Hi there. My husband and I have been married for a year and a half now, and it's starting to become clear that he is not capable of giving me the emotional intimacy that I need.
We've talked about this so many times that I feel like I'm beating a dead horse. I purchased a book for him which explained in great detail what it is that women need from their husbands and why. He read the entire thing and claims to have understood it. Every time I bring it up, he musters up some of what I need, just enough to "fix" me, and then goes back to normal. Which only proves even further that he does understand what I'm talking about.
From what I can tell, his father was the exact same way, if not worse. We've talked about this as well, he agreed, and it didn't change anything.
He is the same way in all of his relationships, completely unable to open up emotionally or share any part of himself. He has no close friendships, probably never has.
Naturally, this is starting to spill over into our physical relationship. I do my best to do what the bible tells me to do as a wife in that department, but there is no desire. My husband knows this, and again, we've talked about why, but it seems he's willing to settle for less than the best if it means he can avoid emotional intimacy.
I really don't know what to do any more. I don't want to spend the rest of our marriage in a cycle of learning to forgive him, and learning not to sin out of my anger, and learning to not resent him, etc. I try so hard to remind myself that "It's not all about me" - but in this case, I know that if it's somewhat about me, he will be much better off as well.
I'm just so frustrated, and we're about to go around the "talk about how I feel, he pretends to do something about it, I feel better, he shuts down again" cycle for the 3rd time this month! Everything in me wants to put up a wall and just completely shut him out so that I can stop experiencing the pain that this is causing me, but I know that will only hurt the situation more.
Does anyone have any advice at all? Thank you...
We've talked about this so many times that I feel like I'm beating a dead horse. I purchased a book for him which explained in great detail what it is that women need from their husbands and why. He read the entire thing and claims to have understood it. Every time I bring it up, he musters up some of what I need, just enough to "fix" me, and then goes back to normal. Which only proves even further that he does understand what I'm talking about.
From what I can tell, his father was the exact same way, if not worse. We've talked about this as well, he agreed, and it didn't change anything.
He is the same way in all of his relationships, completely unable to open up emotionally or share any part of himself. He has no close friendships, probably never has.
Naturally, this is starting to spill over into our physical relationship. I do my best to do what the bible tells me to do as a wife in that department, but there is no desire. My husband knows this, and again, we've talked about why, but it seems he's willing to settle for less than the best if it means he can avoid emotional intimacy.
I really don't know what to do any more. I don't want to spend the rest of our marriage in a cycle of learning to forgive him, and learning not to sin out of my anger, and learning to not resent him, etc. I try so hard to remind myself that "It's not all about me" - but in this case, I know that if it's somewhat about me, he will be much better off as well.
I'm just so frustrated, and we're about to go around the "talk about how I feel, he pretends to do something about it, I feel better, he shuts down again" cycle for the 3rd time this month! Everything in me wants to put up a wall and just completely shut him out so that I can stop experiencing the pain that this is causing me, but I know that will only hurt the situation more.
Does anyone have any advice at all? Thank you...