Hi friends, I don't know where to begin, the last few days I have felt an inner calling to seek out God.
I am so afraid for my soul that I am loosing sleep over it, every sin you can imagine I have commit ed.
I used to participate in the occult, and I still have the books, those books are under my bed at the moment and I am throwing them away, and disconecting myself from it.
Many years ago I found myself struggling in homeless position, and 2 (who I thought were friends) took me into there home, and then just planted thoughts into my head of homosexuality, I participated, and sometimes tried to push them away because of my fear of being homeless, and was torn between, I was then saved by another friend who pulled me out of that but she practiced the occult too.
I have had no christian, or religious upbringing, I have had no one to go and talk too, and all I have left, is God, I never go out, I have no friends down where I live now, I suffer with so much anxiety, it becomes depressing.
I have said some nasty things to my brother, who me and my family have not spoke too, the last thing I said to him was if he was my only living family I would rather die alone, and that is not true, it is not what I really meant, despite my differences I still love him, and care for him, I tried to message him on facebook yesterday, through another account he has not blocked, and told him I loved him and I did not mean it, I have had no reply from him though
and live in a household with 2 adopted children who my mum is always going mad at for stealing, and does no longer want them living with us, and takes all her hate, out onto them, this makes me uncomfortable because my mum is a very loving person, who usually never wishes to see harm done on anyone, but I cry sometimes at some of the things I hear her say, and it is a very uncomfortable living place.
I am a smoker, and I really will be stopping smoking after this lot of tobacco, I have been preying to the cross to forgive me for the last few nights, I am just so upset and scared about the things I have done I have no-one to talk too any more.
I want to go to church but my family will laugh if I say I am going.
I could go on and write a huge list of all my wrongdoings, I have been misled, and never really saught God before, I do not know where to turn, I have an inner feeling that this is something I must do, form a relationship with him, repent, apoligise.
I am also a sufferer of sleep paralysis, and I have always had this since I was a child, if anyone does not know what this is, it is a purely evil horrifying experience, I would take it as far to say demonic, I don't know if anyone here will know what that is but I prayer you never will.
I feel I am now in a state to try to form a relationship with God.
Christianity is speaking out to me.
I am here to learn, try to make friends, and have have god come into my life.
For many years I denied him, mocked him, spoke ill of him, and now I am beginning to understand I was wrong.
Thank-you for reading.
I hope through God, and coming here I can be put on the right path, my eternal soul is not worth, 60 + years, give or take of being here.
I feel guilty, and very fearful, I am 25 and live in Crewe.
Shaun.
I am so afraid for my soul that I am loosing sleep over it, every sin you can imagine I have commit ed.
I used to participate in the occult, and I still have the books, those books are under my bed at the moment and I am throwing them away, and disconecting myself from it.
Many years ago I found myself struggling in homeless position, and 2 (who I thought were friends) took me into there home, and then just planted thoughts into my head of homosexuality, I participated, and sometimes tried to push them away because of my fear of being homeless, and was torn between, I was then saved by another friend who pulled me out of that but she practiced the occult too.
I have had no christian, or religious upbringing, I have had no one to go and talk too, and all I have left, is God, I never go out, I have no friends down where I live now, I suffer with so much anxiety, it becomes depressing.
I have said some nasty things to my brother, who me and my family have not spoke too, the last thing I said to him was if he was my only living family I would rather die alone, and that is not true, it is not what I really meant, despite my differences I still love him, and care for him, I tried to message him on facebook yesterday, through another account he has not blocked, and told him I loved him and I did not mean it, I have had no reply from him though
and live in a household with 2 adopted children who my mum is always going mad at for stealing, and does no longer want them living with us, and takes all her hate, out onto them, this makes me uncomfortable because my mum is a very loving person, who usually never wishes to see harm done on anyone, but I cry sometimes at some of the things I hear her say, and it is a very uncomfortable living place. I am a smoker, and I really will be stopping smoking after this lot of tobacco, I have been preying to the cross to forgive me for the last few nights, I am just so upset and scared about the things I have done I have no-one to talk too any more.
I want to go to church but my family will laugh if I say I am going.
I could go on and write a huge list of all my wrongdoings, I have been misled, and never really saught God before, I do not know where to turn, I have an inner feeling that this is something I must do, form a relationship with him, repent, apoligise.
I am also a sufferer of sleep paralysis, and I have always had this since I was a child, if anyone does not know what this is, it is a purely evil horrifying experience, I would take it as far to say demonic, I don't know if anyone here will know what that is but I prayer you never will.
I feel I am now in a state to try to form a relationship with God.
Christianity is speaking out to me.
I am here to learn, try to make friends, and have have god come into my life.
For many years I denied him, mocked him, spoke ill of him, and now I am beginning to understand I was wrong.
Thank-you for reading.
I hope through God, and coming here I can be put on the right path, my eternal soul is not worth, 60 + years, give or take of being here.
I feel guilty, and very fearful, I am 25 and live in Crewe.
Shaun.
