She thought it was funny...

BFine · May 27, 2015

I set aside a day for a friend who was in dire
need of my help (so she said) and I waited for her to
call me as to where we were to meet...she usually likes
to meet at Starbucks or at the mall.
I waited and waited...then I called her cell phone
and left a message for her to let me know what was
going on? An hour goes by, she doesn't call me back,
so I call again, this call also goes to voicemail...
I'm starting to worry, since this is my friend who's
struggles with a mental illness/depression.

Finally...
My friend calls back around 6 pm saying she met up
with another "friend" and they worked out her problems--
she laughed when I voiced my concern for her when she didn't
call me back earlier --she said I should of gave up waiting on her
when she didn't call back? OK...

I guess I handled this wrong...what would you have done?

Songsmith · May 27, 2015

I think I would have gone about my day with the intention of dropping what I was doing when she called. I am of the frame of mind that, 1) I am not responsible for what another person does. If you worry too much about making sure that nothing bad happens to everyone around you you will not be living the life God has called you to live. Worry is a form of fear. 2) I must forgive those who don't treat me as I would expect them to as a friend. It appears that you are not ready to forgive her from the way you are talking (so she said). She probably did need your help and her circumstances changed. Be glad that she trusts you enough to confide in when the chips are down.

I know that it hurts that you feel less important to her than you did. My guess is that you are not less important to her. Trust in your friendship. Just my 2 cents worth

Goodbook · May 27, 2015

I dont wait round for ppl to ring me they can just txt.
If its someone going through problems I pray for them instead of worrying.
Thank God your friend did find someone to help them. It doesnt always have to be you, you should be relieved.

Its like I learned ppl might say, they will call you if got a job for you in the next week or so. Or maybe they dont even specify. But im not sitting round waiting to got a job offer. Im too busy with other things like my life. Most of the time they dont even ring anyway, got someone else and just saying it to be polite. Dont take it personal.

saved24 · May 28, 2015

I think you did what was right. She should have called and let you know she decided to see someone else. It's not fair that you had to set aside your time for her and then she does not have the courtesy to phone you. How can you be sure she won't do this again? I would pray about it and see how the Lord leads. God bless.

Goodbook · May 28, 2015

She probably didnt even know you set aside time. Dont always assume that. Besides you meant to forgive and have mercy on ppl not get angry and miffed if they do one thing wrong.
I have someone who thinks i should just drop everything and do whatever she demands give her ride etc, assuming i have nothing better to do than wait around for ppl to ring me so they can use me. Im just straight with her, i can help when i can but i cant be guilted into helping.

Dont fall into the codependent trap. You just be happy that she found someone. She will learn you cant be mainpulated into helping all the time.

LoricaLady · May 28, 2015

If your friend knew you had set aside time for her - maybe she was not clear on that - then she did not act in a considerate way at all. Guess you will just have to wait and see if she continues to exhibit such patterns in the future or reflect on if that is a pattern from the past. In that case I would confront her, tactfully of course. In fact you might want to ask, "Did you understand that I had set that time apart for you?"

Praying for wisdom and guidance in relation to the friend.

Quasicentennial · May 28, 2015

Mental illness is definitely a very self-focused non-self-challenging phase or comfort zone, where it is OK to be a mischievous kid forever, without realizing what issues are affecting our community when it comes to athiesm, crime, poverty and terrorism when you are at that adulthood of maturity and wisdom, especially the supernatural assistance of our Lord Jesus Christ who is constantly fighting this spiritual warfare of Satan's deceiving logic of greed, selfishness and material wealth pride as some kind of measurement success epidemic, as if poverty and crime are necessary to keep this measurement success epidemic selfishness going as an athiestic tradition.;'*';.

Fortran · May 28, 2015

Sure, it may have proved inconvenient in the end, but, from my perspective what you did was selfless, an act of love. Therefore, I believe what you did was the right thing. In my eyes, one can never show too much concern for others. Can it disadvantage the helper at times? Might it go unappreciated? Yes, certainly. However, I do not believe the response of others changes a good deed into a bad one. The one who gives selflessly to the individual who ends up being a con is still a selfless giver. To me, to not care about others is far worse than to care to a point that possibly results in a foolish action (not that I believe you acted foolishly anyway).

Goodbook · May 28, 2015

Meeting at starbucks it doesnt seem to me to be a dire situation. I was thinking maybe she neded an ambulance or help at home or something. Of course you be the judge of it. If she does this all the time and you suspect you being used, dont be taken in again.

Just let it blow over. Yes good to be concerned but you can pray in those situations and let God handle it if its too big for you. Worry does not help anyone. Eg mum says she worries about me etc. but its better she prays rather than worries. I do ring her in case shes waiting for me to come home etc. be a prayer warrior, not a stay at home worrier.

BFine · May 28, 2015

Yes, she knew I'd set aside time for her,
we generally meet up outside of Starbucks or the mall and we talk in my car about her "issues".
I've done that sort of thing with her a few times
over the last month or so.

She uses the bus system to get around and I've
encouraged her to continue doing that instead of
staying in her tiny apartment. So she takes the bus over to this side of town where we live and
I meet her at either one of the aforementioned places, since both places are halfway points for
both of us.

It's not uncommon for her to spend half a day talking out her problems with me... some of you may not know this but I do pastoral care-- and being a listening ear is all part of that.
Due to my own disability I'm unable to work, so pastoral care is something I can do and
it's been good for me and I like helping people
since I can't work.
Struggling...
My friend has been having a hard time keeping friends due to her mental illness... sometimes she has "meltdowns" and the friends she once had, have found new friends to be around.
It's possible that she was experiencing a meltdown because her laughing was out of
place and it's not her usual response to "forgetting"
to call and let me know she found someone else
to talk with.

I did talk to her aunt and uncle on Tues., they told me that she was having a medical issue? and was waiting to hear the test results...I will try calling her later to see how she's doing.
It could be she's really scared and hiding, as
that was her typical reaction to such matters.
I will update this thread later.

Mister_Al · May 28, 2015

Your friend was able to reconcile the problem she was having with someone and that was a good thing, be happy for her. Say a prayer for her tonight and then call her tomorrow and tell her that she owes you a cup of coffee at starbucks.

Blessings,

Alan

bottledwater · May 28, 2015

BFine said:
I set aside a day for a friend who was in dire
need of my help (so she said) and I waited for her to
call me as to where we were to meet...she usually likes
to meet at Starbucks or at the mall.
I waited and waited...then I called her cell phone
and left a message for her to let me know what was
going on? An hour goes by, she doesn't call me back,
so I call again, this call also goes to voicemail...
I'm starting to worry, since this is my friend who's
struggles with a mental illness/depression.

Finally...
My friend calls back around 6 pm saying she met up
with another "friend" and they worked out her problems--
she laughed when I voiced my concern for her when she didn't
call me back earlier --she said I should of gave up waiting on her
when she didn't call back? OK...

I guess I handled this wrong...what would you have done?

You handled it like a concerned friend would. As far as getting upset about it. Just let it go. Like you said, she is dealing with some emotional stuff.
It isn't worth the upset that could come from you expressing your displeasure in what happened.

LoricaLady · May 29, 2015

Maybe next time you feel you two have an appointment, get her to be clear with something like, "Now does this mean that I can expect to see you at such and such a time at such and such a place? I'm very happy to meet you there, but if you aren't positive you can make it, let me know and I will get some other things attended to."

BFine · May 30, 2015

Talking to my friend right now...
it's not good...she found out she has
a heart condition!
(I had a strong feeling that something was really
wrong.)

Pray for her...
My friend's name is Sherri, she's 40 and struggles with a mental illness and now she's got a heart problem... not good news at all, she's scared-- so many unknowns right now.

The friend she talked to was the minister-- so
that's good.

I will visit with her tomorrow.

Thanks for reading and thanks for prayers.

Goodbook · May 30, 2015

Can i ask what kind of mental illness is she diagnosed with? Theres all different kinds.
Im sorry to hear that. When ppl have an illness sometimes they dont always think straight and forget to call etc. sometimes common courtesies get neglected cos of bigger issues. Its not they are doing it deliberately to hurt you.

She thought it was funny...

Seed Planter

Junior Member

Reading the Bible

Forgiven

Reading the Bible

YHWH's

Member

Newbie

Reading the Bible

Seed Planter

Regular Member

Under Construction

YHWH's

Seed Planter

Reading the Bible

Similar threads