Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden....
.........Does not the potter have power over the clay, from the same lump to make one vessel for honor and another for dishonor?
I hear a lot of different interpretations of scriptures. This scripture has always concerned me, though. Does it mean that a good and righteous Christian can live a life of misery in spite of his faith and devotion to the Lord, while a more self-centered and less earnests Christian can lead a blessed and prosperous life, no matter what they do?
If this is the case, why keep praying about something, not knowing that God has chosen to let me suffer.
I'll give an outline of my own life to explain. I was born into a life of disadvantage very poor, a social outcast (I believe I was born Asperger's Syndrome). My mother was a Christian, but she harbored a resentment against me because she didn't want a girl.
There was a very strange pattern in my life all my life of failure, deprive and rejection.
The simplest accomplishments always escaped me. If I got my hopes up on anything like a trip or vacation or a change to go to the fair (very rare opportunists for me), almost always, something would happen, usually at the very last minute, to prevent me from getting to go. This happened far too often to be coincidence.
It was a pattern that follow me through life. I lost the chance to graduate, get me driver's license, achieve a black-belt. This didn't happen out of laziness or lack of effort far from it. I went to extremes to reach such seemingly simple goals but different things would keep happening.
I tried about 4 different times to get horseback riding lessons, I'd even have them set up and scheduled never happened. Each time, at the last minute, something would prevent it (this was from all different people).
I was saved as a child and tried to really follow God's Will in my life. I tithed faithfully since I was about 16. I never drank, ran wild, did drugs or slept around. I was lonely and was tying to meat Christian men, I earnestly asked God to guide me and help me find somebody never happened.
I kept trying to go forward in my life, but at 26, I got CFS/Fibromyalgia and ended up on disability. I had faith that God would heal me never happened. I and 45 and have been sick for a little less than 2 decades.
The physical agony has been so much that I wanted to commit suicide many times and even became angry at the Lord.
Also, I saw another patter that followed me around. Every time I thanked God for something I did have immediately after I thanked him , I lost it! Even my home. Anything I would Thank God for (trying to stay grateful) or if I spoke of something I had and was thankful for it I'd lose it right after!
For the last 4 years, I have occupied a basement that floods during hard rain. We found black mold down here, it's dark and damp, my health has worsened.
This is the truth, every time I have felt well enough and really cleaned the basement, scouring for sanitary reasons. Every single time, the same night or the night after, it would rain and flood the basement. Once during a summer drought, I scrubbed the floors and a hard rain came for that one night only and flooded it with dirty unsanitary water. (I think when it rains too hard, there is sewer water mixed with the rain water.)
Understand, through all this, I put God first and prayed. But lately, I have lost hope and much of my faith. I even pleaded with him to let me die because of the pain.
There is more to the story, I may explain further in this post. But there have been 2 saying that seemed to define my life No good deed goes unpunished and Anything that can go wrong, will.
So I wonder, if God intends me to be as the clay made as unto dishonor, should I even try? (This is not meant to sound like self-pity, I promise you, it's just desperation for answers).
.........Does not the potter have power over the clay, from the same lump to make one vessel for honor and another for dishonor?
I hear a lot of different interpretations of scriptures. This scripture has always concerned me, though. Does it mean that a good and righteous Christian can live a life of misery in spite of his faith and devotion to the Lord, while a more self-centered and less earnests Christian can lead a blessed and prosperous life, no matter what they do?
If this is the case, why keep praying about something, not knowing that God has chosen to let me suffer.
I'll give an outline of my own life to explain. I was born into a life of disadvantage very poor, a social outcast (I believe I was born Asperger's Syndrome). My mother was a Christian, but she harbored a resentment against me because she didn't want a girl.
There was a very strange pattern in my life all my life of failure, deprive and rejection.
The simplest accomplishments always escaped me. If I got my hopes up on anything like a trip or vacation or a change to go to the fair (very rare opportunists for me), almost always, something would happen, usually at the very last minute, to prevent me from getting to go. This happened far too often to be coincidence.
It was a pattern that follow me through life. I lost the chance to graduate, get me driver's license, achieve a black-belt. This didn't happen out of laziness or lack of effort far from it. I went to extremes to reach such seemingly simple goals but different things would keep happening.
I tried about 4 different times to get horseback riding lessons, I'd even have them set up and scheduled never happened. Each time, at the last minute, something would prevent it (this was from all different people).
I was saved as a child and tried to really follow God's Will in my life. I tithed faithfully since I was about 16. I never drank, ran wild, did drugs or slept around. I was lonely and was tying to meat Christian men, I earnestly asked God to guide me and help me find somebody never happened.
I kept trying to go forward in my life, but at 26, I got CFS/Fibromyalgia and ended up on disability. I had faith that God would heal me never happened. I and 45 and have been sick for a little less than 2 decades.
The physical agony has been so much that I wanted to commit suicide many times and even became angry at the Lord.
Also, I saw another patter that followed me around. Every time I thanked God for something I did have immediately after I thanked him , I lost it! Even my home. Anything I would Thank God for (trying to stay grateful) or if I spoke of something I had and was thankful for it I'd lose it right after!
For the last 4 years, I have occupied a basement that floods during hard rain. We found black mold down here, it's dark and damp, my health has worsened.
This is the truth, every time I have felt well enough and really cleaned the basement, scouring for sanitary reasons. Every single time, the same night or the night after, it would rain and flood the basement. Once during a summer drought, I scrubbed the floors and a hard rain came for that one night only and flooded it with dirty unsanitary water. (I think when it rains too hard, there is sewer water mixed with the rain water.)
Understand, through all this, I put God first and prayed. But lately, I have lost hope and much of my faith. I even pleaded with him to let me die because of the pain.
There is more to the story, I may explain further in this post. But there have been 2 saying that seemed to define my life No good deed goes unpunished and Anything that can go wrong, will.
So I wonder, if God intends me to be as the clay made as unto dishonor, should I even try? (This is not meant to sound like self-pity, I promise you, it's just desperation for answers).
I am praying!
