The very heart of marriage is a covenant relationship. Just as God reaffirmed His covenant with His people on many occasions, a husband and wife must never lose their commitment to each other. This commitment is not only to your mate, but also to the marriage itself.
Commitment goes much deeper than romantic love, and it will empower you to keep an unbreakable covenant with your marriage partner regardless of the unexpected circumstances life will bring.
The keeping of a marriage covenant requires death to self. Keeping a marriage covenant will require "death to self" through a willingness to make difficult personal sacrifices. As a covenant keeper, you are singly responsible to demonstrate your covenant of love and loyalty even if your mate does not respond as you would like. Developing the strength of character required to keep a lifetime commitment is a continual process of submitting your will to God, allowing Him to develop the character of Christ in you.
Malachi 2:14-16 (NKJV)
14 Yet you say, "For what reason?" Because the Lord has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant.
15 But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.
16 "For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one's garment with violence," Says the Lord of hosts. "Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously."
We see from Genesis 2:24, that the marriage is to be exclusive (leaving), enduring (cleaving). and engrafting (uniting).
Genesis 2:24 (NKJV)
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Wrong Belief:
"I have the right to expect my marriage partner to meet my needs. Divorce is better than keeping a loveless marriage together."
Right Belief
"God expects me to keep my marriage commitment. I will look to the Lord to provide my deepest needs and allow Christ to love and serve my mate through me."
"
The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." (Matthew 20:28)
Here is a
covenant checklist that you both should consider:
• Commit to working through problems, not walking away.
• —Decide together that divorce is not an option.
• —Agree to communicate feelings honestly and lovingly.
• —Agree to stop and talk when your mate becomes upset.
• —Agree to understand the reasons for each other's actions. "Are you married? Do not seek a divorce." (1 Corinthians 7:27)
• Offer love to your mate even when you don't feel like it.
• —Evaluate how your love compares to that described in 1 Corinthians chapter 13. Substitute your name in the place of the word love in verses 4- 8.
• —Ask, "At what times do I need to be more patient and kind?"
• —Ask, "Are there times when you feel I've not forgiven you?"
• —Forgive freely, refusing to keep a record of wrongs. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
• View your marriage as God's setting for spiritual growth.
• —Evaluate the needs in your life for love, for significance and for security.
• —Realize that God did not create any one person to meet all of your needs.
• —While God is your ultimate need-meeter, see your mate as God's gift to meet some of those needs.
• —Allow your mate to identify and help you with your blind spots. "He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise." (Proverbs 15:31)
• Eliminate the emphasis on your rights.
• —Identify what makes you angry.
• —Determine what personal rights have been violated.
• —Sensitively express your honest desires—"It would mean a lot to me if you would take out the trash."
• —Realize that as a Christian, you've yielded your rights to the Lord. "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in
you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were
bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." (1 Corinthians
6:19-20)
• Nurture your identity in Christ.
• —Evaluate whether or not your sense of self-worth is based on how your mate treats you.
• —Realize that your true worth is based on Christ's dying for you and living in you.
• —Read the New Testament letters, such as Ephesians and Philippians.
• —Write out what it means for you to be "in Christ" and to have "Christ in you."
Example: "I have Christ's strength to do what is right before God." (Read Philippians 4:13.)
• —Acknowledge that your true identity is in Christ, not in your mate. "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. " (Galatians 2:20)
• Ask God to change you.
• —Evaluate what areas in your life need changing.
• —Ask your mate, "Would you name one area in my life where you feel I need the most change?"
• —Ask your mate, "Would you help me devise a plan for improvement?"
• —Pray for God to give you the desire and the power to change. "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. " (Psalm 5 1:10)
• Nourish your extended family relationships.
• —Evaluate the tangible and emotional needs of your in-laws.
• —Do acts of kindness that are totally unexpected.
• —Realize your opportunity to draw them to Christ through your love.
• —Commit to never saying an unkind word about your mate's family.
• —Pray daily for those who have hurt you—forgive and forgive again.
• Turn your expectations over to God.
• —Evaluate the unrealistic expectations you have had of marriage and of your mate.
• —Realize that God can bring complete fulfillment to you regardless of your marriage partner.
• —Believe that your relationship to God is more important than your relationship with your mate.
• —Thank God that He will work in your marriage for your ultimate good. "My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.... Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. (Psalm 62:1-2, 5)
AMR
Married to a precious woman for twenty-eight years who still makes me want to be a better man!