- Aug 24, 2016
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Alright, this is half a prayer request, and half advice, I decided I needed advice more than a prayer (not belittling prayer), so I posted here.
Basically, been depressed my whole life, it isn't a brain thing, I have identified the problem, and for 4 or so years, I've been trying to fix the problem.
The problem is loneliness, I am a very social person, living the life of an introvert.
I don't go out, I don't do anything, speak to anyone, I'm alone.
The life I live, is forced on me, it's either be miserable and alive, or die on the streets, I don't live in the best of towns, crime wise.
The best option for my physical survival, is to just live as I am now. But I fear my mental health is dwindling, and there isn't much I can do to save it.
Here is why it is forced, I have no license to drive and I cannot get one until I am 18, family rule.
I was forced to be homeschooled, even after expressing that I wanted, and needed to go to school.
And I was forced to not go to homeschooler events and that sort of stuff, basically I was forced into an anti social lifestyle.
I have reach an age now, where I can actually do something about it (17), but what that is, I don't know.
I've literately tried everything I can think of.
1. Befriend locals. Drunks, and meth heads are not good friends for a child.
2. Go to a church. I do, sometimes, it's the only place I can go, but the problem arises, the years of anti socialization, have made me inept at socializing like a normal human. I physically cannot just go up and talk to people, I've tried, and I've tried to force myself, it's not going to happen. I rely on them coming up to me and starting a conversation, which does not happen, because I look like a serial killer, being honest. I wouldn't approach me either.
3. Make friends online. I have, but it doesn't cut it, I need physical people.
Why? I'm not sure, text just doesn't cut it.
I need someone to care about me, and I need to be able to see it.
No one in my life cares, or loves me, not even my family.
4. Go to a store and talk to people, surely they're not bad people. Maybe, maybe not, but the point in 2 stands.
I've exhausted all I can think of, and all my coping mechanisms no longer work.
Every 4 months or so, I get in a state like I am now, I start getting extremely depressed, then eventually accept it, and move on.
I need to avoid the depression stage, and have nothing to accept.
I need to fix it, because before long, I will lose my mind.
I have 1 more year, before my license, and I gain my freedom (but how long after that will it take for me to actually be free), I don't think I'll make it another year, because each time this happens, I lose a bit of myself, eventually I will be nothing.
I think about a way out endlessly.
I do not attribute this suffering to God, I don't blame it on him, I know he loves me.
A year ago I didn't even have God, and a year ago I was worse, so that is an improvement. But I also see I'm sliding down a hill again, I'm just trying to keep my head above water until things can get better.
I will get to the point I was a year ago, before long.
There are other reasons I feel the way I do, not just the being lonely.
It's also the why, why was I forced to live like this, and why is it impossible for me to fix?
There's got to be a way out that I'm not seeing.
So, what do I do?
What would you do?
There are no bad ideas
I also want to note, I hate posting things like this, because I know it could be much much worse, I could have no legs, or not have this computer (which has been the reason I've stayed sane so long), it could always be worse. But that doesn't make a bad situation good.
I ask for prayers and advice, if you will, and Thank You, in advance.
(also if this is the wrong forum area I apologize, move it if you want.)
God Bless.
Basically, been depressed my whole life, it isn't a brain thing, I have identified the problem, and for 4 or so years, I've been trying to fix the problem.
The problem is loneliness, I am a very social person, living the life of an introvert.
I don't go out, I don't do anything, speak to anyone, I'm alone.
The life I live, is forced on me, it's either be miserable and alive, or die on the streets, I don't live in the best of towns, crime wise.
The best option for my physical survival, is to just live as I am now. But I fear my mental health is dwindling, and there isn't much I can do to save it.
Here is why it is forced, I have no license to drive and I cannot get one until I am 18, family rule.
I was forced to be homeschooled, even after expressing that I wanted, and needed to go to school.
And I was forced to not go to homeschooler events and that sort of stuff, basically I was forced into an anti social lifestyle.
I have reach an age now, where I can actually do something about it (17), but what that is, I don't know.
I've literately tried everything I can think of.
1. Befriend locals. Drunks, and meth heads are not good friends for a child.
2. Go to a church. I do, sometimes, it's the only place I can go, but the problem arises, the years of anti socialization, have made me inept at socializing like a normal human. I physically cannot just go up and talk to people, I've tried, and I've tried to force myself, it's not going to happen. I rely on them coming up to me and starting a conversation, which does not happen, because I look like a serial killer, being honest. I wouldn't approach me either.
3. Make friends online. I have, but it doesn't cut it, I need physical people.
Why? I'm not sure, text just doesn't cut it.
I need someone to care about me, and I need to be able to see it.
No one in my life cares, or loves me, not even my family.
4. Go to a store and talk to people, surely they're not bad people. Maybe, maybe not, but the point in 2 stands.
I've exhausted all I can think of, and all my coping mechanisms no longer work.
Every 4 months or so, I get in a state like I am now, I start getting extremely depressed, then eventually accept it, and move on.
I need to avoid the depression stage, and have nothing to accept.
I need to fix it, because before long, I will lose my mind.
I have 1 more year, before my license, and I gain my freedom (but how long after that will it take for me to actually be free), I don't think I'll make it another year, because each time this happens, I lose a bit of myself, eventually I will be nothing.
I think about a way out endlessly.
I do not attribute this suffering to God, I don't blame it on him, I know he loves me.
A year ago I didn't even have God, and a year ago I was worse, so that is an improvement. But I also see I'm sliding down a hill again, I'm just trying to keep my head above water until things can get better.
I will get to the point I was a year ago, before long.
There are other reasons I feel the way I do, not just the being lonely.
It's also the why, why was I forced to live like this, and why is it impossible for me to fix?
There's got to be a way out that I'm not seeing.
So, what do I do?
What would you do?
There are no bad ideas
I also want to note, I hate posting things like this, because I know it could be much much worse, I could have no legs, or not have this computer (which has been the reason I've stayed sane so long), it could always be worse. But that doesn't make a bad situation good.
I ask for prayers and advice, if you will, and Thank You, in advance.
(also if this is the wrong forum area I apologize, move it if you want.)
God Bless.