My life the last years

MikeK said:

WA, that is just awful to hear! I am sorry to hear of your trials and suffering. Never worry that you will be judged for leaving a man who is abbusive to you or your children, that is an entirely appropriate reaction. How far is "home" from where you live now?

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Darth Bagel said:

Was it difficult to procure the annulment? I ask because I've been officially divorced for a little over a year and my ex-wife has already been remarried for about 9-10 months. There were no biblical reasons for the divorce (e.g. infidelity, neglect), which I'm painfully aware of, but I still feel drawn to the Catholic Church very strongly. This is one thing that's been on the forefront of my consciousness since the divorce happened and I hear varying accounts and information ranging from "you're a shoo-in" to "forget about it". Though I've still yet to consult any clergy about it...

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gurneyhalleck1 said:

Sorry for the late reply, my good friend and Jewish bread master of the sith....

I don't have a plan to return there, and no, the forgiveness doesn't necessitate a return. I'm having parishioners there calling me on the phone and getting a hold of me via Facebook asking me to come back and telling me that they have sympathy for my situation. There are plenty of people there who care. I will not lie. I HAVE had many, many moments where I dream of going back there. The liturgy was the RICHEST and most beautiful divine liturgy I've heard anywhere. It's infinitely more beautiful than the Greek Orthodox or Eastern Catholic ones I've witnessed. And I loved many people there. I enjoyed my time there for so many reasons, but on the other hand the deacon's cruelty, it was so profound that I cannot go back to being in ANY kind of relationship with him. So yeah, I do go through these ebbs and flows and wish I could go back, but then realize these two men have ruined it for me in a powerful way. Hurts like heck.

Where will I end up? My goodness, who knows.....My feelings about the papacy, the schism, and my disagreements with many things in Catholicism make Eastern Catholic living hard. It's just not something Kate and I believe. We're struggling.

I'm considering going to the Greek parish an hour away, but I have worshiped there twice before and found it pretty lousy. At least, I guess, it's canonically Orthodox, which is what matters.

Like I said, we shall see.....I might surprise everyone....or I might be as predictable as a Dodger September October collapse! LOL

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Catherineanne said:

It is possible you may be more sensitive to medication than most people.

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Winter said:

WA, its been a very long time since I've been here. But I saw your post and wanted to come in and tell you that I am praying for you.

I always say, sometimes our world needs to fall apart so that something better can be rebuilt. One brick at a time. One day at a time. And what you will rebuild will be stronger and more peaceful than you would have ever imagined. Its hard to see that now as you stand amidst the rubble. But each day, one day at a time.

Its going to be ok. ((hugs)). Don't be afraid. Hang in there.

Praying for you ...

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Fantine said:

St. Jane Frances DeChantal, foundress of the Visitation Sisters, is the patron saint of the depressed. Her story is very inspiring. Her husband was killed in a hunting accident when she was only in her twenties, leaving her with four living children (I believe two had died as well). She was so depressed that she took to her bed for many months. The article I read, which talked about how people coped with depression before psychotropic drugs were available, was in St. Anthony's Messenger, April, 2008, but isn't available online.


http://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=60

Jane overcame her depression through the spiritual direction of St. Francis DeSales, prayer, and, most of all, service to others.

Here is a novena to St. Jane:

http://www.saintjanefrances.org/ind...51:novena-prayers&catid=22:about-us&Itemid=61

I don't think I've ever been clinically depressed, although, of course, I am occasionally sad. Practicing gratitude has really helped me gain perspective.

I always remembered the story of this saint to encourage friends and family members who are depressed. I have a dear friend now who'd lost a child during infant heart surgery, lost her husband at 37, and has recently suffered a minor stroke and coped with the death of her youngest sister. It seems so Pollyanna-ish to talk about service to others and gratitude when interacting with someone who is dealing with such sorrow, even when you know it is best, but maybe letting people know there is a way out of the tunnel and giving them a saint to pray to is good, even if I can't fathom how deep and dark their tunnel is.

P.S. I am praying this novena for you and my friend...

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topcare said:

WA your never alone and do not have to go through things alone.

Do not be afraid - I am with you! I am your God - let nothing terrify you! I will make you strong and help you; I will protect you and save you.

Isaiah 41:10 GNTA

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Fish and Bread said:

I'm sorry to hear this stuff is happening. I hope the situation improves and you and your husband can move on to lead happy lives apart. In a pinch, if it comes to the point where you think you or your children may be seriously harmed, please keep in mind that there are women's shelters you can go to where women who are victims of domestic violence, and sometimes their young children, can temporarily be given a safe place to sleep and their abusers are not told where they are or allowed in if they find out where they are.

A divorce settlement, if it comes to that, might give you some assets and temporary alimony payments, depending on your situation. And you you may be able to then get a restraining order on top of or instead of that. You may want to consult a lawyer to find out your options- some divorce lawyers offer free initial consultations, and your husband need not know you are there (Just be discreet and don't leave paperwork or business cards or calendar notations or anything around).

It really pains me to see people without money who feel like they may have to keep an abusive person in their lives to have things like housing, food to eat, transportation, and so on and so forth for themselves and/or their children. I'm not going to turn this thread political, but if anyone wants any insight into why I am so strongly supportive of liberal economic policies like a social safety net, it's situations like this. Who gets the beachfront second home or the luxury yacht can be subjective to the whims of the market, but who gets basic necessities should not be- we all deserve at least the basics, and should not be forced into dependency situations where the individual people they are dependent on have leverage force people to do or allow all sorts of things. Part of freedom is freedom to not associate with people you feel unsafe around and know you can still get by, and I'd like the government to move towards recognition of that principle.

Anyway, I won't go on about that. The important thing is that I hope things get better for you and your children. If you can find a way to do it, I would suggest quietly exploring your legal options and also your options in terms of temporary safe shelter like a women's shelter in case you decide you need them. Get some information your husband won't see and get mad about, maybe just check it out in person and don't bring material home, memorize a phone number or whatever. It's not committing to actually going to a shelter or filing for divorce or whatever, it's just getting your options ready in case you later decide you need to because of further developments.

Maybe some relatives or friends could help in a pinch in terms of housing. Also, I think in most jurisdictions on a 911 call if officers come to investigate and someone says he or she is being abused, they will at least ask the potential abuser to leave for the night or give the person alleging the issue a chance to leave when they talk to the potential abuser. But of course you don't want to let it get to that point if you can avoid it, because that means you or your kids have gottten knocked around and maybe someone is seriously hurt, and it's better if you can avoid that outcome preemptively by taking precautions.

I don't make any judgments about the spouse because obviously we are only hearing one side of the story, but if you don't feel safe, I support you in seeking alternative housing arrangements. Most states also have "no fault" divorce laws now where you don't need to justify it or whatever- both people can just move on. No one has to make any allegations or anything to facilitate it, it can just be as simple as non-specific "irreconcilable differences" and a split of the money and the assets. If you want a religious annulment, you can get that later after you've taken care of things on the civil end and gotten yourself and your kids to a safe place.

In the end, money is not as important a consideration as keeping yourself and your kids safe and not experiencing personal trauma, or allowing them to experience personal trauma first-hand or by seeing stuff happen to you. Money is something you can try to work out later. Everyone's personal safety should come first. If you guys are safe and living in a small apartment, it's better than being unsafe and living in a huge house, you know?

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