horrible blasphemous thoughts

[medelia]

Hi there


I have been here a few times and the last times things were better...it all just seems so up and down....I suffer from blasphemous thoughts so horrific it makes me wonder how I even managed to be able to think these things in the first place.

This has been going on for about a year now...It started when I felt flat one day and spoke out loud to God saying that Satan's world is easier...(I didn't mean that I wanted anything to do with the enemy...I just didn't understand what was so wrong with sin)....I wanted to build a nice big house...have a bunch of nice things....and I felt guilty wanting those things I just didn't understand what life was all about....well I went inside opened up my bible and the first thing I read was a chapter where God was saying something like...you are my enemy..you pretend around my people and ended with the words...I will never let you in the garden where I would have offered you rest...I can't remember where in the bible this was as I closed my bible in fear and burst out crying asking him for forgiveness....certain that this was God talking directly to me...and why wouldn't he after what I said....afterall isn't the bible how God speaks to us?....I spent days feeling utterly cast out and terrified...I was a new christian too...I had not been in relationship long with God before all this started....

In about 0.5 seconds I understood the scripture...what does it profit a man to gain the world and lose his soul....I had just lost God (or so I thought)...eternally...who cares about a stupid house....and right now...from that day onward...I have been utterly completly cured of any materialism...All I want is God...absolutely nothing more or less...just him...thats it....but unfortunately the fun (not really fun) was just about to get started...


During this time a massive doorway must have been opened to the enemy because horrible thoughts started to happen....(before this day I never had any bad thoughts at all)...you h*** God....you h*** Jesus....the thoughts started....I was petrified...I started trying to read my bible but thought I'd play it safe by starting with the new testament...(I had become frightened of the old testament)...I had no sooner started Matthew and was reading about when Herod was looking for baby Jesus and this thought came ....you wanted him to find the baby.....like what??? I'm sure these thoughts were demonic...because I had thoughts like...this is what it feels like when God forsakes you...and one eerie thought that went like...haha your dead...it was horrifying and I truelly felt that I had been cast away....

At this time I had no idea we were in a spiritual war...I thought all these thoughts were mine...I'm pretty sure now the origins were from the enemy....the attack felt so vicious...it was literally breathtaking the horror of this...a living hell...I felt like dying...except I knew in death there is no God in hell...just the permanent absence of him...at least in life he was all around me...in the clouds...the faces of my children...the birds ...the rainbows...I started paying attention to ALL the little details...and I'd stubornly tell him that I was going to love him anyway...even if I was forsaken...that whilst ever I was alive...and could see the presence of him everywhere I was going to flatout adore him....

I have never been so terrified in my life...I hated every moment of these thoughts...of course the thoughts didn't just stop there....as soon as I learnt there was an unforgiveable sin...well yes my mind just went on thinking that.... the thoughts just kept getting worse...and all the while I'm floundering wondering how I could possibly think things that should never have even entered my mind in the first place....

At the time I was attending a little Anglican church...but stopped going as I got so embarrased sitting up the back of a small church every sunday wearing dark sunglasses and bawling my eyes out....nobody else cries in church??....I've started going to hillsong which is fantastic...such a beautiful church...and so huge that no one notices you sitting there crying your heart out every week....you blend in so much easier...

I've tried to talk to a few of the pastors about this...and nobody has ever heard of anything like this?....as soon as you say you have blasphemous thoughts about God they take a few steps backwards as if to say how could you....it's horrible...does anyone else find that so few people understand this? I feel like I'm the only one....and now I don't say anything to anyone...just suffer along in silence...I would give ANYTHING...to have pretty much any other trial thrown at me....I honestly cannot think of anything worse than this...

I came across the grantley blog and that smoothed things over for awhile...finally...i'm not alone...other people go through this....but why won't they (the thoughts) go away?

I started watching alot of christian TV during this time....alot of Joyce Meyer and Joseph Prince...which have helped remarkably...I keep remembering the words of Jesus...if you love me...you will obey my commandments....so I'm trying so hard to do all the right things....and I mean trying...I'm on a mission to try and be the best I can...as if by my actions I'm trying to prove to God that I don't mean these thoughts....I pray every day for him to take these thoughts away...to give me a heart like Jesus...the fruit of the spirit and all those lovely things...but I'm still waiting for the changes....

Joyce Meyer said something really powerful that I have been living my life by lately....do whats right when it all feels wrong....go out and be a blessing to someone else even when you are dying inside...so I have been busy trying to be a blessing everywhere...and honestly I love that...being a blessing has been fun...it has helped the feelings....but it hasn't stopped the thoughts

The thoughts are so bad it's despairing...They used to be just horrible ones about God...which were altogether gut wrenching...but then they progressed to a whole new level...where I feel like when I say Lord...it's like the enemys name will pop in and then I feel like being sick...I drive past my old church and have a thought like the house of the enemy...I have to drive past this church everyday to pick up my kids from school...and everytime I'm getting close to it...I start freaking out...in case I have that thought...or other similar...thoughts about the enemy...I can honestly officially say...the thoughts do not get any worse than this...I tossed up even writing about these thoughts here because I am so ashamed...but honestly I wonder how many others have thoughts as bad as this...is it just me?

Joyce Meyer talks alot about 'ruining the enemy's day' by being a blessing and basically not being riled by anything he throws at you...so I have turned this into a major life theme....I utterely HATE the enemy so much...that I basically refuse to be unforgiving to ANYONE (considering that I am going to be needing buckets of God's mercy) and also because I know just how much that ticks the enemy off...I feel like the enemy is ruining my life with these thoughts...so I am deadset determined to ruin his....I get stuck in a frustrating situation...I don't know like say...a one hour traffic jam...I just grin and bear it with a good spirit...why...because that would be making the enemy seethe...and afterall...compared to having these thoughts...ANYTHING looks like a bed of roses....

But then I wonder...what if these thoughts are me?...how ...just how...on earth can I possibly think these things....I often think that there is no way in a million years I could have prayed against this thing happening....I never could have even dreamt that you could find yourself in this situation having thoughts you never could have imagined thinking....it's a nightmare

The other greatest challenge in all this is I don't hear from God...I have no idea how to....all these other people talk about how the Lord spoke to them...or God told them to do this or that....and for me...nothing....silence...honestly God doesn't tell me anything...I am terrified of the bible....afraid I will have bad thoughts whilst reading it...thats why I like the tv preachers...I can get to hear the word without the paralising fear of blasphemous thoughts, or of reading a scary passage that I think applies directly to me....

One strange thing happened thoughout all of this...I think I experienced the baptism of the holy spirit (a warm physical sensation) and sometimes when I pray I have a pins and needles feeling....it sounds strange...I don't hear from God but I think I feel his tangible presence at times....anyone else have this experience or know what I mean?

I was baptised in water a couple of months ago and when I got out of the water a leader put her hands on me and prayed for me...when she finished she spoke the words.... "I sense there has been a great deal of sadness with you...but the Lord says that things are going to change and that he has a good plan for your life" this girl had never met me before in my life...I could have given her a massive hug...for the first time...I felt that God was still with me...still there...since I never hear from him personally it was such a relief to hear those words...how else could she have hit the nail on the head?

I look at all the other 'normal' christians and wonder exactly why this is happening to me...and why most of them have never even heard of this situation...and why can't I be just like them...I look at the worship team with beaming smiles and wish...wish...wish I was just like them...not necessarily on the worship team...no not at all.....just the beaming smile radically head over heels in love with God part....just like ANYONE else who loves Jesus without fear of having horrible thoughts....I just want the peace that Jesus gives...I'm still trying to find it...

This experience has so sharply put my entire life in perspective....there is nothing more terrifying...than believing in God....believing that the bible is absolutely correct....knowing that Jesus is the only hope unto eternal life....believing in hell...and then having a bunch of thoughts you don't want that you think are going to put you there....forever....and it's the forever part that gets me...it is utterely inconceivable....and all I want...all I long for is the relationship with God that just about everyone else in the christian world seems to be enjoying...I look around at half hearted christians and feel like giving them a shake...don't you know how lucky you are...to be able to sit in church without being terrorised and tormented...sort of thing....oh how I wish i could go back in time and be able to enjoy church....and worship music...the way I used to...without the constant fear...I miss the way it used to be, and don't know how to get it back....

I am so sorry about the long post...I really didn't mean for it to be this long...once I got started it just kept coming....anyway....I would love so much to hear the testimony of others....and what has helped....

 

[justpassingthrough21]

Hello, I just want to let you know I know exactly what you are going through. Mine started about 14 months ago. Just like you, the thoughts suddenly started all at once, it it forever changed my life. I have been born again for around 15 years, and I experienced the baptism of the Holy Spirit with evidence of speaking in tongues about 3 years ago. I had never once had a blasphemous thought or even any sort of doubts. Then BAM, I had these thoughts flood my mind. Cursings against the Holy Spirit, sexually perverted thoughts when reading Bible stories, mental images of me desecrating the Bible, etc etc etc. For the first 5 months or so, this basically went on non-stop morning until night. I was getting like an hour of sleep every night, it was the most horrible experience ever.

I got my first glimpse of hope and truth, running into Grantly's website. The blasphemous thoughts did completely go away. I have 0 blasphemous thoughts, it just never happens. So don't even let anyone tell you it is something you will have to deal with, you can be healed from those things. But what happened with me was that the fear and anxiety continued so fiercely for such a long time, that when the thoughts went away, I was left with this intense fear, shame, guilt thing. I would go into full blown anxiety attacks hearing someone talk about God, reading the Bible, looking at a picture of the cross or Jesus. It was like my whole mind was re-routed to react with fear to anything God

I thought, if I am truely born again why would I feel this way. Which is a lie, because even born again Christian go through this. If you don't believe me read the book of psalms, and read about how Asaph, one of the 3 Psalmists of Israel almost gave up on his faith. Or read about King David and what he wrote in psalms after he committed horrible sins. Read about John the Baptists after he had been in prison waiting to get his head cut off, or how Peter felt after he betrayed the Lord. Anyways don't let the enemy tell you that what you are feeling, means you must not be a true Christian. That is simply a lie.

So to really start getting through this and seeing huge results is first you have to stop falling for lies. That is anything that goes against what the Bible says. Basically if you have any thought that questions your salvation, don't believe it or even entertain it. If you have accepted Christ into your life, you can rest assured that as long as you are looking to Jesus (no matter how feeble the effort may seem to you), you are saved and on your way to heaven. So when you get a thought and think "I must be evil", "I must be possessed", "these blasphemies will never be forgiven", "God has left me", "it will never be the same again", you cannot continue to entertain those thoughts. As long as you do, you won't be able to make forward progress. You simple cannot believe lies, and at the same time expect God to be able to move on your situation. How will God be able to heal your mind and fill you with peace, if you keep thinking your unsaved and going to hell. It may take months before you finally get those truths in your Spirit man, but when you do, it will make you so firm in your faith, and you will begin to see major healing.

If you don't know if a thought is true, just test it and if it causes you to feel condemnation, or points to you losing your salvation, or makes you feel anxiety, you automatically know it is not of God. At that point you need to do 1 of 2 things. Just move onto something else and don't even think about it. Or memorize Bible verses and counter act the lie, with a truth from Gods Word. I actually do both, if I am with a group of people, I can't be sitting their repeating verses in my head. If anxiety comes and my mind starts racing, I will simple ignore it and it will leave my mind. That took lots of practice to be able to do. Or when I am alone I speak Gods Word, and I can feel it literally changing my mind and emotions.

So first thing is to stop listening to the lies that try to pull you away from God. Second is to start memorizing and speaking The Word over yourself. Start to grow in faith. When you read a verse about God being your peace, really think about it. Let it sink in, and let it change you. When you feel anxiety and you think it is Gods wrath on you, Well then you will know that isn't the truth, you can speak Bible verses about Gods love for you, and it will instantly make the anxiety subside.

I don't know if your church believes in the gifts of the Spirit, but if they do, seek getting filled with the Holy Spirit and receiving the gift of tongues. Praying in tongues has pretty much saved my life. I had a pretty severe case of whatever this is, and sometimes all I could do was pray in the Spirit, and let the Holy Spirit intercede for me. I know of a couple people on here, that said they had severe OCD and blasphemous thoughts, and spoke in other tongues, and it really helped grow their faith and fill them with peace knowing the Holy Spirit was speaking through them.

as if by my actions I'm trying to prove to God that I don't mean these thoughts....I pray every day for him to take these thoughts away...to give me a heart like Jesus...the fruit of the spirit and all those lovely things...but I'm still waiting for the changes....

Asking God for something doesn't mean it is just going to happen. We know the Bible says without faith it is impossible to please God. God is only pleased by our faith in Him. The Bible also says, Faith without works or actions is dead. With that in mind, in order to ask God for something, it must be asked by faith. The Bible says that we must believe that God is God, and that He is a rewarder of those who dilligently seek Him. But if we are going to God in faith, and asking Him something by faith, yet we are not putting actions behind our faith, well it just falls dead and nothing happens.
You may ask, what do you mean give me an example. If I am asking God to fill me with peace and love, yet 100 times a day I sit and ponder why I am so evil and how God could never love such a wicked person, then I am not putting my faith in action. I'm just defeating my own prayers. Which is why it is important to work as hard as you can to not only ignore thoughts that are lies, but then to begin to fill your mind with truth.

You can't stop evil thoughts from coming, and God seriously doesn't expect you too. But you can determine how much importance you are going to give each thought. Brother Hagin said "you can't keep a bird from landing on your head, but you can keep it from making a nest up their". You can't stop blasphemous thoughts, or lies about who you are in Christ; but you can determine whether to give them authority over the Bible or not. By having a thought, and saying "that is dumb", and just moving on, you are saying that you don't believe the thought and you aren't going to waste your time with it. Once you begin to do that, you will notice the thoughts will start to subside and then eventually just stop. And also your anxiety reactions to those thoughts will begin to lose strength, to the point where even if you did have a bad thought, it wouldn't even bother you.

You can do this, don't give up!

 

[Danny34]

Everybody I mean EVERYBODY has stupid blasphemous thoughts, but the difference between people with OCD and people without OCD is that people WITH OCD tend to juggle with the thoughts, examining them, asking WHY DID I THINK THAT?!
Stop juggling, stop with the why and the how buts- all that. You're a child of God. All His thoughts towards you are of peace and not of evil. (Jeremiah 29:11).
justpassingthrough21 just told you everything you need to know, exactly like he said, there is no point of me telling you anymore.
Read the Bible, memorize some verses if you have to (so you can tell that voice to shut up).
The road to recovery is not long, its not curved or angled in a strange way. The road only has obsticles and things that block your way. You have several options, either to remove all this things out of your way in a daily basis all by yourself, or to ask God to remove them for you(and no thinking "This is selfish of me!"), he would do anything for you, even give his only son to be saved.
Right now I'm going to begin working on myself because I'm turning 19 soon and I want to be clear and healthy before I start my life(college, career, work, etc.). And I know its not gonna be simple but I know I am going to be better, I've have this OCD since I was 12 or earlier and I've struggled with it since. Give yourself the will power, be self-discipline, give yourself a chance to be up there. No one is perfect, I am still going to get sad sometimes, mad sometimes, but I won't have blasphemous thoughts all the time.
And the last truth I want to tell you is that nobody has a perfect relationship with God, not even the people in the Bible, ALL OF THEM were a mess in some way. That's not saying to be hopeless, that's saying you can be the best to God even if you struggle to be with Him.

 

[hollyda]

Danny's advice is really sound.

OCD sufferers give unwarranted significance to every day thoughts. Every person on the planet has thoughts they can't control, don't want, or can't explain. With OCD, if you have an unprovoked thought that disturbs you, you will analyze it, worry over it, run it over, justify it, and make yourself sick over the possible connotations when, in fact, it's just a thought. You didn't ask for it, you don't want it, and you don't claim it as yours.

Look at it this way: if you believe in God, I would assume you believe that he knows you inside and out. He would realize that the thoughts you don't want are out of your control, and sees the "you" OCD tries to deny. If he gave you OCD, he likewise knows you have the strength to deal with it and separate your real thoughts from the "not you" thoughts.

Your blasphemous thoughts aren't your property; they are merely your OCD's thoughts occupying your head. You can't claim ownership of them.

 

[canamer]

***

 

[medelia]

Hey there everyone...

Thankyou so much for all your helpful replies...I am saddened that this affects so many of us...but heartened that we can share each others burdens...it is so comforting to not be alone in this...or at least to be able to speak about these things without the fear of completely horrifying people...I have just not come across many people (or any people) outside of this forum that understand...do you find that too?

Justpassingthrough...your experience sounds so much like mine...it's uncanny...I too can't look at religous icons...I find if I see a cross...the thought that comes into my head is oh no...I hope I don't have a bad thought...then of course I will...etc...so I avoid these things... A friend gave me a large cross for my birthday...bless her I could barely look at it...though it was lovely....

Thankyou so much for your reply it has really helped and inspired me....the most significant inspiration I received is that this can go away....oh the hope!!...I long till the day these thoughts will leave me...and it is such a blessing to hear your testimony and how you have overcome them...

I have tried speaking the word allowed...though to be honest not for some time...(having avoided the bible due to fear)...but I am keen to give this a go again if you found it helped you overcome this ordeal...

Strangely I find I can go all day at home without bad thoughts...I can say a verse of scripture out loud when these thoughts come upon me... "For God has not given us a spirit of fear...but of power and of love and of a sound mind" is a favourite and one I'm pretty sure the enemy is tired of hearing since I pretty much say it all the time...lol the problem I find though is the minute I get in the company of others...on the telephone...out at the shops...ect...then bam...the thoughts start flooding in...and of course I can't start quoting scripture..so I just have to bear it...does anyone else find that this happens to them? that the thoughts are worse when you are around people...

you are so right about faith...I know I do that all the time...Joyce Meyer has said once that "you will never rise above your own confession"...and sure enough...I will pray for deliverance...then in the very next breath lament my bondage to these blasphemies...it makes so much sense...can be hard to do though...

When you say that you were a christian for 15 years before these thoughts started...without any bad thoughts ever, and then overnight they appeared, did something happen or change that brought them on? or was it literally out of the blue? it would be interesting to hear from others whether these thoughts started as a result of a change or whether they appeared randomly...

I know with me that it started with a disobedience, though it was at a time when I was really seeking God earnestly...just not sure if this is what the enemy does when we are trying to get closer to God? or why this starts...

Thankyou so much everyone for your testimonies and support...may God bless and guard you all in his precious peace~

 

[justpassingthrough21]

It was absolutely out of the blue. Actually I had never been so on fire for God, and so obedient ever. I got married about 3 years ago, and as soon as I was married I was just consumed with Gods presence. It was like I was constantly on cloud nine, and I was just on fire for the King. I was cutting out as much sin in my life that I could, and trying to please God. When the thoughts hit, it was literally out of the blue. Actually I was driving my truck, and I had just gotten done doing a delivery. I was sitting in my truck thinking "What if that guy found out I was a Christian and started cussing me out". Then I started thinking "what if he said..." and then started thinking about all of the horrible "what ifs". Then all of a sudden I stopped myself and thought, oh no I can't believe I just thought all of that. Then the harder I tried not to think of those phrases, to worse it became. Then I pretty much had my first panic attack ever. It was like a dam broke and a flood of blasphemies streamed from my mind, for months straight. With a thought literally coming at me ever few seconds. I stopped eating and sleeping and lost like 30 or so pounds and was deathly skinny. I did keep praying and reading my Word, although I would often break out in sweats and fast heartbeat, with a stomache ache over the anxiety. What happened was eventually the blasphemous thoughts stopped, but I continued with anxiety. So instead of looking at a cross, having a blasphemous thought and then having anxiety. I would look at a cross, and have anxiety. Even without the blasphemous thoughts. Which was 1 step closer to my healing. And then I started working on trusting God, knowing that He is for me and not against me. Knowing than in Him is peace. And that the anxiety was not from God. Then I was able to start working on the anxiety. Which has gone down tons over the past few months.
That victory is won simply by trusting in Gods Word. I found though that when I experience the physical symptoms of my anxiety, i will begin to actually start having it. For example I sweat a lot when i'm anxiety and my skin gets really warm. Well if I am outside on a sunny day talking to God. I start getting warm and sweating from the sun, I will start thinking I am having an anxiety attack, and then eventually I will actually start having one. So that has been a real battle for me.

I find though is the minute I get in the company of others...on the telephone...out at the shops...ect...then bam...the thoughts start flooding in...

This same thing happens to me. I think it is just because you have the extra worry of others being around you, it takes you out of your comfort zone. This just makes you extra sensitive to anxiety. Overcoming your OCD in private is one battle, and doing it in public is another. You might not get anxiety reading the Bible in private, but if asked to do it in public, you might start having an anxiety attack. Which is just because you are way more sensitive to your anxiety when people are around you. It just makes your triggers much more sensitive. I hope my story helps and you get through your valleys and back onto your mountain tops.

 

[VZ2011]

Medelia, I just spent a long time replying to your posts but then somehow when I submitted it, it said I was no longer logged in and so it didn't post! I was so upset. Suffice to say, I have suffered the same thing as you, and I also am often afraid to read the bible or look at a cross or anything religious. Long story short (though I wish I had the time and patience to retype everything) my "oppression" has been very similar to yours and Justpassingthru. I appreciate your posts very much because it shows me that the devil keeps using this tactic to prevent people from turning to Christ and getting victory from the word. If he can frustrate us so that we don't turn to the word and get in such fear and panic he has won and rendered us ineffective for God.

My son (who is 26) has also recently been attacked with this same viscious torment and his good friend as well. The one thing we all have in common is we were all earnestly seeking God right before it happend, as was Justpassingthru, though it seems she has gotten victory over it. i have struggled off and on with it.

I also found Grantley's website and was comforted though reading your posts here was even more comfort as I see how common this is. When it first happened to me over 20 years ago there was no Grantley website of this type of forum available. People I tried to talk to gave me a blank stare and told me to pray more, read the word, live the word, and plead the blood of Jesus, yet how can you when you open the bible and it does nothing but condem you and the spirits around you want to argue with everything the bible says? It's very distressing. I've had periods of victory then out of the blue it will happen again. Usually when I am earnestly seeking to please God. I'm not saying to stop that, I'm saying that the more the devil sees you as a threat, the more he will harass you with this.

My son was fine up until recently. He went to some young adult revival and got on a mission to fast and pray for revival in our city. He was doing great, then he decided to fast for a week, and "poof"...OCD. He too feared he had blasphemed the Holy Spirit and was going to hell. Seeing him go through this toment that I had also suffered 20 years before (after 3 days of fasting myself!) made me search the internet for help which is when I found Grantleys website and your posts. My son is now going to a Pentecostal Deliverance Program. It's a 6 week program once per week but is getting scriptures to quote in between. He only had one session. He also bought a book on casting out demonic and evil spirit oppression and we have been commanding these evil spirits to go. He swears he feels relief yet I still feel the same. I hadn't been struggling with the blasphemous thoughts until my son came down with it and then it attacked me again. I do not want to write the thoughts but basically they attack God's character and scriptures in the bible so much that I dread to hear God spoken of or open the bible. How convenient a tactic for the devil to use to make me want to turn FROM the only entity and weapon that will HELP ME.

I am going to pray for us now. I don't have complete victory at this moment but finding your post makes me even more sure now that the same devil does the same tricks but we have more authority than the devils and spirits, and the bible even says were two or more together come against something, there is even more power, so I pray now, Dear Jesus, I pray this Good Friday, remembering your suffering and death for us and I plead your blood for us on our hearts on our minds and our spirits. make us clean and white as snow. Show us once for all how to completely overthrow this heneis enemy. Lord, in the ancient days, Joshua and the Israelites prayed for you to give them instructons on how to overcome the enemy. You would give specific instructions. Lord, ive us specific instructions now in Jesus name on how to overcome this. Show us the scriptures we need, give us the revelation we need, send any annointed people you can to pray and assist in breaking this yoke. I speak to demons, devils, and spirits oppressing myself, my son, Medelia and everyone else posting here and command you to loose your hold on our lives. Reveal if you have any legal right to be harassing us. Father, let the Holy Spirit reveal if there is any breach that is allowing this, any sin, or pride or unforgiveness, and help us to repent and repair the breach. We hate this awful sin and torment and want only to love you and serve you with all our hearts all our souls all our minds and all our strength. we give our minds to you to cleanse. Speak now Lord and lead us to yourself. Hallowed be your Name, Your kingdom come and your will be done. Please forgive us and help us to forgive all others, give us the manna we need today. Lead us not into temptation and deliver us from all evil.

Hey there everyone...

Thankyou so much for all your helpful replies...I am saddened that this affects so many of us...but heartened that we can share each others burdens...it is so comforting to not be alone in this...or at least to be able to speak about these things without the fear of completely horrifying people...I have just not come across many people (or any people) outside of this forum that understand...do you find that too?

Justpassingthrough...your experience sounds so much like mine...it's uncanny...I too can't look at religous icons...I find if I see a cross...the thought that comes into my head is oh no...I hope I don't have a bad thought...then of course I will...etc...so I avoid these things... A friend gave me a large cross for my birthday...bless her I could barely look at it...though it was lovely....

Thankyou so much for your reply it has really helped and inspired me....the most significant inspiration I received is that this can go away....oh the hope!!...I long till the day these thoughts will leave me...and it is such a blessing to hear your testimony and how you have overcome them...

I have tried speaking the word allowed...though to be honest not for some time...(having avoided the bible due to fear)...but I am keen to give this a go again if you found it helped you overcome this ordeal...

Strangely I find I can go all day at home without bad thoughts...I can say a verse of scripture out loud when these thoughts come upon me... "For God has not given us a spirit of fear...but of power and of love and of a sound mind" is a favourite and one I'm pretty sure the enemy is tired of hearing since I pretty much say it all the time...lol the problem I find though is the minute I get in the company of others...on the telephone...out at the shops...ect...then bam...the thoughts start flooding in...and of course I can't start quoting scripture..so I just have to bear it...does anyone else find that this happens to them? that the thoughts are worse when you are around people...

you are so right about faith...I know I do that all the time...Joyce Meyer has said once that "you will never rise above your own confession"...and sure enough...I will pray for deliverance...then in the very next breath lament my bondage to these blasphemies...it makes so much sense...can be hard to do though...

When you say that you were a christian for 15 years before these thoughts started...without any bad thoughts ever, and then overnight they appeared, did something happen or change that brought them on? or was it literally out of the blue? it would be interesting to hear from others whether these thoughts started as a result of a change or whether they appeared randomly...

I know with me that it started with a disobedience, though it was at a time when I was really seeking God earnestly...just not sure if this is what the enemy does when we are trying to get closer to God? or why this starts...

Thankyou so much everyone for your testimonies and support...may God bless and guard you all in his precious peace~

 

[justpassingthrough21]

Thanks for the post VZ, I know its hard getting it into the open. I'm so glad Grantly's site and this site exist, or else who knows what would have happened with me. You are Pentecostal, have you and your son experienced the baptism of the Holy Spirit? I recieved the baptism of the HS about 1 year before it hit me. It's kind of funny you mentioned about fasting. I've never heard anyone say that before. Actually right befor my thoughts began, I had begun fasting. I had just bought a 3 CD set on how to Biblically fast, and was fasting weekly, for no other reason than to draw closer to God. I had been doing that fasting on and off for a couple weeks, when it hit me.
I do definetly believe that OCD has spiritual origins. But I also believe that a lot of it is mental. I suffered with obsessions when I was a little boy that wasn't related to God at all. I personally believe the enemy saw my proneness to obsessions and compulsions and use it in regards to my relationship with God. What has really worked well for me is reinforcing what the Bible says. I say "I have the mind of Christ". I say "Jesus is the prince of peace". I made an effort to bind satan once, and then thank God for it afterwords. Showing Him that I believe He has done it by faith. I have seen huge improvements. Which I know is a combination of many things. My determination to trust the Bible, my prayer life, retraining my mind to see God as a peaceful and not angry.

Also probably my biggest praise report as of late was one of the things that stuck bad and I couldn't stop was that I would have anxiety attacks looking at a cross. And I didn't even know why, I just knew I felt shame and fear over God. This began about 2 or 3 months after my first blasphemous thoughts, and when everything got better, that remained. It has been 1 year and 3 months since this began, and I can say I don't experience fear over that anymore. It may seem dumb or weird to someone who doesn't know OCD, but to me it is like new life. Not only does it not cause anxiety anymore, but many times it will fill my heart with peace. Seeing a cross makes me think of Jesus with His arms wide open waiting to recieve me. Anyways I just wanted to throw that out their. Also I had been experiencing multiple anxiety attacks at work daily, and it hardly ever happens anymore! I still have things i'm working on, I'm not where I ultimately wanted to be, but I am so much closer than I was.

Keep pressing on, I know you will see your victory if you do!

 

[Ansophie]

Dear Medelia,

I know exactly what you are going through. I have been brought up in a family that went to church all the time, but I never believed in hell, I thought that hell is just a state of mind, lost without God and that you can get salvation even after death. But one day I spoke to my sister and she told me that her friend told her to break all soul ties (sins, where you give the enemy grounds and where they attached themself to you). So I thought what could be the harm in that, not really believing that my soul is tied. So my sister's friend prayed and then when she touched my forehead, I saw this black thing, I was so scared and I have always been scared of paranormal stuff, but she chased it away. Ok, that was a revelation....What...Hell does really exist, I was so scared thinking that these monsters are so close to us...and try to mess with our thoughts all the time...My faith kind of hit rock bottom, because I have always believed there is no hell, to find out there is one and i thought why has no-one warned me about this, why have I been kept in the dark, well that's what I thought.

Then things were ok and I basically said to myself I don't believe that evil is around me, I am a child of God and then about 20 months after this experience I started reading this book, which my sister's friend gave to me, called: A true revelation of Hell by Mary Baxter. And Oh my word, I was even more scared then before, this book takes you into hades, and I thought if this is real, I will do anything to avoid it. But as it happened to you, I read that there is no forgiveness for blasphemers, this scared me more and I started to have these blasphemous thoughts, also like you, I thought how can I be having these if I love God and whilst I'm reading bible, and I thought I am surely going to hell. But there is ways to get rid of the thoughts, just remember satan will do anything to get us to serve him, firstly, he knows that you are scared to think these thoughts, so he plays on your emotions, he knows it will stop you from reading bible, because this is when you have them, unfortunately for us, the enemy is very devious and will play on all emotions, like guilt and fear, but just remember that fear is not from God, so as soon as you get that thought and then fear the consequence of that thought, you know the devil is at bay and in an end result, to scared to read the bible and then finally not believing in God, but you know better.

Things to do when you get these thoughts, say aloud, "these are not my thoughts and I confess the blood of Jesus Christ over me. Another thing, make sure your house is clean of all ungodly things (not that you have any, but we might think something is harmless, then to find out it's a gateway), like books about vampires or monsters or tarot cards, even angel cards, astrology, palm reading, etc..these are all called gateways, the enemy use them to get ground in your house. I got rid of some books and dvd's and since then I have more peace and hardly get these blasphemous thoughts. Another thing to remember is not to dwell on the bad things, like thinking, oh I wish I won't get attacked today or dreading that you will have thoughts....remember fear is from the devil...forget about that you are having thoughts and concentrate only on God and if you have these thoughts you brush them of quickly,not giving it anymore thought and the thoughts will go away...Another thing that really helped me, is to meditate on good thoughts like how it will be to meet Jesus, (imagining it, feel it, smell it, see it)my bridegroom or how Jesus carries me through the dessert/wilderness or when I come to heaven and appear at the throne, I imagine how I fall down on my knees and cry and touch God's feet and trace my finger on His foot and feel so in peace and love, this all has made my love for God very very strong....and have made my faith very strong...

Before you also mentioned that you do not hear God talking to you, but you do, you just don't know it. When we are born again, we receive the gift of the Holy Spirit and you get good thought's about doing good. Or thought's not to do something this is all God speaking to you, God is a spirit and work through us in spirit... Example: I use to go clubbing a lot, until I really found the true meaning of being a christian, the Holy Spirit works through us by our conscious and everytime I get invited to a party, I think to myself, no, I should not be going to these places.. That was not your thought, but the Holy Spirit telling you not to go...

Good luck and may God bless you. Amen.

 

[VZ2011]

I have experienced the same thing--it's serious spiritual OCD. A family member experienced a form of it as well. I did a lot of research on line about how vitamin deficiency contributes to OCD, depression, and other mental illnesses. Even if you think you eat a healthy diet, it's not enough. If you experience OCD, do yourself a favor and reasearch OCD vitamine and orthomolecular therapy. Basically it's treatment (that truly WORKS) with Vitamines. It's a minimal cost to incur to invest in your physical and mental AND SPIRITUAL wellness. I am not peddling anyone's vitamines. You can get any brand at Walmart or a grocery store or a vitamine store on line. These Vitamin supplements have been a tremendous help to my relative and myself who continue to experience greater and greater healing each day that we continue with this vitamine therapy. Relief comes within the first couple of days and continues as you continue to take the vitamine supplements. You must take them for the rest of your life or risk a relapse.

2000-3000 mg niacian daily (get a combination of flush-free and regular niacin) the regular will cause you to flush--(you will get red and hot but this means it is working--the longer it takes you to flush the more you needed it. the redness goes away in about 15 minutes. The flush-free niacin will not make you flush. Take 1000 mg 3x a day

2000-3000 mg Vitamine C take 1000 mg 3x a day

HTP5 - At least 100 mg daily

Vitamine B 8 - (inisitol) - 10-18g per day depending on severity of your OCD (it's alot but take it)

Vitamine B combo vitamine 2 or 3 per day (with B1, B6, B12)

Essential Omega Fats (with fish oil and flax) take 2-3 per day.

Results will be notable within a day or two, with the greatest results starting at around 6 weeks of taking these.

Swear off all junk food, all artificial sweetners, all refined white sugar products, all alcohol, eat GOOD NUTRITIOUS FOOD, fresh and frozen vegetables, fruits, unsweetned fruit juice, filtered water or spring water, cut down on caffeine. Going gluetin free is also good but it's not necessary for everyone.

God bless.

Hi there


I have been here a few times and the last times things were better...it all just seems so up and down....I suffer from blasphemous thoughts so horrific it makes me wonder how I even managed to be able to think these things in the first place.

This has been going on for about a year now...It started when I felt flat one day and spoke out loud to God saying that Satan's world is easier...(I didn't mean that I wanted anything to do with the enemy...I just didn't understand what was so wrong with sin)....I wanted to build a nice big house...have a bunch of nice things....and I felt guilty wanting those things I just didn't understand what life was all about....well I went inside opened up my bible and the first thing I read was a chapter where God was saying something like...you are my enemy..you pretend around my people and ended with the words...I will never let you in the garden where I would have offered you rest...I can't remember where in the bible this was as I closed my bible in fear and burst out crying asking him for forgiveness....certain that this was God talking directly to me...and why wouldn't he after what I said....afterall isn't the bible how God speaks to us?....I spent days feeling utterly cast out and terrified...I was a new christian too...I had not been in relationship long with God before all this started....

In about 0.5 seconds I understood the scripture...what does it profit a man to gain the world and lose his soul....I had just lost God (or so I thought)...eternally...who cares about a stupid house....and right now...from that day onward...I have been utterly completly cured of any materialism...All I want is God...absolutely nothing more or less...just him...thats it....but unfortunately the fun (not really fun) was just about to get started...


During this time a massive doorway must have been opened to the enemy because horrible thoughts started to happen....(before this day I never had any bad thoughts at all)...you h*** God....you h*** Jesus....the thoughts started....I was petrified...I started trying to read my bible but thought I'd play it safe by starting with the new testament...(I had become frightened of the old testament)...I had no sooner started Matthew and was reading about when Herod was looking for baby Jesus and this thought came ....you wanted him to find the baby.....like what??? I'm sure these thoughts were demonic...because I had thoughts like...this is what it feels like when God forsakes you...and one eerie thought that went like...haha your dead...it was horrifying and I truelly felt that I had been cast away....

At this time I had no idea we were in a spiritual war...I thought all these thoughts were mine...I'm pretty sure now the origins were from the enemy....the attack felt so vicious...it was literally breathtaking the horror of this...a living hell...I felt like dying...except I knew in death there is no God in hell...just the permanent absence of him...at least in life he was all around me...in the clouds...the faces of my children...the birds ...the rainbows...I started paying attention to ALL the little details...and I'd stubornly tell him that I was going to love him anyway...even if I was forsaken...that whilst ever I was alive...and could see the presence of him everywhere I was going to flatout adore him....

I have never been so terrified in my life...I hated every moment of these thoughts...of course the thoughts didn't just stop there....as soon as I learnt there was an unforgiveable sin...well yes my mind just went on thinking that.... the thoughts just kept getting worse...and all the while I'm floundering wondering how I could possibly think things that should never have even entered my mind in the first place....

At the time I was attending a little Anglican church...but stopped going as I got so embarrased sitting up the back of a small church every sunday wearing dark sunglasses and bawling my eyes out....nobody else cries in church??....I've started going to hillsong which is fantastic...such a beautiful church...and so huge that no one notices you sitting there crying your heart out every week....you blend in so much easier...

I've tried to talk to a few of the pastors about this...and nobody has ever heard of anything like this?....as soon as you say you have blasphemous thoughts about God they take a few steps backwards as if to say how could you....it's horrible...does anyone else find that so few people understand this? I feel like I'm the only one....and now I don't say anything to anyone...just suffer along in silence...I would give ANYTHING...to have pretty much any other trial thrown at me....I honestly cannot think of anything worse than this...

I came across the grantley blog and that smoothed things over for awhile...finally...i'm not alone...other people go through this....but why won't they (the thoughts) go away?

I started watching alot of christian TV during this time....alot of Joyce Meyer and Joseph Prince...which have helped remarkably...I keep remembering the words of Jesus...if you love me...you will obey my commandments....so I'm trying so hard to do all the right things....and I mean trying...I'm on a mission to try and be the best I can...as if by my actions I'm trying to prove to God that I don't mean these thoughts....I pray every day for him to take these thoughts away...to give me a heart like Jesus...the fruit of the spirit and all those lovely things...but I'm still waiting for the changes....

Joyce Meyer said something really powerful that I have been living my life by lately....do whats right when it all feels wrong....go out and be a blessing to someone else even when you are dying inside...so I have been busy trying to be a blessing everywhere...and honestly I love that...being a blessing has been fun...it has helped the feelings....but it hasn't stopped the thoughts

The thoughts are so bad it's despairing...They used to be just horrible ones about God...which were altogether gut wrenching...but then they progressed to a whole new level...where I feel like when I say Lord...it's like the enemys name will pop in and then I feel like being sick...I drive past my old church and have a thought like the house of the enemy...I have to drive past this church everyday to pick up my kids from school...and everytime I'm getting close to it...I start freaking out...in case I have that thought...or other similar...thoughts about the enemy...I can honestly officially say...the thoughts do not get any worse than this...I tossed up even writing about these thoughts here because I am so ashamed...but honestly I wonder how many others have thoughts as bad as this...is it just me?

Joyce Meyer talks alot about 'ruining the enemy's day' by being a blessing and basically not being riled by anything he throws at you...so I have turned this into a major life theme....I utterely HATE the enemy so much...that I basically refuse to be unforgiving to ANYONE (considering that I am going to be needing buckets of God's mercy) and also because I know just how much that ticks the enemy off...I feel like the enemy is ruining my life with these thoughts...so I am deadset determined to ruin his....I get stuck in a frustrating situation...I don't know like say...a one hour traffic jam...I just grin and bear it with a good spirit...why...because that would be making the enemy seethe...and afterall...compared to having these thoughts...ANYTHING looks like a bed of roses....

But then I wonder...what if these thoughts are me?...how ...just how...on earth can I possibly think these things....I often think that there is no way in a million years I could have prayed against this thing happening....I never could have even dreamt that you could find yourself in this situation having thoughts you never could have imagined thinking....it's a nightmare

The other greatest challenge in all this is I don't hear from God...I have no idea how to....all these other people talk about how the Lord spoke to them...or God told them to do this or that....and for me...nothing....silence...honestly God doesn't tell me anything...I am terrified of the bible....afraid I will have bad thoughts whilst reading it...thats why I like the tv preachers...I can get to hear the word without the paralising fear of blasphemous thoughts, or of reading a scary passage that I think applies directly to me....

One strange thing happened thoughout all of this...I think I experienced the baptism of the holy spirit (a warm physical sensation) and sometimes when I pray I have a pins and needles feeling....it sounds strange...I don't hear from God but I think I feel his tangible presence at times....anyone else have this experience or know what I mean?

I was baptised in water a couple of months ago and when I got out of the water a leader put her hands on me and prayed for me...when she finished she spoke the words.... "I sense there has been a great deal of sadness with you...but the Lord says that things are going to change and that he has a good plan for your life" this girl had never met me before in my life...I could have given her a massive hug...for the first time...I felt that God was still with me...still there...since I never hear from him personally it was such a relief to hear those words...how else could she have hit the nail on the head?

I look at all the other 'normal' christians and wonder exactly why this is happening to me...and why most of them have never even heard of this situation...and why can't I be just like them...I look at the worship team with beaming smiles and wish...wish...wish I was just like them...not necessarily on the worship team...no not at all.....just the beaming smile radically head over heels in love with God part....just like ANYONE else who loves Jesus without fear of having horrible thoughts....I just want the peace that Jesus gives...I'm still trying to find it...

This experience has so sharply put my entire life in perspective....there is nothing more terrifying...than believing in God....believing that the bible is absolutely correct....knowing that Jesus is the only hope unto eternal life....believing in hell...and then having a bunch of thoughts you don't want that you think are going to put you there....forever....and it's the forever part that gets me...it is utterely inconceivable....and all I want...all I long for is the relationship with God that just about everyone else in the christian world seems to be enjoying...I look around at half hearted christians and feel like giving them a shake...don't you know how lucky you are...to be able to sit in church without being terrorised and tormented...sort of thing....oh how I wish i could go back in time and be able to enjoy church....and worship music...the way I used to...without the constant fear...I miss the way it used to be, and don't know how to get it back....

I am so sorry about the long post...I really didn't mean for it to be this long...once I got started it just kept coming....anyway....I would love so much to hear the testimony of others....and what has helped....

 

[boldlion]

Hi,

I have received the Holy Spirit and speak in tongues. I too have been tormented by such thoughts. I have noticed that one or more of the others mentioned 'racing thoughts'.

I would like to add one more thing which I have learnt very recently - SLOW your thinking down. Panic or racing thoughts create an irrational mind, by consciously slowing down your thinking, I found that this helped me. And of course, the power of God in my life will unhinge any stronghold. Also, I have prayed to the Lord for patience !! Sometimes our impatience can create an environment of inner turmoil, which the enemy can exploit.

VZ2011,

Please don't give up seeking for the Holy Spirit. Please read Luke 11: 5 - 13. When you receive, you will speak in tongues !

 

[Enahs4Him]

Before coming to this forum, I always thought how can I have these thoughts and love God. But after reading testimonies from other believers here, I know for sure we are in a spiritual warfare. I have always had a fear of the unpardonable sin. The more I try to "not think" the more the thoughts will come. So I just plea the blood of Jesus when the thoughts come. It is hard, and yes I do feel doubt and feel lost sometimes, but I always fall back on John 6: 37 and 1 John 1:9.
As a poster stated above, he/she is afraid to look at a cross because of the possibility of having blasphemous thoughts. Just to let that poster know I suffer the same thing.
Not with the cross, but with other religious symbols. When I see a certain Christian symbol, I think to myself "Don't think anything bad" But guess what, a bad thought comes to my mind anyhow.
The enemy knows exactly where our weaknesses are and exploits them.

Just keep up the good fight of faith and remember Romans 8:28. "God work out everything for the good of those who love Him"
I tell myself that God already knows the end result and will not allow me to go through anything I am not equipped to handle.

Sometimes I feel hopeless. But I just call upon the name of Jesus, and I have a peace that I can't describe. Jesus will NEVER reject anyone who sincerely comes to Him.

Well, I am new to these boards and I know EXACTLY what everyone here is going through.

May God Bless You and Give you peace that surpasses all understanding.

 

[hopeseven77]

i don't even know what to say, I am in absolute shock that these blasphemous thoughts are entering into my head EVERY second. This has been a recent patter... it gets much better and bearable, but then the next day the thoughts are more tormenting than ever! Don't know what i would do without God. He is giving me so much strength, and I don't know what I would do without Him. I can't look at anything because i would perverted thoughts about anything and anyone i look at. God have mercy on me!

Stay strong and always keep faith even if you feel the thoughts have left you traumatized. Always keep faith in Jesus.

 

[SavedByChrist94]

For those suffering from OCD, you have to remember that the fact that the intrusive thoughts are bothering you show you do no like them, since you do not like them you do not agree with them. that's what the OCD makes you forget, that you hate the thoughts. the fact that the thoughts bother you show that you don't think those things.

you need to pray, memorize scripture, and combat these thoughts.

Here are some things you can say in your head to combat these intrusive thoughts:

-Stop

-No matter what intrusive thoughts pop into my mind, no matter what brain slip ups occurs, it is just my OCD. I love The Lord and The Lord is with me, this is just OCD.

Here is some scripture to memorize that will help:

Romans 8:38-39 - 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

PHILIPPIANS 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.


May you overcome the torment of OCD, and may God Bless you.

 

[Asola]

Hi there i have been experiencing the same thoughts. I have been so sad and i feel as if i am dead. I dont know what to do!!!

 

[ServantForChrist97]

I experience the same thoughts as well, and I'm ONLY 15 years old. I've got a more severe type of OCD, because at times I indadvertedly accidentally say them when I'm meant to be be saying the oposite. It's happened like 5 times, but 3 of them scared me ALOT. You know why? Because I didn't mean them, accidental and I couldn't control them. The 5th one, I didn't even know if it was a thought, or I accidentally mumbled it.

I feel so out of control. I don't even know the difference between reality, and thoughts. I can't do anything anymore because I'm afraid of God thinking that I want to commit this sin, but in reality, I can't control these accidents, they happen out of no-where and I DON'T want them.

HELP!

 

[ServantForChrist97]

I experience the same thoughts as well, and I'm ONLY 15 years old. I've got a more severe type of OCD, because at times I indadvertedly accidentally say them when I'm meant to be be saying the oposite. It's happened like 5 times, but 3 of them scared me ALOT. You know why? Because I didn't mean them, accidental and I couldn't control them. The 5th one, I didn't even know if it was a thought, or I accidentally mumbled it.

I feel so out of control. I don't even know the difference between reality, and thoughts. I can't do anything anymore because I'm afraid of God thinking that I want to commit this sin, but in reality, I can't control these accidents, they happen out of no-where and I DON'T want them.

HELP!

 

[kemar]

hi,

i just saw ur post thu its a few yrs back but its exactly what im going through now, i would really like to talk to you about this if its ok with you.

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

If it makes you feel better I experience barrages of these horrible thoughts every single day, some more than others. All I can do is ask for forgiveness, that God would close off all doors to myself permanently and cast these thoughts as far as possible from me and replace them with His Presence. God has been helping me, and it encourages me to know others are going through it.

John Bunyan also went through the SAME thing and he writes about it in his book The Pilgrim's Progress:
"A very great storm came down upon me, which handled me twenty times worse than all I had met with before. It came stealing upon me, now by one piece and then by another. First, all my comfort was taken from me; then darkness seized me; after which whole floods of blasphemies, both against God, Christ, and the Scriptures, were poured upon my spirit, to my great confusion and astonishment.

They did so overweigh my heart both with their number, continuance and fiery force that I felt as if there were nothing else but these from morning to night within me, and as though indeed there could be room for nothing else. I also concluded that God had, in wrath to my soul, given me up to them, to be carried away with them as with a mighty whirlwind. Only by the distaste they gave to my spirit did I feel there was something in me that refused to embrace them.

While I was in this torment, I often found in my mind a sudden urge to curse and swear, or to speak some grievous thing against God, Christ His Son, or of the Scriptures. Now I thought, surely I am possessed of the devil. At other times, I thought I would lose my mind; for instead of praising and magnifying the Lord with others, if I but heard Him spoken of, presently some most horrible blasphemous thought or other would bolt out of my heart against Him. So whether I did think that God was, or again did think there was no such thing as God, no love, peace or gracious disposition could I feel within me. These things did sink me into very deep despair, for I concluded that such things could not possibly be found among those who loved God.

In these days, when I heard others talk of what the sin against the Holy Spirit was, then the tempter would so provoke me to desire to sin that particular sin that it was as if I could not, must not, neither would be quiet until I had committed it. Now no sin would serve but that one. If it were to be committed by the speaking of such a word, then it was if my mouth would have spoken that word, whether I would or not. In so strong a measure was this temptation upon me that often I have been ready to clap my hands under my chin to hold my mouth from opening. To that end also I have had thoughts at other times to leap with my head downward into some muck hole or other to keep my mouth from speaking."