• The General Mental Health Forum is now a Read Only Forum. As we had two large areas making it difficult for many to find, we decided to combine the Mental Health & the Recovery sections of the forum into Mental Health & Recovery as a whole. Physical Health still remains as it's own area within the entire Recovery area.

    If you are having struggles, need support in a particular area that you aren't finding a specific recovery area forum, you may find the General Struggles forum a great place to post. Any any that is related to emotions, self-esteem, insomnia, anger, relationship dynamics due to mental health and recovery and other issues that don't fit better in another forum would be examples of topics that might go there.

    If you have spiritual issues related to a mental health and recovery issue, please use the Recovery Related Spiritual Advice forum. This forum is designed to be like Christian Advice, only for recovery type of issues. Recovery being like a family in many ways, allows us to support one another together. May you be blessed today and each day.

    Kristen.NewCreation and FreeinChrist

anyone have any insight?

razzelflabben

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well, I've been fighting depression this week, not sure all the reasons why, could really use some time out with my husband, but to get away, but already had to borrow money for enough gas to get him to and from work, just not enough money to buy food and gas. Anxiously awaiting word about a "job" that I am able to do because of my health issues, but that could take months before I hear anything and even at that, it's a long shot. Got a call from the school, not totally bad, but not good either. then, last night I get a call from a friend who is having some major issues, she is hurting because of the church as well, in fact, they left long ago, but want to come back, problem is, the church is still a mess. Well, as I'm listening to her, she says, 'if anyone has a right to be hurt and angry is it you guys, for all you have been through and how they treated you'...been waiting a very long time for someone to acknowledge that we were hurt very badly, a hurt that is still haunting us today, not just over the loss of our son, but over other issues to. So, it all piles on top of me today, and I start crying, and missing our son, and I want to stop hurting and I can't. I'm so tired...just tired, tired of pain, tired of life, tired of being here for everyone but no one willing to listen, tired of not being heard, tired of struggling for every bite of food our household needs, tired of not knowing if the car will run another day or if we will have gas to get to and from work. Tired of never going anywhere, seeing anything, doing anything...our son gets free flying miles for us, and we can't afford to use them to go anywhere, no time or money. Tired of living in a construction zone (even though I love where we live and am more thankful than words can say, I'm tired of never having anything done enough to live in it.) I'M TIRED! Tired of missing our son, oh how I want to pick up the phone and tell him everything going on or have him walk in the door and say, "hi mom, I'm home" and tell me all the things going on with him. Well, enough belly aching...time to pick myself up and focus on the things of God rather than myself...
 
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razzelflabben

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ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! long story, on the bright side of things, it looks like our tree might survive, still praying for it, anxious for spring so we know for sure, but looks like it will make it...others died it looks like, but our tree from our sons funeral we have been praying for and I was so glad to see signs of life still...YEAH GOD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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razzelflabben

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so, I usually come on here to complain, but I have two huge praise the Lords I want to share. 1. it appears that our little apple tree is going to survive even though the other fruit trees seem to have died. For those who are not familiar with the story. The family whose house we were at when our son died, gave us a Jonathan Apple tree at the funeral, Jonathan being our son's name and the tree as continued life. WE moved it to our new home, a home our son will not see, but one that he always swore he would someday make enough money to move us. Well, it's first year here, the tree got sick. I have been praying for the tree all summer. The other trees that got sick seem to have died, but our little tree seems to still be surviving, can't wait to see buds in the spring. Another thing to know about this tree is that the first year after his death, we were missing him so bad that it was hard to even deal with life still, but mothers day, the tree had blooms, which I saw as his and God's way of saying, "we love you." Our son died the day before fathers day, so I asked God for a similar message for my husband for fathers day. Low and behold, two perfect little apples graced that tree that father's day. It is a very special little tree to us, so it surviving is a huge deal.

2. My health has been progressively getting worse for years now and we couldn't figure out why or find anyone that would listen to the symptoms. Well, on my birthday this year, I spent the night in the hospital trying to get more answers and for the last about 3 or 4 weeks, didn't have the strength or will to continue to fight to live. By God's grace, I asked my husband to stay home and help me figure out something. Long story short, God led us to a website that had an answer. The answer made so much logical sense it was scary so we tried it and you cannot imagine the difference in just two days. I have a very long recovery road ahead, but so far, I feel like I can keep living for a while longer even though I am anxious to be united with my Lord and reunited with our son. Now, to find the money to pay for the cure, but trusting that God didn't bring us this far just so we could fail with lack of money for the cure. And the bonus, the Dr. won't treat it, so we get to ditch all dr. and treat it ourselves, can't wait for that break, but it is a few months away yet.

WEll, thanks for a place to vent, both the good and the bad.
 
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yeshuaslavejeff

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ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! long story, on the bright side of things, it looks like our tree might survive, still praying for it, anxious for spring so we know for sure, but looks like it will make it...others died it looks like, but our tree from our sons funeral we have been praying for and I was so glad to see signs of life still...YEAH GOD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<smile> rem'ber the bones without flesh and sinew the Word of Yhwh spoken to - raised from the dead... i've seen trees apparently all lifeless after a 'long' drought, all of them came back to full florage/leaves MUCH later....

<cry> haven't seen any churches recover, only a very few individuals.

<hope> last post 304 natural recovery ; regular doktors aren't allowed to cure people since 1950, basically, it is against federal law since then. they are not even allowed to state that they can treat fatal diseases successfully with (forbidden naturals). i can help a lot if you are willing, no cost. have been doing so for over 20 years, no cost to anyone. just information provided and references they needed to recover instead of die, and to recover fully, inexpensively, and with no side effects. ("good diet" sums it up, but no one today seems to know what a "good diet" is and why it's required (duh, Yhvh told His People long, long, long ago) ) thousands of different herbs, roots, seeds or supplements have a place too. only no one under the power of the enemy is allowed to discuss them.
 
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razzelflabben

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<smile> rem'ber the bones without flesh and sinew the Word of Yhwh spoken to - raised from the dead... i've seen trees apparently all lifeless after a 'long' drought, all of them came back to full florage/leaves MUCH later....

<cry> haven't seen any churches recover, only a very few individuals.

<hope> last post 304 natural recovery ; regular doktors aren't allowed to cure people since 1950, basically, it is against federal law since then. they are not even allowed to state that they can treat fatal diseases successfully with (forbidden naturals). i can help a lot if you are willing, no cost. have been doing so for over 20 years, no cost to anyone. just information provided and references they needed to recover instead of die, and to recover fully, inexpensively, and with no side effects. ("good diet" sums it up, but no one today seems to know what a "good diet" is and why it's required (duh, Yhvh told His People long, long, long ago) ) thousands of different herbs, roots, seeds or supplements have a place too. only no one under the power of the enemy is allowed to discuss them.
Our diet isn't what it should be, but we are working toward that goal finally, by a miracle from God we have a place where we can have garden and some animals and orchard so we can eat more fresh and no chemical. Been trying to do that for longer than I want to think about. Also adding more protein is helpful, which again is something we have been trying to do but haven't been able to afford. Currently, we have a friend who is giving us fresh milk until we can get our cow, I know some people freak over that, because it isn't pasturized, but it tastes so much better and I grew up on such, so it is right down my alley. We don't control sugar too much, but we don't do lots of it either. In fact, when my kids make kool aid, they make it without any sugar or just a few spoon fulls depending on the flavor. Additives the same. Our diet is as pure as I can make it with the money I have available for food and we are prayerfully waiting for God to open the door to do even better.

As to herbs, I would love to know if there is something we are missing. I am currently working on getting into a holistic dr. around here who is highly recommended. In the meantime, I cannot tell you the difference the new found herbs are having. We only go to Dr.s when it is absolutely vital, which is unfortunately how I ended up on meds. that being said, God used me during that ordeal to minister to people who were hurting, so no complaints about that, and praise that he is showing me how to correct all that they messed up....but learning as well, to wait for Him and His time in all things.

I also want to thank you for your encouraging words. May you see Him in a new way today, living in the new mercies He has tailor made for you today.
 
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razzelflabben

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Sunday was interesting, we took our daughter to leave for the Army. So many people from church were worried about how we would handle it, 1. we already made peace, 2. we will still have contact with her, unlike with our son who died, and 3. I am feeling enough better that that miracle outweighs the missing of her at this moment in time.

I guess I am having problems understanding why so many people are so worried, it's not like she died, it's not like we won't talk to her, in a few weeks, we should be able to see her, talk again, etc. in a few weeks again, she will be only a phone call away again, what I wouldn't give in the life for the same opportunity with our son that died. How many times, I wanted to just pick up the phone and hear his voice, to get a letter, to know we could drive there and visit.

Got to leave this place before I go too deep into our grief, I guess I just wanted to say, we are okay, even if the people worrying won't read this...in fact, we are good, cause we know that she is just a phone call or letter away, even while at boot. In fact, she texted or called me till 2:30 this AM to let me know where she was and what was going on. I know there will be some silence with boot, we have been there with our eldest, but it's a short period of time.
 
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razzelflabben

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So tired of being in trouble every time I open my mouth!
So tired of people trying to hurt me and act like they don't care if I live or die!
So tired of Dr. who make things worse than better!
So tired of missing my kids, 1 in heaven, 1 in another state, 1 in the Army!
So tired of being sick!
So tired!!!!!!
 
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razzelflabben

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so, it's been awhile since I posted. Missing my son more than words can say.

Here is the problem as it stands today, our son died about 4 1/2 years ago. This last week, our son (next one down the line) had a "melt down" long story and it seemed unrelated, but when the melt down occurred, he brought up his brothers death as if he never really ever dealt with it. Well, without going into details that would not be appropriate, our son is in desperate need of prayer, he is more than likely blaming himself (though not his fault, but understandable for him to feel some of these feelings) and to top it off, he is pushing me away, according to his sister because I didn't react like he thought I would. Add other stresses, (long story) and other pains and then all the memorials on here today, and I am ready to sob myself to sleep. When will the extra traumas of lose end? Why can't I just miss my son and that is that? I know our son has a right to his struggles, that isn't my problem, my problem is that we are just now getting a chance to deal with our grief without people being evil and now we have to shove it back to help our son deal with his grief...long overdue grief...when do we get to just grieve and move on?

Sorry for the rant...moving on...may the Lord of comfort, comfort our son and show Him the way back to grace.
 
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razzelflabben

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Sometimes, I wonder if I will ever get a break from trials. Not only is our eldest not dealing well with things, some stemming from his brothers death, but now, our third son is harming himself and apparently it has to do with unresolved anger over his brothers death.

But to top that off, our daughter is now in the army and though she doesn't have final orders, will most likely be sent to help in the war efforts against ISIS. Really? Sending female soldiers to fight ISIS? She is support but still. I don't know, I am trying to just take one day at a time, but when I pray about this, God keeps saying, "I wouldn't ask for any of your kids that weren't solid in me"...really! What does that mean other than our daughter is secure in Christ.

So it summarizes like this....I have two sons that are spiritually wayward right now, one son dead and in the courts of the King, one daughter in harms way, and our youngest is struggling with whether or not to make God his Lord and King. Argh...I want a rest.
 
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nota

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Dear razzelflabben,

I can`t come to these forums often. My dinosaur dial-up is just one thing keeping me away. Hoping I can post this before "it" disconnects me.

Just read through this thread and am hearing your heart`s cry....
Reading some of your posts in the past honestly repelled me but it doesn`t matter now, seeing how you are hurting. I can relate to hurt and grief and suffering and feel really drawn to tell you that you are never alone, that you never suffer alone.
I live alone yet I am not alone, neither do I suffer alone.
Creator Jesus understands when no human person might understand, he never leaves us even when everyone else might.
I think you know this, but I want to say it to you anyway :
HE IS GOOD - I was once in a church where everyone yelled "all the time" in response to that statement.
HE IS COMPASSIONATE and HIS GRACE SUFFICIENT and EVERLASTING.
You can make it, no matter how tired you get.
HE KNOWS YOUR SUFFERING.

A son of mine [young man] was recently diagnosed with a deadly and aggressive form of leukemia. It is unlikely that the will survive for long and he knows it.
There are some 650 miles between us and I can no longer drive such distances.

So often in this mortal life there is no answer to our "why" questions.
We will only understand when we meet HIM face to face.
Just one thing I know for sure : HE KNOWS WHY now and HE DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES, as we do.

Where ever you are, razzelflabben, I send you Creator`s blessings and hold you in my prayers. May you be acutely aware of his love for you and feel enveloped by his presence around you.
One day we will look back and see his heart, understand the whys.
And celebrate with him and all loved ones gone before us forever.

nota
 
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razzelflabben

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Dear razzelflabben,

I can`t come to these forums often. My dinosaur dial-up is just one thing keeping me away. Hoping I can post this before "it" disconnects me.

Just read through this thread and am hearing your heart`s cry....
Reading some of your posts in the past honestly repelled me but it doesn`t matter now, seeing how you are hurting. I can relate to hurt and grief and suffering and feel really drawn to tell you that you are never alone, that you never suffer alone.
I live alone yet I am not alone, neither do I suffer alone.
Creator Jesus understands when no human person might understand, he never leaves us even when everyone else might.
I think you know this, but I want to say it to you anyway :
HE IS GOOD - I was once in a church where everyone yelled "all the time" in response to that statement.
HE IS COMPASSIONATE and HIS GRACE SUFFICIENT and EVERLASTING.
You can make it, no matter how tired you get.
HE KNOWS YOUR SUFFERING.

A son of mine [young man] was recently diagnosed with a deadly and aggressive form of leukemia. It is unlikely that the will survive for long and he knows it.
There are some 650 miles between us and I can no longer drive such distances.

So often in this mortal life there is no answer to our "why" questions.
We will only understand when we meet HIM face to face.
Just one thing I know for sure : HE KNOWS WHY now and HE DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES, as we do.

Where ever you are, razzelflabben, I send you Creator`s blessings and hold you in my prayers. May you be acutely aware of his love for you and feel enveloped by his presence around you.
One day we will look back and see his heart, understand the whys.
And celebrate with him and all loved ones gone before us forever.

nota
I apologize if my posts repelled you, at first I came to try to make sense out of all that we were enduring, but I think even then I knew the answers, we live in a sinful, prideful world. So it quickly became a place for me to say things that I can't say to many people. Anonymous if you will. People by in large, want to talk about themselves, but no one really wants to listen. Since I work hard at accommodating this in people, so that they have someone to confide in, I don't very often get a chance to just say what is in my heart. So, I come here to do so, I mean no offence....maybe, I should refrain from such in the future. The truth is, God has done a lot in our lives to bring healing. Just like with our daughter. I will never be comfortable with her fighting ISIS, or with God telling me that He will only ask for those of our children who are secure in Him, but there is a comfort in that, a comfort that goes beyond anything this world can understand. My heart breaks and yet rejoices. I cry in agony while praising my Lord. I have over the years been equated to Job many times over, something I am very uncomfortable with, yet, in that, I know that in the midst of great distress, we can fall before a Holy God and worship in peace, Love, joy, contentment, and trust.

I am so sorry to hear about your son. I have since losing our son, often wondered if it is any easier to deal with your child dying from an illness, verses a sudden death like we dealt with. Where I cannot fathom the pain of watching and knowing, and in your case no being close to your son a child die slowly, I know that there was some shock and even some lingering shock these years later. I was recently talking to a sister in law who had a miscarriage years ago, she was saying that she thought it would be harder to lose a child like we did, than to have a miscarriage. I'm not sure about that, I think maybe, just maybe, each lose is equally hard, just different. That being said, may you find peace in the midst of your storm. Grace to endure, courage to continue to live, joy when all seems lost, and Love waiting every moment of every day. If I can ever be of any assistance to you, even if you just want to talk, just say the word and we will connect in whatever way works for you.

Razz.
 
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razzelflabben

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It's a low day today, maybe it is because it is the anniversary of a young friends death, maybe because I got ticked off twice yesterday, maybe because I'm tired of feeling bad (health wise) maybe because of all the things my kids are going through, maybe it is the drama of the church, maybe just missing our son. Who knows....the bottom line is that my eyes are on me, which is pride and in that, I sin. So my battle is with doing away with the pride that snares us all and in that, learn to take on the humility of Christ. If anyone reads this and cares, a word of prayer would be greatly appreciated, I have been in prayer all day and most of the night, and somehow, it just isn't letting go of me. Still feeling low...still struggling to put myself in last place so that I can encourage others unto righteousness.
 
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razzelflabben

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Praise the Lord, my tree survived, and looks so beautiful. So blessed that it survived the illness last year. The only other tree that survived with the other apple tree, so if everything goes well, we should even have a few apples this year to remind us of our dear, sweet son whom we miss more than words can say.
 
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razzelflabben

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Forgive me for speaking again...I am so very tired and don't know what else to do than to say it here. Father's day will be 5 years since our son died. Yesterday, mother's day was hard enough without him. He was our one that I could always count on. OUr daughter has kind of taken over that role, which is a huge huge blessing. But I now get to "worry" about our 3rd son. He is finally talking, and he is so angry and doesn't even see it. He not only has decided to venture down roads that could harm him, but he has decided that somehow I am evil and barely will speak to me if cornered. He is blaming me for everything right now...I don't even know what I supposedly did, but once again it is all my fault.

I grew up being blamed for everything, no one there to remind me that it was all lies. Yet somehow, God got me threw and I thrived in a situation that should have killed me. For that, I am eternally grateful to my Lord and King. I know this too will pass and I pray that my son comes home before it's too late, none the less, I am beyond exhausted of taking the blame for everything.

Maybe in a small way, writing this all out, has made me realize a little more about Christ's love for us. He willingly took the blame of the entire world on His shoulders, and here I am crying over small blames. It doesn't change how hurt it makes me, how much I long to join our son in heaven and there worship our Lord together. But it does, maybe give me a new perspective, one that maybe I have needed, because in it, I am challenged to grow in humility, to be ever more like Christ.

Well, there I said it. I'm a terrible mom, because some how, I couldn't stop our sons death. I'm a terrible mom because some how I wasn't able to drag our sons anger out of him. I'm a terrible mom....on mother's day I get to cry, I get to be reminded of how much was lost that day almost 5 years ago. I wish it was my time to go home. But even more so, I Pray that my God rescues my sons from themselves.
 
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razzelflabben

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I determined I wouldn't post here again, being that my posting somehow is painful to some, but it is one of the very few places I can just say what is in my heart.

Right now, I am so stressed, angry, hurt that I can barely function, not to mention the physical issues that I am suffering through. I am tired of not even be worth the air that I breath, literally.

I grew up in a "not so pleasant" household. When my husband and I were dating (engaged) we were at my parents house. My father put a chemical on the cat (I am deathly allergic to many chemicals, as in throat, tongue, larynx swelling, asthma and or lung spasms) I couldn't breath, it was bad enough that my now husband and mother tried to talk me into an ER visit, but I have battled with this my whole life, so I toughed it out. when my father saw I couldn't breath, he laughed and put the chemical on the carpet. This is how I have lived. Today, the reaction is so bad I should be house bound even though I refuse to stop living. But as usual, I can't get anyone to help, even though I have had many tests that show the problem. Anyway, on top of all that, I'm in a current fight (don't even know why) with my son and husband, another son won't have anything to do with me and again, I have no clue why. In fact, his father told him the exact same things I did and he will talk to his father, but not me. Got a daughter in the Army, just when she was becoming more a friend than a daughter and now she is on the other side of the world. She has kind of taken the place of our son that died. Our eldest is starting to grow up and still doesn't call or visit much. I don't know, I just want to crawl in a hole and disappear. I can't do anything right, can't help around here, can't say anything without someone getting mad. If not someone here, someone at church or on the forum. That doesn't even count the normal frustrations and having to listen to my mother blame me for my allergies and how bad my father is (they have called in hospice) I don't know, I've just had enough for the day....I just want to go home and see my Lord and son....I'm so tired...so ready to be done....
 
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faroukfarouk

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I determined I wouldn't post here again, being that my posting somehow is painful to some, but it is one of the very few places I can just say what is in my heart.

Right now, I am so stressed, angry, hurt that I can barely function, not to mention the physical issues that I am suffering through. I am tired of not even be worth the air that I breath, literally.

I grew up in a "not so pleasant" household. When my husband and I were dating (engaged) we were at my parents house. My father put a chemical on the cat (I am deathly allergic to many chemicals, as in throat, tongue, larynx swelling, asthma and or lung spasms) I couldn't breath, it was bad enough that my now husband and mother tried to talk me into an ER visit, but I have battled with this my whole life, so I toughed it out. when my father saw I couldn't breath, he laughed and put the chemical on the carpet. This is how I have lived. Today, the reaction is so bad I should be house bound even though I refuse to stop living. But as usual, I can't get anyone to help, even though I have had many tests that show the problem. Anyway, on top of all that, I'm in a current fight (don't even know why) with my son and husband, another son won't have anything to do with me and again, I have no clue why. In fact, his father told him the exact same things I did and he will talk to his father, but not me. Got a daughter in the Army, just when she was becoming more a friend than a daughter and now she is on the other side of the world. She has kind of taken the place of our son that died. Our eldest is starting to grow up and still doesn't call or visit much. I don't know, I just want to crawl in a hole and disappear. I can't do anything right, can't help around here, can't say anything without someone getting mad. If not someone here, someone at church or on the forum. That doesn't even count the normal frustrations and having to listen to my mother blame me for my allergies and how bad my father is (they have called in hospice) I don't know, I've just had enough for the day....I just want to go home and see my Lord and son....I'm so tired...so ready to be done....
razzelflabben:

Well, it's good to think also of how our presence as the Lord keeps us here can still be of benefit and encouragement to others. I was seriously ill and ready to go Home. But the Lord decided to keep me here.

Psalm 90 is a relevant Scripture, I think.

Blessings.
 
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razzelflabben

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razzelflabben:

Well, it's good to think also of how our presence as the Lord keeps us here can still be of benefit and encouragement to others. I was seriously ill and ready to go Home. But the Lord decided to keep me here.

Psalm 90 is a relevant Scripture, I think.

Blessings.
lol my daughter told me that not long ago, she says it isn't time...I know all that, how many times do I counsel others in the same way. Just tired...btw, worked out the issue with my husband and son and both confessed they were wrong, which helps some, still tired of everyone being mad at me no matter what I say or do.
 
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faroukfarouk

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lol my daughter told me that not long ago, she says it isn't time...I know all that, how many times do I counsel others in the same way. Just tired...btw, worked out the issue with my husband and son and both confessed they were wrong, which helps some, still tired of everyone being mad at me no matter what I say or do.
razzelflabben: I hope you are feeling okay and more encouraged now.

Blessings.
 
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razzelflabben

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;) some, still stressed, but better. I have a constant battle over feeling of any value to anyone, just reared it's ugly head for a few days. A vacation would help, but that isn't going to happen any too soon and when it does, like it or not, we don't have much choice and will probably end up in the one spot that is the most likely to have the chemicals that make me so sick...not looking forward to that, but all in God's hands, thanks for the encouragement. Nice to have brothers and sisters that encourage us when we need it.
 
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