I hate my neighbor

kristym65 · May 23, 2015

Okay, so I know I am suppose to love my neighbor as myself, but right now I do not!

We moved to a neighborhood after living rurally for over 7 years and our cats have always been indoor outdoor cats. Yesterday the neighbor came over and said that our cats are leaving hair on their porch and can I keep them out of their yard. She also said that her husband wants to set traps and call animal control. I was kind of caught off guard, and I really didn't know how I was suppose to do what she asked. I said that it was going to be pretty difficult to keep them from going into her yard as they can jump fences and suggested that she shoo them away so that they know they are not welcome.

This was not satisfactory and she said that fine they would trap the cats, I was upset and said "great, okay then" through up my arms and went back to what I was doing. I muttered to myself about her rudeness thinking she was gone and she said that I was very rude and that by not agreeing to keep my cats out of her yard <Staff Edit>. I told her that I just did not know how to fix the problem. That I would try to keep them indoors but I didn't know how well that would go.
Today there is a trap by there front door. I have found some fencing solutions (?) but until then it is going to be a challenge to keep the cats from darting out the door (my husband is disabled and not too quick with his reflexes)
Any advice on how to move forward? I realize I could have handled things better but I also feel that by threatening trapping she helped to put me on the defensive. We rarely talk to these neighbors, usually only when they have some kind of complaint, although they tend to disguise it as advice about what the HOA will say about issues.
Also they are suppose to be moving, but this has been the story ever since we moved in and so far no such luck!

struggling with my humanity

seedofessence · May 23, 2015

No matter what your neighbor does, you must not let him/her change who you are

graciesings · May 23, 2015

Sounds like your neighbors are being pretty obnoxious. Maybe you could ask the HOA about possible solutions? They might have ideas on how to control your cats. Try going to Petco or a store like that, and see if they have any products to help keep cats controlled. Be sure to ask the salespeople for advice while you're there. You might even call your vet or animal shelter and ask for ideas.

I guess my point is that you and your neighbor need to consult some cat-experts and find out what the best way to fix this is.

kristym65 · May 23, 2015

I think I found a solution online, I just don't want to speak to her. Is it too wimpy to write a letter letting her know my plans and asking her not to trap the cats while we work on the solution? I don't do confrontation well.

jsimms615 · May 23, 2015

Welcome to CF. Hope your neighbors move soon. Sounds like they are horrible.

graciesings · May 23, 2015

kristym65 said:
I think I found a solution online, I just don't want to speak to her. Is it too wimpy to write a letter letting her know my plans and asking her not to trap the cats while we work on the solution? I don't do confrontation well.

I think it would be better to address her face-to-face. But, it wouldn't hurt to have some of what you're going to say scripted or planned ahead.

kristym65 · May 23, 2015

LOL, thank you!

Pink Spider · May 24, 2015

Welcome to CF, Kristy!

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Welcome and Thank you so much for your introduction!
If you have any questions -
please don't hesitate to send me a PM!

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brinny · May 24, 2015

Welcome to CF Kristy. About your neighbor, this may seem illogical, and the last thing you may want to hear, but i agree with Gracie. See her face to face, be gracious, and graciously apologize if your cats have caused her or her household any grief, discomfort, or annoyance (even if most people/neighbors would probably love your cats and welcome their visits) There are issues here with your neighbor most likely that go beyond the issue with the cats. See her face to face, explain what your idea/plan is and ask for her assistance with it.

She may or may not welcome you or your idea to problem solve. Nevertheless, be gracious dear heart. You are planting "grace" in very "ired" and stormy waters. In being gracious in all of it, God will bless you, precious and He will grant you extraordinary favor. You will be doing this for HIS sake, and not your neighbor's. He will surely bless you because of that. In the meantime, praying for you, dear one in this very difficult and possibly volatile situation. (((hug)))

God's Child · May 24, 2015

This thread has been moved from the Introduce Yourself forum
to the Christian Advice forum

MOD HAT OFF

Messy · May 24, 2015

She put a cat trap there?
I'd call the police and first make a picture of the trap.

Goodbook · May 24, 2015

Pray for your neighbour and bless her.

Sounds like she has issues beyond the cat hair.

Goodbook · May 24, 2015

I cant imagine what a cat trap would look like. A roast chicken left on the table and catnip filled balls? You know cats have a funny way of really liking cat haters.

Mister_Al · May 24, 2015

I would call the local police, or maybe the ASPCA, and tell them about the traps. These traps will "catch" other animals as well and there may be a law against using them. The police are usually pretty good about helping to diffuse a potential domestic violence situation like this.

Alan

Autumnleaf · May 24, 2015

My neighbor sprayed poison that killed my cat because it kept doing its business in his flower beds. I can't prove it but I miss my cat.

jacks · May 24, 2015

brinny said:
Welcome to CF Kristy. About your neighbor, this may seem illogical, and the last thing you may want to hear, but i agree with Gracie. See her face to face, be gracious, and graciously apologize if your cats have caused her or her household any grief, discomfort, or annoyance (even if most people/neighbors would probably love your cats and welcome their visits) There are issues here with your neighbor most likely that go beyond the issue with the cats. See her face to face, explain what your idea/plan is and ask for her assistance with it.

She may or may not welcome you or your idea to problem solve. Nevertheless, be gracious dear heart. You are planting "grace" in very "ired" and stormy waters. In being gracious in all of it, God will bless you, precious and He will grant you extraordinary favor. You will be doing this for HIS sake, and not your neighbor's. He will surely bless you because of that. In the meantime, praying for you, dear one in this very difficult and possibly volatile situation. (((hug)))

This is very good advice to try first. I know it will be hard, pray about it. Your neighbors do not sound like happy people, sometimes a little love can go a long way with people like that.

sunshine456 · May 24, 2015

First off it is imperative that we still retain love and the truth. We have to look at the greater picture and not rely on our own understanding, but on the grace of GOD through his son JESUS. How do we do that....again love and truth!!

You are accustom to rural living and so are your feline friends, and they do not know boundaries. In the cities there are more regulations, restrictions and boundaries. Those boundaries are called yards. We respect and love our neighbors by respecting their boundaries, especially in more confined spaces and should not expect others to accept what we are ACCUSTOMED to. While the response of your neighbor was rude more likely it was because of the intrusion of her space by your friends. She told you maturely yet cruelly that she doesn't want your cats to invade her/his privacy...you should love them by respecting their wishes even though you are accustomed to different appropriations.

The big city is NOT the townships you are accustomed to with wide open spaces for the most part.

As an example...one of my relatives lives in an area of suburbs that has seemingly no dog control so they roam and cause problems every where. The owners don't care and so many residents are upset; which becomes a "cause and effect" problem.

Whether we like it or not our pets need to be restrained and controlled. For they're safety and others. "What happened if a dog owners dog bites a stranger?" uthenize, rabies, bite infection, amputation or death of a child from mauling. While I pray this never happens; IT HAS and probably will.

Think of the bigger picture and LOVE!!

Praise be to GOD the heavenly father and his son lord JESUS CHRIST forever>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

znr · May 24, 2015

How big is your yard? My brother built a cat proofing around my whole fence so mountain lions don't get in and the cat does not get out. He basically set it up so that a barrier exists between the top of the fence and the cat. I'd do something like that and call it a day. I also would not bother bringing spiritually into this because it's not a spiritual issue. Those people are jerks, please don't question yourself.

BFine · May 24, 2015

Check with animal control about the laws/rules
about cats being able to freely roam... I know where I live, cats can freely roam but dogs have
to be on a leash.
Cat traps? check the laws/rules about that in your area. If it's not legal, take a photo of the
neighbor's cat trap and report them for setting
out such a trap.

Getting off on the wrong foot with the neighbor?
Apologize...I wouldn't get into a long discussion with the neighbor unless she is cordial...other wise, keep the conversation short and to the point...or just write her an apology and express
that you are making the effort or plans to keep your pets within their own home range.

kristym65 · May 25, 2015

Goodbook said:
I cant imagine what a cat trap would look like. A roast chicken left on the table and catnip filled balls? You know cats have a funny way of really liking cat haters.

Isn't that the truth! I saw two other cats in her driveway when they were gone yesterday, I took a picture and was going to show her that my cats aren't the only issue, but decided against going there. The trap is just a cage with a spring loaded door.
I know the adult thing to do is to speak to her face to face, but seeing that trap makes me so angry. I also realize that she shouldn't be inconvenienced by my choice to have cats, I think that the inconvenience is small compared to what our family will have to do so she won't be bothered, but it doesn't matter what I think, the law is on her side.

I hate my neighbor

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