And then Pope Francis entered the cathedral. He re-enacted the horrible scene in 1054 storming into Hagia Sophia. He slammed down a scroll. Patriarch Bartholomew, in shock, grabbed the paper and read it...And it said the following
I, Pope Francis, admit to the Catholic Church's crimes of the past 1,000 years of the Donation of Constantine forgery, of claiming to be infallible when we all know that's horse manure, of inventing crazy stuff like indulgences, of pretending to rule the entire roost instead of just my turf, of allowing a distorted, liberal, scary, modernistic mess of a liturgy to come into existence. I repent of my crimes and ask to be restored to Holy Orthodoxy! I promise forthwith to forbid clown Masses, liturgical ballet dancers, rainbow vestments, strumming guitars and vile Mexican-style mariachi music during Mass, drop the cardboard-tasting wafers as communion, allow my priests to marry and lead normal lives, heck, I'll even encourage my priests and bishops to grow beards! I swear my bishops and cardinals will be trained in how to light up an incense censor. We'll drop the girly-girl altar "boys," we'll lengthen the mass to 2 hours, we'll get the sacred art back in our churches, we'll hire SSPX priests to be in charge, we'll get rid of the court-jester-looking Papal guards at the Vatican. We'll learn some Greek and Russian. We'll renounce our Protestant pews and sitting during liturgy. We'll change! We'll repent! Please let us back!