So I've been under major struggle with OCD lately. I had struggled with the vow thing hard core earlier this year and after that I started having major trouble with some old topics like the unforgivable sin, and some new ones like possession.
While all this has been going on I have quit school and am now looking for full time work. I am looking for work in Information Technology as that is a field I love and am good at. I have 5 years experience in it and feel that I would be wonderful at it.
Today I was experiencing some extreme frustration. Finding these jobs are really hard and everyone has been telling me to just take a job at Home Depot or something. Now there is nothing wrong with a retail job but I feel that at this point in my life it is better to wait longer and get into something that will be great for long term than it would be to just randomly get a job that has nothing to do with my career.
Well, job hunting is HARD, anyone who is doing it know that! I was extremely frustrated today, and my head was going on and on about this job thing. In my frustration I said something along the lines of "if I take a job like that (meaning something like Home Depot) then I will never work in IT". I said this in a way that made it seem like a vow.
Here's the thing, I've been doing really good at identifying OCD situations and dismissing them. Things like:
1. Making a decision with "vows"
2. Racing myself [I have to get off this chair before the song ends or "vow"]
3. Fixing other vows with new ones that negate the old ones
4. Using a vow to stop anxiety
What I did today falls into none of those categories. It was something that came out [mentally] because of pure frustration. Now I have no idea if I actually vowed this or not. I also don't know if I said that I couldn't get a job like Home Depot, or any non IT job in general. So now I'm afraid that if I go back into my current job temporarily that I am 100% disqualified from ever taking an IT job unless I want to go against God.
What's your take on this? The worst part is I can't really remember what I said, so I have no idea what to do.
While all this has been going on I have quit school and am now looking for full time work. I am looking for work in Information Technology as that is a field I love and am good at. I have 5 years experience in it and feel that I would be wonderful at it.
Today I was experiencing some extreme frustration. Finding these jobs are really hard and everyone has been telling me to just take a job at Home Depot or something. Now there is nothing wrong with a retail job but I feel that at this point in my life it is better to wait longer and get into something that will be great for long term than it would be to just randomly get a job that has nothing to do with my career.
Well, job hunting is HARD, anyone who is doing it know that! I was extremely frustrated today, and my head was going on and on about this job thing. In my frustration I said something along the lines of "if I take a job like that (meaning something like Home Depot) then I will never work in IT". I said this in a way that made it seem like a vow.
Here's the thing, I've been doing really good at identifying OCD situations and dismissing them. Things like:
1. Making a decision with "vows"
2. Racing myself [I have to get off this chair before the song ends or "vow"]
3. Fixing other vows with new ones that negate the old ones
4. Using a vow to stop anxiety
What I did today falls into none of those categories. It was something that came out [mentally] because of pure frustration. Now I have no idea if I actually vowed this or not. I also don't know if I said that I couldn't get a job like Home Depot, or any non IT job in general. So now I'm afraid that if I go back into my current job temporarily that I am 100% disqualified from ever taking an IT job unless I want to go against God.
What's your take on this? The worst part is I can't really remember what I said, so I have no idea what to do.