. This will be slightly long.
We have all heard this story many many times. The ladies often complains that every single guy they end up dating are players, liars and cheaters. And often times it is indeed the truth. The ladies weren't lying. And they go on to say that all guys (or most guys) are pigs.
I do not want to offend anyone here. But I am putting forward a thesis that these ladies bring it upon themselves. Now I know this sounds very bad and very biased. But please listen for a second. =)
The problem is that most attractive ladies are only attracted to a certain type of guys. And those guys have the leverage to cheat, or cheating leverage. Those leverage includes womanising (wooing) skills, having a lot of money, being funny, handsome, tall, healthy and active. Basically any positive yet secular traits that the ladies sees in a guy. (Remember the word "secular". This is very important.)
The logic here is very simple really. It should go without saying that a guy with more cheating leverage will cheat more often on average. It is all probability. It is all statistics.
The pretty lady might think that she is special. The ladies might think that this guy (with cheating leverage) is special. However thinking that this relationship is special does not mean it is actually special. Usually it all end up being a statistic median somewhere. An apples doesn't fall far from the tree, so to speak.
Of course there are plenty of guys with huge cheating leverage but yet will stay faithful to their wife. But I am sorry to say that it is more difficult (not sure how much more exactly, but it is harder) to find one such person.
The problem is once the ladies dated a guy with cheating leverage, they want their next BF to have at least the same level of cheating leverage. Some might even want their next BF to have even more cheating leverage, just to prove a point (this is important). And they refuse to date any guy who are more honest/Godly/serious but has less cheating leverage. To these ladies those honest guys just doesn't bring them excitement. These honest guys simply aren't as good as those guys with huge cheating leverage. They don't want to settle for less.
So they end up chain-dating guys with huge cheating leverage. And so they date players, liars and cheaters one after another.
And eventually these ladies will grow older and will be forced to settle for less. And these ladies are never happy with their marriage because they keep remembering all of their "better" EXs with "better" cheating leverage. I feel very sorry for those guys who marry one such ladies.
And this is the biggest harm that our "dating culture" is bringing to our sociality.
Guys with more cheating leverage are better boyfriends, yet not better husbands. However our sociality have taught the ladies that a relationship is all about cheating leverage. Meanwhile Godly traits like honesty, patiences, kindness, integrity and character are often overlooked.
Conclusion:
Some attractive ladies keep on dating one cheater after another simply because they keep on dating guys with huge cheating leverage.
Thoughts? =)
So what? Attractive women should be dating uglier dudes? Lol.
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timewerx
the village i--o--t--
Not a good advice really.....seriously. It isn't just looks that make people attractive. It could also be personality, wealth, fame, charisma, etc, etc...
And not every attractive person (in whichever form) is out to fool you!
You should know how to read people instead. And I mean able to read someone without their attractiveness distracting your judgment. Because who knows, someone God made for you is really attractive!
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- Jul 10, 2014
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I know I had disappeared from this thread that I made. Sorry I was focusing on another thread. And June was a busy time for me. 
I agree that I was over generalize in some of the things I stated. But I am glad we agreed that good looking people will have more opportunity to cheat.
I was trying to explain why certain ladies end up dating a chain of cheaters. I don't want to sound mean but the only common denominator was her. So something is wrong with the way she picks her BFs.
Yes the more handsome/successful/wooing (let's just call it all just "successful") a guy is, the more faithful and high morale he will have to be to be faithful. Like we both agreed a successful guy will have more opportunities to cheat.
A successful and loyal husband is a better character than a non-successful and loyal husband. That's because the successful husband will have much more opportunities to cheat over his life time.
Hence if a lady set it a requirement that she wants a successful guy, she must look and work extra hard to check his character. His character must be above average if she want a good chance of him being loyal.
The worst if those ladies who wants a successful guy and yet ignores his character. And that's especially ignoring their true walk with Christ.
I agree that I was over generalize in some of the things I stated. But I am glad we agreed that good looking people will have more opportunity to cheat.
I was trying to explain why certain ladies end up dating a chain of cheaters. I don't want to sound mean but the only common denominator was her. So something is wrong with the way she picks her BFs.
Yes the more handsome/successful/wooing (let's just call it all just "successful") a guy is, the more faithful and high morale he will have to be to be faithful. Like we both agreed a successful guy will have more opportunities to cheat.
A successful and loyal husband is a better character than a non-successful and loyal husband. That's because the successful husband will have much more opportunities to cheat over his life time.
Hence if a lady set it a requirement that she wants a successful guy, she must look and work extra hard to check his character. His character must be above average if she want a good chance of him being loyal.
The worst if those ladies who wants a successful guy and yet ignores his character. And that's especially ignoring their true walk with Christ.
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timewerx
the village i--o--t--
Cheaters tend to be quite persuasive and manipulative. They are really out to fulfill their evil desires. Of course, they will go for attractive women.
Cheaters can be very good at their craft - the art of deception that is. So it's really hard to blame the woman. And attractive women will have more chances of meeting such evil people.
If given a choice to blame the evil or innocent, I will always blame the evil any day because not every person is out to take advantage of the weak.... However, I'm not encouraging ignorance. We really need to wise up to avoid/resist evil!
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Elizabeth8393
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All of my former boyfriends cheated on me in some way or form, but they didn't fit the stereotype of being more prone to cheating. Just average looking guys, that chose video games, their mom, their sister, and their pride over me. :/
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Sounds like you had a bad experience. If you choose to decide all women are like that because you've chosen women prone to a spirit of gossip, that's YOUR call and YOUR excuse not to dust yourself off and try again. If you have that spirit of disrespect towards women in general right off the bat, you'll have a hard time.
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so when after I hit the 300 mark or so of rejections (in the church and out in the world) when does one decided that they keep dusting themselves off?
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LoveDivine
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so when after I hit the 300 mark or so of rejections (in the church and out in the world) when does one decided that they keep dusting themselves off?
I understand your frustration and negative view of church women. I am not advocating that guys put aside wisdom and past negative experiences and continue to pursue the same types of women. I just think that it is unhealthy and harmful for the guy to allow those negative experiences to cloud his perception of all women. Quite often people who have been mistreated repeatedly become resentful or bitter. I have had many negative experiences with guys who were professing Christians. It has been difficult at times to be able to maintain a balanced outlook. I keep reminding myself that those guys were not serious Christians. I know that decent guys might be hard to find, but I still believe that they exist. I believe that decent Christians of both genders are the minority. Maybe not everyone is fortunate enough in this life to find true love and happiness with a decent partner. That doesn't mean though that there aren't decent members of the opposite gender. Mistreatment from other professing Christians is a tough pill to swallow. I think it stings more because we expect a higher standard of conduct and behavior from Christians towards others. In reality, some of the worst treatment I have received has come from other Christians( women/men). Of course, those experiences make you more cynical and careful. That is not necessarily a bad thing; it helps to keep you from entrusting yourself to those that are harmful. The problem starts if you allow that cynicism to fester into bitterness or resentment. As difficult as it might be to resist the natural tendency to become sour or bitter, it is the only healthy choice for the individual. I would also add that if you are ever fortunate enough to cross paths with a mature and decent Christian woman, you will ruin any chances of attracting her with a negative outlook. I wouldn't say you need to keep dusting yourself and trying. The best thing is to accept your situation, try to be content, and be open to the possibility (should you meet someone decent). That is currently my own outlook and it has helped me to feel peace and contentment.
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Thank you for your kind and thought out reply.
It's for better that you actually put a little thought into it. I DO appreciate that.
Just at a loss now........I am not usually this way; and the past month or so....well, I have been sliding into some of these not "healthy" thought patterns. I just don't know what to do that's all....and the recent passing of "fathers day" and the weeks leading up to it have put me in the dumps. I am now the same age my mother was when I finished high school. I know, it means nothing to 99% of the world; one just begins to think at this point of "What's up Father God?"
Hmmmmmm..........I am just tired of being told to "try harder" and try again, pray about it.......join a 'christian' dating site......posts like the OP here just get me frustrated, and the replies from more than few are from people who have never had a problem getting a date, being endeared....I can assure many a Christian man here...that IF they were in the plight I was...their attitude would be much more worse than mine is at the moment.
I was sitting in on a Wednesday night service at another church (not my home church, we don't have Wed evening services) and again, another pastor.....mid twenties, wife, a few children.....was exhorting to the single men that we are not doing enough to "get" a wife. We're dropping the ball. He continued that "If you are single, you need to get on your knees and 'look in the mirror' and grow up, and put our pants on because this church is FILLED with these amazing, holy, godly women just want to be asked out, who want marriage, who want men to step-up and raise their children......single men, don't overlook a single mom!"
Well, I haven't overlooked. I even stay in my age range.....still not "good" enough for any of them. Just frustrated that's all.....and probably some poison spilling out of my life (and it's sinful, not justifying anything here) before I have to 'accept' that I am physically unattractive and accept my celibacy....and the "gift of singleness" (I hate that term)
Yes, your reply to me did have some solid uplifting......and I don't agree with all you said...but I do appreciate your reply. Thanks.
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LoveDivine
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Thank you. If it helps, I do sympathize and understand your frustration. I think what you are describing is totally normal. I've had those moments too, where I question my entire life and my future. I don't agree with your pastors take either. I don't think that is a fair assessment of Christian guys. My only point that might differ from your current feelings is that there are some decent Christian women. I'd concede that maybe you've never met any. I am not saying that decent Christian women are everywhere and that guys just don't realize it or miss opportunities. I just felt that this thread was going to be more damaging mentally for both guys and women. That is why I jumped into this discussion from the beginning and have been so vocal in my disagreements with the OP's premise. It's not that I want to go on a crusade to defend all women. I think focusing on these things will make guys more miserable and frustrated and that some of these comments arising from that frustration will offend decent women participating in this thread. I don't think anyone will benefit from that type of discussion. I do hope things improve for you. Even if your dating situation doesn't change, you can still take comfort in the fact that you are trying to live decently and follow Christ. That may not endear you to tons of women, but it does matter eternally.
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Messy
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Yes that's stupid, a nice guy, a bad guy.
Someone who's bad for you is someone who doesn't want to totally surrender his/her life to Jesus which makes you wonder: was I so nice and the bad guy broke up with me or did we both sin and did I go out with someone who didn't want to follow God because I didn't really totally want either? You're known by the company that you keep.
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LOL. Plenty of women (some Christian ones too) dating / sleeping with a 'player' and 'bad' guy or 'cheater' and you tell her or try to help her, and give advice when she asks....and here are the replies:
"You're jealous"
"He's just really misunderstood, and I prayed about it God told me it's gonna be okay."
"I think you're just upset because I wouldn't date you and you just like tearing someone down."
"Are you my father? I know what I am doing. I feel strongly about him"
"God said not to judge, and you're judging him.......you don't know him like I do!"
"We girls just can't help who we fall in love with"
"Maybe you should just focus on YOU and not worry about what other guys are doing." (yet she asked me for advice)
"I feel that lots of non-Christian guys can actually be more moral than a professing one"
"Only God can judge him, and you are not God."
"You're just bitter, and that's why no girl wants to date you"
"You should work overseas in a mission, Christian girls love guys who do mission work." (spent two years in India btw)
"How come you just find his faults? I mean, he's really a great guy and you have not even tried to reach out to him"
"He's funny, you should try to learn some jokes...we women were just created to laugh. We love it."
"We women look on the inside of a person, looks don't matter to us" (guy she is dating looks like he belongs on the cover of GQ)
So what do our runners up win? What do women have planned for men who stayed the course in their purity? Didn't father children and leave. Didn't get into inappropriate content. Didn't abuse, hit. Didn't cheat. What's in store for these solid men? Bob, show us the prize:
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