My dad watches inappropriate content and I am mortified and scarred.

nicole17 · May 26, 2015

Hi, I'm 16 and a long while back I was exploring functions of a computer. Well, I ran across the "Web History" area. Now, you may condemn me for snooping, but at the time I was merely curious with genuinely good intentions. Now, what I ran across shocked me. Before my eyes, I had seen many inappropriate content sites listed. I was completely and utterly disgusted. So I turned off the computer. For a couple of months afterwards, i had monitored the history, and every couple of days it would show up again. Keep in mind that this was at least a year ago, if not longer, when this happened. Then, one day, when I had opened up the computer, my dad had forgot to close the inappropriate content website! So I had to quickly think; then I called my dad and said, "Dad, I think there's a virus on here!", with full knowledge that it indeed was not. He quickly came out and shut it off and didn't say anything. (Now, normally my dad gets extremely frustrated and mad at computer viruses, but he acted like nothing was wrong. I just wanted to see how he would react). About a month went by and I half-heartedly brought it up to my mom. It went something like this, "Mom, I think there might be a virus on the computer, because I found inappropriate content websites in the computer history. Either that, or someone's watching inappropriate content. And I know it's not you or Joe (my little brother, too young to know about inappropriate content)." She just kinda laughed it off and said, "It's probably a virus". So then, for months after that, I hadn't seen any inappropriate content on the computer history. Keep in mind both my parents are christians, but my dad tends to live more by the world than by Christ.

But, a couple of days ago, I found another way to check to history (Google search history or something.) It turns out my dad watches the minimum twice a week, and the maximum every other day! The worst part is, he talks to me about how he wishes my mom would lose weight and how she doesn't wanna have sex anymore, and when they do "do it", she can't hardly do anything because she's so fat, and that he can't help but look at other women and sometimes even flirt with them. But then, the websites he looks up are BBW inappropriate content sites ("Big Beautiful Women"), so how can he fat shame my mom so badly behind her back, and then be so hypocritical to watch other big women on inappropriate content sites? One of the worst parts is, every Wednesday, we want him to go to church with us but he declines. But, as I found out, Google shows the time each website was used, and while we're going to church worshipping Christ, he uses this time to watch inappropriate content most often. And while me and my mom were out shopping and my brother at school, at 2:30 pm today he was watching Redtube.

So yeah, I'm completely disgusted and utterly horrified, including a scarred beyond repair mind. Are most men like this? This distrustful, dishonorable, etc? It's made me to the point where I can't even have a boyfriend. It's tearing me up inside. I have no one else to talk to this about. And please don't take this as a joke and say, "It's normal, all guys watch inappropriate content!" Because my problems with my "Christian" dad go deeper than the inappropriate content itself. And we have a very close relationship for the most part. But after I found this, I've felt very distant from him. I can't even look him in the eyes. And the thing I don't understand is, he very strict on me. He won't let me go out with my friends hardly anywhere, or go anywhere by myself, and makes me dress how he wants. (I don't dress provocatively, but I do wear a lot of black.) Also, these past couple of days it has been very hard taking him seriously. If he yells at me for something I've done wrong, I think in my head, "at least I don't watch inappropriate content!". I just need help, peace, and guidance. I am SO grateful for anyone that responds to this seriously and has read my awfully long problem up to this point. Thanks, and God bless.

SnowyMacie · May 26, 2015

I'm just trying to understand...you stumbled across your father's web history, found out he watched inappropriate content, and became completely disgusted by it, but instead of stopping from the shock and disgust, you continue to look at his history?

nicole17 · May 27, 2015

TX_CO_Matt said:
I'm just trying to understand...you stumbled across your father's web history, found out he watched inappropriate content, and became completely disgusted by it, but instead of stopping from the shock and disgust, you continue to look at his history?

Yeah

axydavid · May 27, 2015

There goes a role model right trough the window!
Sin is something that's really ugly and addiction looks horrifying, just have a look at drug addicts and you'll see what I mean.
We live in a world where ANYTHING can be sexualized, especially pretty much everything on the TV. That puts a lot of pressure, generally speaking it's the pressure of looking and acting sensual for women which leads to a lot of sexual pressure on men and nowadays vice versa as-well.
Now, I want you to understand a truth that many people, especially women hate:
Before you blame most men for watching inappropriate content I'd like you to analyse yourself, see if you haven't contributed to this.
Have you ever looked or acted in an inappropriate way? If you did then you are guilty of putting sexual pressure on men thus leading them to watch inappropriate things.
Also there is a terrible fact that you might want to understand as a women, if you're married and you are too tired to have an intimate relationship with your husband, there are many young women that are eager to do so, behind a screen or in real life, it doesn't matter.

Now that you understand that there are many different factors to take into consideration when analysing this particular sin we can continue.
What your dad does is indeed really ugly, the fact that he chooses his own pleasure before his family is really despicable.
However there are a few factors that led him to this decision, the biggest one undeniably being that your mom is too tired to have an intimate relationship with him. The fact that your mother insisted that it was just a virus that created that history probably means that she's denying the truth because she just can't handle it, that or she's really clueless.
inappropriate contentography destroys ones relationship with God so it's no shock that from a point on he choose to watch inappropriate contentography instead of going to church, this means that sin entangles him deeply and he probably no longer has a meaningful relationship with God.
Let me warn you about the reality that inappropriate contentography has destroyed many families, especially once the internet kicked in.
It alters ones view on the opposite gender and makes them more aggressive in their relationships with close people, this leads to many arguments followed by divorces.

What I'd suggest for you is to stop being a detective, the only way to make sure that this is true is by DIRECTLY talking about this with your mom and/or dad, don't sugar-coat it as a virus or anything else. If that doesn't work meaning that nothing changes for the better talk with the pastor or someone high in your churches hierarchy about it.
The longer you wait the deeper sin will grow as sin thrives being hidden in the shadows, therefore it must be dragged to light as soon as possible. Until then there will always a slight possibility that your dad isn't the one who watches inappropriate contentography, remember that.

If your dad confesses then your parents should go to a Christian counsellor that specialises in family/couple issues, this is very serious as we don't know if your parents can solve this issue by themselves.
Remember, if they can't solve it that pretty much leads to a divorce, official or unofficial it doesn't matter, it's just as painful.

I pray that God will give you wisdom in dealing with this problem, and that the holy spirit will lead your parents towards the right path.

Now about whenever all guys are like that or not, the safest thing to do is to assume that every guy has a big sexual drive unless stated otherwise and act accordingly, don't forget that just like you, they are also victims of the over-sexualized society we live in today.

Unix · May 27, 2015

No - watching inappropriate contentography is not as common to males as You now fear. Either guys watch inappropriate content frequently or won't watch any - any the latter have several various and all good reasons for not watching.
All You need to do is to pay attention to whether a guy has an indecent sexual attitude, uses profane language, or talks about Your friends in a some unhealthy way. You don't need access to the guy's devices or ask him straight questions or how he reacts. You should be able to spot guys who are not good to You. After observing these things for a while You have some clues regarding in what way he is romantic and attracted to You.
In the last step You get to know the person and can be somewhat certain about what kind of internet usage patterns he has - still not having looked at his browsing or search -histories.

SnowyMacie · May 27, 2015

see PM

axydavid · May 27, 2015

Unix said:
No - watching inappropriate contentography is not as common to males as You now fear. Either guys watch inappropriate content frequently or won't watch any - any the latter have several various and all good reasons for not watching.
All You need to do is to pay attention to whether a guy has an indecent sexual attitude, uses profane language, or talks about Your friends in a some unhealthy way. You don't need access to the guy's devices or ask him straight questions or how he reacts. You should be able to spot guys who are not good to You. After observing these things for a while You have some clues regarding in what way he is romantic and attracted to You.
In the last step You get to know the person and can be somewhat certain about what kind of internet usage patterns he has - still not having looked at his browsing or search -histories.

I can't wholeheartedly agree with what you're saying, I don't think watching inappropriate contentography is a black/white issue, to stop watching inappropriate contentography is a process, and stopping the effect of inappropriate contentography is even a longer process, if you don't respect the amount of time needed in that specific process you risk relapsing.
I do agree that ones attitude reflects the effects of inappropriate contentography but what's most important is the direction the person is headed in.
The most important thing is that persons opinion about inappropriate contentography and how close their relationship with God is.
And the statement that it's not as common as you think is really more complicated than you make it, it really depends on which generation that person belongs to, judging by the OP's post I expect her to be somewhere around 16-18 years old and living in a 1-st or 2-nd world country. In that generation and demographic the vast majority on teenagers regardless of gender around her watches inappropriate contentography.

servant of Merciful Love · May 27, 2015

nicole17 said:
But, a couple of days ago, I found another way to check to history (Google search history or something.) It turns out my dad watches the minimum twice a week, and the maximum every other day! The worst part is, he talks to me about how he wishes my mom would lose weight and how she doesn't wanna have sex anymore, and when they do "do it", she can't hardly do anything because she's so fat, and that he can't help but look at other women and sometimes even flirt with them. But then, the websites he looks up are BBW inappropriate content sites ("Big Beautiful Women"), so how can he fat shame my mom so badly behind her back, and then be so hypocritical to watch other big women on inappropriate content sites?

Your biggest concern should be about YOU...not your parents...or men's sexual tempations.
For being just 16 , I have more of an issue with your Father talking to YOU about your parents SEX life and his lust for other women

I'd be talking to your Mother and let HER handle it; ADULT problems should not become their children's problems.
I'd have a concern about your safety if he has no common sense re: involving YOU in his problems.

nicole17 · May 27, 2015

axydavid said:
There goes a role model right trough the window!
Sin is something that's really ugly and addiction looks horrifying, just have a look at drug addicts and you'll see what I mean.
We live in a world where ANYTHING can be sexualized, especially pretty much everything on the TV. That puts a lot of pressure, generally speaking it's the pressure of looking and acting sensual for women which leads to a lot of sexual pressure on men and nowadays vice versa as-well.
Now, I want you to understand a truth that many people, especially women hate:
Before you blame most men for watching inappropriate content I'd like you to analyse yourself, see if you haven't contributed to this.
Have you ever looked or acted in an inappropriate way? If you did then you are guilty of putting sexual pressure on men thus leading them to watch inappropriate things.
Also there is a terrible fact that you might want to understand as a women, if you're married and you are too tired to have an intimate relationship with your husband, there are many young women that are eager to do so, behind a screen or in real life, it doesn't matter.

Now that you understand that there are many different factors to take into consideration when analysing this particular sin we can continue.
What your dad does is indeed really ugly, the fact that he chooses his own pleasure before his family is really despicable.
However there are a few factors that led him to this decision, the biggest one undeniably being that your mom is too tired to have an intimate relationship with him. The fact that your mother insisted that it was just a virus that created that history probably means that she's denying the truth because she just can't handle it, that or she's really clueless.
inappropriate contentography destroys ones relationship with God so it's no shock that from a point on he choose to watch inappropriate contentography instead of going to church, this means that sin entangles him deeply and he probably no longer has a meaningful relationship with God.
Let me warn you about the reality that inappropriate contentography has destroyed many families, especially once the internet kicked in.
It alters ones view on the opposite gender and makes them more aggressive in their relationships with close people, this leads to many arguments followed by divorces.

What I'd suggest for you is to stop being a detective, the only way to make sure that this is true is by DIRECTLY talking about this with your mom and/or dad, don't sugar-coat it as a virus or anything else. If that doesn't work meaning that nothing changes for the better talk with the pastor or someone high in your churches hierarchy about it.
The longer you wait the deeper sin will grow as sin thrives being hidden in the shadows, therefore it must be dragged to light as soon as possible. Until then there will always a slight possibility that your dad isn't the one who watches inappropriate contentography, remember that.

If your dad confesses then your parents should go to a Christian counsellor that specialises in family/couple issues, this is very serious as we don't know if your parents can solve this issue by themselves.
Remember, if they can't solve it that pretty much leads to a divorce, official or unofficial it doesn't matter, it's just as painful.

I pray that God will give you wisdom in dealing with this problem, and that the holy spirit will lead your parents towards the right path.

Now about whenever all guys are like that or not, the safest thing to do is to assume that every guy has a big sexual drive unless stated otherwise and act accordingly, don't forget that just like you, they are also victims of the over-sexualized society we live in today.

Thank you, this helped me a lot. I know that most would advise against doing this, but I used an OpenDns account that I created to block all of the inappropriate contentographic sites on our computer today. I have had many struggles with depression, self harm, and mild psychosis in the past, and after all of this happened in the past week, I've really relapsed. So I blocked the sites and I feel so much better. And only I can access the account, so there is little to no chance he can bypass it. But thank you for praying for me. Now I just have to see how the next week plays out with the sites being blocked. But honestly, I really want to avoid talking to either of them about it. But if all else fails, I guess I'll have to. But again, thank you very much for your response.

nicole17 · May 27, 2015

servant of Merciful Love said:
Your biggest concern should be about YOU...not your parents...or men's sexual tempations.
For being just 16 , I have more of an issue with your Father talking to YOU about your parents SEX life and his lust for other women
I'd be talking to your Mother and let HER handle it; ADULT problems should not become their children's problems.
I'd have a concern about your safety if he has no common sense re: involving YOU in his problems.

Yeah I know, isn't it messed up? It's been going on for at least 3 years or more. It really sucks. I don't know what to do. He also accuses my mom of sleeping around on him (which I KNOW for fact she'd never do). But that makes him a hypocrite, because he looks at other women online, so yeah. Also, I've seen him flirt with other women, which really disgusts me as well. And I think my mom kinda knows about him talking about her behind her back, but she doesn't know about the sex or lust part of it.

servant of Merciful Love · May 27, 2015

You and your parents will be in my prayers ~ God bless you :crossrc:

axydavid · May 28, 2015

nicole17 said:
Thank you, this helped me a lot. I know that most would advise against doing this, but I used an OpenDns account that I created to block all of the inappropriate contentographic sites on our computer today. I have had many struggles with depression, self harm, and mild psychosis in the past, and after all of this happened in the past week, I've really relapsed. So I blocked the sites and I feel so much better. And only I can access the account, so there is little to no chance he can bypass it. But thank you for praying for me. Now I just have to see how the next week plays out with the sites being blocked. But honestly, I really want to avoid talking to either of them about it. But if all else fails, I guess I'll have to. But again, thank you very much for your response.

I'm very sorry to hear that you relapsed in self-harm, I will especially be praying for that.
If you use openDNS make sure you check the proxy category as it's extremely easy to bypass the DNS block with a proxy, VPN(tor) or any similar counterpart. You might want to install openDNS on the router instead of the pc as it will filter these sites on any PC connected to the router. And don't forget that openDNS easily can be bypassed by using a mobile network. So I don't think it's as effective as you wished it would've been.
As HonestTruth stated you should respectfully ask your parent not to use it, what you are doing right now is forcefully block it, I think this might lead to unexpected complications thus personally I can't say it was the best idea. Whoever was watching inappropriate contentography will get really mad since at some point they often feel entitled to watch it, and if it's an adult even more so.
Although talking about this issue with your parents is an extremely uncomfortable and unusual situation it is for the best, sooner or later the lid will blow off anyway. I'll keep praying for wisdom, love and guidance. and most important safety.

nicole17 · May 30, 2015

axydavid said:
I'm very sorry to hear that you relapsed in self-harm, I will especially be praying for that.
If you use openDNS make sure you check the proxy category as it's extremely easy to bypass the DNS block with a proxy, VPN(tor) or any similar counterpart. You might want to install openDNS on the router instead of the pc as it will filter these sites on any PC connected to the router. And don't forget that openDNS easily can be bypassed by using a mobile network. So I don't think it's as effective as you wished it would've been.
As HonestTruth stated you should respectfully ask your parent not to use it, what you are doing right now is forcefully block it, I think this might lead to unexpected complications thus personally I can't say it was the best idea. Whoever was watching inappropriate contentography will get really mad since at some point they often feel entitled to watch it, and if it's an adult even more so.
Although talking about this issue with your parents is an extremely uncomfortable and unusual situation it is for the best, sooner or later the lid will blow off anyway. I'll keep praying for wisdom, love and guidance. and most important safety.

I guess you were right. I looked at the history again and today he searched for it. He might've searched for it on my brothers tablet which he took away a couple of months ago, so I'm going to try the internet router as you have suggested.

wolfe17 · Jun 19, 2019

smittymatt · Dec 9, 2021

nicole17 said:
Hi, I'm 16 and a long while back I was exploring functions of a computer. Well, I ran across the "Web History" area. Now, you may condemn me for snooping, but at the time I was merely curious with genuinely good intentions. Now, what I ran across shocked me. Before my eyes, I had seen many inappropriate content sites listed. I was completely and utterly disgusted. So I turned off the computer. For a couple of months afterwards, i had monitored the history, and every couple of days it would show up again. Keep in mind that this was at least a year ago, if not longer, when this happened. Then, one day, when I had opened up the computer, my dad had forgot to close the inappropriate content website! So I had to quickly think; then I called my dad and said, "Dad, I think there's a virus on here!", with full knowledge that it indeed was not. He quickly came out and shut it off and didn't say anything. (Now, normally my dad gets extremely frustrated and mad at computer viruses, but he acted like nothing was wrong. I just wanted to see how he would react). About a month went by and I half-heartedly brought it up to my mom. It went something like this, "Mom, I think there might be a virus on the computer, because I found inappropriate content websites in the computer history. Either that, or someone's watching inappropriate content. And I know it's not you or Joe (my little brother, too young to know about inappropriate content)." She just kinda laughed it off and said, "It's probably a virus". So then, for months after that, I hadn't seen any inappropriate content on the computer history. Keep in mind both my parents are christians, but my dad tends to live more by the world than by Christ.

But, a couple of days ago, I found another way to check to history (Google search history or something.) It turns out my dad watches the minimum twice a week, and the maximum every other day! The worst part is, he talks to me about how he wishes my mom would lose weight and how she doesn't wanna have sex anymore, and when they do "do it", she can't hardly do anything because she's so fat, and that he can't help but look at other women and sometimes even flirt with them. But then, the websites he looks up are BBW inappropriate content sites ("Big Beautiful Women"), so how can he fat shame my mom so badly behind her back, and then be so hypocritical to watch other big women on inappropriate content sites? One of the worst parts is, every Wednesday, we want him to go to church with us but he declines. But, as I found out, Google shows the time each website was used, and while we're going to church worshipping Christ, he uses this time to watch inappropriate content most often. And while me and my mom were out shopping and my brother at school, at 2:30 pm today he was watching Redtube.

So yeah, I'm completely disgusted and utterly horrified, including a scarred beyond repair mind. Are most men like this? This distrustful, dishonorable, etc? It's made me to the point where I can't even have a boyfriend. It's tearing me up inside. I have no one else to talk to this about. And please don't take this as a joke and say, "It's normal, all guys watch inappropriate content!" Because my problems with my "Christian" dad go deeper than the inappropriate content itself. And we have a very close relationship for the most part. But after I found this, I've felt very distant from him. I can't even look him in the eyes. And the thing I don't understand is, he very strict on me. He won't let me go out with my friends hardly anywhere, or go anywhere by myself, and makes me dress how he wants. (I don't dress provocatively, but I do wear a lot of black.) Also, these past couple of days it has been very hard taking him seriously. If he yells at me for something I've done wrong, I think in my head, "at least I don't watch inappropriate content!". I just need help, peace, and guidance. I am SO grateful for anyone that responds to this seriously and has read my awfully long problem up to this point. Thanks, and God bless.

Nicole,

I hope you are doing well. I didn't realize until I head read through your post and half of the replies that this thread is from 6-1/2 years ago! That would mean you are well into adulthood by now.

Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for this post. Your perspective on this issue is a great help to me and understanding the repercussions that effect the family when one member is engaging in the sin of watching inappropriate contentography. I got married in 2014 and was inappropriate content free for 5-1/2 years. Then I went to visit my brother when he was first diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer. I wasn't planning on watching inappropriate content, in fact I had been really struggling for about 2 years with lifelong issues that started coming back full force. Instead, part of me was planning on drinking (I had been sober for 3 years and 9 months).

Long story short, drinking didn't come until the last day of my visit. Surprisingly, I watched inappropriate content a couple days before I relapsed.

Anyway, I watched inappropriate content and drank for 2 months, hiding everything from my wife. She asked me a couple times if I was drinking, and both times I lied and denied it. Eventually, we got into a big argument (unrelated to her accusing me) and I confessed to everything.

It has been 2 years; I'm 10 months sober but never gave up the inappropriate content. My brother died 15 months ago, and my wife divorced me a little over a month ago.

Your post makes me think of her and my step-daughter (who is about your age right now). I kept telling my wife, why are you divorcing me? I never cheated on you and I never hit you. We are both Christian (when I got saved is when I stopped drinking the first time), and I didn't think divorce is the right thing at all.

I always go back and harp on the fact that I've sinned again. I know what I did is horrible, but I only thought it effected my wife and I. Your perspective opened my eyes to how destructive my behavior was to my step-daughter. She doesn't know about the inappropriate content and my wife hasn't told anyone in either of our families. I haven't spoken with my stepdaughter or in-laws in 14 months.

I hope you and your family were able to heal. I know the Lord used your story to shine a brighter light on the effects of my own sin, and encourage me to keep striving for holiness.

God bless.

My dad watches inappropriate content and I am mortified and scarred.

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