Husband: Be a Teacher or Divorce!

jabrenica

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This is so hard. But I have no home church right now. Back slid hubby refuses to take us in our one car.

Many changes have taken place in our family of late. Serious and life-changing things of a very painful nature. I have another thread her at cf in the prayer wall about "Family Split Apart" to see more detail.

Since those changes, hubby has become a different man. He told me today, in no uncertain terms, that I had better get remarried if I want to continue being a stay at home mom. He told me he no longer believes the Mom should stay home and the Dad should go to work and support the family. I can't really tell him that lifestyle is biblical (even though I believe it is) because that will just start an argument because he is a backslider. I was a sahm and homeschooler for 8 years to our kiddos. Godsaw us through financial tightness. But I started the journey by telling hubby that's what I wanted, even though it wasn't his idea for us. He eventually went along with it because a car accident left us with only 1 car and that meant I couldn't go to work outside the home. He grew to support me in that role.

Now, he's shifted. My original training--and 4 years experience--is as a high school teacher. I originally quit teaching to have our first baby and I was committed to staying home. I'm terrified of returning to work. My motivation is nil. The workload is too high. We have to call parents from home to deal w/behavior problems and failing kids. We have to take papers home to correct every night and I always had a very hard time with correcting papers in a timely fashion. The paperwork is huge. Then there's the afterschool meetings. I have 3 kids and my youngest is only 2. It was my dream to be a quiverfull, stay at home, homeschool mom for the rest of my life!

I believe in wifely submission. I do not believe in divorce and remarriage. Besides. If I decided to put my foot down on this issue I'd end up divorced and STILL having to work for a living anyway, just seeing my kiddos less. But this is something I'm afraid of--going back into the workforce. I can't stand the idea of taking all that work home with me after being away from my kiddos all day long!

He says it's to get us back on our feet financially and into a better living situation and also the good benefits. (As an insurance salesman he doesn't get any benefits).

I'd appreciate replies of all thoughtful kinds, including replies from moms who are FORCED back into the workplace.

Also, it's going to be an uphill battle to get my teaching credential reinstated for various reasons.

BTW, we STILL have only one car as a family. I'm praying that would still somehow keep me from having to return to the workforce. But hubby says if I don't teach I have to find something that a.) makes at least $40,000 per year and b.)has benefits. Teaching is the only thing I'm qualified for that fits that description, as far as I know.

HELP!
 
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Blue Wren

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I do sympathise, with you, but also, with your husband. I do not think, it is so fair, that a man, should have to carry the entire financial burden, of providing for a family. If the wife, is not capable, of working, or, there is a child who is ill & needs a parent to stay at home, that, is not so hard to understand. It's not unbiblical, for a woman to work, no, not at all. It is an honour to work, in your community, to provide a service, to the community. In my country, Sweden, most mothers work, at least part-time. We do, have more generous maternal & paternal leave.

Teachers have schedules, more like their children's. You'd have, summer holiday to spend with them, winter holiday, ect. You have the qualifications, yes? Is it not, more biblical, to make sacrifices, for the good, of your family? Your family needs this money. Your husband, he might improve his ways, if he wasn't so burdened, with stress, from money.
 
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Wolves

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I definitely sympathise with you because I am a teacher and there is no way I could do the job that I do now if I had children. I work over 10 hours a day, not including all the work I do at night, on weekends, and on holidays :(

Is there an option of you going back to work part-time as a teacher? Or using your skills to do something less demanding, like private tutoring from your home or something?

Have you expressed your concerns to your husband?
 
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Susie~Q

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Your situation is deplorable, I am sure the Lord does not approve.

Your husband sounds like a typical narcisstic personality. Google the term, you will, I believe, find him to fit the category completely.

He has no right to tell you what kind of work to do. In fact, if he will not work, he is worse than an infidel, according to the bible. He is bad news, totally being ruled by Satan.

Please, for your own well-being and your children, think about a separation, you sure do not have to get a divorce, but, the time away may help.

Sorry that I am not more positive. I have said a prayer for you.
 
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Mayzoo

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Have you considered applying to be a teacher for the online home school type programs ie K-12? You could teach primarily from home that way. Here is a link to some online high schools: https://www.google.com/search?newwi...edr...0...1c.1.64.serp..0.19.1495.jwR7fLuQyFI

I am a stay at home mom who home schools as well, and I am now needing to get back into the workforce. I am going to try to do accounting from home for a small business.

Once you get your credentials back, do everything in your power to not let them lapse again. I keep my certificates up whether I ever use them again or not. It is sooooo much easier to keep them up than to reinstate them. Should something unexpectedly happen to your hubby, you will need them.
 
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Avniel

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Your situation is deplorable, I am sure the Lord does not approve.

Your husband sounds like a typical narcisstic personality. Google the term, you will, I believe, find him to fit the category completely.

He has no right to tell you what kind of work to do. In fact, if he will not work, he is worse than an infidel, according to the bible. He is bad news, totally being ruled by Satan.

Please, for your own well-being and your children, think about a separation, you sure do not have to get a divorce, but, the time away may help.

Sorry that I am not more positive. I have said a prayer for you.
Please don't diagnose people and push people to diagnose other they could be in a dangerous situation or they could be adding doubt in a woman's marriage either way isn't healthy. If you have fear of mental illness unless privy to medical history please do not.
 
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