"Love Must Be Tough, a New Hope For Family In Crises" (DISRESPECT)-2
I posted the below on the Marriage Restoration forum and we kind of got off tract because of my question. I wanted to know what all you people here on the front page of the "Married Couples forum think about Dr. Dobsons book and advice. I am reprinting my post below and have changed the question to Do you all have any comments about Dobsons advice?
Reprint is below:
In reading threads about marriages in crises on this forum, I looked up some information from Dr. James Dobson, Psychologist and marriage counselor.
His book is "Love Must Be Tough, a New Hope For Family In Crises"
The book is about saving a marriage not divorce, hence the title, Love Must Be tough, NEW HOPE FOR A FAMILY IN CRISES
Disrespect seems to be a very common underlying problem in many marital problems that have been posted. Dobson takes an approach that is not universally accepted by some churches but I found his approach to be worthy of consideration. In addressing the disrespect Dobson speaks of subjects such as pain, confidence, action, separation, accountability and God. Rather than me try to explain his approach I have reprinted some statements from his book below
A few quotes from Chapter 7:
"...it is also true that God often uses pain and crises to bring a sinful person to his senses....Prodigal son decided to go home to daddy when his money ran out and he was eating with the pigs"
"Remember that the basic marital problem usually involves matters of respect..."
"The precipitated crises, first, must be accompanied by an entire change of attitude. Instead of begging. pleading, wringing your hands and whimpering like an abused puppy, you as the vulnerable partner must appear strangely calm and assured. The key word is CONFIDENCE, and it is of maximum importance. Your manner should say, "I believe in me. I am no longer afraid. I can cope regardless of the outcome. I know something I am not talking about, I have had my day of sorrow and I am through crying. God and I can handle whatever life puts in my path
The book is also about the disrespected spouse taking action so that the disrespect does not destroy you. If you leave your spouse the continuing disrespect will stop and allow you time to start healing from the affects of your husbands actions
The book also makes clear that by separating (no mention of divorce) from your spouse you will improve the chances of saving your marriage.
Quote from page 124:
separation that is intended not to kill the marriage but to rescue it .
I believe that living apart for a period of time can clear the air for some families and permit the healing process to begin, especially where one partner is desperately in need of accountability
The book details how taking action to stop disrespect and bringing about accountability increases your chances of restoring your marriage to a much healthier relationship and that would be better for your children.
Conversely, tolerating your spouses disrespect and potential infidelity can be disastrous. Dr. Dobson gives a real life situation where the wife (Sue) tolerated her husbands disrespectful infidelity. Part of the story from page 23 is quoted below:
In the process of giving her children their father for a while longer, she also gave them a severely depressed, suicidal mother, and eventually, a family breakup. Her children continued to suffer today .
Dr. Dobson also points out that taking actions should be taken only after receiving guidance from the Holy Spirit and with professional Christian counseling.
Do you all have any comments about Dobsons advice?
PS
I am more interested in dicussing Dobson's method rather than the adultres husband.
I posted the below on the Marriage Restoration forum and we kind of got off tract because of my question. I wanted to know what all you people here on the front page of the "Married Couples forum think about Dr. Dobsons book and advice. I am reprinting my post below and have changed the question to Do you all have any comments about Dobsons advice?
Reprint is below:
In reading threads about marriages in crises on this forum, I looked up some information from Dr. James Dobson, Psychologist and marriage counselor.
His book is "Love Must Be Tough, a New Hope For Family In Crises"
The book is about saving a marriage not divorce, hence the title, Love Must Be tough, NEW HOPE FOR A FAMILY IN CRISES
Disrespect seems to be a very common underlying problem in many marital problems that have been posted. Dobson takes an approach that is not universally accepted by some churches but I found his approach to be worthy of consideration. In addressing the disrespect Dobson speaks of subjects such as pain, confidence, action, separation, accountability and God. Rather than me try to explain his approach I have reprinted some statements from his book below
A few quotes from Chapter 7:
"...it is also true that God often uses pain and crises to bring a sinful person to his senses....Prodigal son decided to go home to daddy when his money ran out and he was eating with the pigs"
"Remember that the basic marital problem usually involves matters of respect..."
"The precipitated crises, first, must be accompanied by an entire change of attitude. Instead of begging. pleading, wringing your hands and whimpering like an abused puppy, you as the vulnerable partner must appear strangely calm and assured. The key word is CONFIDENCE, and it is of maximum importance. Your manner should say, "I believe in me. I am no longer afraid. I can cope regardless of the outcome. I know something I am not talking about, I have had my day of sorrow and I am through crying. God and I can handle whatever life puts in my path
The book is also about the disrespected spouse taking action so that the disrespect does not destroy you. If you leave your spouse the continuing disrespect will stop and allow you time to start healing from the affects of your husbands actions
The book also makes clear that by separating (no mention of divorce) from your spouse you will improve the chances of saving your marriage.
Quote from page 124:
separation that is intended not to kill the marriage but to rescue it .
I believe that living apart for a period of time can clear the air for some families and permit the healing process to begin, especially where one partner is desperately in need of accountability
The book details how taking action to stop disrespect and bringing about accountability increases your chances of restoring your marriage to a much healthier relationship and that would be better for your children.
Conversely, tolerating your spouses disrespect and potential infidelity can be disastrous. Dr. Dobson gives a real life situation where the wife (Sue) tolerated her husbands disrespectful infidelity. Part of the story from page 23 is quoted below:
In the process of giving her children their father for a while longer, she also gave them a severely depressed, suicidal mother, and eventually, a family breakup. Her children continued to suffer today .
Dr. Dobson also points out that taking actions should be taken only after receiving guidance from the Holy Spirit and with professional Christian counseling.
Do you all have any comments about Dobsons advice?
PS
I am more interested in dicussing Dobson's method rather than the adultres husband.