Letters and photographs from former love...keep or toss?

Let by-gones be by-gones.

Why keep love letters, etc from someone who isn't your husband? The only reason I can see is that there may be some degree of attachment / feelings left towards that person. That is natural and understandable, but now you have joined yourself in marriage to another and your attentions should be towards him, forsaking all others.

Keeping these things could cause your husband sadness, jealousy, envy, etc if he discovers your still holding onto them. Why hold onto them? Because you value them? What about him he will wonder.

I can see no good in keeping them and so my council is to you to get rid of it all.

God bless.

P.S. I am not questioning your loyalty to him.

I tossed mine.
He cheated on me with other women and stole from me..so all his letters were lies and cover up. I gave the teddies to my little cousins.

Its not good to keep those things.

Btw not married, but I would especially do it if was married.

If you didnt break up horribly, I would just bury them. But if it was horrible like what happened to me, trash can or fireplace.

I can only say that if my husband kept those things from his past it would be very painful for me. Therefore, I would never cause that pain for him.

I have thrown out all my memorabilia from previous relationships (except my boyfriend who died), and now that I'm older, I regret it. My previous boyfriends were an important part of my life, and my experiences with them helped to shape who I am today. A couple of them ended really badly, but all these years later, I can still recall some fond memories from before it all turned so badly. And when I married my husband, I was curious about the women he loved before me... what kind of women he was attracted to and who they were as people. After all, they also shaped who he is and I love him dearly. I would not want memorabilia out on display in our home, but truthfully, I wish I had some pictures in my old photo albums.

I don't know if they still exist. Lol when my ex got married he wanted to throw our wedding book away but his wife said: Noooooooo that's so nice for the kids and then they watched them together lol. I have movie from when the kids were smaller, first you see this ex, then that ex. Noooooooo put that off I don't want to see that!! But we like it. Oh well who cares?

For the exes I kept as friends, I kept the things that were not romantic - meaning I kept letters I exchanged with any ex that were just "hey, what's up with you?" The "I love you" stuff I tossed, valentines day cards, that sort of thing. The "friend" letters I keep, because I keep all my friends' letters - I have notes from junior high and I'm 46! I keep all my photos, too. My college scrapbooks are full of pictures with my exes from that time. The one ex who did me wrong, though, all of that I torched - pictures, notes, gifts, everything. It was so painful, I prefer to forget he even existed.

There was one romantic letter that was hard to toss, though, I shamefully admit. It wasn't even from an ex. It was from an admirer, and it was a lovely written note that compared me to daffodils and expounded upon all the things in me he admired - character qualities that truly matter, not looks or anything superficial. Truly an old-fashioned romantic love letter. It lifted my spirits to read it. And it was a lovely young man that wrote it. But I did not have romantic feelings for him in return, and was in fact in love with someone else (who ended up being my husband). So I put it aside, and prayed that God would send him a lovely young woman who would appreciate him and return his feelings, and He did. I also put the letter aside because while I love my DH to death and I know he equally loves me just as much, bless his heart he will never be that poetic. (The man proposed to me in gym shorts for goodness sake - long story.) Not fair to keep that unrealistic standard around, lol!

I just remember I ripped up the letter I got from my first love (or crush) as he broke my heart and said we couldn't have a relationship!!
I still remember what he said in the letter though.

well nowadays its emails. But I keep all the letters from friends,(boy and girl) and funny emails. It's nice to read them from time to time. Esp ones that now passed away.

No photos though. I do have photos of my second bf and me. We didn't horribly break up so it's all right. He just went home. Holiday romance. lol.

fm107 said:

Let by-gones be by-gones.

Why keep love letters, etc from someone who isn't your husband? The only reason I can see is that there may be some degree of attachment / feelings left towards that person. That is natural and understandable, but now you have joined yourself in marriage to another and your attentions should be towards him, forsaking all others.

Keeping these things could cause your husband sadness, jealousy, envy, etc if he discovers your still holding onto them. Why hold onto them? Because you value them? What about him he will wonder.

I can see no good in keeping them and so my council is to you to get rid of it all.

God bless.

P.S. I am not questioning your loyalty to him.

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Ditto to all of the above. It is good that you question keeping them. Praying for you to be able to let those items go gracefully.

BFine said:

What did you do with your letters and photos from
a former love?

Do you feel guilty for having them if you are married?

One of my favorite childhood sweets... I love the chewy soft wax--yummy lol!

• BFine
• Aug 18, 2014

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Get rid of them. You know that nothing good can come from hanging onto them.

BFine said:

One of my favorite childhood sweets... I love the chewy soft wax--yummy lol!

• BFine
• Aug 18, 2014

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Oh I love those but we only have them with cola taste. Still buy 'em for the kids and eat them myself lol.

BFine said:

* I know of some who keep photos of former loves because they have children together.

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That's a totally different scenario than I got from this

I remember I had a friend (passed on now) who showed me her collection of love letters from boys in school. All different ones. I think she kept them cos they were flattering. I know in some schools in america they have valentines day traditions...

At uni I remember we would play games like 'secret admirer' (I didn't take part) where you'd nominate someone to send anonymous love letters and other gifts to and they had to guess who it was. I think I was way too shy!

None of it was serious...

Does your husband have love letters, etc from his previous relationships?

I had a girlfriend once, who demanded all pictures and letters be destroyed. She also made me put a dog down. It should have been a warning sign that she was controlling and insecure & I should have dumped her at that junction.

It ended up being a HUGE mistake to be involved with her, fortunately a shoebox full of letters and pictures from the one woman I had always longed for, was stored someplace that wasn't practical for me to get back to (several states away) and it escaped. Fortunately I escaped that horrible woman & God in His mercy got me in touch with my long lost love. We are happily married now and the only things to survive were in that shoebox. Granted there were like school photos of other girls, even former (high school) girlfriends lumped in that box. I am glad to have those letters & pictures of my wife & don't really think about or look at the other stuff that survived with it.

I'd say demands to destroy stuff are a warning sign of insecurities & what ever is causing the one party to feel "threatened" by old memories needs to be dealt with before any decisions should be made regarding material things. It seems incredibly selfish to demand someone destroy things that belong to them. If it is your stuff you may choose to keep or destroy but dictating to someone else is something that should have its motives examined.