What happens in a divorce?

Goodbook

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I know two couples that are now split up, one in my church the other in my family.

I'm just wondering, as don't really know much about it, what happens when people get divorced.

Is it, they live apart for more than 2 years, then they are officially separated?
Does that mean all the stuff they shared gets split up?
What about the children? Do most couples that divorce still live close by each other and actually see each other? Or is it too awkward. Does one pay money to the other?

The couple I know in church still live in the same house, but they are separated. (upstairs and down) Does that just mean, they don't share the same bed? At what point is a couple considered divorced/unmarried? When you can't stand to share the same room any longer? Although many married couples do sleep separately (on account of snoring).

I get confused by divorced couples. All that to-ing and fro-ing with children, and settlements and such. I did used to flat with one lady who had two children and they went with their dad half the time and half with their mum. But their parents didn't even marry in the first place...so I'm just wondering what the difference is. I don't really ask what happened as of course they don't want to talk about it. But maybe if you been through one and know what happens or your parents divorced could you share. I mean how do I talk to the children who are affected, do they actually know what really happened or do parents keep it hush from them? With one of the boys I did ask him once about it and he said they just got used to it, and it was odd at first because everyone elses' parents were married.

I think its hard to say as often theirs adultery involved and...children are traumatised by that I think, to know their parents were unfaithful to each other. I remember talking to a girl and I think she always had to explain her parents situation and she would be totally honest and say 'my dad had an affair so my parents split up'. (But she was adult). I'm just wondering if young children get told why their parents divorce or its just that they can't stand each other anymore.

thanks for responding if this topic is too uncomfortable for you give it a miss. Please no judgments. I am not married so..this is not my issue, just on how to relate to children affected and how to deal with adults that going through it. Is it rude to ask why?
 

Architeuthus

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I know two couples that are now split up, one in my church the other in my family.

I'm just wondering, as don't really know much about it, what happens when people get divorced.

"Separated" just means people are living apart, but in divorce, a court actually rules that they are no longer married. The court will decide what happens to the children and the "stuff," and may force one person to pay money to the other.

You're in NZ, right? See www.justice.govt.nz/family-justice/separation/divorcing
 
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High Fidelity

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High Fidelity

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Hmm what if the court decides no. You just had a childish fight, be adults, cant you kiss and make up?

Pretty sure they don't mediate, just facilitate what they presume to be the decision culminated from discussion and agreement on the couple's behalf.
 
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Goodbook

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Im just thinking in the case of my cousin. I dont know how long its been now, but hes been in his own apartment, maybe a year or so. They have a son, who is entering his teens. They live in NYC so..we dont know whats going on really.

My familys is concerned for their sons sake. My parents attended their wedding and of course we both want them to sort it out. But...if they are apart for more than two years, and dont look like making up...im afraid its not going to be a marriage anymore...

The other couple in church we also attended their wedding. I was really shocked and sad when heard they no longer together even tho they still live in same house. They announced it early this year. In that case it was adultery, but..the husband has said if she repents he will take her back but looks like she wont and is stubborn. Im friendly with the daughter of the couple...they were my neighbours ..their daughter and her husband. I just dont know if should pray they get back together or not. The daughter left the church. Husband is still there but pretty heartbroken.
 
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Goodbook

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My cousin is coming back for short visit as attending a funeral. Am not sure what to say as of course we would ask how his wife is. But since they split up, of course he might not really know (i think he still cares though). It seems like hes the one in the wrong, but we dont know why.
 
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High Fidelity

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Im just thinking in the case of my cousin. I dont know how long its been now, but hes been in his own apartment, maybe a year or so. They have a son, who is entering his teens. They live in NYC so..we dont know whats going on really.

My familys is concerned for their sons sake. My parents attended their wedding and of course we both want them to sort it out. But...if they are apart for more than two years, and dont look like making up...im afraid its not going to be a marriage anymore...

The other couple in church we also attended their wedding. I was really shocked and sad when heard they no longer together even tho they still live in same house. They announced it early this year. In that case it was adultery, but..the husband has said if she repents he will take her back but looks like she wont and is stubborn. Im friendly with the daughter of the couple...they were my neighbours ..their daughter and her husband. I just dont know if should pray they get back together or not. The daughter left the church. Husband is still there but pretty heartbroken.

Marital bond won't, biblically speaking, be broken unless one of them dies or.
 
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TheDag

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In regards to talking to the children for the most part talk to them like you would any other child however keep in mind that children who have been through a divorce often feel rejected or easily feel that way so watch your words so you don't give that impression.

What happens in terms of other things very much depends on different couples. In my case it was pretty civil despite the awful situation. I went for plenty of walks to make sure I did not say something I would later regret. I tended to keep things pretty well under control until I was the only one in the house then I could yell and shout to get frustration out. Here in Oz you need to file paperwork to get divorced. I have not done that because as far as I'm concerned if she wants a divorce she can pay for it. I am not going to get into another romantic relationship ever again so I have no need. So we are legally separated but not divorced. As I said it means we can't get married again legally. It also means that if I do not have a will in place then she could make claim to my estate should something happen to me. Of course that means I could make claim to hers as well as i know she does not have a will.
 
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TheDag

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Goodbook if you would like I have written my story about what I went through which was more than just a marriage separation and how that affected me and how to help a person with depression and things that helped me get through. If you would like I am happy to email that to you if interested in reading. If so send me a private message with an email address.
 
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LoricaLady

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I guess the main thing to say about divorce is that in the Bible we are told that our Heavenly Father "hates divorce." He did make provisions and conditions for it, but it's surely not His preference.

There are so many different kinds of divorces. Some are actually quite civil and amicable. Some are ghastly.

Whatever, I pray you will never have to be in a situation where it happens to you! :)
 
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BFine

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Living apart...meaning? Separate rooms?

*Depending on what country, state, territory or province one lives in... separation means living
apart in your own place and you must show the
court/judge proof that you both are in separate homes.
 
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divorce is not in dictionary of the Most High God. There are many divorce today without court involvement. If they get married to another person they have commit adultery. Man and women can be separated for some time to see if they would realize their mistake and apologies to each other
 
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Goodbook

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Yes thats the part I dont get. Cos I know many that separated i.e living apart from their spouses but still raising children, and I have to talk to them about their husbands not just say the father of their children...cos they are STILL husband and wife are they not? Just not living together.
 
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