Hope 1
I have heard those words a thousand times. Sort of gets one depressed. I mean, I had a severe stroke at age 16. Could not draw disability and after high school, had to work. I went to businesses, to put in applications, but people could see I should have been approved for disability, so no one would hire me. So I started mowing my grandmother lawn make $20 every time I mowed it. Push mowed and twisted my ankle with every step I took. I went to work with my brother, laying carpet for an apartment building. But the manager told my brother," are you crazy..if he has another stroke we could be sued.. if I see him here again we will fire you". That really made me feel life was so unfair. No place wanted to hire me due to the stroke because of the severity. So one time Social Security Adm said, You can work. So I went to the National Guard Armory and said, I want to join. The commander said no. That I should be drawing disability.And this was around 4 years after the stroke occurred to show its severity. I would cry at night because I had nothing and no way of working. Went to work with my Dad, laying carpet. When it came time to lift it, I would drop it. It was to heavy. My ankle kept twisting. My Dad got upset at me and sent me home. It took a full functioning body and I was working on 60%. Too me, the world could be very cold. I tried cleaning carpets, but was no good at that neither. I would keep dropping the wand and kept getting the carpet to wet. About the 5th year, I went to Moberly Area Community College and got an AA degree. While there I drew disability. After college, I still could not find a job. My Dad said, I was just lazy. So I went to Advent, a place for the handicapped to learn work skills. I found a job as a janitor. Worked it around 3 years and then to the University of Missouri. Went home proud to be a student, but my parents were not so happy. Saying, you are to dumb, you will never amount to a hill of beans, that I think money grows on trees. Well, they were never paying for any of my college. Government grants and Voc Rehab were paying my way. So one time I went home for summer and had found a job at a nursing home. Felt good. Well my Dad started a business and said, What if I need you to watch my business? Huffy and puffy. So I went to my step uncles house and decided to quit my job to help my Dad. So I went home and in one day, my Dad hired someone else. So he says, you will work laying carpets with your brother. So I went to work, but ankle kept twisting and I started limping causing the pad to rip up. So I went home to my Dad's. He was walking out on the front porch and told me, Take your things and go. So I went to my uncles house. He was lazy. They sent me to the food bank to get food. I could not get food stamps. But eventually the food ran out. I stayed 1 month and started loose weight. So I went home. My Dad said, you can stay if you go to a mental institution. So the next day, I went with my Dad to a mental institution. My Dad starts saying all types of bad things about me and my college and says, I want him locked up. So a man walks in and says he knows what is wrong with me. A clear sign of mentally abused. So I stayed at the mental institution for one month. The diagnosed me with affective psychosis and major depression. But after returning home, my Dad tells me he hated me. That after I go to school to not come home again. Too me, that is disowning one. So I quit school and moved into a HUD site for disabled people. Stayed there about 10 years, just to be a big kid. The loneliness of friends deserting me after the stroke, all the tears I had been through, I gave up my dreams and becoming a child. Learned to live life instead of life living me. Today, I am a true Christian, am married, and tonight found out we might be fostering a baby. So everything looks up eventually. I already adopted 3 boys but they are grown now. But a baby would be wonderful. Everything looks up eventually.
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